1
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,310
Morning, Geoff.
2
00:00:04,340 --> 00:00:05,470
Off to a wedding?
3
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:06,720
Just been to one, Jan.
4
00:00:06,750 --> 00:00:07,830
Who?
5
00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:10,160
Me.
Jan meant who was getting married.
6
00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:11,160
Me.
7
00:00:11,190 --> 00:00:12,830
Bloody hell, Geoff.
8
00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:13,910
You kept this quiet.
9
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,160
Who's the lucky lady?
10
00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:17,800
Luca, the Italian bloke who's been
working on my farm.
11
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:23,270
Oh, that's great Geoff.
I, I didn't know you were, uh...
12
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,360
It's a visa thing.
13
00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:25,910
We're not lovers.
14
00:00:25,940 --> 00:00:27,470
Oh.
They were gonna deport him.
15
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,160
Easiest way to keep him here.
16
00:00:29,190 --> 00:00:32,160
It helps him, it helps me,
it fucks the Home Office.
17
00:00:32,190 --> 00:00:33,750
Win, win, win.
18
00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:36,800
Ciao. Bonjour.
19
00:00:36,830 --> 00:00:39,830
What are you having husband mine?
20
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:43,110
You will need to be driving
the horse box later, mate, so...
21
00:00:44,750 --> 00:00:48,000
Two very strong lagers please,
Jan, for me and my new husband.
22
00:00:48,030 --> 00:00:49,310
Coming right up.
23
00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,080
Congratulations.
Oh, feel quite emotional.
24
00:00:52,110 --> 00:00:53,470
It's a fake wedding, Jan.
25
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,390
Yeah, I know but still. Oh.
26
00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:01,630
Yeah, a few sandwiches, some Cava.
Mini Scotch eggs? Sure. Magic!
27
00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:14,470
I am not one of those awful mothers
who insist their children be normal.
28
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,080
That's simply not me.
29
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,800
That's simply not you at all, Ellen.
30
00:01:17,830 --> 00:01:20,440
But Stephen's become a lot more
normal recently.
31
00:01:20,470 --> 00:01:21,550
Hasn't he?
32
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,000
He's the most normal
I've ever seen him.
33
00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:26,750
He's almost normal-normal
like a normal person would be.
34
00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:28,190
Good, great.
35
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:30,550
I mean, he doesn't have to be
normal, of course he doesn't.
36
00:01:30,580 --> 00:01:33,000
It's just, hmm, really,
really terrific that he is.
37
00:01:34,390 --> 00:01:36,360
Here's to normal children.
38
00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,630
We don't have any tagines at all
I don't think, love.
39
00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:45,110
Cass!
40
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,910
Uh, why do you want a tagine, Cass?
41
00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:04,370
I still don't know why you want to
live in a shared house, sweetheart.
42
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,830
You're only doing a part time
A Level course.
43
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:10,480
I think I know.
44
00:02:13,270 --> 00:02:16,160
Cass, we know you're an atheist,
love, and that's great.
45
00:02:16,190 --> 00:02:17,990
You don't have to keep
on telling us.
46
00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:20,910
I think you want to get away
because you feel cramped.
47
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:24,520
I'm living here now and Stephen's
back and you crave your own space.
48
00:02:24,550 --> 00:02:27,520
Yes, I do.
49
00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:41,120
DOOR CLOSES
Ah, phew!
50
00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,240
Hi, sweetheart.
51
00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:44,160
How far this morning?
52
00:02:44,190 --> 00:02:45,910
Oh, just under 16K.
53
00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:46,990
Wow!
54
00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:49,810
The endorphins are racing
around my body like,
55
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,370
I don't know, ants in tiny cars.
56
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,120
Time for a shower
and a big bowl of porridge.
57
00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:57,520
Brilliant!
58
00:03:05,630 --> 00:03:07,920
Happy fake wedding, Geoff.
59
00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:11,120
Thanks, Stephen. Drink?
I've got a fizzy water, thanks.
60
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,810
Right, I forgot
you're Captain Fitness now.
61
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,530
I'm not sure about Captain.
62
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,810
Uh, maybe Second Lieutenant Fitness.
63
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,450
You look well on it.
