1 00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,310 Morning, Geoff. 2 00:00:04,340 --> 00:00:05,470 Off to a wedding? 3 00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:06,720 Just been to one, Jan. 4 00:00:06,750 --> 00:00:07,830 Who? 5 00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:10,160 Me. Jan meant who was getting married. 6 00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:11,160 Me. 7 00:00:11,190 --> 00:00:12,830 Bloody hell, Geoff. 8 00:00:12,860 --> 00:00:13,910 You kept this quiet. 9 00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,160 Who's the lucky lady? 10 00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:17,800 Luca, the Italian bloke who's been working on my farm. 11 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:23,270 Oh, that's great Geoff. I, I didn't know you were, uh... 12 00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,360 It's a visa thing. 13 00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:25,910 We're not lovers. 14 00:00:25,940 --> 00:00:27,470 Oh. They were gonna deport him. 15 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,160 Easiest way to keep him here. 16 00:00:29,190 --> 00:00:32,160 It helps him, it helps me, it fucks the Home Office. 17 00:00:32,190 --> 00:00:33,750 Win, win, win. 18 00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:36,800 Ciao. Bonjour. 19 00:00:36,830 --> 00:00:39,830 What are you having husband mine? 20 00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:43,110 You will need to be driving the horse box later, mate, so... 21 00:00:44,750 --> 00:00:48,000 Two very strong lagers please, Jan, for me and my new husband. 22 00:00:48,030 --> 00:00:49,310 Coming right up. 23 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:52,080 Congratulations. Oh, feel quite emotional. 24 00:00:52,110 --> 00:00:53,470 It's a fake wedding, Jan. 25 00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,390 Yeah, I know but still. Oh. 26 00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:01,630 Yeah, a few sandwiches, some Cava. Mini Scotch eggs? Sure. Magic! 27 00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:14,470 I am not one of those awful mothers who insist their children be normal. 28 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,080 That's simply not me. 29 00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,800 That's simply not you at all, Ellen. 30 00:01:17,830 --> 00:01:20,440 But Stephen's become a lot more normal recently. 31 00:01:20,470 --> 00:01:21,550 Hasn't he? 32 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,000 He's the most normal I've ever seen him. 33 00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:26,750 He's almost normal-normal like a normal person would be. 34 00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:28,190 Good, great. 35 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:30,550 I mean, he doesn't have to be normal, of course he doesn't. 36 00:01:30,580 --> 00:01:33,000 It's just, hmm, really, really terrific that he is. 37 00:01:34,390 --> 00:01:36,360 Here's to normal children. 38 00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,630 We don't have any tagines at all I don't think, love. 39 00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:45,110 Cass! 40 00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,910 Uh, why do you want a tagine, Cass? 41 00:02:02,020 --> 00:02:04,370 I still don't know why you want to live in a shared house, sweetheart. 42 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,830 You're only doing a part time A Level course. 43 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:10,480 I think I know. 44 00:02:13,270 --> 00:02:16,160 Cass, we know you're an atheist, love, and that's great. 45 00:02:16,190 --> 00:02:17,990 You don't have to keep on telling us. 46 00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:20,910 I think you want to get away because you feel cramped. 47 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:24,520 I'm living here now and Stephen's back and you crave your own space. 48 00:02:24,550 --> 00:02:27,520 Yes, I do. 49 00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:41,120 DOOR CLOSES Ah, phew! 50 00:02:41,150 --> 00:02:42,240 Hi, sweetheart. 51 00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:44,160 How far this morning? 52 00:02:44,190 --> 00:02:45,910 Oh, just under 16K. 53 00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:46,990 Wow! 54 00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:49,810 The endorphins are racing around my body like, 55 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,370 I don't know, ants in tiny cars. 56 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,120 Time for a shower and a big bowl of porridge. 57 00:02:56,550 --> 00:02:57,520 Brilliant! 58 00:03:05,630 --> 00:03:07,920 Happy fake wedding, Geoff. 59 00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:11,120 Thanks, Stephen. Drink? I've got a fizzy water, thanks. 60 00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:13,810 Right, I forgot you're Captain Fitness now. 61 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,530 I'm not sure about Captain. 62 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,810 Uh, maybe Second Lieutenant Fitness. 63 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,450 You look well on it. 64 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,840 Your mum was worried you might relapse with all that 65 00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:24,120 business about who your dad was. 66 00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:26,450 I, I've got the fitness bug instead. 67 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,320 Ah, I should actually go and do a quick 10K now. 68 00:03:29,350 --> 00:03:32,320 Don't cycle too hard and stay off the fucking pavements. 69 00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:33,840 See you later. 