1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,589 Exsqueeze me. Can I get a side of... 2 00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,049 {\an8}Thanks. 3 00:00:14,569 --> 00:00:19,569 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull M_I_SForEver 4 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,922 Look what the man picked out for us, Marty. 5 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:49,842 "Donny's Party"? What the hell is "Donny's Party"? 6 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,177 - It's a film, Marty. - Never heard of it. 7 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,596 That's because you never leave your bed, Marty. 8 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,765 I'm not watching no "Donny's Party." 9 00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,560 That movie sounds like "forgot the dick sauce." 10 00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:29,381 {\an8}♪ Let's go with the flow ♪ 11 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:34,636 ♪ Relax and watch what happens ♪ 12 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:38,891 ♪ 'Cause we got the time The evening is fine ♪ 13 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:42,603 ♪ And so are you ♪ 14 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:45,480 ♪ We just said hello ♪ 15 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:50,819 ♪ We can save goodbye for tomorrow ♪ 16 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,905 ♪ Let's do it ♪ 17 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,491 ♪ Let's go with the flow ♪ 18 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:23,185 And... cheese! 19 00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,354 Okay, can we just go now? This is taking forever. 20 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:26,688 Jesus, Donny. You sound like a little bitch. 21 00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,190 Hey, my friends are waiting, please. 22 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,359 Donny, that is the point of a reception. You wait. 23 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,487 Michelle, stop putting gum in your mouth. Spit it out. 24 00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,489 What the hell is wrong with you? Nothing, Mother. I'm perfect. 25 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,950 Honey, don't you think we should wait outside and greet the guests? 26 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,702 Mitch, shut up and act like an adult for once. 27 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:44,498 And... cheese! 28 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:46,458 Yo, Swell City, baby. 29 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,669 - Fuckin' stop it already! - Make me, bitch. 30 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,923 How many fucking martinis are you gonna have? Sorry. Apple-fucking-tinis. 31 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:56,552 - I fucking hate you. - And... cheese! 32 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,596 Can we just go? My friends are waiting for me. 33 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:02,266 I will take this glass. I will slit your fucking wrist. 34 00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:03,559 And... cheese! 35 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,482 Cheese! 36 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,693 Cheese! 37 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,945 Cheese! 38 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,407 Cheese! 39 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,576 Cheese! 40 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,459 All right, everybody. That's a wrap. That wasn't so bad, huh? 41 00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:32,171 Okay, go mingle with the guests. Put your happy faces on. 42 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,173 Donny, I need you to go meet Chase, Sam, and Erin in the coatroom 43 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,466 - to practice your dance, okay? - You mean Eric. 44 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,177 I don't give a shit. 45 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,887 Cheese. 46 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,311 Welcome to Donny Drucker's bar mitzvah party. 47 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:51,732 Join us tonight as we celebrate a 13-year-old's journey into manhood. 48 00:03:56,737 --> 00:04:00,657 {\an8}Donny, Gary. So happy to be here. 49 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,744 {\an8}I just wanna say tonight is gonna be an amazing night. 50 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,747 {\an8}- Susie and I are so... - How big is it? 51 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,956 Big. 52 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:10,167 Gary's dick looks like a Brussels sprout. 53 00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,211 ...happy. 54 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,885 Look at her. Isn't she absolutely fucking gorgeous? 55 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,136 Tell you what. 56 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,597 You wanna take her for a spin tonight, be my guest. 57 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:27,059 And I ain't talking about my car, if you know what I mean. 58 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,522 I'm talking about Nancy. I'm telling you you can fuck my wife. 59 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:37,486 Nancy. You can fuck her. Boo-yah. 60 00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,279 - You can fuck her tonight. - Yeah. 61 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,991 But, seriously, please, fuck my wife. 62 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,786 Excuse me. Do you wanna say anything for Donny? 63 00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,163 {\an8}Yeah. Sure. 64 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,457 {\an8}Whenever you're ready. 65 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:53,752 {\an8}Hey, Donny. I just wanna say... congrats. 66 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:58,340 {\an8}Um, I'm so happy to be here. I know the party's gonna be amazing. 67 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:17,150 So, uh, you-you're having a good time? 68 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,403 Well, I just got here, like, two minutes ago. 69 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,030 - But, yeah. - Okay. Yeah. 70 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:25,242 Well, um, you look very pretty. 71 00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:26,869 Thanks. 72 00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,833 {\an8}That's awesome. 73 00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,878 - Wassup? - Wassup? 74 00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,421 Boo-yah! 75 00:05:37,462 --> 00:05:39,131 Ahh! 76 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,049 Hey, listen up, guys. I want you to meet some friends of mine. 77 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:43,385 This is Mr. and Mrs. Wang. They're in from out of town. 78 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,262 No shit. How do you do? I'm Gary. 79 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,848 - G-A-R-Y. - You didn't have to spell it. 80 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,766 Hi. This is my wife, Suse. 81 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:52,060 And a friend of Mitch's is a friend of ours. Right, Suse? 82 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,520 Hey, how you doing? 83 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:55,105 - Ow! My glasses! - Tom Blumberg. 84 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,773 This is my wife, Nancy. Nice to meet you. 85 00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:57,858 Konnichiwa. 86 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,402 - That's Tom and that's Nancy. - Hey, well, you guys mingle. 87 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,112 Mmm. 88 00:06:02,154 --> 00:06:04,364 - Hey! - Daddy needs a refill. 89 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:05,866 I'm gonna come with you. 90 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,701 Honey, you haven't even started your drink... 91 00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:08,911 Ow! My glasses! 92 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:10,329 - Bye, Suse. - Love you! 93 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:18,587 Eric? Eric. 94 00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:21,173 You still taking those weird dance classes? 95 00:06:21,215 --> 00:06:25,052 First of all, it's not "dance classes." It's called "capoeira." 96 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,346 And second of all, the truth is if I wanted to, 97 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,181 I could probably kick your ass right now. 98 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,558 Hey, guys, I've got something to tell you. 99 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:35,437 As of last night, Hannah and I are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. 100 00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:36,605 Hannah? 101 00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:37,731 Yeah. 102 00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:39,149 Handjob Hannah? 103 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:40,901 Yes. That's... That's her. 104 00:06:40,943 --> 00:06:42,986 You know she got finger blasted last week in class 105 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,072 while watching "Bill Nye the Science Guy"? 106 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:48,075 Yes. I know that. She's not what people make her seem like. 107 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,494 She's a really cool girl, you know. She's just misunderstood. 108 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,872 Yeah, we don't care. Just tell us when and how the hell this happened. 109 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,542 I don't really know. We started working together on a social studies project, 110 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,961 and I got to know her really well. 111 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:02,089 And then last night on AOL, I asked her to be my girlfriend. 112 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,090 And? 113 00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:06,426 She said she knew she loved me before she met me. 114 00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,678 - Whoa. - Yeah. 115 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,596 Dude, that's really creepy. 116 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:11,765 Anyway, you're gonna try to kiss her tonight or... 117 00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:14,017 Of course I wanna kiss her, but, like, I don't wanna take things too quick. 118 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,520 Dude, Hannah is a whore. Kiss her? 119 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:18,772 No, man, you're gonna get a blow job tonight. 120 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,732 - Calm down. - No, man, he's right. 121 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:24,194 - You are gonna get your dick sucked, bro. - All right. All right. Stop. Okay? 122 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:28,532 But promise me, no matter what happens, anything, you cannot tell Sam. 123 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,534 - You know how he gets... - What's up, dipshits? 124 00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:33,495 - Promise not to tell me what? - Nothing, bro. Just... 125 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,831 Did you fucking shit your pants again? 126 00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,791 I didn't shit my pants again. How long are you gonna... 127 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,751 - Shut up. - I didn't shit my pants. 128 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,629 We ain't got time for this bullshit, okay? 129 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,048 And I hope you've been practicing the dance. 130 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:48,594 Let's take it from the top. Get in formation. 131 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,722 So, how does this compare to some of the other bar mitzvahs you've been to? 132 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,557 I mean, I like the balloons, but I think they could do more. 133 00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:56,810 Actually, we've never been to a bar mitzvah. This is our first. 134 00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:58,604 No fucking way! 135 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,648 What do you do in your free time? Community work? Cliff diving? 136 00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:05,444 I mean, I can't believe you've never been to one of these parties before. 137 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,071 We're at these things almost every weekend, man. 138 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,699 You guys are in for the night of your lives. 139 00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:13,744 - Night of your lives! - Isn't this a party for the kids? 140 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,996 Who gives a fuck about them? 141 00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:18,373 Five shots of tequila all around. 142 00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,876 Let's put a roofie in every single one of 'em 143 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,544 for our friends the Wangs. 144 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,629 Chop-chop. 145 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,673 Gary's son's party was just last weekend. What a beautiful evening. 146 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:29,176 Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. I made the centerpieces out of poop. 147 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:32,136 That is the most shit-faced I've been all month. Tell 'em, Nance. 148 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:35,182 It's true. He was in a coma for the last five days. 149 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,017 I was pronounced legally dead at the hospital. 