[Baby crying]
Okay, so, yes, you can safely surrender a baby
72 hours after it's born.
And this one's smelling like very fresh pussy,
so we good there.
Literally, all I can smell is the placenta.
Is it leaking?
So, just, like, hand the baby over and no questions asked?
- No, they... - That's... That's it?
They literally cannot ask you any questions.
Aw, fuck, why can't there be that law for my parents?
A-And, yes, you have 14 days to change your mind.
No, no, no, no, no, baby.
Don't worry. I'm not changing my mind.
We talked about this, and you need to go to someone
who wants to take care of you.
Please just let them be socially conscious.
And feminist.
[Sing-song voice] Someone who stands up to heteronormativity
and unrealistic body expectations.
Shh, shh, shh.
And systemic racism.
And animal abuse.
Oh, yes.
You know what you want in life.
and you're going to ask for it.
[Baby cooing]
[Horn blares]
- Subs by kinglouisxx - for www.addic7ed.com
[Cellphone swishes]
[Horn honking]
♪ My heart is always lookin' 'round ♪
♪ One minute up, the next it's down ♪
♪ Fool for love, time after time ♪
♪ I miss the signs and cross the line ♪
Ooh!
Hey, you know what?
Some of my best lays have been
in roadside motels.
Uh, hey there.
Called about the rooms?
'Cause our bus broke down?
You're not sex trafficking these kids, right?
What? No.
Young lady, are you being sex trafficked?
[Scoffs] No.
Why does everyone always ask me that?
Okay. Credit card?
Uh, um...
So, surprise.
Uh, this... this isn't the Castro.
But sometimes being queer is about resilience.
Some might even argue that's really all it's about.
We are resourceful,
um, we are quick on our feet,
and, um...
and, uh...
Screw it.
Chester, J. [Clears throat]
Riley, Greta.
Uh, Naomi, Arianna.
Nathan, uh, Cooper.
Delilah, Christina.
And...
Luz, Lily.
Nope. I don't share.
Okay, but that'll put three in a room.
Okay. Also, they're freshmen.
NAOMI: Can Delilah sleep with us?
Sure.
- Aah! - Yay.
- Yay! - I'm excited!
It's you and me, homey.
♪ Unh, unh ♪
♪ I'm all bikini porn ♪
♪ Unh, unh ♪
♪ Now my bikini's gone ♪
♪ Oh, I got you tangled around me ♪
♪ You-ou, you quit your office job ♪
♪ You-ou, half-naked, take it off ♪
♪ Oh, you're rollin' free with no worries ♪
♪ Run around in your boring bubble ♪
[Laughing] Ohh, they got golf.
You like women's golf?
So fucking hot.
- ♪ Na-na-na ♪ - [Grunts]
♪ What would life be if I just go with her? ♪
♪ All I do is drink champagne all day ♪
There is a stain on the ceiling
that looks like Jesus.
- ♪ Ah, yeah, naked ♪ - [Both laugh]
♪ Skinny dippin' in the pool with me, with me, with me ♪
♪ Take a day out from your life, all day, one day, today ♪
Ah-oooooh!
[Banging in distance]
SAM: [Groans] Gimme something here!
Come on!
Motherfucker!
[Bang, machine beeps]
[Banging, squeaking]
- Is this dinner? - [Laughs]
Well, it's either this or a French Hawaiian fusion place
called Bonjour Kauai.
Really screamed drug front.
But this vending machine does not want to see me win.
Okay, all right. Watch this.
- Okay. - [Coins jingling]
Thank you.
[Coins clinking]
[Keypad beeping]
[Machine whirring]
- [Thunk] - Yes!
Okay. You're magic.
[Both laughing]
- [Microwave beeps] - Proteins, carbs, and greens.
Ain't nobody getting scurvy on my watch.
- Greens? - Yeah.
Remind me, you got a degree in education, right?
Like, you paid someone to be this bad at your job?
Yeah. That's right. And remind me...
you got a degree from the famed
Norwegian University of Coont, right?
[Laughs] Holy shit. He went there!
[Chuckles] Yeah, he really did.
And he's instantly regretting it.
- I won't tell. - Well, thank you.
That's what friends are for.
You disappointed about San Francisco?
Um, the thing about "Paris Is Burning" is, like,
it was made by some rich white woman
who took on Black and brown stories,
and, like, did she really share the gold with them?
I was gonna ask her about it,
and that probably would've made you mad.
It would not have made me mad,
assuming you weren't gonna be a bitch about it.
Oh, I'm always a bitch.
Eh, two-thirds of the time.
Oh, the shade!
[Laughs]
What about the other third?
Uh, you know what I think. I told you.
- What? - You know.
No, seriously, what?
That you're the person I wish I'd been when I was younger.
I know, I just wanted to hear you say it again.
Oh, you know what? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Text everyone. Tell them dinner's ready.
♪ If life is a dream, then I'm dreamin' ♪
♪ If I gotta scheme, then I'm schemin' ♪
♪ I'm livin' too fast for these demons ♪
- ♪ I got on track like Adidas ♪ - [Indistinct conversations]
♪ Yeah, I did it, yeah, I did it ♪
I dare the last person to jump in the pool to belly flop!
[All screaming, laughing]
♪♪
It's Delilah!
ALL: Ohh!
What?
- Belly flop! - Belly flop!
Belly flop!
Do I really have to?
- Yes! - Belly flop!
NAOMI: Make sure to spread eagle!
Let her at least hold her titties down.
Which look amazing, by the way.
[Laughter]
Okay, okay, okay, okay!
Shit!
Oh, God! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
[All shouting]
The worst thing I ever did?
[Laughter]
Probably the time I pretended to have cancer
to get a free ice cream cone from Baskin-Robbins.
What?
Oh, I used to always pretend I was Make-A-Wish
to get to the front of the lines at Disneyland.
Labia majora.
- Labia majora. - [Laughter]
[Louder] Labia majora.
Labia majora.
- Yeah! Whoo! - Labia majora!
Labia majora!
Labia majora!!
- Labia majora!! - [All screaming, laughing]
Guys, guys, guys, guys! Come on!
Come on, stop! Come on!
Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Okay, guys, um, let's move this into my room.
ALL: Do it. Do it!
- Yeah! - Do it!
- Yes, yes, yes. - Yeah!
- [All shouting] - Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Ew, ew, ew, ew!
- [All screaming] - Damn!
Straight boys really be putting their tongues anywhere, huh?
Yes!
[All scream]
Um, I dare you to...
trade shirts with Naomi.
- Ohh! - Fucking kidding me? Asshat.
[Laughter]
I was admiring it. So...
Yeah, 'cause it's a fucking cute top.
Ooh! Yeah!
The strip tease.
Okay, my turn, my turn.
Nathan.
- [Laughing] - Mm?
- Truth or dare? - Dare.
But something about you kind of scares me right now.
Yeah, it should.
I dare you,
Arianna, and Chester,
to three-way kiss.
[Laughter]
Um...
I'm down.
- What?! - That is sick.
Fine. Fine.
But I'm recording.
And if any of you tell anyone,
I'm releasing it to the world.
- [Cellphone dings] - Fuck. I'm out of storage.
Can you record for me?
Please don't make me do this.
I need you to. Please.
Fuck.
[Laughter]
Are you ready?
Yeah. Um...
- Ohh! Okay! - Coming in hot!
- Oh! - Yo!
- Oh, my God! - [Laughing]
- I'm gonna be sick. - Holy shit.
This is lit... This is disgusting.
Arianna, literally stop. This is like...
Shut the fuck up.
Like porn.
- Ooh! Ooh! - [Laughs]
- Wow. - Ohh! Ugh!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Ah!
- I can't do this. - Oh, my God.
COOPER: What the fuck?
And you guys were on me for a toilet seat?
[Laughter]
You know I'm coming for you.
Yeah, okay, fair.
Dare.
You literally never pick truth.
Nothing good ever comes from telling the truth.
Okay, I dare you to, uh, use your fake
to buy a bottle of wine from the lobby.
- Actually, yeah. - Okay.
Yes, I love you, I love you, I love you!
- Go, go. - Let's go. Let's go.
- It was nice knowing you, lady. - Come with me.
NATHAN: Can I go again while we wait?
ARIANNA: Sure, Nathan. Sure.
Chester.
If the world was ending and you had to pick one person
to be stuck on a desert island with, who would it be?
Wait, there is someone.
Who is it? Do we know him?
No.
Okay, so we know him.
Yeah. Sure. It's Idris Elba.
Guys, I'm bored with this. Like, let's be done.
What's the point of playing truth or dare
- if you're not gonna tell the truth? - Dude, leave him alone!
[Bang]
- Oh, my God! - Are you kidding me?!
- Look what you did. - I'm sorry.
- [Knock on door] - Do not look at me like that.
SAM: Guys! 10 minutes to lights out.
ARIANNA: Honestly, I'm not even mad about
missing out on slutty clubbing in San Francisco.
'Cause Cooper's tongue on that toilet...
- Fuck! - [Laughter]
That was definitely not his first time.
Def-in-it-ely.
Damn, I wish I was that toilet seat!
DELILAH: Oh, shit.
- What? - What?
[Laughing] This is bad. This is really bad.
I think I want to fuck Cooper.
[Screaming, laughing]
Wait, you haven't touched a dick.
- Uh, she... - [Snorts] What?!
Every detail. Immediately.
Okay, okay, um...
Uh, um...
- I fucked J. - [Laughing] Oh!
Actually fucked? Like, fucked fucked?
Yeah, I don't know, he's so sweet
and so Zen in that hot way.
Say it! Spill it, spill it!
Oh, he was just asking for consent over and over,
which was so hot.
And... And I was just like, yes, yes, yes!
All this enthusiastic consenting makes me want to fuck you
- so hard right now. - [Laughs]
[Scoffs]
- What was it like? - Amazing.
I mean, it... I mean, it was kind of fast
- 'cause he had to pull out, but amazing. - Oh, my God.
- Yeah, but then we... - [Laughs]
we decided not to date because
we didn't want to lose each other as friends.
But, like, I don't think I'd want to be friends with Cooper?
So we could just hook up.
Ugh, I don't know.
Is he just a douchey jock that wears Abercrombie?
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
[Knocking]
- Ay! - Shh!
- [Game playing indistinctly on TV] - Hi.
Uh, hi.
Um... Nathan's in the shower...
No, uh, we had a question for you.
Why don't you ever say anything in any of the meetings?
Um...
- you guys talk a lot? - Fair.
- So, are you gay or what? - You can't ask that.
COOPER: No, I'm... I'm s... I'm straight.
You guys want to know why I go?
- No, that's okay. - Yes.
Um...
my brother's trans.
I mean, he... he used to be my sister,
and my parents are kind of [sighs] freaking out
and being major assholes to him...
I mean, them.
O-Or him. Uh, sorry.
I-I think he said, um, both are okay.
Um, so I wanted to, you know, learn
and figure out what I could do.
How come you never said before?
No one asked.
You guys want to ask me anything else?
I don't... I don't think so.
Um, well, later, I guess. [Chuckles]
- Okay. - Oh, okay. Later.
- Bye. - Bye.
[Screaming, laughing]
This is bad, I literally want to fuck him more than ever.
- Oh, my gosh. - He obviously wants you.
DELILAH: He does not. Oh, does he?
I have to pee so bad.
But Abercrombie... ew.
- Do you think? Ugh! - I can ask Nathan.
We're supposed to hook up tonight anyway.
[Groaning]
Girl, stop.
You cannot get between us.
It just...
[Sighs] Whatever. It's fine.
Say it.
I'm sorry.
I think he's stringing you along.
What?
No. No. Okay?
I'm stringing him along.
Fuck.
Do I have to be mad about this?
What about that kiss?
It didn't seem very equal to me.
Fuck.
Sh-Show it. Show me the kiss.
Arianna, literally stop.
- This is like... - Shut the fuck up.
- Like porn. - [Laughing]
- Ooh! Ooh! - [Groans]
- Wow. - Ohh! Ugh!
Oh, my God.
Tittysucker, you're right.
[Crickets chirping]
- I need to talk to Nathan. - Yeah, he's in the shower.
[Game playing on TV]
[Water running, Nathan singing]
[Gasps]
Do you like Chester?
Um, can I finish showering?
ANNOUNCER: It's 84 downfield.
Airs it out...
Wait.
Oh! Incomplete pass!
[Beep]
You were right. Fuck guys.
Oh! Ohhhh!
Awww.
You deserve better.
I once saw him jerk off to a girl
from a college admissions catalogue.
He's gross.
"Hi! I'm a man.
I take everything I want.
- I'm just a selfish..." - Mm-hmm.
"...shitty, bitch boy-man."
"Hi. I'm... another man.
I just stick stuff in holes and...
and punch myself in the face."
[Grunting]
Me too, me too, me too.
[All grunting, shouting]
[Screaming]
- [Alarm ringing] - [Yelling]
- Okay... - Was that us?
Yeah. Put it out!
Put it out, put it out, put it out!
- We have to hide. - Hide!
[Screaming]
NATHAN: I dare you to, uh, use your fake
to buy a bottle of wine from the lobby.
- Actually, yeah. - Okay.
Yes, I love you, I love you, I love you!
[All cheering]
- It was nice knowing you, lady. - Come with me.
NATHAN: Can I go again while we wait?
ARIANNA: Sure, Nathan. Sure.
- Chester. - Mm?
If the world was ending and you had to be stuck...
♪♪
MRS. CULPEPPER: See, the ostrich takes that as a sign
of aggression, right?
Now, I have a high tolerance for pain,
but, uh, you know.
And I'm a sub, too.
Yeah, but who's asking, right?
FRONT DESK LADY: I might be asking.
- Really? - [Both laughing]
Maybe I'll get a late checkout.
[Laughing]
[Glass shatters in distance]
- CHESTER: Oh, my God! - NATHAN: Look what you did.
Do you want to just go back to the room instead?
[Laughing] Yeah.
- [Knock on door] - SAM: Guys!
- Oh, my God! - 10 minutes to lights out.
- Sorry. - [Laughs]
- [Both laughing] - What?
[Beep]
[Delilah Montagu's "Loud" playing on phone]
♪ 'Cause last time you said you wanted to leave it opened ♪
♪ So open that I couldn't see ♪
♪ This won't work if you don't wanna grow with me ♪
♪ We scream and we fight ♪
♪ We punish and we cry just to make up ♪
♪ But there's no one else I'd rather see when I wake up ♪
♪ So come over ♪
♪ 'Cause believe me, believe me ♪
♪ I wanna hear it loud ♪
♪ Believe me, believe me ♪
♪ I wanna hear it loud ♪
♪ But I can't keep running away ♪
♪ Can't keep letting you stay ♪
♪ And I can't keep taking you home ♪
♪ Believe me, believe me ♪
♪ I wanna hear it loud ♪
[Music fades]
Uh, stop. Uh...
- What? - No, uh...
N-No, what are you doing?
Um...
Aren't... Aren't we...
No!
I-I don't... I don't want this.
I'm not like you. I don't hook up.
I don't just hook up!
[Scoffs]
Th-That's n... That's not what I...
[Inhales deeply] Oh, Jesus.
Why would you even say that?
W-W-What is happening right now?
[Exhales forcefully]
[Under breath] Fuck.
[Groans]
[Shygirl's "O" playing in distance]
♪♪
♪ Oh, I guess you know ♪
♪ Just how far I like to go ♪
♪ 'Cause I hear you're telling me ♪
♪ That no means yes and yes means no ♪
♪ Oh, I guess you don't ♪
♪ Never play a player, and now you won't ♪
♪ Half the game is through the fight ♪
♪ Let's see if you last the night ♪
♪ Pick it up where I left it for you ♪
♪ Don't miss a beat, got more shit for you ♪
♪ Don't get slack or I'll ignore you ♪
♪ Oh, I guess you're new ♪
♪ Don't know what they're tellin' you ♪
♪ But I'll show you what to do ♪
♪ One round with me, you'll fully slew ♪
♪ Oh, got pussy on lock ♪
♪ Out here tellin bare man what's what ♪
♪ Cum real clever, right there, hit the spot ♪
♪ Oh, I guess you know ♪
♪ Just how far I like to go ♪
♪ 'Cause I hear you're telling me ♪
♪ That no means yes and yes means no ♪
♪ Oh, I guess you don't ♪
♪ Never play a player, and now you won't ♪
♪ Half the game is through the fight ♪
♪ Let's see if you last the night ♪
♪ Pick it up where I left it for you ♪
♪ Don't miss a beat, got more shit for you ♪
♪ Don't get slack or I'll ignore you ♪
♪ Ohh ♪
♪♪
♪ Oh, I guess you're new ♪
♪ Don't know what they're tellin' you ♪
♪ But I'll show you what to do ♪
♪ One round with me, you'll fully slew ♪
- ♪ Oh, I guess you don't ♪ - [Moans]
♪ Never play a player, and now you won't ♪
♪♪
[Alarm ringing]
NATHAN: If the world was ending and you had to pick one person
to be stuck on a desert island with, who would it be?
Oh, wait, there is someone.
Who is it? Do we know him?
No.
Okay, so we know him.
Uh, yeah. Sure.
It's... It's Idris Elba.
Guys, I'm bored. Let's be done.
What's the point of playing truth or dare
if you're not gonna tell the truth?
NAOMI: Dude, leave him alone.
- [Bang] - Oh!
- Oh, my God! - Are you kidding me?
Look what you did.
[Gate creaks]
[SYML's "Mr. Sandman" plays]
♪ Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream ♪
♪ Make her the cutest that I've ever seen ♪
♪ Give her two lips like roses and clover ♪
♪ And tell her that her lonely nights are over ♪
♪ Sandman, I'm so alone ♪
♪ Don't have nobody to call my own ♪
♪ Please turn on your magic beam ♪
♪ Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream ♪
♪♪
Have you been there a while?
No, no.
I just came down to tell you it's time for bed.
Can I have one more minute?
[Chuckles] Yeah.
I bought a star once.
- So normie of you. - It was for a friend.
I was going to his birthday party one year,
and, um, I forgot to buy him a present.
And he could be such...
such a bitch about things like that.
So I snuck into the bathroom
and bought him a star online.
Turns out, he loved it.
He was the one who killed himself.
- Why? - Whoever knows, right?
Why does... Why does anyone do anything, right?
[Laughing] But he was...
he was a lot...
in the best way.
And it takes energy to be a lot, and I...
well, think he ran out of energy.
- I get it now. - Yeah.
And there's you telling me you're a lot
and sending me that picture the first damn day of my job, saying...
- I'm sorry. - ..."This is what lonely looks like."
- 'Cause I knew you'd understand. - Yeah, I do understand.
I know you do.
Just... make sure you let people in sometimes.
I have let someone in.
He's got gentle eyes.
"So I could picture a whole future."
Please tell me that wasn't you.
I didn't know if you knew.
You need to go to bed.
Wait. Wait!
It's... Uh...
Can... Can you stop for a second?
No.
What do you mean no? What?
That... That conversation proved it.
It was proof that once you strip it all away,
all the bullshit, the society stuff,
we can be something.
It's not bullshit.
It is very real.
I could lose my job or... or worse.
- Do you realize that? - No, that's not gonna happen.
- What world do you live in? - We'll figure it out.
We have to. Because it was all there.
You know it.
You saw me on the inside.
And I saw you. I saw it all.
A whole future.
- Like you said. - I never said that.
I need you to tell me you know I never said that.
We think the same.
Frostys and death jokes.
You want to be me,
and you are all of these things that I want to be.
A-And I see you.
I see you.
You have to know how beautiful that is, right?
- I mean, you have to. - You have...
You have to stop.
You don't know me, okay,
- and... and you... you just... - No.
You... No, you just have to stop. Stop.
That's where you're so wrong, because that weird,
shitty moment in the diner with the MAGA freaks,
you... y-you just looked at me.
We didn't even have to say a word.
We have this whole unspoken story together.
We have no unspoken story except the one in your head,
and you can't even see how wrong it is.
Wait, wait, wait.
[Breathing heavily]
If the world was ending and you had to pick one person
to be stuck on a desert island with, who would you pick?
This isn't a fucking game, Chester.
You're a high school student, and I'm your guidance counselor.
Because I would pick you.
Go to your room, or you will be suspended.
I would pick you.
And I know that you would pick me,
except you're afraid.
You're afraid because this... this whole fucked-up world
is made to keep people like us apart.
That's not what this is.
- You're a kid. - No, I'm not.
- I'm... I'm not. - Stop. No.
I... You don't have to be afraid!
Say it. Say it.
Say you would pick me.
Please.
[Voice breaking] I don't want to be alone anymore.
Look...
I would not pick you.
[Door slams]
[Breathing shakily]
[Sobs]
[Alarm ringing]
[Sobbing]
[Screams]