70 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:37,920 Excuse me. 71 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,200 How's married life treating you? 72 00:03:42,230 --> 00:03:44,680 You know it's good to know I can stay here. Hmm. 73 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,810 So, you'd have been deported back to Italy if you hadn't married Geoff? 74 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,450 Yes. All this Brexit shit. 75 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,640 SUCKS TEETH I know. 76 00:03:53,670 --> 00:03:56,480 Wouldn't you have had right of permanent residency anyway? 77 00:03:56,510 --> 00:03:58,400 Uh, No, I haven't been here five years. 78 00:03:58,430 --> 00:03:59,890 Only four. 79 00:04:01,230 --> 00:04:03,480 I thought the other day I heard you say you were 80 00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:06,920 here for the London Olympics? 81 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,610 HE LAUGHS 82 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,480 We understand each other, huh, you and me? 83 00:04:16,510 --> 00:04:18,480 We are, uh, very similar. 84 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,970 I'm not sure we are. 85 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:25,280 Yeah, we are in what we are doing here with these people. 86 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,890 We are like two, as the saying goes. 87 00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:32,050 Peas. 88 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:32,840 In a pod. 89 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,640 What? The saying is two peas in a pod. 90 00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:38,000 Pot? Pod. 91 00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:39,250 Pot? Pod. 92 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,560 Why? Why would there be only two peas in a pot? 93 00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:43,200 It's a waste of a pot. Pod. 94 00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:45,050 You see, we don't understand each other at all. 95 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,810 Oh, we do understand each other, my friend. 96 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,480 Like two peas boiling together... 97 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,000 ...in the pot. 98 00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,690 Fucking hell! 99 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:06,170 Hawthorne, cherry tree, phone box, road sign... 100 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,810 Right! 101 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,970 Hedge vodka. 102 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,770 The best vodka. 103 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:26,970 Tring? Tring? 104 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,530 Tring. But it's not written in stone. 105 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,050 It might be thatjulian will be transferred to a new 106 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,610 parish near Tring. 107 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,170 And would you go too, Ellen, to Tring? 108 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,570 Yes. I think I would. 109 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,330 OK. 110 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:47,410 It's a big decision, though. 111 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,690 Tenure there would be at least ten years. 112 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:51,850 Right. 113 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:52,820 Excuse me. 114 00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:55,720 Where is Tring? It's Scotland, isn't it? 115 00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:57,820 Come ye back to bonny Tring? 116 00:05:57,850 --> 00:06:00,460 I thought it was an isle, off the Kent coast. 117 00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:01,460 Isle of Tring. 118 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,570 Actually, isn't it a forest? The Forest of Tring... 119 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,540 Tring Forest? 120 00:06:07,570 --> 00:06:08,770 It's in Hertfordshire. 121 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,180 That's not ringing any bells. 122 00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:11,930 No, really. Tring is in Hertfordshire. 123 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,410 Are you sure? Sounds more like Scotland to me. 124 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,690 Tring golf course. 125 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:16,720 Tring distillery. 126 00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:17,930 I, I, I know where it is, Jan. 127 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,260 I looked it when I was asked about moving there. 128 00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:21,410 OK. 129 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,820 Maybe you two can compromise and say it's in the Midlands. 130 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,010 Great, yeah. Works for me. 131 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,410 No, that's lunacy! 132 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,370 It's in Hertfordshire. It's on bloody maps. 133 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,620 All right, vicar. 134 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,050 Steady on. 135 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,050 It really is. I know. 136 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,980 I'm fooling you, idiot robot monitor. 137 00:06:45,010 --> 00:06:47,770 You think this is activity. 138 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,050 Gullible twat watch. 