150 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,684 I know. I came to visit. 151 00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,650 - Tom and I have a terrible marriage. - It's true. 152 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,693 Oh, perfect timing. 153 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:51,365 Ooh, what happens if we take the blue pill, Neo? 154 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,578 - Let's put Mr. Wang into a coma tonight. - Yeah! 155 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,163 Whoo! 156 00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:03,293 Oh, yeah! That'll put some hair on your chest! Whoo! 157 00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,546 I'll have an Apple Martini, please. 158 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,297 Dude, that is so fucking embarrassing. 159 00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:08,966 - Are you listening to me right now? - Yeah. 160 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,510 So here's the thing. This girl finished sucking my dick, right? 161 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:12,970 It was incredible. 162 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,888 She had the tears in her eyes but not from crying. 163 00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,890 Just from, like, trying really hard. You know what I mean? 164 00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:20,143 So you would think that... that we're done, right? Over. 165 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,647 But you are not gonna fucking believe what happens next. Okay? 166 00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:29,444 I'm like... mmm, ahhh. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! 167 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:33,615 Maa, maa, maa, maa, maa. Yeah. Yeah. 168 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:39,246 - Robert De Niro? I don't get this. - What the fuck are you talking about? 169 00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:41,707 No. I opened up her butt cheeks, put my tongue in there, 170 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,293 and I ate her sweet little butthole. It was like a balloon knot. 171 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,627 You know we're in public, right? 172 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:48,255 Who gives a shit, man? I'm, like, giving out free information here. 173 00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,215 It's like an STD clinic. Listen to me. 174 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,009 Here's the best part about the entire thing. 175 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,761 It tasted exactly like shit. 176 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:55,846 - No way. - Yes. 177 00:09:55,888 --> 00:09:57,764 - Her butthole tasted like shit. - I know. 178 00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,601 That's crazy. Did you check if she wiped? 179 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,935 No, David, I didn't check if she wiped 180 00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,604 'cause I'm not a fucking pediatrician, okay? 181 00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,273 Look, the quickest way into a woman's heart 182 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,358 is actually directly up her asshole. 183 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,568 Mm-hmm. That doesn't sound right. 184 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:10,986 What, you don't watch "Bill Nye"? 185 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:11,945 Fucking loser. 186 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,741 - What's up? - How you doing, Evan? 187 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,075 - Hey. - Hey. 188 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,328 - That's fucking Evan. - Dude, you know he's 13. 189 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,621 - Goddamn, he's fucking big. - I know. 190 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:23,332 - I went to his bar mitzvah last week. - Jesus Christ. 191 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,584 He's gonna die in, like, three fucking years if he doesn't stop growing. 192 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:28,003 - I hope so. He creeps me out. - Anyway, dude, listen to me. 193 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,589 Dude, we're gonna get you fucking laid tonight. 194 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,634 Yeah. I think you and I have very different types. 195 00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:35,844 - What does that even mean? - I need to borrow him for a second. 196 00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,889 - Yo, we'll talk about this later. - Yo. 197 00:10:38,931 --> 00:10:41,225 Single, single, double. 198 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,352 Single, single, double. One more time. 199 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,812 Single, single, double. And through. 200 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,148 Single, single, double. 201 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:50,275 Single, single, double. 202 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:53,278 Oh, stop. Stop. Stop! 203 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,531 What the hell is going on? 204 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:56,823 - Listen. - What? 205 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,743 We appreciate the hustle, but we can't do this shit. 206 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,537 We're never gonna be able to learn this dance. 207 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,665 Yes, you can. You boys just need to put in more effort. 208 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,708 Dude, we've been at this for weeks. 209 00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:09,294 We're gonna look like fucking idiots out there. 210 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:13,340 Dancing is in your blood. We're Jewish. Jews can't dance. 211 00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:18,095 No matter how much we practice this shit, we're never gonna be able to do it. 212 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,348 We're Jewish. 213 00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:22,724 We're Jewish. 214 00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,393 We have small dicks. 215 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,854 Look, all of this means you just wanna give up? 216 00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,021 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 217 00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,106 That's ridiculous. 218 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,149 We're just Jewish. It's nothing against you. 219 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,902 - Yeah. - I have such a small dick. 220 00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,321 Hey, boys. How's the dance going? 221 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,574 - Dance is looking awesome. - Great. 222 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:41,952 Mom. Mom, look, we're... we're not gonna be great. Okay? 223 00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:44,913 Is there any way that we can just skip the dance? 224 00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:47,666 - No, we cannot skip the dance. - But, Mom... 225 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,251 Are you seriously talking back to me right now? 226 00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:52,087 Do you have any idea how much stress I am under tonight? 227 00:11:52,129 --> 00:11:54,590 The dance is the last thing I need to be thinking about. 228 00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:58,719 I threw this whole party for you, and this is the respect I get. 229 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,929 We're gonna look like idiots out there. 230 00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,389 Well, you better not. 231 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:06,310 'Cause if you go out there looking like idiots, I will be so embarrassed. 232 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,938 Don't you dare embarrass me. 233 00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:11,356 Shit. 234 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,903 Good luck on the dance, boys. 235 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:19,114 - Bye, Mrs. Drucker. - Bye, Sherryl. Nice talking to you. 236 00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,324 - You're scary. - Told you. 237 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,701 Cool. 238 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:25,412 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 239 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,998 Bubbie, this is David. 240 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,752 This is the David you've been telling me about. 241 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:32,794 Yeah. 242 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:35,047 David, your boyfriend. 243 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,924 This is my boyfriend, David. 244 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:39,968 What is this, some kind of joke? 245 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,803 You wanna give your Bubbie a heart attack? 246 00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,847 No. What's wrong with David? 247 00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:46,725 Oh... 248 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:51,021 I'm sorry your Bubbie has to be the one to tell you this, but... 249 00:12:51,063 --> 00:12:53,148 your boyfriend is a faygella. 250 00:12:57,361 --> 00:12:59,154 I have no idea what you just said. 251 00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:03,158 I'm saying he likes to make sex with boys. 252 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,202 Are you saying David is gay? 253 00:13:05,244 --> 00:13:08,288 Yes. He likes penis. 254 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:10,499 Bubbie, David is straight. 255 00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:15,379 We are boyfriend and girlfriend in a heterosexual romance. 256 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:19,424 - Oh! - What about my Jason? 257 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:21,927 Oh, fuck! 258 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,556 You told me that you would set up my grandson with your granddaughter. 259 00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:28,809 Well, what can I do? She's in love with a homosexual. 260 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:31,019 - I want my teeth back. - Hey, hey, hey! 261 00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:34,314 Okay. Wait. I have other options. 262 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,566 Come with me. 263 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,860 You. 264 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,280 What the fuck just happened? 265 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,283 My grandma. She's always trying to set me up with these weird-ass dudes, 266 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,535 so I was just trying to get her off my back. 267 00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:48,370 Grandma's a big, fat cunt. 268 00:13:48,412 --> 00:13:50,455 She's actually kind of amazing. 269 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,625 I mean, she deduced in 10 seconds what Bobby couldn't in 10 years. 270 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:57,045 - You still haven't told Bobby yet? - Okay. It's not that simple. 271 00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:59,173 All right? If I tell him, it would just make things weird. 272 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,674 How would it make things weird? 273 00:14:00,716 --> 00:14:03,093 Have you met Bobby before? It would make things weird. 274 00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:05,637 Are you done crying? Are you gonna cry a little more? 275 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,016 'Cause my brother won't fuck you? Thanks. 276 00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,852 Ssloo. 277 00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:14,688 Mm. Fftt. 278 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,025 Oh. Um... Hey. 279 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,985 - Hey. - Mrs. Greenberg, how's it going? 280 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,987 Are you enjoying the evening? 281 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:24,198 Oh, Bobby, come on. How long have you known me? 282 00:14:24,239 --> 00:14:25,866 Call me Susie. 283 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:28,619 Fftt. Right, Susie. Fair enough. 284 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,247 Suse. Suse? 285 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,041 - Susie. - Susie. Susie. 286 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:37,503 You just... You look, like, so much better 287 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:42,132 than I could have imagined you being able to look. 288 00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:44,885 Uh, thank you. 289 00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,720 And it's just something about, like... 290 00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:50,098 Wa-wa. Like, it's just... It's there, you know. 291 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:53,602 Like, your body's just like, "Hi. I'm here." You know? 292 00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:56,939 It's like... Women your age typically, I feel like... 293 00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:00,150 I don't know. I think, like, shit just gets, like, a little fucked up sometimes. 294 00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:02,569 You know. And things fall, and they soften, 295 00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:05,030 and they droop, and they get sadder. 296 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,282 - Yeah. - But your body is happy 297 00:15:07,324 --> 00:15:09,785 - and, like, more... You know? - Bobby. 