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00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:05,380
[dramatic music]
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‐ I'm Randall Park
at Freedom High School,
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00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,551
continuing our
all‐access coverage
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00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,845
of the Dwayne Johnson
presidential campaign.
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♪ ♪
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‐ Thank you for joining us
for the official opening
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of the Dwayne Johnson Library.
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00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,148
Dwayne, we always knew
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00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:26,360
that you were destined
for greatness.
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‐ Nice lady.
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She made me sound good,
but none of it was true.
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I mean, the only thing
that people said
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I was destined to do was time.
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[both chuckle] ‐ That's good.
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‐ As we all know,
nobody's perfect,
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and we all screw up.
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I just happened to screw up
a little bit more than most.
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As a matter of fact, Randall,
when I first got here
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to Freedom High School,
I was a hardcore shoplifter.
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‐ Mm‐hmm.
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Hey, just so you know,
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you guys have to come in tighter
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when he says stuff like that.
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Well, it's too late now.
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It's too late. Back up.
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Just anticipate.
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Uh, continue.
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‐ Yeah, so we moved here
to Bethlehem from Nashville
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because my dad wasn't wrestling
for Vince McMahon anymore.
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‐ That's your father...
‐ Mm‐hmm.
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‐ [wrestling announcer voice]
"Soul Man" Rocky Johnson!
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‐ Nice, man. Good job.
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Give me some. ‐ All right.
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‐ You practiced that,
didn't you?
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‐ I did.
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I don't know if I mentioned it,
but I used to be an actor.
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‐ You have. ‐ I have? Okay.
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‐ Yeah, yeah, multiple times.
‐ Oh, okay.
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‐ But back to my parents.
‐ Yes, yes.
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‐ So money wasn't coming in
the way it used to,
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so he and my mom opened up
a cleaning business.
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I had a side job
after school slinging pizza,
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but the only thing
I wanted to do was chase girls.
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‐ Mm. ‐ [chuckles]
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And to get their attention,
I thought
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that I had to look rich,
hence all the stealing.
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‐ Candidate Johnson, please,
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remember
our media training session.
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‐ It's fine, Sandy.
‐ Yeah, it's fine, Sandy.
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‐ So my dad was still
trying to wrestle
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any chance that he got,
so my Uncle Afa
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from the Wild Samoans...
‐ The Wild Samoans.
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[growls] ‐ Yeah, that's good.
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‐ Yeah.
‐ Borderline inappropriate.
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‐ Oh, okay. ‐ It was the tongue.
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‐ Yeah. Oh, sorry. ‐ Yeah.
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So my Uncle Afa hooked my dad up
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00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,704
with a promoter
who got him booked
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on some local shows,
which was great.
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I mean, we needed the money,
but my dad
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was still very much reliving
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00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:09,755
his glory days
of the early '80s.
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‐ Listen to that crowd!
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‐ Whoo!
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‐ Kick to the midsection.
Johnson taking a beating!
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[Sam and Dave's "Soul Man"]
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Rocky making
an incredible comeback
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against the Nature Boy.
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[cheers and applause]
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Here comes
the big "Soul Man" right hand!
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‐ ♪ I'm a soul man ♪
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♪ ♪
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‐ He holds Flair up!
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[crowd cheering] One, two...
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‐ Three,
and the crowd goes wild!
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‐ Yeah, right, they did!
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‐ I remember seeing
that match on TV.
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‐ Flair's a great guy.
Just don't touch his hair.
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But do compliment
his ring entrance robe.
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Brother spends a ton
on feathering.
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‐ [sighs]
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Dewey, did you put
an empty egg carton
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and an empty milk carton
back in the fridge?
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‐ How are you supposed to know
we're out of stuff
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if I don't put the empty
cartons in the fridge?
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‐ How 'bout you write it down
on the grocery list?
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‐ Because when I do,
you ignore it.
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Like, here I wrote "Coke,"
and you bought
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Sim's Market Brand Sugar Cola.
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‐ Do you think I want Sim's
Market Brand Milk Alternative
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for my coffee? No.
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I want the purple half‐and‐half,
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but nobody here is making
half‐and‐half money, Dewey.
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We're making
Sim's Market Brand money.
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Gotta take a shower.
I've got a new client.
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I can't be late.