64
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,840
Your mum was worried you might
relapse with all that
65
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:24,120
business about who your dad was.
66
00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:26,450
I, I've got the fitness bug instead.
67
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,320
Ah, I should actually go
and do a quick 10K now.
68
00:03:29,350 --> 00:03:32,320
Don't cycle too hard
and stay off the fucking pavements.
69
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:33,840
See you later.
70
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:37,920
Excuse me.
71
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,200
How's married life treating you?
72
00:03:42,230 --> 00:03:44,680
You know it's good to know
I can stay here. Hmm.
73
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,810
So, you'd have been deported back to
Italy if you hadn't married Geoff?
74
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,450
Yes. All this Brexit shit.
75
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,640
SUCKS TEETH
I know.
76
00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:56,480
Wouldn't you have had
right of permanent residency anyway?
77
00:03:56,510 --> 00:03:58,400
Uh, No, I haven't been here
five years.
78
00:03:58,430 --> 00:03:59,890
Only four.
79
00:04:01,230 --> 00:04:03,480
I thought the other day
I heard you say you were
80
00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:06,920
here for the London Olympics?
81
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,610
HE LAUGHS
82
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,480
We understand each other, huh,
you and me?
83
00:04:16,510 --> 00:04:18,480
We are, uh, very similar.
84
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,970
I'm not sure we are.
85
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,280
Yeah, we are in what we are doing
here with these people.
86
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,890
We are like two, as the saying goes.
87
00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:32,050
Peas.
88
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:32,840
In a pod.
89
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,640
What?
The saying is two peas in a pod.
90
00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:38,000
Pot? Pod.
91
00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:39,250
Pot? Pod.
92
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,560
Why? Why would there be only two
peas in a pot?
93
00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:43,200
It's a waste of a pot. Pod.
94
00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,050
You see, we don't
understand each other at all.
95
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,810
Oh, we do
understand each other, my friend.
96
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,480
Like two peas boiling
together...
97
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,000
...in the pot.
98
00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,690
Fucking hell!
99
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:06,170
Hawthorne, cherry tree, phone box,
road sign...
100
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,810
Right!
101
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,970
Hedge vodka.
102
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,770
The best vodka.
103
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:26,970
Tring? Tring?
104
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,530
Tring.
But it's not written in stone.
105
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,050
It might be thatjulian will be
transferred to a new
106
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,610
parish near Tring.
107
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,170
And would you go too, Ellen,
to Tring?
108
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,570
Yes. I think I would.
109
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,330
OK.
110
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:47,410
It's a big decision, though.
111
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,690
Tenure there would be at least
ten years.
112
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:51,850
Right.
113
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:52,820
Excuse me.
114
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:55,720
Where is Tring?
It's Scotland, isn't it?
115
00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:57,820
Come ye back to bonny Tring?
116
00:05:57,850 --> 00:06:00,460
I thought it was an isle,
off the Kent coast.
117
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:01,460
Isle of Tring.
118
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,570
Actually, isn't it a forest?
The Forest of Tring...
119
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,540
Tring Forest?
120
00:06:07,570 --> 00:06:08,770
It's in Hertfordshire.
121
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,180
That's not ringing any bells.
122
00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:11,930
No, really.
Tring is in Hertfordshire.
123
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,410
Are you sure?
Sounds more like Scotland to me.
124
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,690
Tring golf course.
125
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:16,720
Tring distillery.
126
00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:17,930
I, I, I know where it is, Jan.
127
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,260
I looked it
when I was asked about moving there.
128
00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:21,410
OK.
129
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,820
Maybe you two can compromise
and say it's in the Midlands.
130
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,010
Great, yeah. Works for me.
131
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,410
No, that's lunacy!
132
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,370
It's in Hertfordshire.
It's on bloody maps.
133
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,620
All right, vicar.
134
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,050
Steady on.
135
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,050
It really is. I know.
136
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,980
I'm fooling you,
idiot robot monitor.
137
00:06:45,010 --> 00:06:47,770
You think this is activity.
138
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,050
Gullible twat watch.
139
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,980
Geoff, can I talk candidly to you?
140
00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:00,210
In a sexual way?
141
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,260
No. Great.