298 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,411 - So you... - Bobby. 299 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:12,329 - You're not gross. - Bobby. 300 00:15:12,371 --> 00:15:14,414 - Yeah. - Are you 18? 301 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,043 I'm 18 1/2. 302 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,879 All right then. 303 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,177 Is that a fucking plunger? 304 00:15:27,219 --> 00:15:28,929 Yeah. You got a problem with that? 305 00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,514 I guess not. 306 00:15:30,556 --> 00:15:32,099 And... 307 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,269 Oh! What is that... 308 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,311 Yeah. 309 00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,021 - You like that? - Yeah. 310 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,189 - You like that? - Yeah. 311 00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:40,899 - Tell me you like it. - I like it. 312 00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,317 Yeah, you do. 313 00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:44,736 {\an8}Mazel Tov. 314 00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,283 We are fucked. We are all fucked. 315 00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:53,120 Calm the fuck down. It's not a big deal. I'm, like, serious. 316 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,746 Not a big deal? Did you hear what she said? 317 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,248 My life... over, done. 318 00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:58,959 What's the point of going over the dance? We can't dance. 319 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,378 Yes, you can. 320 00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:05,883 You just don't know it yet. 321 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,177 ...know it yet... know it yet. 322 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,803 We appreciate the support, but you're wrong. 323 00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:11,346 We can't dance. We're Jew... 324 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,389 Jewish? 325 00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:14,558 Oh, you got a small pee-pee? 326 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,977 Y'all got small pee-pees? 327 00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:19,646 I know it's tough. Yeah, I got a small penis. 328 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:22,357 A really small penis. One girl, she thought it was ChapStick. 329 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,735 But it never went on her lips. 330 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:27,696 I have watched you guys grow up. 331 00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:29,489 I know what you're capable of. 332 00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,867 - You can do this dance. Donny. - What? 333 00:16:31,909 --> 00:16:33,535 Remember when you shat yourself in class? 334 00:16:33,577 --> 00:16:35,037 Yes, I do remember that. It wasn't my fault. 335 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:38,540 - I didn't know I was lactose intolerant. - It's okay. Shit happens. 336 00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:40,250 I just want you to show everybody what it looked like 337 00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:42,211 - when you walked out of class. - Why? 338 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:45,172 - Just show us what it looked like. - Fine. 339 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,257 It went something like this. 340 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,011 Yes. 341 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:54,765 Yes. Yes! Capowitz. You gave him a swirly in sixth grade. 342 00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,642 - Show us what it looked like. - Don't, dick. 343 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,185 - Yes. - It went like... 344 00:16:58,227 --> 00:17:01,355 Yes. Yes! Do you guys see what I'm talking about here? Do you see it? 345 00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:03,899 Eric, get over here. Your father's abusive, right? 346 00:17:03,941 --> 00:17:06,193 - Yeah! - Yeah, he is. All right, man. 347 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:09,029 Now, I want you to imagine that you're fighting him off. All right? 348 00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:12,991 There it is. "Oh, no! Daddy, don't throw me into the dresser." 349 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,160 This is what I'm talking about, guys. 350 00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,704 Are you seeing this? It's easy. You can do this. 351 00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,750 All right, I'm getting beeped. I gotta get out of here. 352 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:24,211 But you guys are gonna be great, okay? What are you gonna do? 353 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,921 - Shit my pants. - What are you gonna do? 354 00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:28,048 I'm gonna protect myself from my dad! 355 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,383 We're gonna talk about that later. What are you gonna do? 356 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,802 - I'm gonna slam Capowitz. - That's right. 357 00:17:31,844 --> 00:17:33,887 You guys get out there and do your thing. 358 00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:35,973 Wait. What about me? 359 00:17:36,765 --> 00:17:39,351 Huh. You're not Jewish. 360 00:17:39,393 --> 00:17:41,436 You've always known how to dance. 361 00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:44,898 Oh, yeah. I'm not Jewish. 362 00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,778 All right, let's do it. Come on. We're gonna practice. Come on. 363 00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:58,161 Live from B'nai Beth B'rith Moshe Shalom Kodesh 364 00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:03,500 Avidus Sarrar Riivka Homus Synagogue in Franklin, Michigan, it's... 365 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:13,385 Earlier this evening, we greeted the stars. 366 00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:15,971 Now it's time we celebrate them. 367 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,639 Ladies and gentlemen, 368 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,391 without further ado, 369 00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:23,437 your host, Donny Drucker! 370 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,026 Hello, everyone. Uh... 371 00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:34,656 I'd like to thank you all for making it out here tonight, 372 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:38,410 and I'd like to officially welcome you to the first ever Donny Awards. 373 00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:46,543 They say that the older you become, the wiser you get. 374 00:18:46,585 --> 00:18:49,505 And grandparents are amazing. We can all agree on that. 375 00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:51,757 But who is the most amazing? 376 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,843 Nominees for Best Grandparent are... 377 00:18:54,885 --> 00:18:56,261 {\an8}Bubbie. 378 00:18:59,223 --> 00:19:00,891 {\an8}Grandma Stein. 379 00:19:03,644 --> 00:19:06,396 {\an8}Zadie. Come on. Give it up. 380 00:19:08,482 --> 00:19:10,776 {\an8}Or Pep Pep. 381 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,319 {\an8}He looks great. 382 00:19:12,361 --> 00:19:14,947 And the award goes to... 383 00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:20,202 Grandma Stein. 384 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:26,708 Just start moving her. She'll wake up. 385 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,710 Honey, I need to go to the bathroom. 386 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:30,170 Right now? Can it wait? 387 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,922 It's kind of an emergency. 388 00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:34,800 The turtle's starting to poke its head out of the shell. 389 00:19:34,842 --> 00:19:36,844 Whatever. This is so typical. 390 00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,887 One more round of applause for Grandma. 391 00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:40,681 Yeah. 392 00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,560 I'm the Best Grandma. 393 00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,395 Oh, my. 394 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:51,567 I am so proud to see you up here becoming a man, watching you... 395 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,569 Okay, thank you, Grandma. You talk too much. 396 00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,696 Hey, we gotta keep this show rolling. 397 00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,698 Thank you, Grandma Stein. Thank you. Thank you. 398 00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,908 We ain't got time for all of that. All right. 399 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,703 The next category... 400 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,955 is Favorite Cousin. 401 00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:12,254 Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize anybody else would be out here. 402 00:20:12,296 --> 00:20:13,839 - I can leave. - No. 403 00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:15,174 No. it's... it's fine. 404 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,885 - Are you sure? - Absolutely. It's fine. 405 00:20:21,138 --> 00:20:24,266 - It's a beautiful night. - Yeah. Yeah. It sure is. 406 00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,395 Have we met? 407 00:20:28,437 --> 00:20:29,396 Really, Mitch? 408 00:20:29,438 --> 00:20:32,566 Our children have been going to school together for quite some time. 409 00:20:32,608 --> 00:20:33,692 I'm Hannah's mum. 410 00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:35,736 Oh, right. Right. 411 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:39,364 Hannah's mom. Right. I'm-I'm sorry. I'm terrible with names. 412 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,742 - All right. That's fine. - Yeah. 413 00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:44,203 Smoking during the ceremony. That's pretty bad of you. 414 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,997 Oh, yeah. Got me. Can you keep a secret? 415 00:20:47,039 --> 00:20:48,790 Well, that depends. Can I join in? 416 00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:50,959 Uh, yeah. Sure. Of course. 417 00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,336 There. 418 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:55,339 Oh, I love it when a man rolls his own. It's so classy. 419 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:58,550 Oh. You want to, uh, take a shot at it yourself? 420 00:20:58,592 --> 00:20:59,885 Absolutely. Thank you. 421 00:20:59,927 --> 00:21:01,762 - Okay. There you go. - All right. 422 00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:04,223 I wouldn't take a look at you and peg you as a smoker. 423 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:09,645 Well, there's a lot of things that you don't know about me, Mitch. 424 00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,495 Wow. 425 00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:29,373 Where did you learn to roll like that? 426 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:32,835 Let's just say I'm pretty good with my mouth. 427 00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:35,337 All right. It's that time. 428 00:21:35,379 --> 00:21:38,423 It's that time to get out your seats and get to the dance floor. 429 00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:41,301 It's time to party. All right! 430 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:46,014 ♪ Have you ever seen a man not afraid to die? ♪ 431 00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:47,641 ♪ Gave his life for a dream ♪ 432 00:21:47,683 --> 00:21:49,518 ♪ Born-hustler so the game conceived ♪ 433 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,520 ♪ A caged beast, but now I'm free ♪ 434 00:21:51,562 --> 00:21:53,522 ♪ How can you blame me? I was born for this ♪ 435 00:21:53,564 --> 00:21:54,690 ♪ The game chose me ♪ 436 00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:57,442 ♪ Now I've been training for this my whole life ♪ 437 00:21:57,484 --> 00:22:00,028 ♪ Carpe diem Seize the moment right ♪ 438 00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:02,114 ♪ We gon turn up and rock plenty ice ♪ 439 00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:05,367 ♪ This is hard time Yeah, I'm about that life ♪ 440 00:22:05,409 --> 00:22:07,870 ♪ I'm a street dude Teach dudes to think quicker ♪ 441 00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:10,581 ♪ Would take over the world, but, yo, I dream bigger ♪ 442 00:22:10,622 --> 00:22:13,000 ♪ Never satisfied I'm trying to be richer ♪ 443 00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:15,544 ♪ And pour out a little bit for those who ain't with us ♪ 444 00:22:15,586 --> 00:22:18,172 ♪ Ready My whole clique since '06 ♪ 445 00:22:18,213 --> 00:22:20,549 ♪ Was on the bottom Now we running this ♪ 446 00:22:20,591 --> 00:22:22,551 ♪ Grind hard when the load gets heavy ♪ 447 00:22:22,593 --> 00:22:24,344 ♪ The money was slow, but now it's ready ♪ 448 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:25,888 ♪ You boys is not ready ♪ 449 00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:27,764 ♪ You boys don't want it with us, so stop lying ♪ 450 00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,975 ♪ Show me a dude caring, I'll show you a boy dying ♪ 451 00:22:30,017 --> 00:22:30,517 ♪ I ain't lying ♪ 452 00:22:30,559 --> 00:22:32,936 ♪ We are self-built, self-made, self-sustained ♪ 453 00:22:32,978 --> 00:22:36,190 ♪ Self-seekers, selfish Yo, I'm trying to get paid ♪ 454 00:22:36,231 --> 00:22:38,108 ♪ Picture me on a stage ♪ 455 00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:40,027 ♪ With 50,000 fans and a riot and a frenzy ♪ 456 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:41,528 ♪ Don't cross me, boy ♪ 457 00:22:41,570 --> 00:22:44,698 ♪ We got a sick and twisted way of coming at you every day ♪ 458 00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:46,742 ♪ Until you see it our way ♪ 459 00:22:46,783 --> 00:22:50,412 ♪ I'm glad we can see eye to eye before somebody had to die ♪ 460 00:22:50,454 --> 00:22:51,747 ♪ Please don't cry ♪ 461 00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:54,541 ♪ It's occasionally necessary to push a dude over the ledge ♪ 462 00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:56,877 ♪ So he can come to his head and know that he's not ready ♪ 463 00:22:56,919 --> 00:22:59,546 ♪ My whole clique since '06 ♪ 464 00:22:59,588 --> 00:23:01,590 ♪ Was on the bottom Now we running this ♪ 465 00:23:01,632 --> 00:23:03,926 ♪ Grind hard when the load gets heavy ♪ 466 00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:07,137 ♪ The money was slow, but now it's ready You boys is not ready ♪ 467 00:23:10,557 --> 00:23:11,850 Hey, Paul, can you get me one of those... 