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[phone rings]
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‐ Hello? ‐ Hey, Son.
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‐ Hey, Dad. ‐ Is your mom there?
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‐ She's in the shower.
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She's working
for that new client today.
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‐ All right, let her know
I'm running a little late.
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I lost track of time
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storytelling for the guys
at the gym.
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‐ Mom seems real stressed, Dad.
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‐ Hey, when I get home,
I'll give her
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a Rocky Johnson foot massage.
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That'll take care of it.
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Well, since I waited 20 minutes
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for the phone to open up,
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let's not waste it.
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Hey, how's it going
with that girl you like?
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‐ Fine‐Ass Karen‐‐and not good.
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I want to ask her out,
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but so does every other guy
in school.
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‐ Well, son,
you are not every other guy.
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You just need to figure out
what you can offer her
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that no one else can.
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‐ My Hans and Franz impression
from "Saturday Night Live."
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‐ I don't know
what that means, son,
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but you gotta step your game up.
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Be confident.
Girls like swagger.
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And don't wait
to make your move.
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For every second you hesitate,
there's another guy out there
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telling your girl
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she'd look better
with less makeup.
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‐ So I wasn't gonna hesitate.
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[Bon Jovi 's
"Livin' On A Prayer"]
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‐ Dewey, I'm leaving.
See you tonight!
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‐ Okay, Ma, see you later!
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‐ This girl Karen
thought I was rich,
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and I sure as hell wasn't,
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so I had to impress her
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with the best
stolen clothes I had.
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♪ ♪
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That's right,
those are Girbaud jeans.
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‐ ♪ Living on a prayer ♪
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‐ I had my gear.
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Now I just had to catch my ride.
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♪ ♪
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‐ Hello, hello.
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Uh, sir, you need to be
a student to ride this bus.
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‐ I am a student.
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‐ You got some stones, pervert.
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‐ Gabe, yo,
tell him I'm a student!
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‐ Are those Girbaud jeans?
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‐ So I think Mondays
and Thursdays to start,
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and if you have any questions
or you need anything,
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just let me know.
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‐ Okay. Thank you, Mrs. Ariti.
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‐ Oh, please, call me Diane.
Do you have any kids?
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I have a daughter, supposedly.
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She hasn't called
in three weeks.
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I'm learning to cook Indian,
but I can't find the spices!
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So if it hadn't been
for that second margarita,
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you'd be looking at
Mrs. Kelsey Grammer right now.
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And I just don't think
I'm a good hugger!
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Do you think
I should get a facelift?
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Be honest.
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I have a shrimp allergy!
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Clark got me this
for my birthday.
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He was always getting me
expensive, insulting gifts.
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Bicycle, gym membership,
diet pills‐‐
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‐ Oh, my God,
those aren't real problems.
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Paying rent,
keeping the lights on,
166
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those are real problems.
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‐ Oh, right.
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Of course.
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I could pay you
a dollar more an hour.
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‐ No, no, that's not
what I was asking.
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‐ I just used to pay
what my neighbor paid,
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but she moved‐‐
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‐ Let's just forget
I said anything.
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‐ I can't believe
he wouldn't let me on the bus.
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I was so late
that I missed homeroom
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with Fine‐Ass Karen.
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She didn't get to see
the new jeans I stole
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or my Hans and Franz.
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What if I miss
my window with her?
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‐ Dude, honestly, I don't know
if your jeans
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00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,345
or your impression
would have mattered.
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Karen has crazy high standards.
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‐ ♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪
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‐ Take me home.
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Take me home.
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‐ ♪ Karen ♪
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‐ Take me home.
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‐ Um, we're at your house.
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00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,111
‐ Oh.
190
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,738
Well, take yourself home then.
191
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My God.
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It's the Karens! ‐ What?
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‐ It's the Karens! ‐ No, here?
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‐ ♪ Taking me ♪
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♪ To the point of no return ♪
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‐ Fine‐Ass Karen.
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00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,504
[Exposé's "Point Of No Return"]
198
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,089
Big Hair Karen.
199
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,550
Colorblind Karen. ‐ [sighs]
200
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:08,011
‐ And Bonnie.
201
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,347
They made her an honorary Karen
'cause it's her car.
202
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,907
‐ Yo, they're coming.
They're coming in.
203
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,600
‐ Yo!