139 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,980 Geoff, can I talk candidly to you? 140 00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:00,210 In a sexual way? 141 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,260 No. Great. 142 00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,770 Go ahead. All ears. 143 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,930 How well do you know Luca? 144 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,050 Pretty well. 145 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,770 We spend a lot of time together. 146 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,090 We like to watch episodes of Kavanagh QC on VHS. 147 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,490 Right. And old Springwatches, too. 148 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,930 The Bill Oddie years. 149 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,730 Pre 9/11. 150 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,090 You can watch a wren building its nest oblivious to the coming chaos. 151 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,540 Still feeling the ripples now, aren't we? 152 00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:29,570 I mean, the wren isn't - they only live seven years. 153 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,180 What's that in dog years? 154 00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:32,700 Can you mix them up? 155 00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:35,620 Or is it like metres and yards? 156 00:07:35,650 --> 00:07:37,980 Although, a metre is roughly a yard, isn't it? 157 00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:40,700 Sorry, where was I? 158 00:07:40,730 --> 00:07:43,010 Bill Oddie and the attack on the World Trade Centre. 159 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,340 I wasn't implying Bill was involved. 160 00:07:45,370 --> 00:07:46,540 So Luca. 161 00:07:46,570 --> 00:07:48,180 Yeah. You trust him? 162 00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:49,650 As much as I trust any man. Why? 163 00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:54,290 I just get a vibe from him. 164 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,420 I'm not saying he is but I can spot a grifter. 165 00:07:57,450 --> 00:07:59,780 Oh, yeah. You meet a lot in care. 166 00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:02,090 People who take advantage of others to advance themselves. 167 00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:06,980 I'm grateful for your intervention, Andrew, but fuck off. 168 00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:08,420 I trust Luca. 169 00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:12,260 He's my Kavanagh buddy and my lawful wedded husband. 170 00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:15,780 Now if you'll excuse me my vast prostate is tapping me 171 00:08:15,810 --> 00:08:17,700 on the bladder. 172 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,980 I really like Geoff. 173 00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:23,420 I mean, he's a bit bluff sometimes but... 174 00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:26,620 At Halloween, he wires his door knocker to a car battery. 175 00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:28,900 That's just him trying to be spooky. 176 00:08:28,930 --> 00:08:30,650 At heart, he's a good man. 177 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,010 Well, I mean, I can certainly do some checks. 178 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:34,930 Land registry etc, see, see what Geoff owns, 179 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,730 what Luca might get in the event of a divorce. 180 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,780 But it will take a while. 181 00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,450 I'll pay. Oh, no. 182 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,810 No, it's Geoff. He's sort of family. 183 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,500 No, I insist. It's your professional time. 184 00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:48,010 I wouldn't dream of asking someone of your calibre to work for free. 185 00:08:49,370 --> 00:08:52,370 Well, poor Maureen's vet bills have been pretty eye watering lately. 186 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,700 What's wrong with her? 187 00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:55,420 Absolutely everything. 188 00:08:55,450 --> 00:08:57,220 I've heard that can be tough to treat. 189 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,170 I'll find out what I can. 190 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,260 See if Luca is on the level. 191 00:09:03,290 --> 00:09:06,260 I just don't like the idea of older people being taken advantage of. 192 00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:30,140 All the main post enlightenment advances. 193 00:09:39,770 --> 00:09:41,500 Are, are you sure it's a student house? 194 00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:47,550 Right. just not necessarily this particular one. 195 00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:49,220 KNOCK ON DOOR Hi! 196 00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,420 Sally. 197 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:01,220 It'll be in one of these two boxes. 198 00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:03,300 Oh, no, I'm fine, don't worry about the tea. 199 00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:04,420 When did you move in? 200 00:10:04,450 --> 00:10:05,300 This, is it? 201 00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:15,460 Right, I was just... 202 00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:19,220 I was just calling to say hello. 203 00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:21,630 You'll probably see me around maybe a couple of times a day. 204 00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:23,940 I'm not. 205 00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:25,380 I'm Mrs Walsh's carer. 