468 00:23:11,892 --> 00:23:14,061 Dirty Detroit Appletini, shaken, not stirred, 469 00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:16,313 hold the OJ, no ice, jizz on the brim? 470 00:23:16,355 --> 00:23:18,357 Have I become that predictable? 471 00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:21,151 - I like a man that sticks to his drink. - Ah. 472 00:23:21,193 --> 00:23:23,737 Oh, there we go. Wow. 473 00:23:23,779 --> 00:23:25,781 Thank you, sir. 474 00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:28,033 Mmm. 475 00:23:29,076 --> 00:23:30,744 Amazing, as always. 476 00:23:30,786 --> 00:23:34,581 And, uh, I detect you might have poured a little extra vodka in there this time. 477 00:23:34,623 --> 00:23:36,416 That's quite the palate you have. 478 00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,210 Well, I am an alcoholic. 479 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:43,715 No, seriously, it's a... it's a problem. 480 00:23:43,757 --> 00:23:45,676 ♪ Is we fucking tonight? Is we fucking tonight? ♪ 481 00:23:45,717 --> 00:23:48,053 - Hey, Hannah. - Hey, Donny. 482 00:23:48,095 --> 00:23:49,513 This party's awesome. 483 00:23:49,555 --> 00:23:51,181 Yeah. Thanks. 484 00:23:51,223 --> 00:23:53,976 ♪ Is we fucking tonight? Is we fucking tonight? ♪ 485 00:23:54,017 --> 00:23:55,644 ♪ Is we fucking tonight? ♪ 486 00:23:55,686 --> 00:23:57,479 Maybe you wanna dance. 487 00:23:57,521 --> 00:23:58,522 Yeah. Sure. 488 00:23:58,564 --> 00:24:01,358 ♪ Is we fucking tonight? I'm ready for somebody ♪ 489 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,360 ♪ Is we fucking tonight? Is we fucking tonight? ♪ 490 00:24:03,402 --> 00:24:04,695 ♪ Is we fucking tonight? ♪ 491 00:24:04,736 --> 00:24:06,947 ♪ I'm ready for somebody Is we fucking tonight? ♪ 492 00:24:06,989 --> 00:24:08,782 - Hi, Mitch. - Oh, hey. 493 00:24:08,824 --> 00:24:12,077 You remember my name? 494 00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:13,745 Of course. Hannah's mom. 495 00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:15,455 You enjoying the party? 496 00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:18,417 Does porridge fuddle in a fortnight? 497 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,626 Uh, I don't... 498 00:24:19,668 --> 00:24:21,795 Yes. Of course. I'm enjoying the party. 499 00:24:21,837 --> 00:24:23,714 Oh, good. Good. Good. 500 00:24:23,755 --> 00:24:26,383 Well, what about you? You seem a lot less stressed. 501 00:24:26,425 --> 00:24:27,759 Yeah. Yeah. I think so. 502 00:24:27,801 --> 00:24:29,887 I think I just need to get a couple of these things in me. 503 00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:31,096 Right. 504 00:24:31,138 --> 00:24:33,765 Hey, I noticed that Donny's out there dancing with Hannah. 505 00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:35,309 She's such a sweet girl. 506 00:24:35,350 --> 00:24:37,269 Yeah, she seems very nice. She's pretty, too. 507 00:24:37,311 --> 00:24:40,022 She is. You know, she just got her period. 508 00:24:40,063 --> 00:24:41,273 Oh, cool. 509 00:24:41,315 --> 00:24:43,025 - Oh, it's such a mess. - Yeah. 510 00:24:43,066 --> 00:24:46,403 So, Mitch, do you have a cellphone? I'd love to give you my number, you know, 511 00:24:46,445 --> 00:24:48,322 just in case the children decide they fancy each other 512 00:24:48,363 --> 00:24:49,781 and we can have a playdate. 513 00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:52,367 Oh, yeah. Of course I've got a cellphone. 514 00:25:02,294 --> 00:25:03,962 Call me. 515 00:25:04,004 --> 00:25:06,089 If you'd like to make a call, 516 00:25:06,131 --> 00:25:08,300 please hang up and try again. 517 00:25:08,342 --> 00:25:12,387 If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator. 518 00:25:14,515 --> 00:25:16,642 Call me. 519 00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,810 You call me. 520 00:25:18,852 --> 00:25:21,438 Um... 521 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,943 Uh, how? I mean, you... you've got my phone. 522 00:25:25,984 --> 00:25:27,444 ♪ Is we fucking tonight? ♪ 523 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,824 - Come here, Donny. - Dude, what the fuck are you doing? 524 00:25:32,866 --> 00:25:35,702 There's two sides right there. We can share, buddy. 525 00:25:35,744 --> 00:25:38,330 No, we can't. Dude, get off. 526 00:25:38,372 --> 00:25:40,999 I'm touching your dick right now. I can literally feel your balls. 527 00:25:41,041 --> 00:25:43,168 - That's you? - Yes. 528 00:25:43,210 --> 00:25:46,296 Boys. I have to go to the bathroom. 529 00:25:46,338 --> 00:25:47,506 - Yeah. - Yeah. 530 00:25:48,549 --> 00:25:49,800 Holy shit, Sam. 531 00:25:49,842 --> 00:25:51,844 Why do you always have to be an asshole? 532 00:25:53,554 --> 00:25:55,681 Oh, my God. 533 00:25:57,724 --> 00:26:00,602 - Gerald, can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah. What's up, Aiymah? 534 00:26:00,644 --> 00:26:02,729 Look, uh, I knew the day would come eventually 535 00:26:02,771 --> 00:26:04,356 where I would have to tell you the truth. 536 00:26:04,398 --> 00:26:06,191 Baby, listen. I was not lying. 537 00:26:06,233 --> 00:26:08,110 A lot of girls like the Cleveland Steamers, 538 00:26:08,151 --> 00:26:10,445 - and I didn't mean to ruin your blanket. - Gerald, I'm not talking about that. 539 00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:13,448 And you know I was feeling that. 540 00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:15,409 Look, my name is not Aiymah. 541 00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:18,412 I'm not who you think I am, okay? I'm actually... 542 00:26:18,453 --> 00:26:20,998 I'm an agent working deep undercover. 543 00:26:21,039 --> 00:26:22,916 I've worked with you for years, Aiymah. 544 00:26:22,958 --> 00:26:24,668 I'm pretty sure I would know 545 00:26:24,710 --> 00:26:27,838 if you was anything other than a fine-ass, sexy-ass, 546 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:32,634 thick-ass, good-looking-ass, fly-ass sexy dancer. 547 00:26:32,676 --> 00:26:36,054 Look, my name is Danny Trejo, and I work for the U.S. government. 548 00:26:36,096 --> 00:26:39,391 The fuck are you talking about? Your name is not Danny Trejo. 549 00:26:39,433 --> 00:26:44,897 Your name is Aiymah Agent, and you are not an agent. 550 00:26:44,938 --> 00:26:47,232 Think about it. 551 00:26:48,817 --> 00:26:50,569 {\an8}Danny Trejo. 552 00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:53,322 Maybe this will clear it up. 553 00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:55,324 What the hell is going on here? 554 00:26:55,365 --> 00:26:57,826 I told you I was undercover. 555 00:26:57,868 --> 00:27:02,915 No. But we... we did... Oh, my God. 556 00:27:02,956 --> 00:27:05,459 There's no time for that now. I have reason to believe 557 00:27:05,501 --> 00:27:09,880 there's a party pooper at this party, and nobody likes a party pooper. 558 00:27:09,922 --> 00:27:12,883 Everybody at this party is in danger. 559 00:27:12,925 --> 00:27:14,426 I need your help. 560 00:27:14,468 --> 00:27:16,595 - Why me? - Isn't it obvious? 561 00:27:16,637 --> 00:27:20,307 I know you're ex-military. I could really use your skills. 562 00:27:41,495 --> 00:27:44,039 Okay, unless I get to punch my mom in the face at the end of this line, 563 00:27:44,081 --> 00:27:46,333 - I don't wanna be here. - Honestly, wax dips are really good 564 00:27:46,375 --> 00:27:49,211 at exfoliating hands and moisturizing your cuticles. 565 00:27:49,253 --> 00:27:51,880 Okay, can I give you a little piece of advice? 566 00:27:51,922 --> 00:27:53,173 You should never fucking say that again. 567 00:27:53,215 --> 00:27:56,218 Oh, wax hands? Hell, yeah, dude. I'm cutting in. Look out. 568 00:27:56,260 --> 00:27:58,387 Whoops. Excuse me. Pardon me. 569 00:27:58,428 --> 00:28:01,390 Yeah, so, uh, you figure out who you're banging yet or what? 570 00:28:01,431 --> 00:28:04,184 - And I'm out of here. - No. Not yet. Fuck is her problem? 571 00:28:04,226 --> 00:28:07,479 Dude, I know the secret you've been hiding from me. 572 00:28:07,521 --> 00:28:09,022 What are you talking about? 573 00:28:09,064 --> 00:28:11,024 Look, I've known for a while, and, honestly, 574 00:28:11,066 --> 00:28:12,651 like, if I'm being honest with you, it's pretty fucked up. 575 00:28:12,693 --> 00:28:14,528 Okay. I've been wanting to tell you for a while. 576 00:28:14,570 --> 00:28:18,574 Save it, man. Save it, okay? I know you're trying to hook up with Michelle. 577 00:28:18,615 --> 00:28:20,617 - What? - Don't even try it with me right now. 578 00:28:20,659 --> 00:28:23,537 I'm being dead serious, okay? You're supposed to be my best friend. 579 00:28:23,579 --> 00:28:25,998 And Michelle is... She's like a sister to me, man. 580 00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:28,458 She is your literal sister. 581 00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:29,918 Exactly. 582 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:31,545 Dude, I'm not trying to hook up with Michelle. 583 00:28:31,587 --> 00:28:34,047 Don't fucking lie to me, man. She's the only girl you talk to ever. 584 00:28:34,089 --> 00:28:36,466 Okay? So either you're trying to hook up with her 585 00:28:36,508 --> 00:28:38,844 or you're fucking gay or something. 586 00:28:38,886 --> 00:28:41,763 Okay, well, I guess you were gonna find out either way. 587 00:28:41,805 --> 00:28:44,474 I am... 588 00:28:44,516 --> 00:28:46,268 into your sister. 589 00:28:46,310 --> 00:28:48,353 I knew it, man. Fuck you, dude. 590 00:28:48,395 --> 00:28:50,439 - Okay, what, you're mad? - Yeah, I'm mad at you, okay? 591 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,317 I'm mad because you lied to me. I don't like being lied to. 592 00:28:53,358 --> 00:28:55,027 Don't lie to me. 593 00:28:55,068 --> 00:28:56,862 Okay. I promise I'll never lie to you again. 594 00:28:56,904 --> 00:28:58,113 - Okay. - All right. 595 00:28:58,155 --> 00:28:59,823 Okay. I can't even stay mad at you. Come on. 596 00:28:59,865 --> 00:29:02,951 And in terms of Michelle, dude, you have my blessing. It's all good. 597 00:29:02,993 --> 00:29:07,247 As long as you treat her with dignity and respect. Okay? 598 00:29:07,289 --> 00:29:09,291 I promise I won't even touch her. 599 00:29:09,333 --> 00:29:10,876 Okay. And a little pro tip for you. 600 00:29:10,918 --> 00:29:12,628 Next time you're out on the dance floor over there, 601 00:29:12,669 --> 00:29:15,172 take a finger... up the butt. Just grazing the surface of it. 602 00:29:15,214 --> 00:29:17,424 She's gonna go crazy. All right? Girls love that. 603 00:29:17,466 --> 00:29:19,051 She's your sister. 604 00:29:19,092 --> 00:29:20,594 {\an8}Nice. 605 00:29:23,639 --> 00:29:27,017 Dude, what's your deal, man? Why are you acting so weird? 606 00:29:27,059 --> 00:29:30,979 We always double-team bitches. Plus, Hannah is a total slut. 607 00:29:31,021 --> 00:29:33,357 Don't call her that, okay? 608 00:29:33,398 --> 00:29:36,902 What else should I call her? You know she got finger blasted watching "Bill Nye"? 609 00:29:36,944 --> 00:29:38,153 Just don't dance with her. 610 00:29:38,195 --> 00:29:40,072 - And why not? - Because. 611 00:29:40,113 --> 00:29:42,533 Oh, does baby Donny fucking "wike" her? 612 00:29:42,574 --> 00:29:44,868 No, dude, I don't like her, dude. I don't like her. 613 00:29:44,910 --> 00:29:47,704 She's just, um... She's just... She's got herpes. 614 00:29:49,373 --> 00:29:52,376 - Oh, makes sense. - Don't tell anyone, all right? 615 00:29:52,417 --> 00:29:53,669 - Oh, don't worry. - Yeah. 616 00:29:53,710 --> 00:29:55,754 - I won't tell a soul. - Yeah. 617 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,340 No. All right. Yeah. 618 00:29:58,382 --> 00:30:01,593 - Love you. - All right. Go get it out there, man. 619 00:30:01,635 --> 00:30:04,012 Fuck, dude. Oh, my God. 620 00:30:07,391 --> 00:30:08,892 Oh, perfect. 621 00:30:08,934 --> 00:30:10,310 Oh, this is the last of 'em. 622 00:30:10,352 --> 00:30:13,355 Well, about damn time the party giveaways arrived. 623 00:30:13,397 --> 00:30:16,149 Open them for me. There should be hats and trophies. 624 00:30:16,191 --> 00:30:17,359 Hoo. 625 00:30:17,401 --> 00:30:20,863 Okay, just do this, all right? I don't have time, okay? 626 00:30:23,282 --> 00:30:25,242 Okay. 627 00:30:25,284 --> 00:30:26,577 Mm. 628 00:30:28,579 --> 00:30:32,207 Mrs. Drucker, I have bad news about the giveaways. 629 00:30:32,249 --> 00:30:33,333 What? 630 00:30:33,375 --> 00:30:37,212 Well, you wanted gold statues, and they are not gold. 631 00:30:37,254 --> 00:30:38,839 They are a shiny purple. 632 00:30:38,881 --> 00:30:40,799 Okay, well, that's upsetting and unfortunate, 633 00:30:40,841 --> 00:30:42,217 but, you know, I'll manage. 634 00:30:42,259 --> 00:30:46,305 Yes, but also the, uh, material, they're not made of metal. 635 00:30:46,346 --> 00:30:49,850 It's actually more of, like, a, uh... a rubberish. 636 00:30:49,892 --> 00:30:51,268 Well, that's strange. 637 00:30:51,310 --> 00:30:53,812 I mean, look, as long as they're functional, I'm sure it's fine, you know. 638 00:30:53,854 --> 00:30:56,857 The kids are young. They're not gonna really care what I give them. 639 00:30:56,899 --> 00:31:00,235 Yeah, but, you know, I think when it was being transported, 640 00:31:00,277 --> 00:31:01,486 - the heat... - Mm-hmm. 641 00:31:01,528 --> 00:31:07,618 ...must have affected the structural, um, foundation 642 00:31:07,659 --> 00:31:08,994 of the rubber. 643 00:31:09,036 --> 00:31:10,746 And also, there's, like... They're attached to the hats. 644 00:31:10,787 --> 00:31:13,290 Okay, just shut up and show me the damn things. 645 00:31:13,332 --> 00:31:15,083 Whoa. 646 00:31:28,096 --> 00:31:30,307 What the fuck is this? 647 00:31:30,349 --> 00:31:32,476 They look... 648 00:31:32,518 --> 00:31:33,769 good. 649 00:31:34,937 --> 00:31:37,564 Oh, my fucking God. 650 00:31:37,606 --> 00:31:39,900 Corsa. Love your dress. 651 00:31:39,942 --> 00:31:41,026 It's purple. 652 00:31:41,068 --> 00:31:42,110 - Yes. - So pretty. 653 00:31:42,152 --> 00:31:44,738 Purple is theme of the night. 654 00:31:44,780 --> 00:31:46,031 Love purple. 655 00:31:46,073 --> 00:31:48,700 Have a good one. Um, we'll see you next weekend. 