204
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:15,119
‐ What are we doing?
‐ Yo, I don't know man!
205
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,227
Just be cool!
206
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,063
I'm gonna put
these peppers on a plate.
207
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,607
‐ ♪ I ♪
208
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,233
♪ I'd like to feel the passion ♪
209
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,152
♪ To the point of no return ♪
210
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,277
♪ Oh, baby ♪
211
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:27,840
‐ The universe was giving me
a second chance,
212
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:30,700
and like my dad said,
I had to be confident.
213
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,243
‐ Yo, let's go over.
214
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,745
‐ I can't, man.
215
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,789
I squirted pepper juice
in my eye.
216
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,582
Ugh. Ow.
217
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,209
Go over there
for the both of us.
218
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,835
‐ [exhales]
219
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,840
Hello, ladies. ‐ Hi, Tomas.
220
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:48,176
‐ Oh, yeah, I also told her
that my name was Tomas.
221
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,512
‐ Missed you in homeroom.
‐ Oh, I was shaving.
222
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:51,680
Lost track of time.
223
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,848
‐ So why are you
even working here?
224
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,101
I thought Karen
said you were rich.
225
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,728
‐ Oh, this isn't a money job.
This is a build‐character job.
226
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,896
‐ I totally get it.
227
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,731
My cousin's
a construction worker.
228
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,125
‐ My dad's
a professional wrestler.
229
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,335
That's where our family money
comes from.
230
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,777
‐ Oh, yeah?
231
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,630
My dad bought WrestleMania III
on pay‐per‐view.
232
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,072
Was your dad in that?
233
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,282
‐ No, but he's friends
with all the guys who were.
234
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,618
I once spent a beautiful day
with André the Giant
235
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,078
when I was a kid.
236
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,162
‐ Fezzik!
237
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,328
That's his character's name
in "The Princess Bride."
238
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,793
‐ Well, that's interesting.
239
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,920
Not what Bonnie said,
but what you said.
240
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,464
The last guy I dated's dad
was vice president
241
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,299
for the acquisitions
of‐‐who cares?
242
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:29,801
So boring.
243
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,761
‐ You know, I was
actually talking about you
244
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,263
with my dad this morning.
‐ What?
245
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,140
No, you weren't. ‐ I was.
246
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:36,891
I told him I wanted
to ask you out.
247
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:39,269
You know what he told me?
‐ What?
248
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,605
‐ He told me to offer you
what the other guys can't.
249
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,482
‐ Oh, yeah, and what's that?
250
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:46,776
‐ [German accent] I'm Hans.
251
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,488
I'm Franz.
And we want to pump you up.
252
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,748
‐ I love Hans and Franz.
Call me later.
253
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,916
[upbeat music]
254
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,340
‐ The "Soul Man" has
withstood the onslaught
255
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:11,509
by Roddy Piper and is now
all over the rowdy one!
256
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:12,844
[cheers and applause]
257
00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:14,846
Here comes
the signature drop kick!
258
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,682
Is it over?
259
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,184
[crowd chanting] One, two...
260
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,311
‐ Three, the crowd goes wild!
261
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,354
Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!
262
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:26,357
‐ Like I said,
I don't really watch wrestling.
263
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,193
‐ Sure you do.
264
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,628
Let me tell you
about this other time.
265
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,071
So I had this brother, right?
266
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,073
‐ Well, I feel awful.
267
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,616
I snapped
at my new client today,
268
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,493
so now I'm making her
apology musubis.
269
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,536
‐ Do like we do out here
in Hawaii.
270
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,539
Send mangoes,
the fruit of forgiveness.
271
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,542
‐ There he is.
I did what you said.
272
00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,336
I stepped to Karen
with confidence,
273
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,253
and she gave me her number.
274
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,546
‐ Oh, that's great, son.
275
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,710
I told you that would work.
276
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,424
‐ Gonna call her tonight
after I work out
277
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,551
so I can say,
"I just worked out."
278
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,446
‐ Smooth as hell, son.
Keep your foot on the gas.
279
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:56,638
Don't let up.
280
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,389
‐ Rocky, did that promoter
pay you yet?
281
00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,308
‐ Uh, no, we got a match
on Saturday.
282
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,660
Office said
he's gonna pay us then.