142
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,770
Go ahead. All ears.
143
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,930
How well do you know Luca?
144
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,050
Pretty well.
145
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,770
We spend a lot of time together.
146
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,090
We like to watch
episodes of Kavanagh QC on VHS.
147
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,490
Right.
And old Springwatches, too.
148
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,930
The Bill Oddie years.
149
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,730
Pre 9/11.
150
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,090
You can watch a wren building its
nest oblivious to the coming chaos.
151
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,540
Still feeling the ripples now,
aren't we?
152
00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:29,570
I mean, the wren isn't -
they only live seven years.
153
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,180
What's that in dog years?
154
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:32,700
Can you mix them up?
155
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:35,620
Or is it like metres and yards?
156
00:07:35,650 --> 00:07:37,980
Although, a metre is roughly a yard,
isn't it?
157
00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:40,700
Sorry, where was I?
158
00:07:40,730 --> 00:07:43,010
Bill Oddie and the attack
on the World Trade Centre.
159
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,340
I wasn't implying Bill was involved.
160
00:07:45,370 --> 00:07:46,540
So Luca.
161
00:07:46,570 --> 00:07:48,180
Yeah. You trust him?
162
00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:49,650
As much as I trust any man. Why?
163
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:54,290
I just get a vibe from him.
164
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,420
I'm not saying he is
but I can spot a grifter.
165
00:07:57,450 --> 00:07:59,780
Oh, yeah.
You meet a lot in care.
166
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:02,090
People who take advantage of others
to advance themselves.
167
00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:06,980
I'm grateful for your intervention,
Andrew, but fuck off.
168
00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:08,420
I trust Luca.
169
00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:12,260
He's my Kavanagh buddy
and my lawful wedded husband.
170
00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:15,780
Now if you'll excuse me
my vast prostate is tapping me
171
00:08:15,810 --> 00:08:17,700
on the bladder.
172
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,980
I really like Geoff.
173
00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:23,420
I mean, he's a bit bluff sometimes
but...
174
00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:26,620
At Halloween, he wires his door
knocker to a car battery.
175
00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:28,900
That's just him trying to be spooky.
176
00:08:28,930 --> 00:08:30,650
At heart, he's a good man.
177
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,010
Well, I mean, I can certainly do
some checks.
178
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:34,930
Land registry etc,
see, see what Geoff owns,
179
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,730
what Luca might
get in the event of a divorce.
180
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,780
But it will take a while.
181
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,450
I'll pay. Oh, no.
182
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,810
No, it's Geoff.
He's sort of family.
183
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,500
No, I insist.
It's your professional time.
184
00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:48,010
I wouldn't dream of asking someone
of your calibre to work for free.
185
00:08:49,370 --> 00:08:52,370
Well, poor Maureen's vet bills have
been pretty eye watering lately.
186
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,700
What's wrong with her?
187
00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:55,420
Absolutely everything.
188
00:08:55,450 --> 00:08:57,220
I've heard that can be
tough to treat.
189
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,170
I'll find out what I can.
190
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,260
See if Luca is on the level.
191
00:09:03,290 --> 00:09:06,260
I just don't like the idea of older
people being taken advantage of.
192
00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:30,140
All the main post
enlightenment advances.
193
00:09:39,770 --> 00:09:41,500
Are, are you sure it's a
student house?
194
00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:47,550
Right. just not necessarily this
particular one.
195
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:49,220
KNOCK ON DOOR
Hi!
196
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,420
Sally.
197
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,220
It'll be in one of these two boxes.
198
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:03,300
Oh, no, I'm fine,
don't worry about the tea.
199
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:04,420
When did you move in?
200
00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:05,300
This, is it?
201
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:15,460
Right, I was just...
202
00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:19,220
I was just calling to say hello.
203
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:21,630
You'll probably see me around maybe
a couple of times a day.
204
00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:23,940
I'm not.
205
00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:25,380
I'm Mrs Walsh's carer.
206
00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:27,070
She's in the room on the ground
floor.
207
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:28,380
Emergency housing.
208
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,910
Her old place wasn't fit to live in.
209
00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:31,020
How old is she?
210
00:10:31,050 --> 00:10:32,220
She's 89.