656 00:31:48,742 --> 00:31:49,826 Thanks. Bye. 657 00:31:49,868 --> 00:31:53,413 Arriverdec. 658 00:32:01,421 --> 00:32:03,757 - Hide these. - They're gigantic. 659 00:32:04,716 --> 00:32:07,177 Figure it the fuck out. 660 00:32:09,388 --> 00:32:13,308 ♪ We got the time The evening is fine ♪ 661 00:32:13,350 --> 00:32:16,812 ♪ And so are you ♪ 662 00:32:16,854 --> 00:32:19,106 Can I get another one of these? 663 00:32:19,147 --> 00:32:21,233 I love you. God hope... 664 00:32:21,275 --> 00:32:24,027 God hopes that you end up looking like me. 665 00:32:24,069 --> 00:32:27,573 Because, trust me, 666 00:32:27,614 --> 00:32:30,617 there's a lot of men who wanna fuck me. 667 00:32:34,955 --> 00:32:38,125 Hey, gang, you know what would be a swell, swell idea? 668 00:32:38,166 --> 00:32:41,753 Is if we finish our drinks over a game of "Never Have I Ever." 669 00:32:41,795 --> 00:32:44,756 Oh, that's fab. I Iove that idea. 670 00:32:44,798 --> 00:32:47,384 I'll start. Um, all right. Let's see. 671 00:32:47,426 --> 00:32:50,137 Never have I ever had an affair. 672 00:32:50,179 --> 00:32:53,557 Well, Nancy and I aren't staying sober for this game. 673 00:32:56,727 --> 00:33:01,690 Me next. Okay. Um, never have I ever... 674 00:33:01,732 --> 00:33:03,317 eaten out a girl before. 675 00:33:03,358 --> 00:33:05,235 Well, that's not really fair to the guys, hon. 676 00:33:05,277 --> 00:33:08,739 Okay, fine. Um, if you're a guy, never have I ever blown a guy. 677 00:33:08,780 --> 00:33:10,282 It's still not fair. 678 00:33:10,324 --> 00:33:13,785 Mrs. Wang. Mrs. Wang, you scoundrel. 679 00:33:13,827 --> 00:33:16,163 Honey, are you serious? When did this happen? 680 00:33:16,205 --> 00:33:19,124 - I was drunk and in high school. - Keep it in high school. 681 00:33:19,166 --> 00:33:20,959 Mr. Wang, it's your turn. 682 00:33:21,001 --> 00:33:23,629 Okay. Um... 683 00:33:23,670 --> 00:33:26,048 Never have I ever... 684 00:33:28,175 --> 00:33:31,220 had sauerkraut. 685 00:33:32,846 --> 00:33:34,890 Ow! My glasses. 686 00:33:34,932 --> 00:33:38,810 Fucking wild. That's not how you play. Mrs. Wang, you're next. 687 00:33:38,852 --> 00:33:44,233 Oh, okay. Um, never have I ever... 688 00:33:44,274 --> 00:33:45,817 done anal. 689 00:33:45,859 --> 00:33:48,487 Are you serious? You've never done anal? 690 00:33:48,529 --> 00:33:52,991 Oh! It is the... It is the best. It's amazing. Tell 'em, Nance. 691 00:33:53,033 --> 00:33:54,535 I hate it. 692 00:33:56,703 --> 00:33:57,829 It's incredible. 693 00:33:57,871 --> 00:34:00,499 Oh, my God. I love this game. Who's next? Gary? 694 00:34:00,541 --> 00:34:03,210 Never have I ever watched my brother masturbate. 695 00:34:03,252 --> 00:34:05,504 - Oh. - Shit. 696 00:34:05,546 --> 00:34:06,672 {\an8}Rad. 697 00:34:06,713 --> 00:34:07,881 You're really a soft touch. 698 00:34:07,923 --> 00:34:09,466 - Hey, Bobby. - Hey, sweetie. 699 00:34:09,507 --> 00:34:12,052 - Listen. I got to ask you something. - Yeah. 700 00:34:12,094 --> 00:34:13,846 It might be kind of a stupid question. 701 00:34:13,887 --> 00:34:17,516 But back there, um, you used a condom, right? 702 00:34:17,558 --> 00:34:19,434 Uh, yeah, that is a stupid question. 703 00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:21,645 Okay. Good. All right. 704 00:34:21,687 --> 00:34:23,522 It's a load off my mind. 705 00:34:23,563 --> 00:34:25,357 Look, I cannot stop thinking about you. 706 00:34:25,399 --> 00:34:29,027 You and I did stuff that, like, I haven't even seen in the weirdest porn. 707 00:34:29,069 --> 00:34:32,281 You, like, put a plunger into my butthole, so... 708 00:34:32,322 --> 00:34:34,032 - I was like... - Awesome. 709 00:34:34,074 --> 00:34:35,242 Yeah. I did do that. 710 00:34:35,284 --> 00:34:38,661 So I think we should probably just clarify that that was a onetime thing. 711 00:34:38,704 --> 00:34:41,790 You know? Just, uh, one-and-done kind of thing. 712 00:34:41,831 --> 00:34:43,917 - Yeah, I think I'm in love with you. - Oh. Okay. 713 00:34:43,958 --> 00:34:45,127 Here's the thing. 714 00:34:45,168 --> 00:34:51,216 Um, I am a mature woman, Bobby, and you are a child. 715 00:34:51,257 --> 00:34:52,301 - A man. - Child. 716 00:34:52,342 --> 00:34:53,302 - I'm a man. - Okay. 717 00:34:53,342 --> 00:34:56,972 I'm an adult man, and I can handle anything you throw my way. 718 00:34:57,014 --> 00:34:58,473 - I see. - You know? 719 00:34:58,515 --> 00:35:00,767 - Okay. - Are we done? 720 00:35:01,935 --> 00:35:03,187 Oh, my God. 721 00:35:03,228 --> 00:35:04,730 Do you wanna dance later? 722 00:35:04,771 --> 00:35:05,814 - I don't. - Okay. 723 00:35:05,856 --> 00:35:07,691 But I'm gonna go over there anyway. You can stay here. 724 00:35:07,733 --> 00:35:10,027 - I'll get you for one of the slow dances. - Don't. 725 00:35:10,068 --> 00:35:12,112 Um... 726 00:35:13,822 --> 00:35:16,909 Never have I ever put a Denver omelet up my ass. 727 00:35:18,911 --> 00:35:20,245 Goddamn it. 728 00:35:21,246 --> 00:35:22,956 Okay, have you guys seen Mitch anywhere? 729 00:35:22,998 --> 00:35:24,875 I have been looking all over for him. 730 00:35:24,917 --> 00:35:26,543 No, I haven't seen him. 731 00:35:26,585 --> 00:35:28,378 Well, this is just great. I can't find my husband. 732 00:35:28,420 --> 00:35:30,672 Gerald's nowhere to be found. Everything's a fucking mess. 733 00:35:30,714 --> 00:35:32,966 Relax, Sherryl. Everyone's having a good time. 734 00:35:33,008 --> 00:35:33,967 Yeah! 735 00:35:34,009 --> 00:35:36,845 No. Snowball was supposed to start 30 minutes ago. 736 00:35:36,887 --> 00:35:40,557 Okay, does anyone have a cellphone I can use? I need to call him. 737 00:35:40,599 --> 00:35:41,850 Okay. 738 00:35:41,892 --> 00:35:44,728 Useless piece of shit. 739 00:35:46,271 --> 00:35:48,690 Oh, I love this song! 740 00:35:51,443 --> 00:35:52,569 Oh! 741 00:36:05,749 --> 00:36:07,709 Ooh! 742 00:36:11,171 --> 00:36:13,298 Oh, look. I found Mitch's phone. 743 00:36:13,340 --> 00:36:14,842 Oh! 744 00:36:14,883 --> 00:36:16,218 - Oh, it's right here. - Here it is. 745 00:36:16,260 --> 00:36:18,929 Of course. Only Mitch would be stupid enough to leave it under a plate. 746 00:36:18,971 --> 00:36:21,849 Who does that? Get it together, Sherryl. 747 00:36:21,890 --> 00:36:24,518 All right, all you beautiful people out there. 748 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:28,397 Let's cool it down here with my favorite part of the night. 749 00:36:28,438 --> 00:36:31,650 A Snowball dance. 750 00:36:31,692 --> 00:36:34,611 {\an8}♪ Can you make me go ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh? ♪ 751 00:36:34,653 --> 00:36:37,197 {\an8}♪ Do you think you can touch me in my hot spot? ♪ 752 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,491 {\an8}♪ I wanna know do you wanna spend the night ♪ 753 00:36:39,533 --> 00:36:43,871 {\an8}♪ So we can make love on the floor ♪ 754 00:36:43,912 --> 00:36:47,541 {\an8}♪ Yes, with you all night ♪ 755 00:36:50,169 --> 00:36:52,004 Sorry your parents are getting a divorce. 756 00:36:52,045 --> 00:36:54,089 Yeah. I finally convinced them. 757 00:36:54,131 --> 00:36:55,716 God, you're so lucky. 758 00:36:55,757 --> 00:36:58,302 I mean, I wish my parents would just get divorced already. 759 00:36:58,343 --> 00:37:00,470 Why? They look really happy. 760 00:37:00,512 --> 00:37:02,556 Yeah, that's just my mom's Botox. 761 00:37:02,598 --> 00:37:06,143 My parents haven't even as little as, like, held hands in a decade. 762 00:37:06,185 --> 00:37:07,477 Oh, that sucks. 763 00:37:07,519 --> 00:37:09,521 I mean, your dad's really hot. I would hold his hand. 764 00:37:09,563 --> 00:37:11,523 That's really fucking gross, man. 765 00:37:15,903 --> 00:37:17,613 Oh, what the fuck? 766 00:37:17,654 --> 00:37:20,199 Jesus Christ. What the fuck is he doing? 767 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:23,869 You know Bobby. I have no idea. 768 00:37:23,911 --> 00:37:25,704 - Hey. Bobby. - Yeah. 769 00:37:25,746 --> 00:37:27,456 - We need to talk. - Hey. 770 00:37:27,497 --> 00:37:30,626 Holy shit. Your tits are huge. 771 00:37:30,667 --> 00:37:31,877 - Aren't they? - Yeah. 772 00:37:31,919 --> 00:37:33,879 Yeah. Because I'm pregnant. 773 00:37:33,921 --> 00:37:37,424 Hey. Wow. Very cool. Mazel. Mazel. 774 00:37:37,466 --> 00:37:38,425 - No. - That's cool. 775 00:37:38,467 --> 00:37:40,844 Mazel... No. You're the father, Bobby. 776 00:37:43,138 --> 00:37:44,806 Ah, de-de-de. Come here. 777 00:37:44,848 --> 00:37:46,600 - What the fuck? - What are you doing? 778 00:37:46,642 --> 00:37:49,603 Bobby, how did this happen? You told me you used a condom. 779 00:37:49,645 --> 00:37:52,397 - Uh, no, I didn't. - Uh, yeah, you did. 780 00:37:52,439 --> 00:37:54,274 I said, "Did you use a condom?" 781 00:37:54,316 --> 00:37:56,026 and you said that was a stupid question. 782 00:37:56,068 --> 00:37:59,571 Yeah, because that is a stupid question. A condom? What, am I 11? 783 00:37:59,613 --> 00:38:01,740 Wow. Do you have any idea what you've done? 784 00:38:01,782 --> 00:38:03,951 Yeah. I fucked a kid into your stomach. 785 00:38:03,992 --> 00:38:06,286 This is... This is incredible. 786 00:38:06,328 --> 00:38:08,330 Okay, look, I've always wanted to be a dad. 787 00:38:08,372 --> 00:38:11,500 Okay? So, like, this is cool with me, you know. 788 00:38:11,542 --> 00:38:14,878 And, plus, I've always wanted to have a son named Squirtle. 789 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,506 Wow. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. 790 00:38:17,548 --> 00:38:21,718 You're not gonna have any part of this child's life. Okay? 791 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:24,179 Whoa, whoa. Hey, wait. What are you talking about? 792 00:38:24,221 --> 00:38:26,390 I'm gonna be a great dad. I'm gonna be a great dad. 793 00:38:26,431 --> 00:38:30,310 - No. Absolutely not. No, no, no. - Fuck. Susie. Susie. 794 00:38:31,353 --> 00:38:33,564 Squirtle. 795 00:38:41,530 --> 00:38:43,574 Slow dancing is so awkward. 796 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:46,410 Yeah. 797 00:38:48,579 --> 00:38:52,624 It's like... What are we even supposed to talk about? 798 00:38:52,666 --> 00:38:54,126 I don't know. 799 00:39:01,425 --> 00:39:05,345 So, um, how are you doing in school this year? 800 00:39:05,387 --> 00:39:07,639 I don't know. Fine, I guess. Why? 801 00:39:07,681 --> 00:39:09,808 I don't know. I was just wondering. 802 00:39:29,328 --> 00:39:32,372 How do you like this song? Sugar tits. 803 00:39:32,414 --> 00:39:34,833 - What did you just say? - I'm so sorry. No, no. I just... I just... 804 00:39:34,875 --> 00:39:37,294 Did you just call me sugar tits? 805 00:39:37,336 --> 00:39:39,379 Maybe. Maybe. But I really don't remember what I said. 806 00:39:39,421 --> 00:39:41,131 - It wasn't anything like... - Donny. 807 00:39:41,173 --> 00:39:44,092 My dad used to call me that. 808 00:39:53,852 --> 00:39:57,564 And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, 809 00:39:57,606 --> 00:40:01,485 it's time to get funky! 810 00:40:05,781 --> 00:40:08,242 Wait. Don't... Don't you wanna stay and dance? 811 00:40:08,283 --> 00:40:11,745 Not to this. Go tell them to change it back to good music. 812 00:40:11,787 --> 00:40:12,955 Yeah. 813 00:40:26,218 --> 00:40:27,719 Let's go dance. 814 00:40:33,433 --> 00:40:34,685 No. 815 00:40:42,234 --> 00:40:45,070 - Whoo! - What's going on? 816 00:40:45,112 --> 00:40:46,363 Uh-uh. 817 00:40:46,405 --> 00:40:48,365 Mom. Mom. 818 00:40:48,407 --> 00:40:50,033 Can we change the music back to my music? 819 00:40:50,075 --> 00:40:52,369 What? Donny. You've had your music on the whole night. 820 00:40:52,411 --> 00:40:54,454 Us adults need to celebrate your party, too. 821 00:40:54,496 --> 00:40:55,914 I suggest you walk away and find your friends. 822 00:40:55,956 --> 00:40:57,875 Okay, but, look, I don't even know where they went. Okay? 823 00:40:57,916 --> 00:40:59,877 And this is my party, and I haven't even gotten to, like... 824 00:40:59,918 --> 00:41:02,421 Okay, this conversation is over. 825 00:41:02,462 --> 00:41:03,964 Thank you. 826 00:41:04,006 --> 00:41:05,716 - Whoo! - Whoo! 827 00:41:05,757 --> 00:41:07,551 Great party, too. 828 00:41:07,593 --> 00:41:09,511 Ohh! 829 00:41:11,054 --> 00:41:12,931 What a bunch of hypocrites. 830 00:41:12,973 --> 00:41:14,892 Oh. And why are they hypocrites? 831 00:41:14,933 --> 00:41:17,352 They spend their whole lives telling us to grow up. 832 00:41:17,394 --> 00:41:19,438 How are we supposed to know how to grow up when they act like this? 833 00:41:19,479 --> 00:41:23,066 Is this what being an adult is like? Acting like a drunken child? 834 00:41:23,108 --> 00:41:26,069 You are just a ray of sunshine, aren't you? 835 00:41:26,111 --> 00:41:27,487 Yeah. 836 00:41:27,529 --> 00:41:29,072 Okay. 837 00:41:29,114 --> 00:41:31,283 Since when do you smoke? 838 00:41:31,325 --> 00:41:33,327 Since I found out my dad does. 839 00:41:33,368 --> 00:41:36,413 Your dad smokes? Oh, my God. That's so fucking hot. 840 00:41:36,455 --> 00:41:38,081 - Yeah. Yeah he smokes. - Oh, my God. 841 00:41:38,123 --> 00:41:39,917 And it's not hot. My dad is not hot. 842 00:41:39,958 --> 00:41:43,962 He's a degenerate, Appletini-drinking narcissist. 843 00:41:44,004 --> 00:41:46,256 He drinks Appletinis? 844 00:41:46,298 --> 00:41:50,093 Yes. I mean, I'm sure he needs it to put up with my bitch of a mother. 845 00:41:50,135 --> 00:41:52,137 Michelle, it's always a pleasure talking to you. 846 00:41:52,179 --> 00:41:54,348 Just kidding. You're a bitch. But, uh, if you don't mind, 847 00:41:54,389 --> 00:41:57,184 I'm going to actually try and enjoy my evening. 848 00:41:57,226 --> 00:41:59,686 Uh, so excuse me. 849 00:42:02,064 --> 00:42:04,233 Ow! My glasses! 850 00:42:05,234 --> 00:42:06,818 Can I trust you? 851 00:42:06,860 --> 00:42:08,445 No. 852 00:42:09,238 --> 00:42:10,239 Fine. 853 00:42:15,285 --> 00:42:18,121 Holy shit. 854 00:42:18,163 --> 00:42:21,250 So, who is this Party Pooper? 855 00:42:21,291 --> 00:42:23,794 Well, he goes by the name of Vaal Dh'o. 856 00:42:23,836 --> 00:42:25,629 Vaal Dh'o? 857 00:42:25,671 --> 00:42:27,297 I thought he was a myth. 858 00:42:27,339 --> 00:42:32,135 No. The story goes he was a foreign exchange student from Russia. 859 00:42:32,177 --> 00:42:35,806 At 13, he was invited to his first big party, 860 00:42:35,848 --> 00:42:37,641 and nobody knows why or how it happened. 861 00:42:37,683 --> 00:42:40,060 But halfway through the night, he shit his pants. 862 00:42:40,102 --> 00:42:41,562 - No! - Yeah. 863 00:42:41,603 --> 00:42:43,397 Three people died that night, 864 00:42:43,438 --> 00:42:45,732 and he hasn't been invited to a bar mitzvah since. 865 00:42:45,774 --> 00:42:48,402 So now he spends his days taking vengeance 866 00:42:48,443 --> 00:42:52,656 on all the parties he wasn't able to enjoy by being a party pooper. 867 00:42:52,698 --> 00:42:54,992 What a monster. 868 00:42:55,033 --> 00:42:56,577 You gotta help me find him. 869 00:42:56,618 --> 00:42:59,162 He's already shat at two bar mitzvahs this month. 