206 00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:27,070 She's in the room on the ground floor. 207 00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:28,380 Emergency housing. 208 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,910 Her old place wasn't fit to live in. 209 00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:31,020 How old is she? 210 00:10:31,050 --> 00:10:32,220 She's 89. 211 00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,940 Not doing very well sadly but still fairly independent. 212 00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:37,580 So who, who, who else lives here? 213 00:10:37,610 --> 00:10:39,180 Well, there's Tom on the first floor. 214 00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,940 He's going through a divorce right now. 215 00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:43,710 Cries a lot. You can hear him crying most of the time. 216 00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,790 CRYI NG IN BACKGROUND 217 00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,270 There we go. Then there's Sean - 218 00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:50,630 a tiny man with a big set of conga drums who 219 00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:53,070 never speaks, and Katie, primary school teacher. 220 00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:56,430 She's really not. 221 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:01,580 STEADY BEAT OF CONGA DRUMS 222 00:11:23,790 --> 00:11:25,000 Fucker! 223 00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:27,480 Someone's had it. 224 00:11:27,510 --> 00:11:29,870 My auxiliary hedge vodka. 225 00:11:41,260 --> 00:11:44,510 You look cross. What's up? Nothing. 226 00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:45,950 I'm absolutely fine. 227 00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:49,590 I'm cycling, which I love, and I'm sober, which is brilliant. 228 00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:52,640 You going to work? I thought you took Fridays off. 229 00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,400 Yeah, I'm gonna see what I can find out about Geoff's properties. 230 00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,560 Why? 231 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,950 Andrew thinks Luca might be trying to scam Geoff. 232 00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:02,690 Andrew? I know. 233 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,000 Andrew's worried about scamming? 234 00:12:05,030 --> 00:12:07,440 Sorry, my mind just turned into an Escher staircase. 235 00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:08,920 Andrew thinks something's up. 236 00:12:08,950 --> 00:12:11,280 I guess it takes a fucker to catch a fucker. 237 00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:15,050 Yeah, well, he's paid me to find out if this fucker is fucking Geoff. 238 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,640 OK, but it feels uncomfortable and weird. 239 00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,000 Like when there's a teenager on Countdown. 240 00:12:21,510 --> 00:12:22,510 Come on. 241 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:33,950 DRUMS PLAY IN DISTANCE 242 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:40,480 Oh, is it tonight, Jess? Cass. 243 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:41,880 Oh, sorry. It's OK. 244 00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:43,690 Jess, Cass, they're just labels. 245 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,800 It is tonight, Tom. Entree. I got your note under the door. 246 00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:49,920 "Bring some food, bring your stories, bring your humanity." That's the one, yeah, yeah. 247 00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:52,360 And there was a drawing of two tadpoles having sex. 248 00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:53,840 That's the Yin-Yang symbol. 249 00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:55,490 Oh, right. Sorry. 250 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,690 I thought that we could get together as a house and shoot the shit 251 00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:03,050 about politics and life and theology and Love Island. 252 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,410 Serious and silly, you know? 253 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,280 I don't have a TV. 254 00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:09,410 Um, and, and I don't really pay much attention to politics. 255 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,800 They're all the same at the end of the day, aren't they? 256 00:13:11,830 --> 00:13:13,640 I've made two tagines - 257 00:13:13,670 --> 00:13:15,640 lamb for the carnivore, mushroom for the vegans. 258 00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:20,000 And I've made hummus, courgette kofte, flatbreads and tabouleh. 259 00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:22,280 Brought some Popchips. 260 00:13:22,310 --> 00:13:24,880 Great! Yum. 261 00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:28,600 Oh, also, uh, I brought some whisky, but is it OK ifjust I had that? 262 00:13:28,630 --> 00:13:32,210 No. Sure. I invited the conga guy, but... Oh, he won't come. 263 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,490 He just lives for his congas. 264 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,850 Yeah, I asked Mrs Walsh if she'd like to come 265 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,490 or we could go and visit her. 266 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,280 Who the fuck do you think you are putting a note under my door? 267 00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:41,930 L'm sorry? 