283
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,228
‐ Where's your match
on Saturday?
284
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,772
‐ North Hampton College.
Sold out.
285
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,233
‐ Really? ‐ Totally sold out.
286
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,567
Oh, I'm gonna blow their minds.
287
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,571
Like that time I went up
against Paul Orndorff...
288
00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:14,405
[school bell rings]
289
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:17,242
[funky music]
290
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,619
‐ Hello, Dwayne.
How's student life?
291
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:22,789
‐ Hey, Principal Bogg.
It's good.
292
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:24,850
‐ That was for the benefit
of the kids, Officer Johnson.
293
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,584
I don't want to blow your cover.
294
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:29,420
Any leads on the rash
of locker break‐ins?
295
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,923
‐ Again, I'm not a narc.
‐ Of course.
296
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,591
You can't talk
on school premises.
297
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:36,553
I'll make us a reservation
at Morton's Steakhouse.
298
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,096
You can brief me later.
299
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,265
Hey, stay safe out there.
300
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,269
‐ What?
301
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,104
♪ ♪
302
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:50,608
Karen, Karen, Karen, Bonnie.
303
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:51,818
‐ You can call me Karen.
304
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,486
‐ Is it me,
or is he wearing all red?
305
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,613
‐ It's you. ‐ Hi, Tomas.
306
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,174
Fun talking to you
on the phone last night.
307
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,051
‐ Think how fun it will be
when we talk face‐to‐face
308
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,075
on our date.
309
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,555
‐ Karen, you didn't tell us
he asked you out.
310
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,998
‐ He didn't, Karen.
It's happening right now.
311
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,875
‐ No fricking way.
312
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,877
‐ My dad is wrestling
at North Hampton College
313
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,002
on Saturday.
314
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,856
It's sold out,
but I can get us in.
315
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,757
Snag us some VIP passes,
hang backstage.
316
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:16,467
‐ That would be pretty exciting.
317
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:17,927
I've never seen a live show.
318
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:22,807
See, Kevin?
That's how you do it.
319
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:26,519
♪ ♪
320
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:27,520
‐ ♪ Baby ♪
321
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,731
♪ I can't wait ♪
322
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,067
‐ Mmm.
323
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,487
They taste like hope
for a better future.
324
00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:37,906
‐ [chuckles]
325
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,050
‐ Thank you for these,
but you really didn't have to.
326
00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:42,702
‐ It's the least I could do
after how I spoke to you.
327
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,705
It's not an excuse,
but my husband's been having
328
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,999
work issues,
and money's been tight.
329
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,542
Anyway, I'm sorry.
330
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:50,877
‐ I'm sorry too.
331
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,504
Ever since my daughter
left home and my divorce,
332
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,132
I've been a little lonely.
333
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,176
I guess I got overexcited
at having company.
334
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,845
‐ Family tests you whether
they're here or they're gone.
335
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,138
‐ Amen.
336
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,182
Just like Sally Jessy says,
"We're expected
337
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,643
to react to the needs
of the people around us."
338
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,395
‐ Who's Sally Jesse?
339
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,356
‐ Sally Jesse Raphael.
340
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,568
The yellow haired hawk
of daytime talk.
341
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:18,238
Oh, come with me. Come with me.
342
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:21,241
‐ And I was like, "No, Bonnie,
a perm would not do well
343
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,533
with your face structure."
344
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,786
And that is how
I saved her life.
345
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,663
‐ What would she do without you?
346
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,543
‐ Wow, this place
really is sold out.
347
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,712
‐ I'll talk to the guy,
tell him who we are.
348
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,007
‐ Here for the flea market?
349
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,634
‐ We're here
for the wrestling match.
350
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:40,945
‐ Yep, you're in
the right place.
351
00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:42,446
That's right between
the vintage coats
352
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,554
and French armoires.
353
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,141
‐ Now, I knew my dad
wasn't wrestling
354
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,726
in packed arenas anymore,
355
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,270
but he definitely
stretched the truth
356
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:51,521
about this venue.
357
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,147
‐ Dewey! [chuckles]
358
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,234
Well, well, well,
and this must be Karen.
359
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,569
Oh, what a surprise. ‐ Dewey?
360
00:12:58,653 --> 00:13:00,571
‐ My nickname.
‐ It's a nickname for Tomas?