870 00:42:59,204 --> 00:43:01,498 Now you know how serious this is. 871 00:43:01,540 --> 00:43:03,375 Okay. Okay. 872 00:43:03,417 --> 00:43:05,878 So, do we have any idea what this man looks like? 873 00:43:05,919 --> 00:43:07,171 Any other leads? 874 00:43:07,212 --> 00:43:08,797 Unfortunately, he's a master of blending in, 875 00:43:08,839 --> 00:43:12,426 so it's hard to locate him, but we know he has poor vision and a bad knee. 876 00:43:12,467 --> 00:43:15,345 Poor vision. Bad knee. 877 00:43:15,387 --> 00:43:16,638 Yeah. 878 00:43:17,598 --> 00:43:18,974 Hold on a sec. 879 00:43:19,016 --> 00:43:20,392 Wait. 880 00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,149 Suicide prevention. Please hold. 881 00:43:27,191 --> 00:43:28,358 Hoo-ah! 882 00:43:41,580 --> 00:43:44,374 No sandwiches when I get home. I want a hot meal! 883 00:43:44,416 --> 00:43:46,502 - Ouch! You're hurting me! - Shut up, Karen! 884 00:43:46,543 --> 00:43:48,545 - Daddy, stop! - I said shut up! 885 00:43:48,587 --> 00:43:51,715 - You're hurting me! - I said shut the fuck up! 886 00:43:57,429 --> 00:43:59,640 Prick it. Pull it. Fuck it. 887 00:44:03,393 --> 00:44:05,187 Oh, my God, Gerald. You're actually doing it. 888 00:44:05,229 --> 00:44:07,022 You've got mail. 889 00:44:22,871 --> 00:44:24,831 Holy shit, Gerald. You did it. This is our guy. 890 00:44:24,873 --> 00:44:26,458 Well, what now? 891 00:44:26,500 --> 00:44:29,294 It's time we get Vaal Dh'o. 892 00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,217 Bobby, please, okay? I really need your help. 893 00:45:17,259 --> 00:45:20,137 All right? We need to find a way to change the music back to my music. 894 00:45:20,179 --> 00:45:21,889 Donny, I can't deal with this shit right now. 895 00:45:21,930 --> 00:45:24,600 I'm serious. All right? So just go bother Michelle or something. 896 00:45:24,641 --> 00:45:25,601 Please. Yeah? 897 00:45:25,642 --> 00:45:28,228 - All right. Yeah. Yeah. - Please. Thank you. 898 00:45:30,272 --> 00:45:32,107 Bobby, what are you doing at my table? 899 00:45:32,149 --> 00:45:35,527 Susie. Hey. How you doing? Uh, I gotta talk to you. 900 00:45:35,569 --> 00:45:37,446 No. We have nothing to talk about. 901 00:45:37,487 --> 00:45:39,656 - I wanna be Squirtle's dad. - Oh, my God. 902 00:45:39,698 --> 00:45:42,576 I do. I wanna raise him as my own. He's our son. 903 00:45:42,618 --> 00:45:47,581 That deejay is a talent. Oh, my God. He's a gift from the heavens. 904 00:45:47,623 --> 00:45:51,460 So, uh, what are you two people talking about over here? 905 00:45:51,502 --> 00:45:53,545 Nothing. Bobby was just leaving. 906 00:45:53,587 --> 00:45:55,589 Oh, come on, I just got here. Bobby, don't go. 907 00:45:55,631 --> 00:45:57,925 Yeah, Susie, why is Bobby leaving? Huh? 908 00:45:57,966 --> 00:46:01,929 I mean, I think that I should be able to stay here and hang out with Gary. 909 00:46:01,970 --> 00:46:03,764 - Don't you? - Yeah, Suse, I agree. 910 00:46:03,805 --> 00:46:05,349 I think I should make the choice myself. 911 00:46:05,390 --> 00:46:08,936 Yeah. Well, you know, what I think is best for Gary 912 00:46:08,977 --> 00:46:13,190 is if you weren't here 'cause you don't know the first thing about Gary. 913 00:46:13,232 --> 00:46:16,401 Okay, yeah, well, be that as it may, I mean, I can still learn, couldn't I? 914 00:46:16,443 --> 00:46:18,403 - Just kind of like you did. - Yeah. I learned. 915 00:46:18,445 --> 00:46:23,033 After many, many sleepless nights because Gary is up all night crying. 916 00:46:23,075 --> 00:46:25,369 Suse, I wasn't... I guess I was crying. 917 00:46:25,410 --> 00:46:28,956 Look, do you know how many fucking diapers Gary goes through in one day? 918 00:46:28,997 --> 00:46:30,958 Suse, that is private. That is off-limits. 919 00:46:30,999 --> 00:46:32,626 By the way, Bobby, I'm down to five. 920 00:46:32,668 --> 00:46:36,255 Consider this a favor, okay? Nobody wants a Gary. 921 00:46:36,296 --> 00:46:38,465 All right? There's nothing fun about Gary. 922 00:46:38,507 --> 00:46:39,967 I like to clean out the tub. 923 00:46:40,008 --> 00:46:42,010 Well, look, if you hate Gary so much, 924 00:46:42,052 --> 00:46:44,137 then maybe you should just get rid of him, right? 925 00:46:44,179 --> 00:46:46,723 Yeah, I would if I could. I think it's a little too late now. 926 00:46:46,765 --> 00:46:48,183 I don't think so. 927 00:46:48,225 --> 00:46:53,188 All right. What the heckity heck heck heck heck heck hell is going on here? 928 00:46:54,815 --> 00:46:56,316 Gary, I'm pregnant. 929 00:46:58,026 --> 00:46:59,987 What? 930 00:47:00,028 --> 00:47:01,321 It's a baby, Gary. 931 00:47:01,363 --> 00:47:04,658 A baby? That's what that is. Pregnant? 932 00:47:04,700 --> 00:47:09,955 Oh, my God. This is... I'm numb, yet I'm... yet I'm so full of life. 933 00:47:09,997 --> 00:47:12,624 I'm over the moon, yet I'm under the stars. 934 00:47:12,666 --> 00:47:14,293 Look, uh, congratulations, you guys. 935 00:47:14,334 --> 00:47:16,545 - Thank you so much. - I am so, so happy 936 00:47:16,587 --> 00:47:18,630 for the thing that you guys did together. 937 00:47:18,672 --> 00:47:20,924 Alone. Just the two of you. 938 00:47:20,966 --> 00:47:22,968 Yeah. Congrats, guys. I'll see you out there. 939 00:47:23,010 --> 00:47:24,761 We'll see you out there. 940 00:47:26,889 --> 00:47:29,516 Honey, this is amazing. I mean... 941 00:47:29,558 --> 00:47:32,227 It's a miracle. I don't think we've had sex in years. 942 00:47:34,354 --> 00:47:36,356 Dude, dude, check it out. 943 00:47:37,900 --> 00:47:40,903 - Ooh! - So hot. 944 00:47:40,944 --> 00:47:43,447 Holy shit. 945 00:47:43,488 --> 00:47:46,700 - That was really fucking hot. - Hell, yeah. 946 00:47:46,742 --> 00:47:49,036 Okay. Um... 947 00:47:49,077 --> 00:47:51,079 - I think it's called a dyke. - Capowitz. 948 00:47:51,121 --> 00:47:52,956 Truth or dare. 949 00:47:52,998 --> 00:47:54,583 Um, truth. 950 00:47:54,625 --> 00:47:56,210 Pussy. 951 00:47:56,251 --> 00:47:57,711 Oh, my God. 952 00:47:57,753 --> 00:47:59,963 Okay. Is it true that you've got a big dick? 953 00:48:00,005 --> 00:48:01,298 Wait. What? 954 00:48:01,340 --> 00:48:05,010 Rumor is you have a big dick. Is it true? 955 00:48:05,052 --> 00:48:07,054 I don't know. I... I guess so. 956 00:48:07,095 --> 00:48:08,805 You're a liar, Capowitz. 957 00:48:08,847 --> 00:48:10,390 Wait. What? 958 00:48:10,432 --> 00:48:12,935 - Show us your dick! - Show us your dick! 959 00:48:12,976 --> 00:48:15,354 Show us your dick! 960 00:48:15,395 --> 00:48:17,064 Show us your dick! 961 00:48:17,105 --> 00:48:18,857 Show us your dick! 962 00:48:18,899 --> 00:48:20,400 Show us your dick! 963 00:48:20,442 --> 00:48:22,569 I'm not showing you all my dick. I'm out of here. 964 00:48:22,611 --> 00:48:25,656 - Aw! - Pussy! 965 00:48:25,697 --> 00:48:27,533 Oh, shit! 966 00:48:27,574 --> 00:48:31,036 Oh, what are you, some sort of monster? 967 00:48:31,078 --> 00:48:33,539 That's gotta be at least three and a half inches. 968 00:48:33,580 --> 00:48:36,208 Geez. Pull your pants up. 969 00:48:36,250 --> 00:48:38,043 Oh ho ho ho! 970 00:48:38,085 --> 00:48:40,170 Oh, yes! 971 00:48:40,212 --> 00:48:42,130 Yes! 972 00:48:42,172 --> 00:48:43,924 Let's fucking do it! 973 00:48:43,966 --> 00:48:45,551 What's that? What do I have to do? 974 00:48:45,592 --> 00:48:48,846 You have to do a beer bong up your ass. 975 00:48:48,887 --> 00:48:50,472 Yeah! 976 00:48:50,514 --> 00:48:52,474 Yeah, baby. It is amazing. 977 00:48:52,516 --> 00:48:56,186 Trust me. You will get totally messed up, guaranteed. 978 00:48:56,228 --> 00:48:57,896 What, are you crazy? I'm not doing that. 979 00:48:57,938 --> 00:49:00,858 I know it might seem weird for a person from your country, 980 00:49:00,899 --> 00:49:03,277 but it's very common practice here in America. 981 00:49:03,318 --> 00:49:06,780 I am an American. I'm from Jersey. This is not common practice. 982 00:49:06,822 --> 00:49:09,157 Come on. Don't be such a stiff. 983 00:49:09,199 --> 00:49:12,077 Get off of me. Who the hell made this stupid game? 984 00:49:12,119 --> 00:49:14,204 Uh, I did. 985 00:49:14,246 --> 00:49:15,914 You know what? I tried. 986 00:49:15,956 --> 00:49:18,041 I tried really hard to go along with the night, 987 00:49:18,083 --> 00:49:21,003 but you people are sick in the head. 988 00:49:21,044 --> 00:49:23,922 Drinking beer through your ass? Seriously? 989 00:49:23,964 --> 00:49:27,593 This isn't a party. This is a whorehouse. 990 00:49:27,634 --> 00:49:30,554 My wife and I will be leaving now. Come on, honey. Let's go. 991 00:49:30,596 --> 00:49:31,972 - I'll do it. - What? 992 00:49:32,014 --> 00:49:34,224 I'll boof the beer. 993 00:49:34,266 --> 00:49:37,144 All right! Step right on over! 994 00:49:37,186 --> 00:49:38,770 Okay, I need your... 995 00:49:38,812 --> 00:49:41,607 - Now, you may feel a slight pinch. - Okay. 996 00:49:41,648 --> 00:49:43,609 Oh! 997 00:49:43,650 --> 00:49:45,652 Oh! 998 00:50:02,294 --> 00:50:04,463 Wow. 999 00:50:04,505 --> 00:50:05,881 Mazel Tov. 1000 00:50:12,930 --> 00:50:16,934 Mrs. Wang, you're a fucking legend. 1001 00:50:16,975 --> 00:50:18,143 Who's next? 1002 00:50:18,185 --> 00:50:21,021 Ohhh! 1003 00:50:22,689 --> 00:50:24,525 "Tell your kid he's adopted." 1004 00:50:24,566 --> 00:50:27,361 Yes, Gary. That one's for you, bro. 1005 00:50:27,402 --> 00:50:28,987 - I can't wait. - Where's Sam? 1006 00:50:29,029 --> 00:50:30,364 Sammy. 1007 00:50:35,494 --> 00:50:38,872 Ooh. Ooh. 1008 00:50:38,914 --> 00:50:41,750 All right. Let's get this over with. 1009 00:50:41,792 --> 00:50:44,461 I heard she has pubes. 1010 00:50:44,503 --> 00:50:47,798 Okay, look, I can't do this. I'm gonna pass. 1011 00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:51,677 You pass, you leave. We all have to play by the same rules, Sam. 1012 00:50:51,718 --> 00:50:55,931 I'm not gonna do this, okay? It's not fair, in my point of view. 1013 00:50:55,973 --> 00:50:59,184 You know why? 'Cause we all know Hannah has herpes. 1014 00:50:59,226 --> 00:51:02,312 And that means if I kiss her, I'm gonna have herpes, 1015 00:51:02,354 --> 00:51:05,357 and I'm gonna die, okay? Kick the bucket. 1016 00:51:05,399 --> 00:51:07,192 I don't have herpes. 1017 00:51:07,234 --> 00:51:09,278 Stop lying. We all know you do, man. 1018 00:51:09,319 --> 00:51:13,365 Hey, Donny. Yo, my boy. Hannah has herpes, right? 1019 00:51:13,407 --> 00:51:14,950 What? 1020 00:51:14,992 --> 00:51:18,203 You said Hannah has herpes and I shouldn't dance with her. 1021 00:51:18,245 --> 00:51:20,956 What the fuck? Why are you telling people I have herpes? 1022 00:51:20,998 --> 00:51:23,667 Um, I can explain. I did tell Sam that you have herpes, 1023 00:51:23,709 --> 00:51:25,669 but that's just because I didn't want him to dance with you. 1024 00:51:25,711 --> 00:51:28,380 - What the hell is your problem? - Um, that came out wrong. 1025 00:51:28,422 --> 00:51:31,008 I just... I wasn't ready to tell Sam that you and I are, you know, 1026 00:51:31,049 --> 00:51:33,302 boyfriend and girlfriend, so I just said the first thing that came to my head 1027 00:51:33,343 --> 00:51:36,346 - so he wouldn't dance with you. - What are you talking about? 1028 00:51:36,388 --> 00:51:39,391 We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. 1029 00:51:39,433 --> 00:51:42,686 What, are... are you breaking up with me? 1030 00:51:42,728 --> 00:51:46,023 No. We were never boyfriend, girlfriend. Are you crazy? 1031 00:51:46,064 --> 00:51:48,901 But last night on AOL, you said you'd be my girlfriend. 1032 00:51:48,942 --> 00:51:51,195 No, I didn't. That never happened. 1033 00:51:51,236 --> 00:51:54,281 You said "I knew I loved you before I met you." 1034 00:51:54,323 --> 00:51:57,868 Donny, that's my "away" message. 1035 00:51:57,910 --> 00:51:59,620 What? 1036 00:51:59,661 --> 00:52:02,372 You know. The automatic response when I'm away from my computer. 1037 00:52:02,414 --> 00:52:04,374 I know what an "away" message is. 1038 00:52:04,416 --> 00:52:06,835 And by the way, that's a weird "away" message to have. 1039 00:52:06,877 --> 00:52:09,004 It's a song... 1040 00:52:09,046 --> 00:52:10,380 by Savage Garden. 1041 00:52:10,422 --> 00:52:12,257 - Ooh! - Ooh! 1042 00:52:12,299 --> 00:52:15,385 So, you, uh, don't wanna be my girlfriend? 1043 00:52:15,427 --> 00:52:16,428 Ooh! 1044 00:52:16,470 --> 00:52:17,804 Be your girlfriend? 1045 00:52:17,846 --> 00:52:20,432 You told everyone I have herpes. You can go fuck yourself. 1046 00:52:20,474 --> 00:52:22,476 Oh, Donny, come on. 1047 00:52:22,518 --> 00:52:24,686 It was a mistake. I said I'm sorry. 1048 00:52:24,728 --> 00:52:27,439 I don't care if you're sorry. You're an asshole. 1049 00:52:27,481 --> 00:52:29,233 I would never go out with you in a million years. 1050 00:52:29,274 --> 00:52:31,610 - Ohh! - Ooh! 1051 00:52:31,652 --> 00:52:34,571 Okay, yeah, well, at least I didn't get finger blasted 1052 00:52:34,613 --> 00:52:36,240 watching "Bill Nye the Science Guy." 1053 00:52:36,281 --> 00:52:38,200 - Ohh! - Ohh! 1054 00:52:38,242 --> 00:52:40,410 Hello! Hello! 1055 00:52:40,452 --> 00:52:42,287 - Ooh! - Shit! 1056 00:52:42,329 --> 00:52:44,748 - What the fuck? - Fuck you, Donny. 1057 00:52:44,790 --> 00:52:47,125 Ooh. 1058 00:52:49,670 --> 00:52:52,089 Dude, he's got a boner. 1059 00:52:52,130 --> 00:52:54,842 So, um... 1060 00:52:54,883 --> 00:52:58,846 I-I-I don't really know what to say here. 1061 00:53:00,806 --> 00:53:02,516 Does she or doesn't... 1062 00:53:04,226 --> 00:53:06,144 Oh, fuck. 1063 00:53:09,314 --> 00:53:11,358 Yo, I think I just found the giveaways. 1064 00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:13,652 Hey, yo, bro, maybe we shouldn't touch those. 1065 00:53:16,154 --> 00:53:17,573 What is it? 1066 00:53:17,614 --> 00:53:20,367 Really? You don't know what it is. 1067 00:53:22,202 --> 00:53:23,328 - It's a head sword. - Really? 1068 00:53:23,370 --> 00:53:26,290 I wanna get one of these. Everybody get one. 1069 00:53:26,331 --> 00:53:28,125 This is awesome. 1070 00:53:28,166 --> 00:53:30,335 Nice. 1071 00:53:30,377 --> 00:53:33,046 My mom has a bunch of these at home. 1072 00:53:45,851 --> 00:53:48,812 Damn, I don't see him anywhere. You sure he's here? 1073 00:53:48,854 --> 00:53:50,981 Positive. We have to keep looking. 1074 00:53:51,023 --> 00:53:52,024 Okay. 1075 00:54:05,162 --> 00:54:06,955 Still warm. 1076 00:54:12,085 --> 00:54:13,962 He's close. 1077 00:54:21,220 --> 00:54:22,221 Dad? 1078 00:54:26,892 --> 00:54:28,977 - Hey, Mr. Drucker. - Oh, Je... Oh! 1079 00:54:29,019 --> 00:54:33,440 Jesus, David. You scared the shit out of me. 1080 00:54:33,482 --> 00:54:35,817 I'm sorry. 1081 00:54:35,859 --> 00:54:37,319 I'm sorry. 1082 00:54:37,361 --> 00:54:39,404 That's okay. What are you doing out here? 1083 00:54:39,446 --> 00:54:41,990 You know. Just getting some fresh air. 1084 00:54:42,032 --> 00:54:44,201 Yeah. Me, too. 1085 00:54:44,243 --> 00:54:46,870 Hey, that was quite a scene in there on the dance floor, huh? 1086 00:54:46,912 --> 00:54:49,414 You got some serious moves, young man. 1087 00:54:49,456 --> 00:54:51,917 You're not half bad yourself. 