268 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,160 Answer my fucking question. 269 00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:47,360 Who the fuck do you think you are? 270 00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:48,440 My name's Cass. 271 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,930 You slide another note under my door, Cass, 272 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,850 and I will finish you. 273 00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:03,650 Is she the primary school teacher? Yeah. 274 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,050 I think she gets stressed by all the marking. 275 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,770 DOOR SLAMS Tagine? 276 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,130 Uh, no, I'm fine with my Popchips, thanks. 277 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,240 Oh, hi, Sally. 278 00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:12,850 Mrs Walsh on her way? 279 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,850 Oh, uh, sorry, I thought you knew. 280 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,680 Mrs Walsh passed away last night. 281 00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:20,520 Oh, no. Yeah, I thought you might have heard the commotion. 282 00:14:20,550 --> 00:14:23,570 No, I wear ear plugs because of the congas and the... 283 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,570 MY Weeping? Yeah. 284 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,130 Oh, right. She had a fall. The ambulance was called. 285 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,960 She was taken into St Agnes and her poor old heart just gave up. 286 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,730 Oh, dear. Are you OK? Do you want some tagine? 287 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,240 Oh, God, you know what I would love some tagine. 288 00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:37,730 Thank you, Cass. 289 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,010 No thank you, Sally. 290 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,440 Sit down. 291 00:14:48,190 --> 00:14:51,370 PHONE RINGS, DOG WHIMPERS 292 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,370 Hi, Mum. Hi, love. 293 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:57,320 Thank you. Uh, you working? Uh, yes. Confidential. 294 00:14:57,350 --> 00:14:58,490 Geoff stuff. 295 00:14:58,520 --> 00:14:59,730 Oh, thought so. 296 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,320 It went fine, so no worries. 297 00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,630 I'm heading home in a bit. 298 00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:03,910 Sorry, what went fine? 299 00:15:03,940 --> 00:15:06,300 The hospital appointment. 300 00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:09,140 The tests for my, you know, procedure. 301 00:15:09,170 --> 00:15:12,150 Oh, God, I was meant to drive you there and stay with you, wasn't I? 302 00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:13,860 Oh, shit my tits, I'm so sorry. 303 00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:15,750 Listen l'll...l'll come and take you home. 304 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,550 No, no, it's fine. 305 00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:20,470 A friend took me, waited around and they'll bring me back. 306 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,760 I'm so sorry. Don't be silly. 307 00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:24,020 You're the one who's working. 308 00:15:24,050 --> 00:15:28,400 I'm just swanning around being a burden on the NHS. 309 00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:30,630 OK. See you, Mum. Bye, love. 310 00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:34,190 SHE SIGHS 311 00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:37,580 LAUGHTER 312 00:15:37,610 --> 00:15:40,550 I haven't had this much fun in ages. 313 00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:43,120 We are having fun, aren't we? We are. 314 00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,910 I might start crying again in a moment if that's OK. 315 00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:48,510 Oh, of course. Cry away, Tom. We don't mind. 316 00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:51,790 Crying is the debt one owes to laughter. Who said that? 317 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,550 It's from a poem I wrote about clowns when I was 22. 318 00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:58,510 It's very profound. Thanks. The lamb tagine is lovely, Cass. 319 00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,840 It all is. And the Popchips. 320 00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:03,510 Thanks. Tagines are just great, aren't they? 321 00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:06,020 My mum has at least five different tagines she uses. 322 00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:10,380 My mum, too! She's tagine crazy. Too many tagines! 323 00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:11,840 THEY LAUGH 324 00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:14,300 This is almost exactly how I pictured being a student would be. 325 00:16:14,330 --> 00:16:17,350 TOM WAILS 326 00:16:17,380 --> 00:16:19,660 Hummus, Tom? 327 00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:20,950 Thanks. 328 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,200 I love dips. 329 00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:26,020 And I've got a friend, Sally. 330 00:16:26,050 --> 00:16:28,380 She's not a student, but she acts like one. 331 00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:30,760 And I loved History of Art, session three, so much 332 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,790 that I'm gonna sign up for more A-Levels 333 00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:34,710 and apply to uni, be a proper student. 334 00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:37,020 Wow. You're moving on. 335 00:16:37,050 --> 00:16:40,350 Yeah, I think Mum's finally ready to fly the nest, bless her. 336 00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:43,120 I've done what I can. Tring's the trigger. 337 00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:44,590 New lives all round. 338 00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:47,200 I don't know why anyone wants to go to university. 339 00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:48,380 The fees! 340 00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:50,870 You're 60 grand in debt before you know it. 341 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,480 Well, it's a springboard, isn't it? And a step ladder. 342 00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:56,150 I mean, not at the same time - that'd be a deathtrap. 343 00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:58,790 Knowledge and learning are wonderful things. 344 00:16:58,820 --> 00:17:00,760 Times change, though, Cass. 345 00:17:00,790 --> 00:17:03,070 We've all got access to Wikipedia now. 346 00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:04,480 Ask me anything. 347 00:17:04,510 --> 00:17:06,840 What's the smallest duck in the world? 348 00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:09,920 What's the biggest duck in the world? Hairiest baby? 349 00:17:09,950 --> 00:17:13,670 Who invented Scart leads? Love Scart. Solid. 350 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,640 Like Stickle Bricks, no fucking about. 351 00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:17,560 DOOR OPENS 352 00:17:17,590 --> 00:17:20,000 Ah! Eh, my husband. 353 00:17:20,030 --> 00:17:22,750 Still feels weird to say it. Well, it is weird, Geoff. 354 00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,640 You're two heterosexual men married for immigration purposes. 355 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,720 Yeah, fair enough, I suppose. Hmm. 356 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,590 Oh, yeah, interesting? 357 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:43,310 Right all them cunts, got you. 358 00:17:48,390 --> 00:17:50,280 Great. Sounds perfect. 359 00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:52,790 Can you sort out the admin and paperwork and whatnot? 360 00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:55,840 Does my head in. 361 00:17:58,340 --> 00:18:00,200 The rinse aid guy has just been. 362 00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:02,510 Brilliant. You off on a cycle? 363 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,800 Yes, Poirot. I am. Have a good one. 364 00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:07,230 Thank you. 365 00:18:17,310 --> 00:18:21,670 Is it you? You look debauched. 366 00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:27,840 Or is it you? 367 00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:32,030 You enormously furtive man. 368 00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:40,310 TRICKLING 369 00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:44,800 HE GAGS 370 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,440 Ha, caught you! 371 00:19:02,470 --> 00:19:05,390 That's rinse aid, you sweaty pissing fuck! 372 00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:06,800 You're drinking rinse aid. 373 00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:11,600 Enjoy your shiny shits, you thieving fucking dog! 374 00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:12,750 What have you done? 375 00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:14,440 I've protected my property, 376 00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:18,360 as is my right in common law as an Englishman. You're insane. 377 00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:22,440 No, I'm reliant on alcohol, trying to disguise that fact from my family 378 00:19:22,470 --> 00:19:26,490 and you've stolen my only source of the drug to which I'm addicted. 379 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,030 That's sane as balls. 380 00:19:28,060 --> 00:19:29,640 Hang on, you stay there. 381 00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:30,930 I'm calling the police. 382 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,280 You've tried to poison me. No, I didn't. 383 00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:35,800 I'm an eccentric man who, as well as vodka, 384 00:19:35,830 --> 00:19:39,440 leaves his rinse aid in bushes, so he's always got some spare. 385 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:41,240 You poisoned yourself. 386 00:19:41,270 --> 00:19:44,960 You keep bottles of vodka hidden in hedges? 387 00:19:44,990 --> 00:19:47,490 Sure. It's no big deal. 388 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,570 It's just some hedge vodka. 389 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,960 Uh, I've suddenly realised now I say it 390 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,880 that the words "hedge vodka" 391 00:19:53,910 --> 00:19:56,240 don't sound great, so let's just call it outdoor vodka. 392 00:19:56,270 --> 00:19:58,720 All right, for some reason that doesn't sound good either. 393 00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:00,210 Uh, normal vodka. 394 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,010 OK, not that. Vodka. 395 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,720 Look, let's just imagine I'd said vodka. 396 00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:07,080 Although, now even vodka doesn't sound great. 397 00:20:09,070 --> 00:20:10,850 Look, I don't like my brain. 398 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,570 I want it to feel different. 