211
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,940
Not doing very well sadly
but still fairly independent.
212
00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:37,580
So who, who, who else lives here?
213
00:10:37,610 --> 00:10:39,180
Well,
there's Tom on the first floor.
214
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,940
He's going through
a divorce right now.
215
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:43,710
Cries a lot. You can
hear him crying most of the time.
216
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,790
CRYI NG IN BACKGROUND
217
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,270
There we go. Then there's Sean -
218
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:50,630
a tiny man with a
big set of conga drums who
219
00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:53,070
never speaks, and Katie,
primary school teacher.
220
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:56,430
She's really not.
221
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,580
STEADY BEAT OF CONGA DRUMS
222
00:11:23,790 --> 00:11:25,000
Fucker!
223
00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:27,480
Someone's had it.
224
00:11:27,510 --> 00:11:29,870
My auxiliary hedge vodka.
225
00:11:41,260 --> 00:11:44,510
You look cross.
What's up? Nothing.
226
00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:45,950
I'm absolutely fine.
227
00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:49,590
I'm cycling, which I love,
and I'm sober, which is brilliant.
228
00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:52,640
You going to work?
I thought you took Fridays off.
229
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,400
Yeah, I'm gonna see what I can find
out about Geoff's properties.
230
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,560
Why?
231
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,950
Andrew thinks Luca
might be trying to scam Geoff.
232
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:02,690
Andrew? I know.
233
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,000
Andrew's worried about scamming?
234
00:12:05,030 --> 00:12:07,440
Sorry, my mind just turned
into an Escher staircase.
235
00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:08,920
Andrew thinks something's up.
236
00:12:08,950 --> 00:12:11,280
I guess it takes a fucker
to catch a fucker.
237
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:15,050
Yeah, well, he's paid me to find out
if this fucker is fucking Geoff.
238
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,640
OK, but it feels uncomfortable
and weird.
239
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,000
Like when there's a teenager
on Countdown.
240
00:12:21,510 --> 00:12:22,510
Come on.
241
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,950
DRUMS PLAY IN DISTANCE
242
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:40,480
Oh, is it tonight, Jess? Cass.
243
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:41,880
Oh, sorry. It's OK.
244
00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:43,690
Jess, Cass, they're just labels.
245
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,800
It is tonight, Tom. Entree.
I got your note under the door.
246
00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:49,920
"Bring some food, bring your stories, bring
your humanity." That's the one, yeah, yeah.
247
00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:52,360
And there was a drawing
of two tadpoles having sex.
248
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:53,840
That's the Yin-Yang symbol.
249
00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:55,490
Oh, right. Sorry.
250
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,690
I thought that we could get together
as a house and shoot the shit
251
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:03,050
about politics and life
and theology and Love Island.
252
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,410
Serious and silly, you know?
253
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,280
I don't have a TV.
254
00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:09,410
Um, and, and I don't really pay
much attention to politics.
255
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,800
They're all the same at the end
of the day, aren't they?
256
00:13:11,830 --> 00:13:13,640
I've made two tagines -
257
00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:15,640
lamb for the carnivore,
mushroom for the vegans.
258
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:20,000
And I've made hummus, courgette
kofte, flatbreads and tabouleh.
259
00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:22,280
Brought some Popchips.
260
00:13:22,310 --> 00:13:24,880
Great! Yum.
261
00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:28,600
Oh, also, uh, I brought some whisky,
but is it OK ifjust I had that?
262
00:13:28,630 --> 00:13:32,210
No. Sure. I invited the conga guy,
but... Oh, he won't come.
263
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,490
He just lives for his congas.
264
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,850
Yeah, I asked Mrs Walsh
if she'd like to come
265
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,490
or we could go and visit her.
266
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,280
Who the fuck do you think you are
putting a note under my door?
267
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:41,930
L'm sorry?
268
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,160
Answer my fucking question.
269
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:47,360
Who the fuck do you think you are?
270
00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:48,440
My name's Cass.
271
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,930
You slide another note
under my door, Cass,
272
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,850
and I will finish you.
273
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:03,650
Is she the primary school teacher?
Yeah.
274
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,050
I think she gets stressed
by all the marking.
275
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,770
DOOR SLAMS
Tagine?
276
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,130
Uh, no, I'm fine
with my Popchips, thanks.
277
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,240
Oh, hi, Sally.
278
00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:12,850
Mrs Walsh on her way?
279
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,850
Oh, uh, sorry, I thought you knew.
280
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,680
Mrs Walsh passed away last night.
281
00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:20,520
Oh, no. Yeah, I thought
you might have heard the commotion.
282
00:14:20,550 --> 00:14:23,570
No, I wear ear plugs
because of the congas and the...
283
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,570
MY Weeping? Yeah.
284
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,130
Oh, right. She had a fall.
The ambulance was called.
285
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,960
She was taken into St Agnes
and her poor old heart just gave up.
286
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,730
Oh, dear. Are you OK?
Do you want some tagine?
287
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,240
Oh, God, you know
what I would love some tagine.
288
00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:37,730
Thank you, Cass.
289
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,010
No thank you, Sally.
290
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,440
Sit down.
291
00:14:48,190 --> 00:14:51,370
PHONE RINGS, DOG WHIMPERS
292
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,370
Hi, Mum. Hi, love.
293
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:57,320
Thank you. Uh, you working?
Uh, yes. Confidential.
294
00:14:57,350 --> 00:14:58,490
Geoff stuff.
295
00:14:58,520 --> 00:14:59,730
Oh, thought so.
296
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,320
It went fine, so no worries.
297
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,630
I'm heading home in a bit.
298
00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:03,910
Sorry, what went fine?
299
00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:06,300
The hospital appointment.
300
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:09,140
The tests
for my, you know, procedure.
301
00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:12,150
Oh, God, I was meant to drive you
there and stay with you, wasn't I?
302
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:13,860
Oh, shit my tits, I'm so sorry.
303
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:15,750
Listen l'll...l'll come
and take you home.
304
00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,550
No, no, it's fine.
305
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:20,470
A friend took me, waited around
and they'll bring me back.
306
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,760
I'm so sorry. Don't be silly.
307
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,020
You're the one who's working.
308
00:15:24,050 --> 00:15:28,400
I'm just swanning around
being a burden on the NHS.
309
00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:30,630
OK. See you, Mum. Bye, love.
310
00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:34,190
SHE SIGHS
311
00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:37,580
LAUGHTER
312
00:15:37,610 --> 00:15:40,550
I haven't had this much fun in ages.
313
00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:43,120
We are having fun, aren't we?
We are.
314
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,910
I might start crying again
in a moment if that's OK.
315
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:48,510
Oh, of course. Cry away, Tom.
We don't mind.
316
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:51,790
Crying is the debt one owes
to laughter. Who said that?
317
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,550
It's from a poem I wrote
about clowns when I was 22.
318
00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:58,510
It's very profound. Thanks.
The lamb tagine is lovely, Cass.
319
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,840
It all is. And the Popchips.
320
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:03,510
Thanks.
Tagines are just great, aren't they?
321
00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:06,020
My mum has at least
five different tagines she uses.
322
00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:10,380
My mum, too! She's tagine crazy.
Too many tagines!
323
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:11,840
THEY LAUGH
324
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:14,300
This is almost exactly how
I pictured being a student would be.
325
00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:17,350
TOM WAILS
326
00:16:17,380 --> 00:16:19,660
Hummus, Tom?
327
00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:20,950
Thanks.
328
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,200
I love dips.
329
00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:26,020
And I've got a friend, Sally.
330
00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:28,380
She's not a student,
but she acts like one.
331
00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:30,760
And I loved History of Art,
session three, so much
332
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,790
that I'm gonna sign up
for more A-Levels
333
00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:34,710
and apply to uni,
be a proper student.
334
00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,020
Wow. You're moving on.
335
00:16:37,050 --> 00:16:40,350
Yeah, I think Mum's finally ready
to fly the nest, bless her.
336
00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:43,120
I've done what I can.
Tring's the trigger.
337
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:44,590
New lives all round.
338
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:47,200
I don't know why anyone wants
to go to university.
339
00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:48,380
The fees!
340
00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:50,870
You're 60 grand in debt
before you know it.
341
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,480
Well, it's a springboard, isn't it?
And a step ladder.
342
00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:56,150
I mean, not at the same time -
that'd be a deathtrap.
343
00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:58,790
Knowledge and learning
are wonderful things.
344
00:16:58,820 --> 00:17:00,760
Times change, though, Cass.
345
00:17:00,790 --> 00:17:03,070
We've all got access
to Wikipedia now.
346
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:04,480
Ask me anything.
347
00:17:04,510 --> 00:17:06,840
What's the smallest duck
in the world?
348
00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:09,920
What's the biggest duck
in the world? Hairiest baby?
349
00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:13,670
Who invented Scart leads?
Love Scart. Solid.
350
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,640
Like Stickle Bricks,
no fucking about.
351
00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:17,560
DOOR OPENS
352
00:17:17,590 --> 00:17:20,000
Ah! Eh, my husband.
353
00:17:20,030 --> 00:17:22,750
Still feels weird to say it.
Well, it is weird, Geoff.
354
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,640
You're two heterosexual men
married for immigration purposes.
355
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,720
Yeah, fair enough, I suppose. Hmm.
356
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,590
Oh, yeah, interesting?
357
00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:43,310
Right all them cunts, got you.
358
00:17:48,390 --> 00:17:50,280
Great. Sounds perfect.
359
00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:52,790
Can you sort out the admin
and paperwork and whatnot?
360
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:55,840
Does my head in.
361
00:17:58,340 --> 00:18:00,200
The rinse aid guy has just been.
362
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:02,510
Brilliant. You off on a cycle?
363
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,800
Yes, Poirot. I am.
Have a good one.
364
00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:07,230
Thank you.
365
00:18:17,310 --> 00:18:21,670
Is it you? You look debauched.
366
00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:27,840
Or is it you?
367
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:32,030
You enormously furtive man.
368
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:40,310
TRICKLING
369
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:44,800
HE GAGS
370
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,440
Ha, caught you!
371
00:19:02,470 --> 00:19:05,390
That's rinse aid,
you sweaty pissing fuck!
372
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:06,800
You're drinking rinse aid.
373
00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:11,600
Enjoy your shiny shits,
you thieving fucking dog!
374
00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:12,750
What have you done?
375
00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:14,440
I've protected my property,
376
00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:18,360
as is my right in common law
as an Englishman. You're insane.
377
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:22,440
No, I'm reliant on alcohol, trying
to disguise that fact from my family
378
00:19:22,470 --> 00:19:26,490
and you've stolen my only source
of the drug to which I'm addicted.
379
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,030
That's sane as balls.
380
00:19:28,060 --> 00:19:29,640
Hang on, you stay there.
381
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:30,930
I'm calling the police.
382
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,280
You've tried to poison me.
No, I didn't.
383
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:35,800
I'm an eccentric man
who, as well as vodka,
384
00:19:35,830 --> 00:19:39,440
leaves his rinse aid in bushes,
so he's always got some spare.
385
00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:41,240
You poisoned yourself.
386
00:19:41,270 --> 00:19:44,960
You keep bottles of vodka
hidden in hedges?
387
00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:47,490
Sure.
It's no big deal.
388
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,570
It's just some hedge vodka.
389
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,960
Uh, I've suddenly realised
now I say it
390
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,880
that the words "hedge vodka"
391
00:19:53,910 --> 00:19:56,240
don't sound great,
so let's just call it outdoor vodka.
392
00:19:56,270 --> 00:19:58,720
All right, for some reason
that doesn't sound good either.
393
00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:00,210
Uh, normal vodka.
394
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,010
OK, not that. Vodka.
395
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,720
Look, let's just imagine
I'd said vodka.
396
00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:07,080
Although, now even vodka
doesn't sound great.
397
00:20:09,070 --> 00:20:10,850
Look, I don't like my brain.
398
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,570
I want it to feel different.
399
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,720
I only drink because
it's the easiest way to do that.
400
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:20,120
If they did yoghurt with morphine
in it, I'd have that instead.
401
00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:22,680
I'm a victim of other people's
lack of imagination.
402
00:20:22,710 --> 00:20:23,760
Full name please, sir.
403
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,520
He was drinking the hedge vodka,
too.
404
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:26,760
Joggy Johnson there.
405
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:31,080
Why am I the only freak?
Name please, sir.
406
00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:34,010
Stephen Richard Nichols.
407
00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,730
I thought he was normal again.
408
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,320
I thought he'd turned a corner,
but he'd turned two more corners
409
00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,160
and ended up back where he started.
410
00:20:45,190 --> 00:20:48,090
Maybe Tring is the answer.
411
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,850
If I go away with you
to wherever Tring is...
412
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,570
Hertfordshire. And Cass goes away
to study,
413
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,450
and maybe if Geoff gets
his rewilding money
414
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,930
and moves away, then perhaps Stephen
will find some get-up-and-go.
415
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:04,290
And she said he actually
looked like a bald Iris Murdoch.
416
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,040
Wow, that's a powerful look.
417
00:21:07,070 --> 00:21:10,320
You don't have to pretend
you weren't talking about me.
418
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:12,600
I've disappointed you, I know.
419
00:21:12,630 --> 00:21:13,680
I'm not disappointed.
420
00:21:13,710 --> 00:21:16,320
I'm concerned for you,
for your health.
421
00:21:16,350 --> 00:21:17,930
You should maybe get some help.
422
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,840
I got help, remember?
It didn't help.
423
00:21:20,870 --> 00:21:23,170
I'll find a way through.
424
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,810
Don't worry about me.
425
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,760
OK, fine. We won't worry.
426
00:21:26,790 --> 00:21:29,450
SCRATCHING
427
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:30,450
Post.
428
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,890
It is just milk. Good.
429
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,170
That's a blessing.
430
00:21:40,630 --> 00:21:42,890
He's not getting miniatures
sent in a jiffy bag, is he?
431
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,400
So all's still in Geoff's name?
Seemingly.
432
00:21:51,430 --> 00:21:56,210
Farm, farmhouse, he rents an extra
field, but all in his sole name.
433
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,610
Luca not mentioned.
434
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,170
Hmm, I still don't trust him.
435
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,480
Something's going on.
436
00:22:01,510 --> 00:22:03,010
What makes you so sure?
437
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,120
Look, I'm not stupid.
438
00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:09,480
I know what Stephen thinks of me
and what you think of me.
439
00:22:09,510 --> 00:22:12,290
Bottom line is
I know what a liar looks like
440
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:19,730
because sometimes to survive in care
and beyond l've...lied.
441
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,680
OK.
442
00:22:21,710 --> 00:22:23,250
What about?
443
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,010
Nothing big.
444
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,810
Maybe I've finessed a past job
445
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,290
to make it seem more important
than it was.
446
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:34,970
My point is I can spot a liar
a mile off, and Luca's a liar.
447
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,200
OK, well, I appreciate your honesty.
448
00:22:39,330 --> 00:22:41,090
About the lying.
449
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:43,730
I appreciate your appreciation.
No lie.
450
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,940
Well, look, I, uh,
I should head off.
451
00:22:46,970 --> 00:22:50,090
Oh, Wendy dropped this
in my car last Friday.
452
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,840
Um, didn't know if she needed it.
Mum?
453
00:22:52,870 --> 00:22:55,330
Yeah, she called to ask
if I'd take her up to the hospital.
454
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,690
You were working.
455
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,120
On the Geoff thing
that you asked me to work on.
456
00:22:59,150 --> 00:23:00,580
I hope you don't mind.
457
00:23:01,690 --> 00:23:04,250
No... No. Thanks for doing it.
458
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:09,130
I'm not imposing or anything?
No. Not at all. Great.
459
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,410
She's a lovely woman.
460
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,170
I bet she's a great mum.
461
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,450
She is. My mum.
462
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,690
My lovely mum.
463
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,450
# He's evil, he's evil
464
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,300
# He's evil, he's evil, he's evil
465
00:23:30,330 --> 00:23:34,100
# He's evil, he's evil
466
00:23:34,130 --> 00:23:39,610
# He's evil, he's evil, he's evil
467
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,380
# He's got wit, he's got charm
But when he gets rough... #
468
00:23:43,410 --> 00:23:46,380
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