361
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,407
‐ Tomas? His name is Dwayne.
362
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:03,825
‐ Is this true, Tomas?
363
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,578
‐ You said you were wrestling
at a college.
364
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,163
‐ Yeah, this is at a college.
365
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,082
‐ This is a flea market
next to a college.
366
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,959
‐ Commemorative
bicentennial spoons?
367
00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:16,087
‐ Ew, I am not buying
used spoons.
368
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:19,132
‐ Vintage T‐shirts, young lady?
You a fan of GWAR?
369
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,759
‐ Dwayne! ‐ One sec.
370
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,012
Look at her, Dad.
She's not the flea market type.
371
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,948
You know I've been trying
to impress this girl.
372
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,266
‐ All right, all right,
I might have hyped it up a bit,
373
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,767
but the crowd is pumped.
374
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,329
‐ There's, like,
ten people here.
375
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:35,440
‐ Now, see, there was 11,
but this woman fainted
376
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,275
when she heard
I was on the card.
377
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:39,277
Yeah, she saw me wrestle
Mr. Fuji
378
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,945
at the Garden years ago.
379
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,780
Now, that was a hell of a match.
380
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,074
‐ Okay, sure, my dad
stretched the truth
381
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,618
to make himself look good,
but he was also used
382
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,620
to a certain level of success
that he wasn't
383
00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:51,122
ready to give up.
384
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:53,332
‐ So Fuji's about to throw salt
in my eyes, right?
385
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:54,917
‐ Dwayne, can we go?
386
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,228
There is a woman
trying to sell me
387
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,672
what I think
is a racist syrup jar.
388
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:01,966
‐ Um, we gotta‐‐
‐ Oh, wait, wait, no.
389
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,634
You can't leave
before the main event.
390
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,639
‐ For sure, we're staying.
391
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,808
No way we're missing
a Rocky Johnson show.
392
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,018
‐ That's my boy.
393
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,481
‐ Rocky, showtime.
‐ Great, thanks, Hal.
394
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,149
I'll see you two
after the match?
395
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,235
‐ No way we're staying.
396
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,155
There is a man selling
a pile of old baby shoes,
397
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,324
and it is freaking me out.
398
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,452
‐ If you want to leave,
go ahead, but I'm staying.
399
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,995
‐ Why?
400
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:33,331
‐ He's my dad.
401
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,002
‐ Like Karen, I'm also confused.
402
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,170
Why did you stay?
403
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:41,923
‐ He's my dad.
404
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,511
That's it.
405
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,016
‐ Wait.
406
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:59,316
‐ And it's really unusual,
I think, to hear women
407
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,342
say this‐‐
looks are more important
408
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:01,567
than brains? ‐ Oh, yeah.
409
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:03,277
‐ I think I would like
a dumb, hot man.
410
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:05,363
Clark was basically
a giant brain
411
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:07,782
attached to the body
of an uncooked chicken.
412
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,742
‐ [laughs]
413
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,869
I'd like a man
who can put his ego aside.
414
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:14,163
I love Rocky,
but he always exaggerates
415
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,433
to make himself look good
when he doesn't even have to.
416
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,625
It's exhausting.
417
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,460
‐ Still,
sounds better than Clark.
418
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:23,131
An uncooked chicken, Ata.
‐ [laughs]
419
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,968
Oh, I have to go. ‐ No.
420
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,570
‐ Yeah, I still gotta go
to the grocery store
421
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,720
and get dinner ready.
422
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,431
‐ You have to take time
for yourself too.
423
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:33,724
"Find the little joys,
424
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,434
for they give us
the greatest pleasures."
425
00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,426
‐ Did you just
come up with that?
426
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,606
‐ No, that's SJR.
427
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,168
She said it to a toothless
woman addicted to crystal meth.
428
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,361
I recorded it. I'll show you.
429
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,739
‐ Got us some snacks.
430
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:50,583
‐ That's what my family buys
to feed the fish
431
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:51,826
when we go to the Poconos.
432
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,035
‐ [screams] ‐ [screams]
433
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,997
‐ [chuckles]
Hey, Uncle Afa, Uncle Sika.
434
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,791
This is Karen. ‐ Hi, Karen.
435
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,042
‐ [screams] ‐ [screams]
436
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:04,046
‐ [laughs] Bye, Karen.
437
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,924
‐ Should've gone
white water rafting with Kevin.
438
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:09,135
‐ Okay, yeah, this place sucks,
439
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,845
but I promise
you're in for a show.
440
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,472
‐ In this corner,
the "Soul Man"!
441
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:14,992
‐ Even though my dad
wasn't wrestling
442
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,684
in Madison Square Garden
anymore,
443
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,227
in his mind, he was.
444
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,479
[Sam and Dave's "Soul Man"]
445
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:24,525
‐ And his opponent,
hailing from the ocean,
446
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,195
the Gull!
447
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,404
‐ [screams]
448
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:33,492
‐ Ooh, a dirty attack
by the Gull before the bell.
449
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,828
‐ And whether it was the Gull
or Rick Flair
450
00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:37,997
or Roddy Piper,
451
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,558
anytime Rocky Johnson
got in that ring,
452
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,459
he went all out.
453
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,502
‐ ♪ That's what I got,
the hard way ♪
454
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:46,047
♪ And I'll make it better
each and every day ♪
455
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:49,467
‐ It's so violent in real life.
456
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,219
‐ Ah, ah! Ow!
457
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,929
‐ ♪ 'Cause you ain't seen
nothing yet ♪
458
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,389
‐ If he doesn't sell
and get his opponent over,
459
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,767
there's no point
in blowing his comeback.
460
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,268
‐ What does that mean?
461
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,729
‐ Ow!
462
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,522
‐ ♪ I'm a soul man ♪
463
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,942
‐ Stop it! He's hurt!
464
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,026
‐ ♪ I'm a soul man ♪
465
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,194
♪ ♪
466
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,112
‐ Rocky reaches the ropes.
467
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:13,032
The Gull has to let him go
or be disqualified.
468
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:14,867
[audience booing] ‐ Caw!
469
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,078
‐ I hate you!
470
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,914
‐ [mouthing words]
471
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:24,001
‐ Nobody put on a show
like the "Soul Man."
472
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:27,004
‐ Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!
473
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:28,839
[all chanting]
Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!
474
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:31,801
[crowd cheering]
Rocky, Rocky, Rocky!
475
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:32,969
‐ ♪ I'm a soul man ♪
476
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,303
[all cheer]
477
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,179
‐ [grunts]
478
00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:37,515
‐ ♪ I'm a soul man ♪
479
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:38,599
♪ ♪
480
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,142
‐ Whoo!
481
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,520
♪ Well, grab the rope,
let me pull you in ♪
482
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,480
♪ Give you hope ♪
483
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,232
♪ And be your only boyfriend ♪
484
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,818
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
485
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,278
[crowd chanting] One, two...
486
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,529
‐ Three!
487
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,197
[cheers and applause]
488
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:55,449
‐ Like my dad, I had been
exaggerating the truth
489
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,619
to make myself look good,
but when I finally got real
490
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,956
and chose to be there for him
over impressing the girl,
491
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,416
I somehow got the girl.
492
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,959
‐ That was amazing!
493
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,294
‐ What did I tell you?
494
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,171
Nobody puts on a show
like my dad.
495
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,341
[cheers and applause]
496
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,386
‐ That was so fun.
497
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:17,346
You set the bar high
for our next date.
498
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,556
‐ Next date?
499
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,850
Oh, is that before or after
you go rafting with Kevin?
500
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,102
‐ Shut up. ‐ Ah.
501
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,103
‐ Hi, Rocky! ‐ Hey.
502
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:25,563
‐ Amazing, Dad.
503
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:26,647
You put on a show.
504
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,232
‐ You were so great,
Mr. Johnson.
505
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,401
‐ Why, thank you, Karen.
Appreciate that, son.
506
00:18:30,484 --> 00:18:31,920
‐ I've never seen
wrestling live before,
507
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:33,821
and it was so much better
than on TV.
508
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,282
Kind of like that time I saw
Kirk Cameron at the airport.
509
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,011
‐ Hey, hell of a match, Rocky.
Hell of a match.
510
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,369
‐ Finally, payday.
511
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,707
Where's the rest? ‐ That's $300.
512
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,292
‐ It was 300 per match.
513
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:47,793
I wrestled
three matches for you.
514
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,462
‐ No, 300 total.
515
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,257
‐ Just give us a second.
516
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,341
Business.
517
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,637
‐ $300? That's all?
518
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,680
‐ Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
he doesn't do
519
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,140
these smaller shows for money.
520
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:02,850
He just does 'em
as a favor to my uncles.
521
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,226
‐ Oh. ‐ Yeah.
522
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,622
Still, though, you want to keep
these local promoters honest.
523
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,648
But he makes the real money
at the big shows.
524
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,150
‐ Oh, well, I'd love
to see one of those.
525
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,152
‐ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
for sure.
526
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,435
I'll take you to the next one.
527
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,697
Hey, you know,
my dad has a ton of merch.
528
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,407
You want a hat? ‐ Mm‐hmm.
529
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,242
‐ I'll bring you a hat
on Monday.
530
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:23,913
‐ ♪ So the wind
might change direction ♪
531
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:27,458
♪ And you stay
always as you are ♪
532
00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,293
‐ I've always loved that song.
533
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:30,657
‐ Dwayne said
the show was great.
534
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:31,962
‐ Hey, you know me.
535
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,839
My worst day
is someone else's best day.
536
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,050
‐ [chuckles]
537
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,843
‐ Hey, I'm sorry
about the money.
538
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,428
Hal swore he was‐‐ ‐ Hey.
539
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,848
$300 is $300. We could use it.
540
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,092
But next time, we gotta
make sure you get paid upfront.
541
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,686
‐ Definitely.
542
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:50,147
Plus this convention in Erie
will bring in some extra dough.
543
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:52,733
Pose for pictures,
sign some autographs.
544
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,443
It'll be great.
545
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,783
Hey, babe, what's with
this small, purple milk?
546
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,201
‐ It's my little joy.
547
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,494
I put it behind the cantaloupe
548
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,055
so Dewey doesn't drink it all
in one gulp.
549
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:06,622
‐ Smart.
550
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,708
No way that boy's
going near a melon.
551
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:09,791
‐ Mm‐hmm.
552
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,421
‐ That is a sweet end
to the story.
553
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,381
‐ Would've been, yeah,
but that's not the end.
554
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,091
‐ Unless we want it to be.
555
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,467
‐ Sandy, please.
556
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,303
‐ Can someone get
this Sandy guy out of here?
557
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,305
Bitch trying to step
into my coverage.
558
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,433
‐ Sorry about that.
‐ That's okay.
559
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,685
‐ You know, Randall, look,
I'm here to be honest,
560
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,645
and that's why I told you
this story.
561
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,648
No one's perfect,
and we all make mistakes.
562
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,751
I just happened to make
a whole hell of a lot of them.
563
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,360
‐ Hey, Karen.
564
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,612
I brought you this. ‐ Thanks.
565
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,197
Nice jeans.
566
00:20:40,281 --> 00:20:42,032
I was just telling everyone
about the match.
567
00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,534
When your dad did
that sunset flip‐‐
568
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:45,244
which was badass‐‐
569
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,246
it, like,
totally changed my life.
570
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:50,207
‐ Ugh, at the flea market?
571
00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,626
‐ Ugh, yes,
that part was disgusting.
572
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:56,130
It was like a cursed mall,
but the show was really fun.
573
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,674
‐ Aw, that's awesome, man.
574
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,598
My neighbor's throwing
a garage sale next week.
575
00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,052
Maybe your dad can
main event that.
576
00:21:02,136 --> 00:21:03,929
[laughter] My brother was there.
577
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:07,183
He said there were, like,
ten people in the audience.
578
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,452
There's ten people
here right now.
579
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,644
This was the audience.
580
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:14,190
I mean, it doesn't even matter.
Wrestling's all fake anyway.
581
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:17,735
[crowd gasps] ‐ Oh!
582
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:18,818
‐ [gasps]
583
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,448
‐ Never use the F‐word.
584
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,366
‐ Wait, so you
knocked him out cold.
585
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:25,659
Ah.
586
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,369
Um...
587
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:30,206
we just scooped
everyone in the country.
588
00:21:30,331 --> 00:21:31,874
‐ Scooped 'em all.
‐ Yeah, we did.
589
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:32,917
[both chuckle]
590
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,118
‐ I think that's a good idea.
591
00:21:34,142 --> 00:21:36,142
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