1088 00:54:51,959 --> 00:54:53,752 Thanks. You know how it is. 1089 00:54:55,462 --> 00:54:56,964 Yes, I do. 1090 00:54:57,005 --> 00:54:59,842 Well, wha-what the hell are you doing? 1091 00:54:59,883 --> 00:55:02,928 I think you know exactly what I'm doing. 1092 00:55:02,970 --> 00:55:06,807 Whoa! Ho! Whoa! David! David, are you serious right now? 1093 00:55:06,849 --> 00:55:09,017 It's okay. Nobody's watching. 1094 00:55:09,059 --> 00:55:11,144 Wait a minute. Are you... Are you... 1095 00:55:11,186 --> 00:55:14,064 Gay? Yeah. And so are you. 1096 00:55:14,106 --> 00:55:15,482 What? 1097 00:55:15,524 --> 00:55:18,485 No. No, I'm not gay. 1098 00:55:18,527 --> 00:55:22,531 Mitch, I know that you're hiding because I'm hiding, too. Okay? 1099 00:55:22,573 --> 00:55:25,200 Your body language. The distance from Sherryl. 1100 00:55:25,242 --> 00:55:28,036 The Appletinis. That all points to one thing. 1101 00:55:28,078 --> 00:55:30,372 Appletinis are delicious. 1102 00:55:30,414 --> 00:55:32,499 Okay, straight men don't know all the lyrics 1103 00:55:32,541 --> 00:55:34,376 and dance to "It's Raining Men" like you do. 1104 00:55:34,418 --> 00:55:36,879 Hey, that's enough. This conversation is over. 1105 00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:41,008 You are clearly out of your mind and cannot be reasoned with right now. 1106 00:55:41,049 --> 00:55:42,342 - We are done here. - Mitch, wait. 1107 00:55:42,384 --> 00:55:45,387 I said this conversation is over. 1108 00:55:45,429 --> 00:55:47,222 I'll eat your ass. 1109 00:55:52,936 --> 00:55:54,563 Make it quick. 1110 00:55:56,648 --> 00:55:59,276 ♪ You're not my dad No, you're not my dad ♪ 1111 00:55:59,318 --> 00:56:01,820 ♪ You're not my dad You're just a stranger ♪ 1112 00:56:01,862 --> 00:56:04,114 What are you doing out here, Donny? 1113 00:56:04,156 --> 00:56:06,241 - ♪ You're not my dad ♪ - Nothing. 1114 00:56:13,373 --> 00:56:14,374 Jesus. 1115 00:56:16,460 --> 00:56:18,879 You all right, man? 1116 00:56:18,921 --> 00:56:20,297 I'm fine. 1117 00:56:20,339 --> 00:56:22,674 All right. You don't have to talk. 1118 00:56:22,716 --> 00:56:24,760 We can just chill, man. 1119 00:56:24,801 --> 00:56:26,678 Just chill here and not talk. 1120 00:56:26,720 --> 00:56:29,848 I am gonna light this here joint if you don't mind. 1121 00:56:35,938 --> 00:56:38,232 Fuck this party, man, and fuck my life. 1122 00:56:38,273 --> 00:56:40,150 - Whoa, dude. - No, I'm serious, okay? 1123 00:56:40,192 --> 00:56:42,027 Why am I crying at my own party? 1124 00:56:42,069 --> 00:56:44,780 Everyone else is in there having a great time but me. 1125 00:56:44,821 --> 00:56:47,741 Why should they be having fun? This is my party, not theirs. 1126 00:56:47,783 --> 00:56:50,702 This is my party. It's not fair. 1127 00:56:58,335 --> 00:57:01,296 I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Donny. 1128 00:57:01,338 --> 00:57:04,925 This party, it's not for you, man. 1129 00:57:04,967 --> 00:57:07,344 I mean, I know it's your party, 1130 00:57:07,386 --> 00:57:10,806 but this party isn't for you. 1131 00:57:10,848 --> 00:57:12,015 You know? 1132 00:57:12,057 --> 00:57:13,851 I mean, you're 13 years old, dude. 1133 00:57:13,892 --> 00:57:16,478 The top-shelf vodka, not for you. 1134 00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:19,064 The caviar hors d'oeuvres, not for you. 1135 00:57:19,106 --> 00:57:21,066 You see the trend here? 1136 00:57:21,108 --> 00:57:22,651 Look, these parties, man... 1137 00:57:22,693 --> 00:57:25,404 these parties are nothing more than an opportunity for parents 1138 00:57:25,445 --> 00:57:29,491 to spend a ridiculous amount of cash on over-the top shit 1139 00:57:29,533 --> 00:57:31,535 for a party that they wanna throw. 1140 00:57:31,577 --> 00:57:34,663 And you wanna know why? Because in any other situation, 1141 00:57:34,705 --> 00:57:37,624 your parents would look like complete jackasses 1142 00:57:37,666 --> 00:57:39,293 tossing all this cash around. 1143 00:57:39,334 --> 00:57:44,798 Except tonight, it's all justified because it's all for Donny. 1144 00:57:50,345 --> 00:57:53,390 If Valet Mike was Donny...... 1145 00:57:53,432 --> 00:57:55,559 I would march right back in there 1146 00:57:55,601 --> 00:57:58,103 and try to have the best night of my damn life, 1147 00:57:58,145 --> 00:58:02,524 because at the end of the day, none of this shit fucking matters, man. 1148 00:58:06,737 --> 00:58:09,656 Valet Mike laying down those thoughts. 1149 00:58:15,579 --> 00:58:17,164 You ever smoke weed, Donny? 1150 00:58:17,206 --> 00:58:18,498 Huh? No. Why? 1151 00:58:18,540 --> 00:58:20,042 Okay, 'cause you're about to. Try it. 1152 00:58:20,083 --> 00:58:23,420 Whoa. Whoa, man. I can't, okay? If my mom found out, she'll kill me. 1153 00:58:23,462 --> 00:58:26,006 Uh, yeah. No, yeah, you're definitely right about that. 1154 00:58:26,048 --> 00:58:30,928 But sometimes you have to make decisions that are best for yourself by yourself. 1155 00:58:30,969 --> 00:58:35,057 You know? You can't be sitting in your mom's prison cell all day long. 1156 00:58:36,975 --> 00:58:38,894 I... I don't know, man. It's kind of... 1157 00:58:38,936 --> 00:58:40,938 I... I... No, I don't wanna put... 1158 00:58:40,979 --> 00:58:42,940 I don't wanna put pressure on you or anything. 1159 00:58:42,981 --> 00:58:46,401 I just... You know. I think it would calm you down. 1160 00:58:46,443 --> 00:58:50,197 And based off what I'm hearing, your night can only get better. 1161 00:58:51,615 --> 00:58:53,116 Am I right? 1162 00:59:00,707 --> 00:59:02,960 - Hey. - Hey. Um... 1163 00:59:03,877 --> 00:59:06,004 I'm sorry. I'll, uh... 1164 00:59:06,046 --> 00:59:07,589 I'll go this way. 1165 00:59:07,631 --> 00:59:09,633 Bobby, wait. 1166 00:59:09,675 --> 00:59:11,844 I hate to see you like this. 1167 00:59:11,885 --> 00:59:13,804 It's... pathetic. 1168 00:59:13,846 --> 00:59:16,515 Look, why do you wanna be a dad so badly? 1169 00:59:16,557 --> 00:59:20,352 I don't know. Um, 'cause everyone just thinks I'm a fuck-up. 1170 00:59:20,394 --> 00:59:22,646 And I guess I thought that if I had this kid 1171 00:59:22,688 --> 00:59:25,399 and, you know, I was, like... like, a good dad 1172 00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:28,735 that it could be the first thing I do right. 1173 00:59:28,777 --> 00:59:32,281 But here's the thing, Bobby. You... You are a fuck-up. 1174 00:59:32,322 --> 00:59:36,785 You know? Completely and entirely. 1175 00:59:36,827 --> 00:59:38,495 But you know what? 1176 00:59:38,537 --> 00:59:40,581 I know that one day in the future, 1177 00:59:40,622 --> 00:59:44,293 you are gonna meet a really nice slutty girl, 1178 00:59:44,334 --> 00:59:46,086 and you are gonna knock her up, 1179 00:59:46,128 --> 00:59:50,632 and I know that you're gonna be one hell of a terrible father 1180 00:59:50,674 --> 00:59:53,385 until Child Services arrives. 1181 00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:59,933 Thank you, Susie. I... I mean, I really appreciate you saying that. 1182 00:59:59,975 --> 01:00:02,603 Well, I really mean it. 1183 01:00:02,644 --> 01:00:05,439 So, uh, you wanna touch the baby? 1184 01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,274 - Shut up. Really? - Yeah. 1185 01:00:07,316 --> 01:00:09,443 - Really? - Go ahead. 1186 01:00:09,484 --> 01:00:11,445 Okay. 1187 01:00:11,486 --> 01:00:14,448 Oh. No, that's, uh... 1188 01:00:14,489 --> 01:00:16,742 that's not where the baby is. 1189 01:00:17,826 --> 01:00:18,785 Okay. 1190 01:00:18,827 --> 01:00:20,621 - Okay. - It's all right. 1191 01:00:22,122 --> 01:00:25,167 Dude, I can't believe she slapped you. 1192 01:00:25,209 --> 01:00:27,961 Is it true that she gave a blow job during "Bill Nye"? 1193 01:00:28,003 --> 01:00:31,256 Nah. She just, uh... She just got finger blasted. 1194 01:00:31,298 --> 01:00:34,384 - Oh, that's classic. - Yeah. 1195 01:00:34,426 --> 01:00:37,054 Man, how high are you right now? 1196 01:00:37,095 --> 01:00:38,388 What? 1197 01:00:42,434 --> 01:00:45,479 Nah. She just, uh... She just got finger blasted. 1198 01:00:45,521 --> 01:00:47,147 Nice. 1199 01:00:47,189 --> 01:00:50,400 I hate my family. 1200 01:00:50,442 --> 01:00:52,694 You can't always love 'em. 1201 01:00:52,736 --> 01:00:55,656 I mean, I... I never love 'em. 1202 01:00:55,697 --> 01:00:58,700 My family is so fucked up. 1203 01:00:58,742 --> 01:01:00,786 Dude, every family is fucked up. 1204 01:01:00,827 --> 01:01:03,413 That's what makes a family a family. 1205 01:01:03,455 --> 01:01:07,835 And the sooner you accept the fucked-upness of your family, 1206 01:01:07,876 --> 01:01:11,713 that's when you actually are a family. 1207 01:01:11,755 --> 01:01:15,300 Do you understand? Does that make sense? 1208 01:01:15,342 --> 01:01:16,510 Kinda. 1209 01:01:16,552 --> 01:01:21,515 Okay, good, 'cause I'm... I'm super high right now, so I don't... 1210 01:01:21,557 --> 01:01:23,058 You know. Sentences. 1211 01:01:23,100 --> 01:01:25,310 Yeah. 1212 01:01:25,352 --> 01:01:28,814 How am I supposed to deal with my family? 1213 01:01:28,856 --> 01:01:30,649 I... I don't know, dude. 1214 01:01:30,691 --> 01:01:32,401 I'm... I'm Valet Mike. I'm not... 1215 01:01:32,442 --> 01:01:35,195 I'm not withholding all the answers. 1216 01:01:35,237 --> 01:01:37,364 If I had all the answers, I'll be... I'll be Dr. Mike. 1217 01:01:37,406 --> 01:01:39,700 - Dude, President Mike. Oh, my... - President Mike. 1218 01:01:39,741 --> 01:01:43,704 There you are! Where the hell have you been? I've been looking all over for you. 1219 01:01:43,745 --> 01:01:46,582 I don't know. I've just been chilling here. Why? What's up? 1220 01:01:46,623 --> 01:01:49,168 We're all about to do the dance. Yeah. Everyone's waiting. 1221 01:01:49,209 --> 01:01:52,004 Dance? I can't dance right now. I'm way too high. 1222 01:01:52,045 --> 01:01:54,548 I can't believe you smoked. What the hell were you thinking? 1223 01:01:54,590 --> 01:01:57,926 You know what? You know what? You know what? I can take care of this. 1224 01:01:57,968 --> 01:02:01,930 A couple gulps of this bad boy, and you'll get moving, baby. 1225 01:02:01,972 --> 01:02:03,515 What is it? 1226 01:02:03,557 --> 01:02:05,184 Tradition. 1227 01:02:05,225 --> 01:02:07,644 It's time to become a man. 1228 01:02:07,686 --> 01:02:09,229 - Achoo! - Gesundheit. 1229 01:02:14,067 --> 01:02:16,570 DJ DeWeezy, play my favorite song. 1230 01:02:16,612 --> 01:02:18,363 - Gotcha. - Yeah. 1231 01:02:18,405 --> 01:02:19,740 Hey, yo, what it is? 1232 01:02:19,781 --> 01:02:22,117 All right, boys. All right, you guys ready for this dance or what? 1233 01:02:22,159 --> 01:02:23,869 - Come on. - This isn't our song. 1234 01:02:23,911 --> 01:02:25,913 Just trust me. Just go with it. 1235 01:02:25,954 --> 01:02:30,000 Big fat asses and them big brown titties with them pepperoni nipples. 1236 01:02:30,042 --> 01:02:34,046 ♪ I got bitches all on my dick every day ♪ 1237 01:02:34,087 --> 01:02:36,048 ♪ Suckin' on my balls ♪ 1238 01:02:36,089 --> 01:02:37,966 ♪ Lickin' on my balls ♪ 1239 01:02:38,008 --> 01:02:40,636 ♪ Bitches, they know ♪ 1240 01:02:40,677 --> 01:02:42,554 ♪ Stick it in that bootyhole ♪ 1241 01:02:42,596 --> 01:02:44,723 ♪ My balls, my balls ♪ 1242 01:02:44,765 --> 01:02:46,558 ♪ Suck on my balls ♪ 1243 01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,727 ♪ All up in that asshole ♪ 1244 01:02:48,769 --> 01:02:50,354 ♪ Let me hit that booty raw ♪ 1245 01:02:50,395 --> 01:02:53,023 ♪ Lickin' the dick, suckin' the balls, swallow it all ♪ 1246 01:02:53,065 --> 01:02:54,608 ♪ Beatin' down your pussy wall to the ground ♪ 1247 01:02:54,650 --> 01:02:58,570 Gerald, I found Vaal Dh´o on the dance floor at your 11:00. 1248 01:02:58,612 --> 01:03:00,614 - Check the picture to see if it's him. - Okay. 1249 01:03:08,455 --> 01:03:09,957 Yep. It's him. 1250 01:03:09,998 --> 01:03:12,042 Vaal Dh´o. 1251 01:03:13,377 --> 01:03:14,920 Freeze, motherfucker! 1252 01:03:16,380 --> 01:03:18,632 You are the mother that fucks! 1253 01:03:39,027 --> 01:03:40,654 Oh, shit! 1254 01:03:44,491 --> 01:03:47,536 - Are you okay? - Oh! My water just broke. 1255 01:03:59,506 --> 01:04:00,716 Ow! My glasses! 1256 01:04:05,179 --> 01:04:11,059 ♪ We can save goodbye for tomorrow, mm ♪ 1257 01:04:13,562 --> 01:04:16,857 {\an8}Great party, man. This has been... Oh, the dancing's been great. 1258 01:04:16,899 --> 01:04:19,860 {\an8}You know, you're a kid. You're just a little kid. 1259 01:04:19,902 --> 01:04:22,571 {\an8}And, um, now you're all grown up. 1260 01:04:27,576 --> 01:04:29,328 - Where's Vaal Dh´o? - I lost him. 1261 01:04:29,369 --> 01:04:31,288 Well, we're never gonna find him in this chaos. 1262 01:04:31,330 --> 01:04:32,748 I got an idea. 1263 01:04:33,916 --> 01:04:37,002 Everybody freeze! 1264 01:04:38,295 --> 01:04:40,839 - Okay, is that... No. - I don't see him anywhere. 1265 01:04:40,881 --> 01:04:44,092 What about... Oh, shit. 1266 01:04:44,134 --> 01:04:47,054 Where the fuck did he go? He was standing right there a minute ago. 1267 01:04:47,095 --> 01:04:50,432 - Is that him? - What? No. He don't look like that. 1268 01:04:50,474 --> 01:04:52,518 Okay, what about... No. 1269 01:04:52,559 --> 01:04:53,936 There he is. 1270 01:05:00,067 --> 01:05:02,236 - Gerald, what the hell are you doing? - I can explain. 1271 01:05:02,277 --> 01:05:03,695 Do you have any idea how much this cost? 1272 01:05:03,737 --> 01:05:06,907 - I can explain. - You have ruined my party. 1273 01:05:08,784 --> 01:05:11,453 Everything is ruined. 1274 01:05:16,124 --> 01:05:18,377 Oh, fuck. 1275 01:05:19,795 --> 01:05:22,756 Whoa. I mean, that was something. Am I right? 1276 01:05:22,798 --> 01:05:27,010 That's what we call some high-quality entertainment. 1277 01:05:27,052 --> 01:05:28,303 What the hell are you doing? 1278 01:05:28,345 --> 01:05:30,097 Ladies and gentlemen, 1279 01:05:30,138 --> 01:05:34,810 please put your hands together for Gerald! 1280 01:05:34,852 --> 01:05:38,063 He has been working for months on this performance. 1281 01:05:38,105 --> 01:05:39,815 Clap, motherfuckers. 1282 01:05:41,900 --> 01:05:42,860 Yes! 1283 01:05:49,908 --> 01:05:51,326 Bravo! 1284 01:05:52,536 --> 01:05:55,414 Mommy. Mommy. 1285 01:05:55,455 --> 01:05:56,790 Mommy, wake up. 1286 01:05:59,793 --> 01:06:01,420 Thank you. 1287 01:06:05,507 --> 01:06:08,218 Get your ass off the ground. 1288 01:06:12,431 --> 01:06:15,100 Danny Trejo. 1289 01:06:15,142 --> 01:06:18,187 You didn't really think you were gonna get away with this, did you? 1290 01:06:18,228 --> 01:06:20,314 Danny Trejo. But how? 1291 01:06:20,355 --> 01:06:22,649 You're not the only one that can hide. 1292 01:06:22,691 --> 01:06:26,653 And now I finally got you, you party-pooping son of a bitch. 1293 01:06:26,695 --> 01:06:28,363 What the hell is going on here? 1294 01:06:28,405 --> 01:06:32,034 Danny Trejo, ma'am. Professional actor. Everything's under control. 1295 01:06:32,075 --> 01:06:33,160 What? 1296 01:06:33,202 --> 01:06:35,787 Please, you do not understand. 1297 01:06:35,829 --> 01:06:39,499 All I ever wanted to do was dance at party. 1298 01:06:39,541 --> 01:06:42,336 But instead, I make mistake. 