399 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,720 I only drink because it's the easiest way to do that. 400 00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:20,120 If they did yoghurt with morphine in it, I'd have that instead. 401 00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:22,680 I'm a victim of other people's lack of imagination. 402 00:20:22,710 --> 00:20:23,760 Full name please, sir. 403 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,520 He was drinking the hedge vodka, too. 404 00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:26,760 Joggy Johnson there. 405 00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:31,080 Why am I the only freak? Name please, sir. 406 00:20:32,150 --> 00:20:34,010 Stephen Richard Nichols. 407 00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,730 I thought he was normal again. 408 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,320 I thought he'd turned a corner, but he'd turned two more corners 409 00:20:43,350 --> 00:20:45,160 and ended up back where he started. 410 00:20:45,190 --> 00:20:48,090 Maybe Tring is the answer. 411 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,850 If I go away with you to wherever Tring is... 412 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,570 Hertfordshire. And Cass goes away to study, 413 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,450 and maybe if Geoff gets his rewilding money 414 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,930 and moves away, then perhaps Stephen will find some get-up-and-go. 415 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:04,290 And she said he actually looked like a bald Iris Murdoch. 416 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,040 Wow, that's a powerful look. 417 00:21:07,070 --> 00:21:10,320 You don't have to pretend you weren't talking about me. 418 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:12,600 I've disappointed you, I know. 419 00:21:12,630 --> 00:21:13,680 I'm not disappointed. 420 00:21:13,710 --> 00:21:16,320 I'm concerned for you, for your health. 421 00:21:16,350 --> 00:21:17,930 You should maybe get some help. 422 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,840 I got help, remember? It didn't help. 423 00:21:20,870 --> 00:21:23,170 I'll find a way through. 424 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,810 Don't worry about me. 425 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,760 OK, fine. We won't worry. 426 00:21:26,790 --> 00:21:29,450 SCRATCHING 427 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:30,450 Post. 428 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,890 It is just milk. Good. 429 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,170 That's a blessing. 430 00:21:40,630 --> 00:21:42,890 He's not getting miniatures sent in a jiffy bag, is he? 431 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,400 So all's still in Geoff's name? Seemingly. 432 00:21:51,430 --> 00:21:56,210 Farm, farmhouse, he rents an extra field, but all in his sole name. 433 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,610 Luca not mentioned. 434 00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,170 Hmm, I still don't trust him. 435 00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:01,480 Something's going on. 436 00:22:01,510 --> 00:22:03,010 What makes you so sure? 437 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,120 Look, I'm not stupid. 438 00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:09,480 I know what Stephen thinks of me and what you think of me. 439 00:22:09,510 --> 00:22:12,290 Bottom line is I know what a liar looks like 440 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:19,730 because sometimes to survive in care and beyond l've...lied. 441 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,680 OK. 442 00:22:21,710 --> 00:22:23,250 What about? 443 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,010 Nothing big. 444 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,810 Maybe I've finessed a past job 445 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,290 to make it seem more important than it was. 446 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:34,970 My point is I can spot a liar a mile off, and Luca's a liar. 447 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,200 OK, well, I appreciate your honesty. 448 00:22:39,330 --> 00:22:41,090 About the lying. 449 00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:43,730 I appreciate your appreciation. No lie. 450 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,940 Well, look, I, uh, I should head off. 451 00:22:46,970 --> 00:22:50,090 Oh, Wendy dropped this in my car last Friday. 452 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,840 Um, didn't know if she needed it. Mum? 453 00:22:52,870 --> 00:22:55,330 Yeah, she called to ask if I'd take her up to the hospital. 454 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,690 You were working. 455 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,120 On the Geoff thing that you asked me to work on. 456 00:22:59,150 --> 00:23:00,580 I hope you don't mind. 457 00:23:01,690 --> 00:23:04,250 No... No. Thanks for doing it. 458 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:09,130 I'm not imposing or anything? No. Not at all. Great. 459 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,410 She's a lovely woman. 460 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,170 I bet she's a great mum. 461 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,450 She is. My mum. 462 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:17,690 My lovely mum. 463 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,450 # He's evil, he's evil 464 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:30,300 # He's evil, he's evil, he's evil 465 00:23:30,330 --> 00:23:34,100 # He's evil, he's evil 466 00:23:34,130 --> 00:23:39,610 # He's evil, he's evil, he's evil 467 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,380 # He's got wit, he's got charm But when he gets rough... # 468 00:23:43,410 --> 00:23:46,380 Subtitles by Red Bee Media