1299 01:06:42,377 --> 01:06:44,129 I poop in pants. 1300 01:06:45,547 --> 01:06:47,549 So demeaning. 1301 01:06:47,591 --> 01:06:49,718 I did not know... 1302 01:06:49,760 --> 01:06:52,596 I did not know I was lactose intolerant. 1303 01:06:52,638 --> 01:06:54,056 ...lactose intolerant. 1304 01:06:54,097 --> 01:06:57,518 All I ever wanted to do... 1305 01:06:57,559 --> 01:07:00,062 was dance at party. 1306 01:07:00,103 --> 01:07:02,564 I didn't know I was lactose intolerant. 1307 01:07:02,606 --> 01:07:04,233 Donny, what is wrong with you? 1308 01:07:04,274 --> 01:07:06,443 Man juice, Mom. It's okay. 1309 01:07:06,485 --> 01:07:07,945 Let him stay. 1310 01:07:07,986 --> 01:07:10,656 But, Donny, you don't understand. 1311 01:07:10,697 --> 01:07:12,574 He stays. 1312 01:07:12,616 --> 01:07:14,701 Okay. 1313 01:07:14,743 --> 01:07:16,620 He can stay. 1314 01:07:18,747 --> 01:07:20,791 Thank you, Donny. 1315 01:07:20,832 --> 01:07:22,709 I love you, Donny. 1316 01:07:22,751 --> 01:07:26,255 I love you like man loves boy. 1317 01:07:26,296 --> 01:07:27,840 I... I'll go. 1318 01:07:27,881 --> 01:07:29,550 - Yeah. - I'll go. Okay, thank you. 1319 01:07:29,591 --> 01:07:31,385 - There's drinks in the back. Yeah. Sure. - Thank you. 1320 01:07:31,426 --> 01:07:35,222 All right. I know it's late, and it's been one hell of a night, 1321 01:07:35,264 --> 01:07:37,933 but this party ain't over just yet. 1322 01:07:37,975 --> 01:07:42,062 We got one more song for y'all. Deejay, spin that track! 1323 01:07:42,104 --> 01:07:44,106 Say no more. 1324 01:07:58,287 --> 01:07:59,746 Oh, get in there. 1325 01:07:59,788 --> 01:08:01,748 You tell me what I had for supper. 1326 01:08:01,790 --> 01:08:03,709 {\an8}You tell me what I... Oh! 1327 01:08:03,750 --> 01:08:05,586 {\an8}Oh! I'm gonna c... 1328 01:08:05,627 --> 01:08:06,920 "Come on Eileen"? 1329 01:08:06,962 --> 01:08:09,464 - ♪ Come on Eileen ♪ - No fucking way! 1330 01:08:09,506 --> 01:08:10,883 {\an8}"Come on Eileen." 1331 01:08:10,924 --> 01:08:12,342 {\an8}Oh, my... Fuck! 1332 01:08:12,384 --> 01:08:13,719 {\an8}- Let's go! - Yeah! 1333 01:08:13,760 --> 01:08:17,014 {\an8}♪ Poor old Johnny Ray ♪ 1334 01:08:17,055 --> 01:08:19,057 {\an8}♪ Sounded sad upon the radio ♪ 1335 01:08:19,099 --> 01:08:22,102 ♪ Moved a million hearts in mono ♪ 1336 01:08:22,144 --> 01:08:24,229 ♪ Our mothers cried ♪ 1337 01:08:24,270 --> 01:08:27,357 Ohh! He is really in there. Okay. 1338 01:08:27,399 --> 01:08:29,234 I'm so glad you're here. 1339 01:08:30,986 --> 01:08:32,738 I'll always be here. 1340 01:08:38,202 --> 01:08:40,120 {\an8}- I get it. Yeah. Go. - Okay. 1341 01:08:40,162 --> 01:08:43,040 Have fun. I got this. 1342 01:08:43,081 --> 01:08:47,377 {\an8}I don't know what that does. I'll just take this. 1343 01:08:52,090 --> 01:08:54,510 ♪ Come on Eileen ♪ 1344 01:08:54,551 --> 01:08:56,220 {\an8}Let's go. Let's go. 1345 01:08:56,261 --> 01:09:00,224 {\an8}Oh. Did you play trumpet? 1346 01:09:00,265 --> 01:09:02,225 {\an8}"Come on Eileen." 1347 01:09:02,267 --> 01:09:04,895 {\an8}Wait for me! 1348 01:09:06,939 --> 01:09:09,608 ♪ Come on Eileen ♪ 1349 01:09:12,361 --> 01:09:14,904 {\an8}Come on, man. Don't be so hard on yourself. 1350 01:09:14,947 --> 01:09:18,242 {\an8}Some people just aren't cut out for these type of parties. 1351 01:09:18,283 --> 01:09:21,995 {\an8}I guess you're just one of those type of people. 1352 01:09:24,997 --> 01:09:27,417 Here comes Gary! 1353 01:09:27,459 --> 01:09:28,961 Whoo! 1354 01:09:29,002 --> 01:09:31,755 ♪ These people round here ♪ 1355 01:09:31,796 --> 01:09:34,131 ♪ Wear beatdown eyes sunk in smoke-dried face ♪ 1356 01:09:34,174 --> 01:09:36,718 ♪ So resigned to what their fate is ♪ 1357 01:09:36,760 --> 01:09:38,929 ♪ But not us, no never ♪ 1358 01:09:38,970 --> 01:09:41,180 {\an8}♪ No, not us, no never ♪ 1359 01:09:41,223 --> 01:09:45,644 {\an8}♪ We are far too young and clever ♪ 1360 01:09:45,685 --> 01:09:47,938 ♪ Toora loora ♪ 1361 01:09:47,979 --> 01:09:52,401 ♪ Toora loo rye ay ♪ 1362 01:09:52,442 --> 01:09:57,990 ♪ Eileen, I'll hum this tune forever ♪ 1363 01:09:58,031 --> 01:09:59,491 {\an8}♪ Come on Eileen ♪ 1364 01:09:59,533 --> 01:10:01,577 {\an8}♪ Oh, I swear what he means ♪ 1365 01:10:01,618 --> 01:10:06,623 {\an8}♪ Ah, come on Let's take off everything ♪ 1366 01:10:06,665 --> 01:10:09,751 ♪ Pretty red dress Eileen, tell him yes ♪ 1367 01:10:09,793 --> 01:10:12,296 ♪ Ah, come on, let's ♪ 1368 01:10:12,337 --> 01:10:15,299 ♪ Ah, come on, Eileen ♪ 1369 01:10:15,340 --> 01:10:17,551 {\an8}Use this? 1370 01:10:17,593 --> 01:10:19,970 {\an8}Here we go. And... 1371 01:10:20,012 --> 01:10:22,347 {\an8}Goddamn it. 1372 01:10:22,389 --> 01:10:23,974 {\an8}I love this song. 1373 01:10:27,936 --> 01:10:32,399 {\an8}♪ Come on Let's take off everything ♪ 1374 01:10:32,441 --> 01:10:36,111 {\an8}♪ Come on Eileen Oh, I swear what he means ♪ 1375 01:10:36,153 --> 01:10:41,074 {\an8}♪ Ah, come on Let's take off everything ♪ 1376 01:10:41,116 --> 01:10:43,410 Hey, Sherryl. Hey, Mitch. 1377 01:10:43,452 --> 01:10:47,539 I am so sorry for being such a sourpuss, 1378 01:10:47,581 --> 01:10:53,170 but can I just say that cumming on Eileen was just so much fun. 1379 01:10:53,212 --> 01:10:54,796 I mean, who would've thought? 1380 01:10:54,838 --> 01:10:57,841 Mazel Tov. Mazel Tov. 1381 01:10:57,883 --> 01:11:00,469 - Mazel Tov. - Thank you. 1382 01:11:07,392 --> 01:11:10,270 Bobby? Do you wanna meet your son? 1383 01:11:10,312 --> 01:11:12,356 Squirtle. 1384 01:11:12,397 --> 01:11:14,066 More than anything. 1385 01:11:17,069 --> 01:11:19,029 - Oh, my God. - What? 1386 01:11:23,408 --> 01:11:25,702 - Susie. - Yeah. 1387 01:11:25,744 --> 01:11:27,996 He looks just like me. 1388 01:11:28,038 --> 01:11:30,749 Ha ha. I see you've met our son. 1389 01:11:30,791 --> 01:11:33,335 Hey. Yeah, I think he looks a lot like his father. 1390 01:11:33,377 --> 01:11:37,089 Oh, he sure does. He sure does. 1391 01:11:39,716 --> 01:11:41,301 Okay, well, you guys are... 1392 01:11:41,343 --> 01:11:44,221 - Look what I did. - Wow. All right, we gotta go. 1393 01:11:44,263 --> 01:11:46,473 - Um, Gary shit his pants. - Look what I did. 1394 01:11:46,515 --> 01:11:50,018 Okay, Squirtle. Hey, Daddy loves you, okay? 1395 01:11:50,060 --> 01:11:51,895 Okay. I'm your daddy. I'm your daddy. 1396 01:11:51,937 --> 01:11:53,438 You can't... You can't say that. 1397 01:11:53,480 --> 01:11:55,774 - I love you. - I love you, too, Bobby. 1398 01:11:55,816 --> 01:11:59,111 - Okay, congrats, Gary. - On what? 1399 01:11:59,152 --> 01:12:00,779 I... Congratulations. 1400 01:12:02,739 --> 01:12:03,740 Watch it! 1401 01:12:05,492 --> 01:12:06,952 Hey. 1402 01:12:06,994 --> 01:12:08,245 Hannah. 1403 01:12:08,287 --> 01:12:10,080 What, Donny? 1404 01:12:10,122 --> 01:12:12,791 I'm really sorry for what happened earlier. 1405 01:12:12,833 --> 01:12:16,086 I know I messed up, and I'm really sorry. I just don't want you to hate me. 1406 01:12:16,128 --> 01:12:19,756 I don't hate you. I'm sorry I slapped you. 1407 01:12:19,798 --> 01:12:22,050 That's okay. I deserved it. 1408 01:12:22,092 --> 01:12:26,054 I saw what you did for the party pooper. It's really sweet. 1409 01:12:26,096 --> 01:12:29,641 Yeah, well, uh, everyone kind of deserves a second chance. 1410 01:12:29,683 --> 01:12:32,352 What's up with you right now? 1411 01:12:32,394 --> 01:12:34,104 What do you mean? 1412 01:12:34,146 --> 01:12:36,607 You're so... chill. 1413 01:12:36,648 --> 01:12:40,194 Yeah, well, I'm really drunk and high right now. 1414 01:12:40,235 --> 01:12:43,238 I think I like you when you're really drunk and high. 1415 01:12:54,333 --> 01:12:58,629 ♪ I like the way your eyes begin to cry ♪ 1416 01:12:58,670 --> 01:13:02,466 ♪ I like how it feels when you smile ♪ 1417 01:13:02,508 --> 01:13:07,304 ♪ I like the way you watch me when I walk away ♪ 1418 01:13:07,346 --> 01:13:10,390 ♪ Say you'll stay ♪ 1419 01:13:10,432 --> 01:13:14,478 ♪ I like to feel your breath on my face ♪ 1420 01:13:14,520 --> 01:13:16,522 ♪ I like to swim around... ♪ 1421 01:13:42,506 --> 01:13:45,717 Okay, yeah. I'll, uh... I'll see you in school. 1422 01:13:50,222 --> 01:13:52,224 {\an8}Mazel Tov. 1423 01:13:55,060 --> 01:13:57,396 And... cheese? 1424 01:13:57,437 --> 01:13:58,730 Oh, yes. A picture. Yeah. 1425 01:13:58,772 --> 01:14:00,732 Guys. Drucker family. Everyone. Come here real quick. 1426 01:14:00,774 --> 01:14:03,151 Last of the night. Come on. 1427 01:14:03,193 --> 01:14:05,529 Donny, are you okay? 1428 01:14:05,571 --> 01:14:06,697 I feel funny. 1429 01:14:06,738 --> 01:14:10,701 Oh, my little baby's become a man. Hm. 1430 01:14:10,742 --> 01:14:12,703 So, who was the baby you were holding? 1431 01:14:12,744 --> 01:14:14,788 That's the son I secretly have with Susie. 1432 01:14:14,830 --> 01:14:17,708 He'll never know I'm his father, but, uh, his name's Squirtle. 1433 01:14:17,749 --> 01:14:19,376 He has your eyes. 1434 01:14:19,418 --> 01:14:21,879 Sherryl, there's something I need to tell you. 1435 01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:24,047 I am a flaming homosexual. 1436 01:14:24,089 --> 01:14:26,925 I just got my ass cleaned out, and I want a divorce. 1437 01:14:26,967 --> 01:14:29,720 Whatever makes you happy, dear. All right. Let's do this. 1438 01:14:29,761 --> 01:14:31,471 Oh. Okay. 1439 01:14:31,513 --> 01:14:34,391 Oh. Also, I, uh... I never quit smoking. 1440 01:14:34,433 --> 01:14:36,894 Are you fucking kidding me? You never quit smoking? 1441 01:14:38,937 --> 01:14:44,401 And... cheese! 1442 01:14:55,537 --> 01:14:57,331 ♪ Making my way downtown ♪ 1443 01:14:57,372 --> 01:15:01,001 ♪ Walking fast, faces pass, and I'm homebound ♪ 1444 01:15:05,631 --> 01:15:08,217 ♪ Staring blankly ahead Just making my way ♪ 1445 01:15:08,258 --> 01:15:14,389 - Pull over. - ♪ I'm making my way through the crowd ♪ 1446 01:15:17,392 --> 01:15:19,478 ♪ And I need you ♪ 1447 01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:22,147 ♪ And I miss you ♪ 1448 01:15:22,189 --> 01:15:24,358 ♪ And now I wonder ♪ 1449 01:15:24,399 --> 01:15:26,068 Seriously, Mike. How long you gonna keep doing this for? 1450 01:15:26,109 --> 01:15:28,737 You're old as fuck to still be valeting. You know what I'm saying? 1451 01:15:28,779 --> 01:15:30,906 Nobody wants some deadbeat loser 1452 01:15:30,948 --> 01:15:33,867 parking their cars and hanging out with their kids. 1453 01:15:33,909 --> 01:15:36,870 Jesus Christ. You smell like shit, man. 1454 01:15:36,912 --> 01:15:39,039 I mean, you should take a shower every once in a while. 1455 01:15:39,081 --> 01:15:40,666 L'Oréal. You ever heard of it? 1456 01:15:40,707 --> 01:15:43,293 I mean, I can't believe they even let you inside this children's party 1457 01:15:43,335 --> 01:15:45,754 looking like a fucking pedophile. 1458 01:15:45,796 --> 01:15:47,381 Do you wanna make out? 1459 01:15:49,007 --> 01:15:51,009 Obviously. 1460 01:15:51,051 --> 01:15:53,679 Seriously? Oh, my... 1461 01:15:53,720 --> 01:15:57,307 ♪ I wonder if you ever think of me ♪ 1462 01:16:00,269 --> 01:16:03,188 Shout out to the kid that fell into the chocolate fountain 1463 01:16:03,230 --> 01:16:06,275 and then all of the drunk adults start licking him. 1464 01:16:06,316 --> 01:16:08,902 He's in the hospital, and we've got news that he's fine. 1465 01:16:08,944 --> 01:16:12,072 Donny's was the best. I mean, the decorations, the... 1466 01:16:12,114 --> 01:16:13,115 Ow! My glasses! 1467 01:16:14,491 --> 01:16:16,994 ♪ And I'll miss you ♪ 1468 01:16:17,035 --> 01:16:20,581 ♪ And now I wonder ♪ 1469 01:16:20,622 --> 01:16:22,583 Hey, uh, Bobby, we need to talk. 1470 01:16:22,624 --> 01:16:25,043 - Yeah, what's up, man? - I'm a homosexual. 1471 01:16:25,085 --> 01:16:26,753 Like... What do you mean? 1472 01:16:26,795 --> 01:16:30,007 Like, I'm gay. I'm attracted to men, penises. 1473 01:16:30,048 --> 01:16:33,552 Okay, so, you're, what, like, attracted to me then? 1474 01:16:33,594 --> 01:16:35,596 What? No, no. Just listen. I... 1475 01:16:35,637 --> 01:16:37,806 You're my best friend, and I just wanna be completely honest with you. 1476 01:16:37,848 --> 01:16:41,101 - Yeah. - I am currently seeing your dad. 1477 01:16:41,143 --> 01:16:43,896 I know. It's kinda crazy. It just sort of happened. 1478 01:16:43,937 --> 01:16:48,150 First, I'm outside. Next thing I know, I'm straight out eating his butthole. 1479 01:16:48,192 --> 01:16:51,653 - So, you do eat butthole, right? - Yeah. I do. 1480 01:16:51,695 --> 01:16:54,281 - So we both eat butthole. - We both eat butthole. 1481 01:16:54,323 --> 01:16:57,910 - Dude. That's... That's awesome. - Yeah. 1482 01:16:57,951 --> 01:17:01,205 ♪ Drown in your memory ♪ 1483 01:17:01,246 --> 01:17:03,207 ♪ I, I ♪ 1484 01:17:03,248 --> 01:17:05,250 ♪ Don't wanna let this ♪ 1485 01:17:05,292 --> 01:17:10,088 Oh. What if cocks were nipples and nipples were cocks? 1486 01:17:10,130 --> 01:17:12,758 Then would size really matter? 1487 01:17:12,799 --> 01:17:16,303 Hmm. The more you know. 1488 01:17:16,345 --> 01:17:18,639 Donny, mazel tov. We're so happy. 1489 01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:20,265 - Susie and I are so... - Congratulations. 1490 01:17:20,307 --> 01:17:22,309 - We're so excited to be here. - We're so happy for you. 1491 01:17:22,351 --> 01:17:24,186 - You're a man now. - You're a man, 1492 01:17:24,228 --> 01:17:26,480 - but I always knew you would be. - Yeah. Well... 1493 01:17:26,522 --> 01:17:27,523 And, um... 1494 01:17:27,564 --> 01:17:31,026 And hopefully, you have a great role model like, um... 1495 01:17:32,528 --> 01:17:33,779 Benjamin Franklin. 1496 01:17:33,820 --> 01:17:35,906 And if you ever need life insurance, you know who to call. 1497 01:17:35,948 --> 01:17:40,452 {\an8}Your boy Gary. 1-800-YOU-KNOW-THE-REST. 1498 01:17:41,787 --> 01:17:47,501 ♪ If I could fall into the sky ♪ 1499 01:17:47,543 --> 01:17:51,338 Never have I ever been on a serial killing spree, 1500 01:17:51,380 --> 01:17:54,341 launched a nuclear warhead, thrown baloney at children, 1501 01:17:54,383 --> 01:17:56,343 glued my buns to my dad's face, 1502 01:17:56,385 --> 01:17:58,136 jumped... Oh, wait. I have jumped. 1503 01:17:58,178 --> 01:17:59,888 Can l do another? Can I do another? 1504 01:17:59,930 --> 01:18:02,516 Never have I ever called my dentist a butthole 1505 01:18:02,558 --> 01:18:05,060 and then challenged him to a fight to the death. 1506 01:18:05,102 --> 01:18:07,646 Goddamn it. 1507 01:18:07,688 --> 01:18:11,817 ♪ Do you think time will pass me by? ♪ 1508 01:18:11,859 --> 01:18:16,363 ♪ You know I'd walk a thousand miles ♪ 1509 01:18:16,405 --> 01:18:21,702 ♪ If I could just see you ♪ 1510 01:18:21,743 --> 01:18:27,124 ♪ If I could just hold you ♪ 1511 01:18:27,165 --> 01:18:30,586 ♪ Tonight ♪ 1512 01:18:46,518 --> 01:18:48,103 Mommy. 1513 01:18:48,145 --> 01:18:51,523 Why won't you wake up, Mommy? 1514 01:18:51,565 --> 01:18:53,775 Mommy. 1515 01:18:53,817 --> 01:18:56,904 Why won't you wake up, Mommy? 1516 01:18:56,945 --> 01:18:58,322 Mommy. 1517 01:18:58,368 --> 01:19:00,805 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull