1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:03,522 - when you walk through the front door, 2 00:00:03,546 --> 00:00:05,754 you're hit with unopened boxes, 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:06,840 things I bought. 4 00:00:09,552 --> 00:00:11,301 The kitchen was de-hoarded once, 5 00:00:11,387 --> 00:00:15,597 but give me five days and I can hoard it up real quick. 6 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,978 - I am not convinced at this point 7 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:24,481 that he will even let go of 5% of his stuff. 8 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,714 - that's a thousand dollar couch. 9 00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:29,840 What is that doing in there? 10 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,024 - I have no idea. 11 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:32,509 - I mean, I realize it's a big job, 12 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,991 but that is unacceptable. 13 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:37,745 - I walk up the driveway and I'm ready to start the day. 14 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:38,912 And pow! 15 00:00:38,998 --> 00:00:40,330 - If I was you, 16 00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:42,458 I would resign my position right now. 17 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,084 - I'm not convinced at this part 18 00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:48,964 that he has the mental capacity to do this. 19 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,467 - I just don't want to even talk to y'all right now. 20 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,032 - that's why we're here is to help you change that. 21 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,138 - Well, I'm not feeling any change. 22 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:57,848 No hope in change here. 23 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:40,808 I'm eric. 24 00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:42,392 I'm a retired journalist, 25 00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:45,229 flight attendant, electronic technician. 26 00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:49,316 When you drive out to my house, 27 00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:54,238 you see things are sort of a chaotic condition. 28 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:57,825 The porch is filled with stuff 29 00:01:57,910 --> 00:01:59,805 that doesn't need to be filled with. 30 00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:02,955 It's covered up with a tarp, which is unsightly. 31 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,457 It just means I'm hiding something 32 00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:06,959 that I don't want you to see. 33 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:11,900 When you walk through the front door, 34 00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:14,925 you're hit with unopened boxes of things I bought 35 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,426 that I haven't even opened yet. 36 00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:24,017 You're just seeing things that are just misplaced. 37 00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:26,186 It was just a very helter skelter, 38 00:02:26,272 --> 00:02:28,730 higgly piggly look to everything. 39 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,274 It's just all junked up. 40 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,599 Like when you go up the stairs, 41 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:37,114 you just see the shoes tumbling down. 42 00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:40,367 Get to the top of the stairs. 43 00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:42,411 To the left is the library. 44 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,954 It's filled with boxes. 45 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:48,792 I can't get even to the books that I collected or hoarded. 46 00:02:48,878 --> 00:02:51,837 There's boxes there that block the way 47 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,630 to go in into the library. 48 00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:56,133 You go into the bedroom, 49 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:58,302 you can't hardly enter into there 50 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:01,263 because it's piled up with mounds of clothes. 51 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:05,184 There's just a little rabbit trail from the door to my bed. 52 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:08,645 You can't lie in the bed because it's got clothes in it. 53 00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:13,692 It's got boxes on top of the mattress. 54 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,319 You get into the kitchen. 55 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,321 The kitchen was de-hoarded once, 56 00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:22,201 but give me five days and I can hoard it up real quick. 57 00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:27,206 I'm a master hoarder, so I know how to hoard. 58 00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:44,514 - I'm marcus. 59 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,891 I'm eric's older brother. 60 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,519 Eric started going to thrift stores 61 00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,666 and he wouldn't by just a couple of shirts. 62 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:54,858 He'd buy a big garbage bag full of clothes, 63 00:03:54,944 --> 00:03:58,570 and shoes, anything he thought was a good deal. 64 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:01,490 And it went from thrift stores to whatever was online 65 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,033 that was a good deal. 66 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:05,535 He just couldn't seem to turn down a good deal. 67 00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:09,498 He had a big attic area he filled up 68 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,209 and the storage barn in the backyard, 69 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:13,294 he filled that up. 70 00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,629 I never really thought 71 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,317 it would spill out of these storage areas 72 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,383 into the house proper, 73 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,468 and it did. 74 00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,806 I don't want him to get in such a bind that, you know, 75 00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,971 lose his house would be the worst thing. 76 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:31,436 I confronted him about it at one point and he got furious. 77 00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:32,813 Told me to mind my own business. 78 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,167 He said, "well, this is my house. 79 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:35,399 I can do what I want." 80 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:37,943 - I'm kerry. 81 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,361 I'm eric's younger brother. 82 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:43,740 I'd say on a scale of one to 10, eric's a 9.9 hoarder. 83 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,201 I love my brother. 84 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,869 I want to see him do well. 85 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,247 I want the best for him. 86 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:53,083 I'd just like to see him get his life in order, 87 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,294 try to put the pieces back together. 88 00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,921 I know he's been through a lot, a lot of trauma. 89 00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:00,424 I'm sure that's affected him in a lot of ways. 90 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,440 - I was starting to suffer from insomnia 91 00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,151 so I couldn't sleep. 92 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:20,986 And I couldn't really read 93 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:26,116 'cause I would sort of fall into some semi-zombie state. 94 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,014 Once I laid down, my body wouldn't sleep. 95 00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:33,248 So I would spend five to six hours a day online, 96 00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:36,335 shopping, looking for things to buy. 97 00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:40,172 It just became a habit of mine to see what was out there. 98 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,307 Szilvie was my wife for 30 years. 99 00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,495 She did have a little different upbringing. 100 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,019 She was european. 101 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,479 She came from hungary. 102 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,066 In fact, she was a world war ii refugee 103 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,401 because her country had to flee hungary 104 00:06:01,487 --> 00:06:03,862 when the russians came, the soviets came in. 105 00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:07,324 She was the love of my life. 106 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:10,617 - Yeah, szilvie was a wonderful woman. 107 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,455 They were, to me, 108 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:19,503 they were pretty conflicting personalities from the get-go, 109 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:24,007 but they loved each other and they made it work. 110 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,928 - I'm lori. 111 00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:31,181 I'm eric sister-in-law and I'm married to his brother kerry. 112 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:36,520 Szilvie was so exciting and interesting to talk to. 113 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:39,106 She knew everything about everything. 114 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:41,983 I could literally ask her about anything 115 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:45,737 and she would give me specifics about what I needed to know. 116 00:06:45,823 --> 00:06:48,949 So, she was really just super friendly. 117 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,154 Whenever I made dinners 118 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,971 'cause I did a lot of our family dinners 119 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,328 and they would come to us, 120 00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:55,163 she always sent me a note. 121 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:58,458 Always very proper, very proper. 122 00:06:58,544 --> 00:06:59,960 And always looked beautiful. 123 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,421 She always looked beautiful. 124 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,299 - Szilvie worked as a interior decorator 125 00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:08,802 while she was a flight attendant as well. 126 00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:12,514 She had her own interior decorating business for a while. 127 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,099 When she walked into this house, 128 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,309 we had looked at other houses. 129 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,520 I didn't really think much of it, 130 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:19,666 but she said this is the one. 131 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,231 From the moment we bought it, 132 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:24,734 she began to attack it, and shape it, 133 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,153 and conform it to her image 134 00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:28,530 of what the house should look like. 135 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,865 People would walk in the house 136 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,992 and their eyes would wander around. 137 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:35,370 You could see they were really taken back 138 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:36,788 by what she had done. 139 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,583 - I'm rita. 140 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:42,127 Szilvie's my best friend for 48 years. 141 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,921 We were going to flight attendant school when we met. 142 00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:46,631 Oh, she was lovely. 143 00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:48,049 We have the same background. 144 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,593 We're both hungarian. 145 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,803 Our parents are hungarians from budapest 146 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:54,931 and we just became fast friends. 147 00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:57,377 The first time that I went to szilvie and eric's house, 148 00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,685 it was beautiful. 149 00:07:58,729 --> 00:08:01,771 She had her paintings up, and beautiful artwork, 150 00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:04,399 and it was decorated lovely. 151 00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:06,026 It was very important for her. 152 00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:08,403 She loved to have a beautiful home. 153 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,489 That was her place of solace, 154 00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:13,074 and a place where she could come home and relax, 155 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,327 and have a good life. 156 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:20,081 - I think szilvie provided some balance there 157 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,416 in their relationship. 158 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:25,170 It kept him from hoarding the way he wanted to. 159 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,215 I didn't really understand 160 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,967 that he had a bad hoarding problem. 161 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,677 Their house was immaculate. 162 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,331 - szilvie would tell me from time to time 163 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:44,814 that it was getting out of hand. 164 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:47,609 He had his own space where he had his things 165 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,153 and they seemed to accumulate. 166 00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,508 And she would keep on top of it 167 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:55,242 and try and get rid of some of eric's belongings 168 00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,577 that started to stack up. 169 00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:59,599 - Szilvie would just mention to me 170 00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,207 that it upset her that her house was looking like that 171 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:04,687 because there wasn't anything that she could do about it. 172 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,504 And she was upset with eric about hoarding. 173 00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,846 - just over time, the curvature worsened 174 00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:21,518 and began to contribute to other things, 175 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:25,021 a herniated disk, lots of pain. 176 00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:29,234 2013, I had corrective surgery for the scoliosis 177 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,612 where they went in and put titanium rods and screws 178 00:09:32,698 --> 00:09:36,283 and turned me into a sort of a robo man. 179 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,535 - He's got two titanium rods in his spine 180 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,871 and it severely limits his mobility. 181 00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:46,001 That's one reason the house is in the shape it's in now. 182 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,461 Once he brings things in, 183 00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:51,089 he doesn't really have the energy 184 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,467 or the capability of organizing things. 185 00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,261 So it just tends to pile up. 186 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:07,355 - she had a very rare form of cancer, 187 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,065 a tumor on her spine. 188 00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:13,069 And she had five subsequent surgeries. 189 00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,133 - Eventually, the surgeries caused her 190 00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:17,866 to lose the ability to walk. 191 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,744 You know, you can only remove tumors 192 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:23,913 from a spinal cord so much. 193 00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:27,542 And eventually, the damage begins to reveal itself. 194 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:28,855 - Szilvie and I were very close. 195 00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:31,921 We spoke just about every day on the telephone 196 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:36,217 and she was very concerned once she was not able to walk. 197 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,637 She wasn't able to keep the hoarding 198 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,764 from getting worse and worse. 199 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:44,893 She was confined to one room in a hospital bed. 200 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,562 Eric was then able to bring in more things 201 00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:50,440 because she wouldn't see what was going on. 202 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,570 - Szilvie was heartbroken with his hoarding. 203 00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:59,240 It really, it broke her heart because like I said, 204 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:03,328 she really worked hard to make that house a showboat. 205 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,622 And it was, it was showboat. 206 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:11,878 - I felt a great deal of anger towards myself 207 00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:16,466 and shame that I had allowed myself 208 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:21,513 to fall into this kind of condition of hoarding. 209 00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:26,101 And especially in regards to szilvie 210 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,478 that I caused her anxiety. 211 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,897 I just felt terrible 212 00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:34,359 that she would have to experience that. 213 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,487 I stressed her out over things that didn't need to be. 214 00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,832 - szilvie's death was very hard. 215 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,917 We'd been friends for 48 years, 216 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,162 so it was very difficult. 217 00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:56,464 You know, we had time to get used to the fact 218 00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,633 that she wasn't gonna make it, 219 00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:03,012 especially when the cancer metastasized to her lungs. 220 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:04,098 It was hard. 221 00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:05,725 - Hey, beautiful. 222 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:06,911 - it was hard on her friends. 223 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:07,809 It was hard on eric. 224 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:08,977 - I miss you. 225 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,855 - But in eric's defense, he was wonderful. 226 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:15,525 He took care of her and he really loved szilvie. 227 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:26,244 - Szilvie was a marvelous, wonderful person. 228 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:29,414 She always cared about others. 229 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,332 She loved me 230 00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,546 in spite of who I was, 231 00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,177 in spite of what I did. 232 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,762 She would just be happy that, 233 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:49,100 that things would get back to normal. 234 00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:55,106 If she could be, she would be very pleased. 235 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,070 That's my hope, my dream. 236 00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:24,655 - if he doesn't get this cleaned up, 237 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,472 I'm worried about his mental health 238 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:29,476 getting a grasp on the situation. 239 00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,246 I'm worried about his physical health 240 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,979 'cause I know there is a lot of filth in the house. 241 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,442 - I feel like I'm drowning, 242 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:43,988 like I can't breathe because it's taking away my oxygen. 243 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,158 It takes away from my quality of life. 244 00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:51,955 I just feel like I'm chained and enslaved to this. 245 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,695 - Good morning. - Good morning. 246 00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:07,178 How are you doing? - Hi, eric. I'm dr. Zasio. 247 00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:08,304 I'm dr. Robin zasio. 248 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,348 I'm a licensed clinical psychologist 249 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,161 and I specialize in helping people 250 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,913 struggling with anxiety disorders, 251 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:16,354 which includes hoarding behaviors. 252 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,605 All right. 253 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,710 So, I pretty much knew I was in the right place 254 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:23,069 when I drove up because I see a lot of stuff on your porch. 255 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,529 I'm curious. 256 00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:27,198 You have a wheelchair on your porch. 257 00:14:27,284 --> 00:14:28,302 - yes, ma'am. 258 00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:29,075 Yes, ma'am. 259 00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:29,826 - what's that for? 260 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,035 - That was my wife's. 261 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:34,706 She was paralyzed from the waist down. 262 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,249 - What happened? 263 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:39,377 - She had a very rare cancer called ependymomas. 264 00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:42,463 They were tumors that grew on her spinal cord 265 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,883 and eventually they metastasized to her lungs 266 00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:48,595 and that's what caused her to pass away. 267 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,763 - And how long ago was this? 268 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:53,224 - She passed away a year and a half ago. 269 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,350 - Okay. 270 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,372 And so you were her primary caregiver? 271 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,832 - Yes. - Okay. 272 00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:01,316 It was very, very painful from the onset of her illness 273 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:05,236 to the very end to see the changes in her functioning, 274 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,031 the difficulty that she was having with pain. 275 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:11,242 I can tell it was very, very difficult 276 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,369 and painful for him as well. 277 00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:18,750 I'm curious how much the grief and loss over your wife 278 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:22,211 has contributed to you acquiring stuff? 279 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,465 - Well, I would say psychologically, 280 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:30,553 it probably was some kind of way I mitigated my grief. 281 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:31,971 - Mmm-hmm. 282 00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:34,557 She was sorta my bond to reality. 283 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:38,269 She was an anchor to my wayward ways 284 00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:41,272 as far as things I would buy. 285 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:42,516 She said we don't need that, 286 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:43,733 we don't need that. 287 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:48,071 And she always kept me in check. 288 00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,322 Without her here is just, 289 00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:53,618 it's just harder to make those kind of decisions. 290 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,370 I don't need this. 291 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,957 My mind, it just is splintered right now. 292 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,125 It's just, 293 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:06,589 I don't know how to really accept her being gone. 294 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:10,635 And so I think I clutter up my house 295 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:15,765 and my life just to assuage my emotions. 296 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,771 - So how is the stuff filling the void 297 00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,106 of the loss of your wife? 298 00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:24,440 - Oh, it doesn't. 299 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,234 It doesn't fill the void 300 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,485 that she left. 301 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,116 I can say it's like a temporary fix. 302 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,826 It's not a very good one. 303 00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:37,120 - All right, eric. 304 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,349 Well, we have a lot to talk about, 305 00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,767 but I'd like to see the rest of the house 306 00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,249 if that's okay with you. 307 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,417 - Let's. 308 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,293 - let's not? 309 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,254 All right. 310 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,171 - Go ahead. - I'll follow you. 311 00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:47,964 - Oh, follow me. 312 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,549 Okay. 313 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:50,341 - All right. 314 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,175 Oh, who's this?! 315 00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:52,010 - This is eli. 316 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,011 - Hi, eli! 317 00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:54,345 Oh, he's a friendly one. 318 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:55,658 - Yeah, he's the big watch dog here. 319 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,056 - Loves his daddy. 320 00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:58,307 Are we good? 321 00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,517 Does he approve of me? 322 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:00,351 - He hasn't bitten you yet, 323 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,812 so I think you're good to go. 324 00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,689 - Okay. 325 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,482 So. 326 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,129 - beautiful home, isn't it? 327 00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,610 - Beautiful home. 328 00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:14,323 That's the first thing that I notice interestingly enough, 329 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,659 in the midst of all of your stuff. 330 00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:17,869 So I'm curious. 331 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,705 You've got some beautiful furniture in here. 332 00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:22,165 - Yeah. 333 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:25,543 - Is that a talent of yours to go out antique shopping? 334 00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:26,878 - That was my wife's talent. 335 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,546 She was an interior decorator. 336 00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:29,734 - Really? - Yeah. 337 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:33,384 And this is all a testimony to her skill 338 00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:36,929 and her artistic eye, - mmm-hmm. 339 00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:40,391 Which I've managed to sully quite a bit. 340 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:43,895 - It's interesting that all of this stuff 341 00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:48,357 is covering up the beauty of what your wife brought in. 342 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,526 - That's the tragedy of it, isn't it? 343 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,570 - Talk to me about that. 344 00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:54,216 - I don't know if I'm really trying to hide it 345 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,908 or I'm just... 346 00:17:56,951 --> 00:18:01,788 I'm just lost in my own thoughts about her. 347 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:04,040 And it's like, 348 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:07,126 I've reached the edge of the cliff in my life. 349 00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:09,420 I was going on this journey with her, 350 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:11,714 and now she's gone, and I'm like looking around. 351 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,426 And it's like, I don't have my szilvie. 352 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:20,556 That's, that's what I, 353 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,935 I just miss my szilvie. 354 00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,687 - In eric's case, I believe that he's depressed, 355 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,106 he's grieving, 356 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:32,360 and with getting his home in order if we can do that, 357 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,446 it's going to leave a lot of emotional space 358 00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,907 for him to start having to face 359 00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:40,451 the loss and grief of his wife. 360 00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,872 - This was my wife's room where she slept. 361 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:48,126 That's her bed that's covered up with everything. 362 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,419 So this is where she spent 363 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:54,882 the last two and a half years of her life. 364 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,467 This is a picture of her. 365 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,056 That's szilvie and a friend of hers. 366 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,432 - she's beautiful. 367 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,745 - She was. - Yeah. 368 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,978 - A beautiful soul. - Yeah. 369 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,605 - A wonderful spirit. - You just look at her 370 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:13,317 and that spirit and energy comes out. 371 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:14,986 - Yes, it does, doesn't it? 372 00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:15,736 - Yeah. 373 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,155 - She attracted people. 374 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,322 She was a magnet to, 375 00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:23,411 just the way she handled herself and handled people. 376 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,621 - And you've got her right by your bedside. 377 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,498 I'm assuming this is your bed. 378 00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:30,668 - Yeah, this is where I sleep and eli. 379 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,171 Yeah. 380 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,965 - So, I'd like to see more of the house 381 00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:38,509 'cause I don't think this is the worst part. 382 00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,395 - Go this way. - All right. 383 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,682 - This is the master bedroom 384 00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,934 of which I'm no longer a master of. 385 00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:55,151 - tell me why there are so many clothes. 386 00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:58,696 Is this your stuff and szilvie's or just yours? 387 00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,021 - no, this is all mine. 388 00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:01,574 - It's all yours. 389 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:04,493 Lots of dollars in here. 390 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,455 - Oh yeah, that's the sad thing. 391 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,831 I don't know. 392 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,187 Buying clothes had some kind of fascination for me 393 00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:15,504 'cause when I started going online and looking at clothes, 394 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,234 I always say, oh, there's a good deal. 395 00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:18,132 There's a good deal. 396 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,904 - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. - And sort of, 397 00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:20,988 instead of being selective, 398 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:24,555 I just clicked on everything I wanted. 399 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:27,308 - What has all this stuff done to you financially? 400 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:30,561 - I've spent a lot of money that I didn't need to. 401 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:35,066 And it's shameful, it's humiliating. 402 00:20:35,109 --> 00:20:38,444 And it's just one of those things 403 00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:40,613 I can't wrap my mind around why. 404 00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:42,323 I didn't used to be this way. 405 00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:45,201 I didn't used to want to fill my house up with stuff, 406 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:49,705 but something happened along the way. 407 00:20:49,791 --> 00:20:53,501 - I was really struck by eric's tendency 408 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:58,547 to beat himself up over bringing in all the stuff. 409 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,591 He was really hard on himself 410 00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:03,386 and didn't have any self-compassion 411 00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:07,265 for what he's been through with szilvie. 412 00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:10,142 And so one of the things that's gonna be really important 413 00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:14,772 is that I work with him on being able to be kind to himself 414 00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,942 because if he's just gonna put judgment on himself, 415 00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:20,903 that's gonna be a big barrier to letting go. 416 00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,110 - I think eric's made up his mind 417 00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:42,800 to have the house cleaned up. 418 00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:47,805 I'm not so sure how smooth the process that's gonna be. 419 00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,202 He knows he has a hoarding problem. 420 00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:52,393 Now, that was a big admission right there. 421 00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,771 I think he's going to cooperate for the most part, 422 00:21:55,857 --> 00:21:57,982 but still have to see how it goes. 423 00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:26,302 - Good morning everybody. - Good morning. 424 00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:27,219 - I'm dorothy breininger, 425 00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:29,138 professional organizing expert, 426 00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:31,098 and I specialize in hoarding. 427 00:22:31,184 --> 00:22:32,558 Good to see you. 428 00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:36,020 There are 18 of us here today for a very good reason. 429 00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:38,522 This is about honoring szilvie. 430 00:22:38,566 --> 00:22:39,690 - Yes, yes. 431 00:22:39,776 --> 00:22:43,152 - And reclaiming your life, what you want. 432 00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,821 And that all starts with the stuff 433 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,531 and then goes through the doctor 434 00:22:47,617 --> 00:22:49,720 because we've got to not just declutter the house, 435 00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:51,847 but maybe what's in your head a little bit. 436 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,724 - Oh, that's a difficult job to do, 437 00:22:53,748 --> 00:22:54,748 to hoard. 438 00:22:54,832 --> 00:22:56,477 That's been collecting for some time. 439 00:22:56,501 --> 00:22:58,542 - What's unusual about this hoard 440 00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:00,669 is that there are no mice scrambling. 441 00:23:00,755 --> 00:23:03,547 There are no roaches running everywhere. 442 00:23:03,633 --> 00:23:05,674 The house isn't deteriorating. 443 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,678 But what is happening is eric's heart is breaking 444 00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:11,722 and it's breaking into little pieces 445 00:23:11,766 --> 00:23:15,059 in every single room of this house. 446 00:23:15,103 --> 00:23:16,852 So I'd like to welcome rita. 447 00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:20,731 You are szilvie's friend for over 40 years. 448 00:23:20,775 --> 00:23:22,566 And lori and kerry. 449 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:23,526 Thank you. 450 00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:25,194 Sister-in-law, brother. 451 00:23:25,279 --> 00:23:27,091 And of course, marcus, thank you. 452 00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:30,825 I've got steri-clean here for strong moving of things 453 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:33,369 and my organizing team to get things sorted 454 00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:35,371 and perhaps even ready to sell 455 00:23:35,456 --> 00:23:37,142 if that's something that you want to do. 456 00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:38,082 - Yeah, I guess. 457 00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,250 - Okay? 458 00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:40,251 Doctor, why don't you take it from here? 459 00:23:40,294 --> 00:23:41,627 - short list. 460 00:23:41,712 --> 00:23:45,214 - So clearly, you have invited us onto your property, 461 00:23:45,299 --> 00:23:50,261 but I want to know how you feel about what's to come. 462 00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:52,514 - How I feel? 463 00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:55,766 Like a volcano's getting ready to blow up, so. 464 00:23:55,810 --> 00:23:58,102 - So when you talk about a volcano, 465 00:23:58,187 --> 00:24:01,272 is it because the house with all the stuff in it 466 00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:03,168 is gonna explode? - Feeling an earthquake. 467 00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,254 - Or is it because we need to anticipate 468 00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:07,778 that eric is gonna be the volcano? 469 00:24:09,031 --> 00:24:10,364 - Well, I may not look like it, 470 00:24:10,450 --> 00:24:12,950 but I'm a very emotionally fragile person. 471 00:24:13,035 --> 00:24:16,120 I need to get inside with my feminine side here, so. 472 00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:17,705 - From my perspective, 473 00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:20,875 I think you use a lot of humor to deflect. 474 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,837 And in the first few hours that I met you, 475 00:24:24,922 --> 00:24:26,172 I picked up, 476 00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:28,466 and I may be wrong, but this is my impression, 477 00:24:28,509 --> 00:24:30,634 that there is a fragility about you. 478 00:24:30,678 --> 00:24:31,343 - Yeah. 479 00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:33,929 - And that this stuff 480 00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:36,807 has been covering up a lot of your pain. 481 00:24:36,851 --> 00:24:41,228 So, I'm gonna be the one that's gonna keep it real 482 00:24:41,314 --> 00:24:45,191 and help you to deal with what has happened 483 00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:47,276 because it's not about the stuff. 484 00:24:47,361 --> 00:24:49,006 It's about what's led to the stuff. 485 00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:50,321 - Treasures. 486 00:24:50,406 --> 00:24:51,446 - To your treasures. 487 00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:56,452 So with that. - Thank you. Dr. Zasio. 488 00:24:56,496 --> 00:24:57,890 - Dorothy? - Yeah. 489 00:24:57,914 --> 00:25:00,331 So let's just do a quick what's happening today, okay? 490 00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:02,394 We're going to start in the living room, 491 00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:04,396 move to the kitchen, the dining room. 492 00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:08,005 Organizers, you're gonna put everything out on tarps. 493 00:25:08,049 --> 00:25:10,633 We're gonna do a lot of sorting outside as well 494 00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:13,844 from all the treasures coming from inside. 495 00:25:13,888 --> 00:25:16,805 Plus, we've got a lot of decisions to make. 496 00:25:16,891 --> 00:25:18,307 Selling it, keeping it. 497 00:25:18,392 --> 00:25:20,370 I know there's a lot of brand new things 498 00:25:20,394 --> 00:25:22,019 that are inside the house. 499 00:25:22,063 --> 00:25:23,437 All right, let's set our timers 500 00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:25,709 and see how quickly we can deal with that living room. 501 00:25:25,733 --> 00:25:26,733 Let's go. 502 00:25:45,753 --> 00:25:50,089 - let's just kind of try to do a little test run here. 503 00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:51,048 - Test run? 504 00:25:51,092 --> 00:25:52,174 - Yeah. 505 00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:53,403 - I guess it's the moment of truth. 506 00:25:53,427 --> 00:25:54,571 - It's a moment of truth. - Yeah. 507 00:25:54,595 --> 00:25:56,387 - So let's start up there. 508 00:25:57,848 --> 00:25:59,568 - Welcome. - Thank you. 509 00:26:00,601 --> 00:26:02,704 - Well, that's that was something szilvie picked out. 510 00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:04,061 If I recognize it as szilvie, 511 00:26:04,146 --> 00:26:06,397 it's hard for me to say sayonara 512 00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:08,732 to something of szilvie's collection. 513 00:26:08,776 --> 00:26:09,900 - Okay. 514 00:26:09,944 --> 00:26:12,194 Now, let's talk about this led desk lamp 515 00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:14,572 that I know is not szilvie's. 516 00:26:16,534 --> 00:26:17,366 - It's brand new. 517 00:26:17,410 --> 00:26:18,595 I was gonna put that on my desk. 518 00:26:18,619 --> 00:26:22,371 - So how about the little item on the end, 519 00:26:22,456 --> 00:26:24,039 the little glass figurine? 520 00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:24,915 - Yeah, someone gave that to her 521 00:26:24,959 --> 00:26:26,750 when she was in the hospital. 522 00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:27,918 - Okay. 523 00:26:27,962 --> 00:26:29,231 Well right now, you're naming everything. 524 00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:31,213 It's szilvie's stuff. 525 00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:32,590 - I'm just going across. 526 00:26:33,801 --> 00:26:34,881 How about the rabbit? 527 00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,072 - well, that's szilvie's stuff. 528 00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:38,262 - How about the balls? 529 00:26:38,347 --> 00:26:39,555 - That's szilvie's. 530 00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:40,909 - how about the fake orchid? 531 00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:42,327 - what about the vase that it goes with? 532 00:26:42,351 --> 00:26:44,311 - is that sterling silver? 533 00:26:45,271 --> 00:26:46,957 - Silver plated. - Silver plated? 534 00:26:46,981 --> 00:26:48,667 - get rid of it. It's not worth anything. 535 00:26:48,691 --> 00:26:49,876 - do we keep silver plated stuff? 536 00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:51,962 - I dunno, you're gonna have to polish it. 537 00:26:51,986 --> 00:26:52,776 - Okay. 538 00:26:52,862 --> 00:26:54,236 Humidifier? 539 00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:55,966 - yeah, well I need a humidifier. 540 00:26:55,990 --> 00:26:57,634 - how long have you had that humidifier? 541 00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:58,490 - I have no idea. 542 00:26:58,576 --> 00:26:59,856 Does it have the receipt on it? 543 00:27:00,995 --> 00:27:02,431 - no. So you don't know how long? 544 00:27:02,455 --> 00:27:03,765 - I get it 'cause I get bronchitis 545 00:27:03,789 --> 00:27:05,581 on a very regular basis, 546 00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:07,916 so, you know, you have to have a humidifier 547 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:10,586 in every room to get the effect. 548 00:27:10,671 --> 00:27:12,608 - Well, you clearly had one in the room, 549 00:27:12,632 --> 00:27:15,132 but it wasn't hooked up and it's still in the box. 550 00:27:15,176 --> 00:27:16,925 - That's the defect I have. 551 00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:18,719 You're looking at mr. Adhd here. 552 00:27:18,804 --> 00:27:19,804 He just. 553 00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:22,306 - Let me just point something out 554 00:27:22,350 --> 00:27:24,975 and that is we're at a pretty, pretty bad start. 555 00:27:25,019 --> 00:27:26,143 It's not personal. 556 00:27:26,228 --> 00:27:28,270 It just is a fact. 557 00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:31,815 So at this point, I'm gonna step out 558 00:27:31,859 --> 00:27:34,902 and I'm gonna let your family work with you. 559 00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:37,404 - I say, if it's in a box and you haven't opened it, 560 00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:38,490 get rid of it. 561 00:27:38,574 --> 00:27:39,885 - If you haven't touched it in a year, 562 00:27:39,909 --> 00:27:40,741 get rid of it. 563 00:27:40,785 --> 00:27:42,242 - don't worry about this. 564 00:27:42,328 --> 00:27:45,746 This is new stuff 'cause it hasn't got mold on it yet, so. 565 00:27:45,831 --> 00:27:47,956 - So what they brought out here right now, 566 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,292 can we just go through each item 567 00:27:50,336 --> 00:27:52,628 and just say yay or nay? 568 00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:55,025 - I don't have that kind of energy to tell you the truth. 569 00:27:55,049 --> 00:27:56,382 I didn't realize, 570 00:27:56,467 --> 00:27:58,362 I mean, you know, to see all this displayed like this, 571 00:27:58,386 --> 00:28:01,512 it's like, yee. 572 00:28:01,555 --> 00:28:03,533 I felt very comfortable with all my stuff around me 573 00:28:03,557 --> 00:28:04,868 even though I was tripping and falling all over it. 574 00:28:04,892 --> 00:28:06,036 - out of sight, out of mind, 575 00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:08,185 out of sight, out of mind. 576 00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:10,979 - Like, do you really want that bunny 577 00:28:11,023 --> 00:28:12,272 and those ball and that stuff? 578 00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:13,482 I mean, it's... 579 00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:14,753 - those are things that remind me. 580 00:28:14,777 --> 00:28:18,487 Am I not supposed to be reminded of szilvie? 581 00:28:18,572 --> 00:28:20,509 - So guys, in the interest of time, 582 00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:22,219 we're now going back to the things 583 00:28:22,243 --> 00:28:24,368 that have already been made decisions on. 584 00:28:24,412 --> 00:28:27,830 We need to keep moving this way, okay? 585 00:28:27,873 --> 00:28:29,017 - I have a chair right here for you. 586 00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:29,873 - Oh, thank you. 587 00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:30,708 Thank you, harvey. 588 00:28:30,793 --> 00:28:31,542 I appreciate it. 589 00:28:31,627 --> 00:28:32,627 Thank you. 590 00:28:33,587 --> 00:28:34,837 - Does this work for you 591 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,215 to try to have your family doing this for you? 592 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:39,717 - Does this work for y'all? 593 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,135 Are y'all? 594 00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:43,240 - I think a fresh start would be a good thing for you 595 00:28:43,264 --> 00:28:45,514 and you're not gonna get a fresh start 596 00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:46,785 unless you eliminate a lot of this crap. 597 00:28:46,809 --> 00:28:49,226 - It'll start to feel good at some point. 598 00:28:49,270 --> 00:28:50,394 - Yeah. 599 00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:51,915 You walk into a nice clean house, 600 00:28:51,939 --> 00:28:53,208 you'll feel like a million dollars. 601 00:28:53,232 --> 00:28:56,024 You can't take any of this with you. 602 00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,402 - eric, all these canes? 603 00:28:58,446 --> 00:29:00,424 - you gotta keep the golf club. 604 00:29:00,448 --> 00:29:01,864 - Okay. 605 00:29:01,949 --> 00:29:04,032 Can we get rid of the rest of them? 606 00:29:04,994 --> 00:29:06,910 - I would say the wooden canes, 607 00:29:06,954 --> 00:29:09,079 they're like artwork, you know? 608 00:29:09,165 --> 00:29:10,267 I just don't understand. 609 00:29:10,291 --> 00:29:11,768 I mean, what am I going to end up with? 610 00:29:11,792 --> 00:29:15,210 I mean, if I walked into y'all's homes 611 00:29:15,296 --> 00:29:17,023 or anybody's homes here and said, 612 00:29:17,047 --> 00:29:18,589 what do you want to get rid of? 613 00:29:18,674 --> 00:29:19,840 Yeah, I mean, 614 00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:21,111 but it's just difficult to sit here and say, 615 00:29:21,135 --> 00:29:22,676 get rid of it all. 616 00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,406 I mean, I could do that right now and we could all be happy, 617 00:29:24,430 --> 00:29:27,181 and I could go sit in the shade right now. 618 00:29:27,266 --> 00:29:32,311 But it's just hard to make that decision. 619 00:29:33,689 --> 00:29:34,958 - I'm really worried about him because in the beginning, 620 00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:38,275 he did express a desire to get rid of his stuff. 621 00:29:38,319 --> 00:29:41,779 However, once it was all out and all displayed, 622 00:29:41,822 --> 00:29:44,406 he realized how much stuff he had 623 00:29:44,492 --> 00:29:47,618 and how attached he was to his stuff. 624 00:29:47,703 --> 00:29:51,121 I am not convinced at this point 625 00:29:51,165 --> 00:29:55,209 that he will even let go of 5% of his stuff. 626 00:30:25,032 --> 00:30:26,032 - thank you. 627 00:30:36,794 --> 00:30:41,213 - all right, so the first tarp didn't go so well. 628 00:30:41,298 --> 00:30:42,359 - Yeah, imagine that. 629 00:30:42,383 --> 00:30:43,693 - You know, the odds were against you 630 00:30:43,717 --> 00:30:46,844 because it was sylvie's stuff, it was boxed up. 631 00:30:46,887 --> 00:30:49,596 So what I thought we would do is move to this tarp 632 00:30:49,682 --> 00:30:51,765 because this is clothing. 633 00:30:51,851 --> 00:30:54,309 I thought this is where we might have some success. 634 00:30:54,395 --> 00:30:55,956 - all right, what you got? 635 00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:57,860 You gonna pick out piece by piece? 636 00:30:57,898 --> 00:30:59,189 - Well, I just want to see 637 00:30:59,233 --> 00:31:01,692 if you can start making some decisions. 638 00:31:02,653 --> 00:31:03,653 How about these? 639 00:31:04,655 --> 00:31:07,573 - Oh, sweatpants, you always gotta have sweatpants. 640 00:31:07,658 --> 00:31:08,718 - Okay, how about these? 641 00:31:08,742 --> 00:31:11,368 - Oh, those are summer sweat pants. 642 00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:13,620 Not gonna make you sweat, what is this? 643 00:31:13,706 --> 00:31:15,497 - How about this t-shirt? 644 00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:17,207 - Oh, you got to have a t-shirt. 645 00:31:18,586 --> 00:31:23,297 - These are all t-shirts and sweaters here, an entire box. 646 00:31:23,382 --> 00:31:24,756 - Yep. 647 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:26,403 - So we're going to keep everything that's in this box 648 00:31:26,427 --> 00:31:28,343 and everything that's in this box too? 649 00:31:28,387 --> 00:31:31,805 - That's the tragedy of all of this. 650 00:31:31,891 --> 00:31:34,391 I've become very attached to all my clothes. 651 00:31:35,561 --> 00:31:36,663 I mean, I've got to say, throw it all away, 652 00:31:36,687 --> 00:31:38,498 then I'm going to sit around naked all day 653 00:31:38,522 --> 00:31:39,762 in my underwear and tank top? 654 00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:44,891 - You know we don't want you to get rid of everything, 655 00:31:44,945 --> 00:31:46,339 but you have thousands and thousands, 656 00:31:46,363 --> 00:31:48,405 you probably have well over 10,000. 657 00:31:48,490 --> 00:31:50,093 - You're not telling me anything I don't know. 658 00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:52,242 I know I've got thousands and thousands 659 00:31:52,286 --> 00:31:54,995 of pieces of clothing, but I really do appreciate 660 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,320 everybody doing this and I don't want people to think 661 00:31:57,374 --> 00:31:59,227 that I'm not thankful for y'all being here, 662 00:31:59,251 --> 00:32:02,586 but it's just, I'm not a man who can make quick decisions. 663 00:32:02,630 --> 00:32:04,274 I never have been, and now you're saying 664 00:32:04,298 --> 00:32:06,590 be somebody that you're not, and I'm not that guy. 665 00:32:06,675 --> 00:32:08,570 I'm not a guy that makes quick decisions. 666 00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:09,801 - Relinquish. 667 00:32:09,887 --> 00:32:11,615 - Obviously, look at this crap here, 668 00:32:11,639 --> 00:32:13,263 or treasures as I call it. 669 00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:16,892 - So eric, that's why we're here 670 00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:18,977 is to help you change that pattern. 671 00:32:19,063 --> 00:32:21,980 - Well, I'm not feeling any change, no hope and change here. 672 00:32:22,066 --> 00:32:25,400 - But have you made a decision to change? 673 00:32:25,486 --> 00:32:27,646 Because what I hear you saying is "this is who I am 674 00:32:27,696 --> 00:32:29,633 and you want me to be somebody different." 675 00:32:29,657 --> 00:32:31,949 - yeah, I want to be able to change, 676 00:32:31,992 --> 00:32:35,535 but I don't find the ability to change within me right now. 677 00:32:35,621 --> 00:32:36,954 I just don't. 678 00:32:37,039 --> 00:32:39,414 - Eric, you can't get the house back in some order. 679 00:32:39,458 --> 00:32:40,832 - I realize that, rita. 680 00:32:40,918 --> 00:32:42,687 - Yeah, I know, but look at all the shoes you've got. 681 00:32:42,711 --> 00:32:44,564 - I understand all the logical ideas behind this. 682 00:32:44,588 --> 00:32:46,630 I understand that, I can comprehend that. 683 00:32:46,674 --> 00:32:48,382 That's no problem. 684 00:32:48,467 --> 00:32:50,070 You know, put a check on everything, 685 00:32:50,094 --> 00:32:51,385 need to move all this stuff out, 686 00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:55,764 but I just can't get my brain wrapped this right now 687 00:32:55,808 --> 00:32:57,474 and you're asking me to do that. 688 00:32:59,186 --> 00:33:02,270 - I know this is hard for you, I get it, 689 00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:04,648 but you're not too old to change. 690 00:33:06,485 --> 00:33:09,987 And sometimes it's about making a decision to change 691 00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:12,614 and to see that the stuff is really 692 00:33:12,658 --> 00:33:14,366 what is making you miserable. 693 00:33:14,451 --> 00:33:18,578 Holding onto it is not what is making you happy. 694 00:33:18,664 --> 00:33:21,081 Our goal is to get you to a place 695 00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:22,966 where you can develop the strength 696 00:33:23,002 --> 00:33:24,354 to make those decisions. - Mmm-hmm. 697 00:33:24,378 --> 00:33:25,981 We're gonna give you a little bit of a break. 698 00:33:26,005 --> 00:33:28,797 Maybe if you can pluck through some of this stuff, 699 00:33:28,882 --> 00:33:31,174 see if you can make some decisions, okay? 700 00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:32,259 - All right. 701 00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:32,968 - all right, I appreciate you. 702 00:33:33,053 --> 00:33:33,927 - Drop back by. 703 00:33:34,013 --> 00:33:35,095 - I will. 704 00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:43,437 - see that couch back there? 705 00:33:43,522 --> 00:33:46,189 That's a thousand dollar couch, I just bought that. 706 00:33:46,233 --> 00:33:47,607 What is that doing in there? 707 00:33:47,693 --> 00:33:49,401 - I have no idea. 708 00:33:49,486 --> 00:33:51,339 Family members, did you know that? 709 00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:55,198 - Y'all gotta have a little better hold on all this. 710 00:33:55,242 --> 00:33:56,575 You got to ask me. 711 00:33:56,660 --> 00:34:00,537 You can't throw out a brand new piece of furniture. 712 00:34:00,581 --> 00:34:03,165 - Now you gotta have me looking through trash. 713 00:34:03,208 --> 00:34:04,488 This is not what I wanted to do. 714 00:34:04,543 --> 00:34:06,187 I wanted to be able to trust people to come here 715 00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:07,544 and let me know what's going on. 716 00:34:07,629 --> 00:34:12,883 And now you decided, oh, let's throw my good stuff in. 717 00:34:13,927 --> 00:34:16,344 That's unacceptable, that really is. 718 00:34:16,388 --> 00:34:19,056 - Well that is on you. 719 00:34:19,141 --> 00:34:22,434 I pointed out to get rid of some furniture 720 00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:27,397 and it got thrown away and it caused a big ruckus. 721 00:34:27,441 --> 00:34:29,210 - The thing is, I don't know what else 722 00:34:29,234 --> 00:34:30,650 is going to get thrown in here 723 00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:34,988 because people are assuming things they shouldn't assume. 724 00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:37,635 - hang on, eric, hang on one second. 725 00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:39,596 - I didn't know it was going in the actual trash. 726 00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:41,556 I just thought it was going somewhere else 727 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:44,206 and we were going to deal with it in auction 728 00:34:44,291 --> 00:34:46,917 or get rid of it or something like that. 729 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,211 - I trusted y'all two to be professional enough 730 00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:51,296 to know what's going on out here. 731 00:34:51,381 --> 00:34:53,632 And I come here and looking at a dumpster. 732 00:34:53,717 --> 00:34:55,258 Now I got to go dumpster diving 733 00:34:55,344 --> 00:34:56,863 because y'all weren't doing your stuff. 734 00:34:56,887 --> 00:34:58,345 You got me distracted with all, 735 00:34:58,388 --> 00:35:02,265 I mean, I realize it's a big job, but that is unacceptable. 736 00:35:04,436 --> 00:35:07,938 - My entire team knows that they don't throw anything away. 737 00:35:07,981 --> 00:35:11,233 So I would not have known that that happened. 738 00:35:12,361 --> 00:35:14,694 I think you have seen that we are here for you 739 00:35:14,780 --> 00:35:17,697 and that no one is trying to get you to do anything 740 00:35:17,783 --> 00:35:19,157 that is against your will, 741 00:35:19,201 --> 00:35:21,618 and you just said that this is a really big project 742 00:35:21,662 --> 00:35:23,223 and we can't be everywhere at once. 743 00:35:23,247 --> 00:35:26,039 We're doing our best, okay? 744 00:35:26,125 --> 00:35:29,084 - But I gotta have a dumpster monitor here, you know? 745 00:35:29,169 --> 00:35:32,129 - I didn't give any permission to anyone 746 00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:34,840 to throw anything away, and it happened. 747 00:35:34,925 --> 00:35:36,205 - I mean, I can do this myself. 748 00:35:36,260 --> 00:35:38,135 I can throw this all in the trash 749 00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,803 if that's what I want to do. 750 00:35:39,847 --> 00:35:41,241 - and that's not our intention, eric. 751 00:35:41,265 --> 00:35:43,159 - I don't know eric, this wasn't a case where I said 752 00:35:43,183 --> 00:35:45,161 "while we're holding him hostage, - I know 753 00:35:45,185 --> 00:35:46,412 please throw this away." 754 00:35:46,436 --> 00:35:48,937 - but this is an unawareness that just not... 755 00:35:48,981 --> 00:35:50,272 - it's just not fair. 756 00:35:50,357 --> 00:35:52,001 - Mistakes are gonna be made, eric. 757 00:35:52,025 --> 00:35:54,901 Heck, just calm down, I mean, there's so much junk, 758 00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:56,820 so much, I mean, it's... 759 00:35:56,864 --> 00:35:58,508 - but you gotta be able to tell what's, 760 00:35:58,532 --> 00:35:59,801 they gotta have some kind of sense 761 00:35:59,825 --> 00:36:01,010 of what's junk and what's not. 762 00:36:01,034 --> 00:36:02,367 - No, drag it out, so what? 763 00:36:02,452 --> 00:36:04,347 - Maybe I've made, I'm hot and bothered and worn out. 764 00:36:04,371 --> 00:36:06,830 - you're hot and bothered, just relax, man. 765 00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:09,124 - I can't relax, mark. 766 00:36:09,209 --> 00:36:11,418 I'm in a point where I can't relax. 767 00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:12,752 - Mark, he can't relax. 768 00:36:12,838 --> 00:36:15,255 It's not physically possible for him right now. 769 00:36:15,340 --> 00:36:17,632 That was something really important to him. 770 00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:19,259 - He could relax. 771 00:36:22,389 --> 00:36:24,492 - these are things that we would never throw away. 772 00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:28,351 So I'm sorry that someone else put it in the dumpster. 773 00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:31,479 - This is now missing the front rail part of it 774 00:36:31,565 --> 00:36:34,149 and that would decrease the value of it. 775 00:36:35,194 --> 00:36:37,194 I know when I was there when she bought this 776 00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:39,632 and you know, that's the thing, 777 00:36:39,656 --> 00:36:40,758 once you start throwing, 778 00:36:40,782 --> 00:36:42,662 things get broken and you don't know. 779 00:36:42,743 --> 00:36:47,370 I just am amazed that went in the dumpster. 780 00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:51,458 - At this point, I'm hoping that he sees 781 00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:54,211 that this was a mistake, that this wasn't anything 782 00:36:54,254 --> 00:36:56,379 that myself or dorothy did, 783 00:36:56,423 --> 00:37:00,717 and we will get the family to rally, revisit the rules, 784 00:37:00,802 --> 00:37:04,596 and make sure that nothing moving forward 785 00:37:04,681 --> 00:37:07,891 goes on the dumpster without his say. 786 00:37:07,935 --> 00:37:11,603 - Family members, we need to make it clear 787 00:37:11,688 --> 00:37:13,313 that nothing gets thrown away. 788 00:37:13,398 --> 00:37:15,023 I'm so sorry. 789 00:37:15,067 --> 00:37:16,502 - It's all right, it's all right. 790 00:37:16,526 --> 00:37:18,254 - And yes, we will have a dumpster monitor if we need one. 791 00:37:18,278 --> 00:37:19,714 - Absolutely. - You know? 792 00:37:19,738 --> 00:37:22,405 - I'm hoping that tonight he gets a good night's sleep 793 00:37:22,449 --> 00:37:25,242 and gets some rest and recognizes that this was 794 00:37:25,285 --> 00:37:28,370 simply a mistake that we did rectify. 795 00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:31,915 However, if he doesn't get to that place, I'm really worried 796 00:37:31,959 --> 00:37:35,335 about what this will mean for moving forward tomorrow. 797 00:37:52,646 --> 00:37:53,979 - I get up in the morning. 798 00:37:54,064 --> 00:37:58,233 I meditate on what kind of a day we're going to have. 799 00:37:58,318 --> 00:38:01,111 I'm in a good mood, I drive here. 800 00:38:01,154 --> 00:38:04,531 I walk up the driveway and I'm ready to start the day. 801 00:38:04,616 --> 00:38:05,740 And pow! 802 00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,326 - If I was you, I would, 803 00:38:08,412 --> 00:38:11,121 I would resign from my position right now, dorothy. 804 00:38:13,292 --> 00:38:14,582 I mean, for you, this works. 805 00:38:14,668 --> 00:38:15,959 It doesn't work for me. 806 00:38:17,170 --> 00:38:18,815 There was no reason for me to come here 807 00:38:18,839 --> 00:38:23,133 and have my life just up-ended like this 808 00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:27,137 and expect me to be just all happy and excited 809 00:38:27,222 --> 00:38:29,117 that my life is gonna magically change. 810 00:38:29,141 --> 00:38:30,285 It's not gonna magically change. 811 00:38:30,309 --> 00:38:33,893 I sat in that house yesterday, emptied. 812 00:38:33,979 --> 00:38:35,854 And I said "this is just a shell." 813 00:38:37,024 --> 00:38:38,918 - that's the part I was worried about, yes. 814 00:38:38,942 --> 00:38:40,984 - That's a shell of who I was. 815 00:38:41,028 --> 00:38:43,820 I wanted to get a good meal, I couldn't. 816 00:38:43,864 --> 00:38:46,990 I couldn't find anything in my house to use to make a meal. 817 00:38:47,034 --> 00:38:49,200 You have to realize when you're walking down, 818 00:38:49,286 --> 00:38:52,203 how is this going to affect the person that we're here, 819 00:38:52,289 --> 00:38:53,788 you're here to help? 820 00:38:53,832 --> 00:38:55,790 Weren't helping me last night. 821 00:38:55,834 --> 00:38:57,584 This goes for you too. 822 00:38:57,669 --> 00:38:59,002 - What happened? 823 00:38:59,046 --> 00:39:00,690 I just wanna understand what happened. 824 00:39:00,714 --> 00:39:03,006 - How would you get this car down that driveway? 825 00:39:03,091 --> 00:39:05,216 If you wanted to go somewhere in an emergency 826 00:39:05,302 --> 00:39:06,718 or just to get something to eat 827 00:39:06,762 --> 00:39:10,472 or just to take a drive to just get away from all this? 828 00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:13,058 You couldn't, that's your job. 829 00:39:13,143 --> 00:39:15,268 - Yes, but, and I do want to say something. 830 00:39:15,354 --> 00:39:17,687 - Well, listen to this, I'm not finished. 831 00:39:17,731 --> 00:39:19,481 I'm a disabled man. 832 00:39:19,524 --> 00:39:21,169 I've got a back full of titanium. 833 00:39:21,193 --> 00:39:23,026 I can't hardly walk sometimes. 834 00:39:23,070 --> 00:39:26,363 When I get stressed out, it stresses my back out. 835 00:39:26,448 --> 00:39:30,200 And I don't, I don't enjoy having my back twisted 836 00:39:30,243 --> 00:39:34,037 into a pretzel because of this and that's what's happening. 837 00:39:34,081 --> 00:39:35,789 My back is going like this. 838 00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:37,310 I couldn't sleep at all last night. 839 00:39:37,334 --> 00:39:39,667 I had to take a sleeping pill and that makes me groggy. 840 00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:41,002 It makes me irritated. 841 00:39:41,088 --> 00:39:43,254 I don't like taking those things. 842 00:39:43,340 --> 00:39:45,965 And I lose it, and I'm losing it now. 843 00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:47,300 - We understand. 844 00:39:47,386 --> 00:39:49,030 - And I really don't, I just don't want to even 845 00:39:49,054 --> 00:39:51,304 talk to y'all right now because I just feel, 846 00:39:51,390 --> 00:39:54,432 I feel y'all are in this kind of world of your own. 847 00:39:55,769 --> 00:39:57,372 You say you're here to help me, but I don't get it. 848 00:39:57,396 --> 00:39:59,196 I don't feel it, I don't sense it. 849 00:39:59,231 --> 00:40:02,148 And I just assume just get y'all out of here 850 00:40:02,234 --> 00:40:05,735 and leave it here and I'll have a garage sale or something. 851 00:40:11,535 --> 00:40:13,743 - I spoke to him three times last night. 852 00:40:13,787 --> 00:40:16,121 I offered to come and move the tarps last night. 853 00:40:16,206 --> 00:40:17,997 I offered to bring him food. 854 00:40:18,083 --> 00:40:20,228 - I think this is probably just one of his defenses 855 00:40:20,252 --> 00:40:22,460 coming up to push us all away. 856 00:40:22,546 --> 00:40:24,546 I know he's emotionally fragile. 857 00:40:24,631 --> 00:40:26,234 I've talked about that from the beginning. 858 00:40:26,258 --> 00:40:28,550 He's validating that. 859 00:40:28,635 --> 00:40:30,969 I'm going to go see if I can talk to him. 860 00:40:31,054 --> 00:40:32,387 - I'd like to talk to him too, 861 00:40:32,472 --> 00:40:35,098 but I also need to explain a couple of things to him. 862 00:40:35,142 --> 00:40:36,411 - I'm happy to go together. 863 00:40:36,435 --> 00:40:37,559 - Okay. 864 00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:38,788 - But I'm not convinced at this part that 865 00:40:38,812 --> 00:40:41,271 he has the mental capacity 866 00:40:41,356 --> 00:40:43,606 and the emotional capacity to do this. 867 00:40:44,901 --> 00:40:46,671 And yesterday, when he said "I just want you 868 00:40:46,695 --> 00:40:48,987 to organize all this stuff and bring it back in," 869 00:40:49,072 --> 00:40:50,655 that may be what we need to do, 870 00:40:51,783 --> 00:40:54,576 because I'm not willing to risk him having 871 00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:55,699 any kind of breakdown, 872 00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:00,957 and the way he is right now, he's in that place. 873 00:41:01,001 --> 00:41:02,208 - Yeah. 874 00:41:02,294 --> 00:41:04,094 - Let's see if we can talk to him. 875 00:41:12,345 --> 00:41:15,096 Eric, I really felt like I understood you 876 00:41:15,182 --> 00:41:17,765 from the beginning, from the very moment 877 00:41:17,851 --> 00:41:20,143 that I met you out on that porch, 878 00:41:20,187 --> 00:41:23,438 I felt connected to you because you were real 879 00:41:23,523 --> 00:41:26,566 and you were genuine and you were honest. 880 00:41:26,651 --> 00:41:30,403 And there were these moments where you use the humor 881 00:41:30,489 --> 00:41:32,300 to kind of deflect against the seriousness 882 00:41:32,324 --> 00:41:33,823 and I could see that. 883 00:41:33,909 --> 00:41:35,386 But then there were these moments too 884 00:41:35,410 --> 00:41:39,496 that you were very real and your pain was very present. 885 00:41:40,999 --> 00:41:42,768 I don't know if you remember some of the conversations 886 00:41:42,792 --> 00:41:45,376 we had, but I talked about this very thing, 887 00:41:45,462 --> 00:41:48,046 that this is what I was most worried about 888 00:41:48,131 --> 00:41:52,759 was that the stuff was 889 00:41:52,844 --> 00:41:55,595 covering up all that pain. 890 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,556 The one thing that I want to let you know is that 891 00:41:58,642 --> 00:42:02,310 we are going to give you aftercare, 892 00:42:02,354 --> 00:42:05,480 which means going to a therapist 893 00:42:05,524 --> 00:42:07,043 to help you work through all this. 894 00:42:07,067 --> 00:42:09,526 Because in a couple of days, we can't, 895 00:42:10,695 --> 00:42:14,864 we can't fix this, right? 896 00:42:14,950 --> 00:42:17,450 - we can fix the stuff, but emotionally, 897 00:42:17,536 --> 00:42:20,036 your healing is going to take a very long time. 898 00:42:22,832 --> 00:42:25,291 In order for you to get better, 899 00:42:25,377 --> 00:42:28,711 you're going to have to feel these feelings. 900 00:42:38,765 --> 00:42:40,723 - I think the process of counseling 901 00:42:42,185 --> 00:42:46,062 is about getting to a place to be able to tolerate 902 00:42:46,106 --> 00:42:48,940 the feelings because kind of like our goal 903 00:42:49,025 --> 00:42:50,628 is not to get rid of all your stuff, 904 00:42:50,652 --> 00:42:52,694 the goal is not to get rid of the memory, 905 00:42:52,779 --> 00:42:57,574 but finding a way to embrace this amazingly powerful, 906 00:42:57,617 --> 00:43:01,995 beautiful, loving relationship that you had. 907 00:43:05,208 --> 00:43:07,166 I'm sorry for your pain, 908 00:43:07,252 --> 00:43:10,920 and I'm sorry that we are the catalyst for your pain, 909 00:43:11,006 --> 00:43:15,675 but I also know that this is what has to happen 910 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:20,972 for you to heal, and that stuff has been blocking it. 911 00:43:22,267 --> 00:43:23,744 And I know you think about sylvie and I can't even imagine 912 00:43:23,768 --> 00:43:27,353 since her passing, how many times you have silently cried, 913 00:43:27,439 --> 00:43:30,607 or cried out loud in your house by yourself. 914 00:43:32,110 --> 00:43:35,278 But that stuff will you never cover up your pain, ever. 915 00:43:37,157 --> 00:43:39,741 - I sat in here and I realized 916 00:43:39,826 --> 00:43:41,868 this is an empty place, 917 00:43:41,953 --> 00:43:44,579 'cause I could hear my voice echoing around. 918 00:43:44,664 --> 00:43:47,582 And I said there was no one here but me. 919 00:43:47,626 --> 00:43:50,084 It was a very lonely feeling, 920 00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:56,257 and you know how fragile I am, 921 00:43:56,343 --> 00:43:57,653 but the thing is, all I could think about 922 00:43:57,677 --> 00:44:00,887 is this place without sylvie, it's just a house. 923 00:44:00,972 --> 00:44:02,680 It's not a home. 924 00:44:02,766 --> 00:44:05,516 It didn't feel like a home to me anymore, 925 00:44:05,602 --> 00:44:07,769 especially with all my stuff gone. 926 00:44:07,854 --> 00:44:11,105 I think my stuff, when I was sitting here, I was like 927 00:44:11,191 --> 00:44:16,152 my stuff made me feel, was my replacement for sylvie. 928 00:44:17,030 --> 00:44:19,656 And, and you just. 929 00:44:27,832 --> 00:44:32,168 You just can't buy anything to replace her. 930 00:44:37,634 --> 00:44:40,510 I don't know how to go on from here, I just don't. 931 00:44:41,638 --> 00:44:44,013 I just don't, you emptied this house 932 00:44:45,141 --> 00:44:47,183 and it'll just be one big echo chamber 933 00:44:48,728 --> 00:44:50,186 of my memories of her, 934 00:44:53,525 --> 00:44:56,526 and I just miss her so much. 935 00:44:56,611 --> 00:44:58,861 I sit here and say "where's my sylvie?" 936 00:44:58,905 --> 00:45:01,030 every night, where's my sylvie? 937 00:45:02,075 --> 00:45:04,534 And she's not here, she's not here. 938 00:45:23,763 --> 00:45:27,640 - in eric's case, like many people who were struggling 939 00:45:27,726 --> 00:45:29,225 with hoarding behaviors 940 00:45:29,310 --> 00:45:31,394 there can be a lot of trauma attached. 941 00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,857 - This is my wife's room where she slept. 942 00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:38,067 This is where she spent the last 943 00:45:39,612 --> 00:45:41,988 two and a half years of her life. 944 00:45:57,464 --> 00:46:00,506 - I confronted him about it at one point 945 00:46:00,592 --> 00:46:04,177 and he got furious, told me to mind my own business. 946 00:46:04,262 --> 00:46:05,698 Well, this is my house, I can do what I want. 947 00:46:05,722 --> 00:46:09,724 - I'm not a guy that makes quick decisions, obviously. 948 00:46:09,809 --> 00:46:11,768 Look at this crap here. 949 00:46:11,853 --> 00:46:13,478 - Eric, that's why we're here 950 00:46:13,563 --> 00:46:15,605 is to help you change that pattern. 951 00:46:15,690 --> 00:46:19,275 - Well, I'm not feeling any change, no hope and change here. 952 00:46:26,785 --> 00:46:30,036 This all testifies to me the reason you're here 953 00:46:30,121 --> 00:46:31,746 is because I've failed. 954 00:46:32,791 --> 00:46:36,125 I don't know why it has to be that way, but, 955 00:46:38,296 --> 00:46:42,089 you know, it's just again, sitting in this empty room, 956 00:46:43,343 --> 00:46:47,303 the accusation just kept coming, that you failed. 957 00:46:48,389 --> 00:46:51,057 That's why you got all these people here, 958 00:46:51,142 --> 00:46:52,934 you got all this going on, 959 00:46:54,354 --> 00:46:58,981 and I don't know how to deal with failure, I really don't. 960 00:46:59,067 --> 00:47:01,150 But I appreciate you letting me share that 961 00:47:01,194 --> 00:47:06,155 because that's a big part of my life is being, 962 00:47:08,034 --> 00:47:10,868 feeling like I'm a failure and everything. 963 00:47:10,954 --> 00:47:13,996 - Eric, I think that in addition to 964 00:47:15,375 --> 00:47:18,334 dealing with the grief and the loss of sylvie, 965 00:47:18,419 --> 00:47:21,504 that some work needs to be done around 966 00:47:21,589 --> 00:47:24,006 this distortion that you're a failure, 967 00:47:24,092 --> 00:47:25,675 because you're not a failure, 968 00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:30,805 and what happened with this house was a direct result 969 00:47:32,183 --> 00:47:35,977 of the loss of the most important thing in your life. 970 00:47:36,855 --> 00:47:38,688 I hope that at some point, 971 00:47:38,773 --> 00:47:43,693 you can reframe this image of yourself 972 00:47:44,821 --> 00:47:47,905 not as a failure, but a survivor, 973 00:47:47,991 --> 00:47:51,075 because you are a survivor. 974 00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,161 This conversation was probably the most powerful 975 00:47:54,205 --> 00:47:58,833 conversation he has had since sylvie passed. 976 00:47:58,918 --> 00:48:00,729 I'm hoping that this will be the first step 977 00:48:00,753 --> 00:48:03,296 of his grieving process and build his confidence 978 00:48:03,381 --> 00:48:06,048 that even though it's gonna be painful, he can do it. 979 00:48:40,209 --> 00:48:42,793 - this massive thunderstorm is coming in. 980 00:48:42,879 --> 00:48:46,422 It's just booming. 981 00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:49,133 Yes, I have an idea. 982 00:48:49,218 --> 00:48:51,113 We can go to the attic and I can deal with 983 00:48:51,137 --> 00:48:55,139 1,500 pieces of clothing that are leftover from the 1990s, 984 00:48:55,224 --> 00:48:57,058 and eric is willing to do it. 985 00:48:59,062 --> 00:49:01,437 Do you want me to push you a little bit 986 00:49:01,522 --> 00:49:03,417 in trying to let some of these things go? 987 00:49:03,441 --> 00:49:04,960 - You can push, I might push back. 988 00:49:04,984 --> 00:49:05,942 - Okay. 989 00:49:05,985 --> 00:49:07,865 - we'll see how that works. 990 00:49:07,946 --> 00:49:11,530 - We're in the blue zone here, here we are, blues. 991 00:49:11,616 --> 00:49:12,365 - Blue zones. 992 00:49:12,450 --> 00:49:13,282 - and a stripe. 993 00:49:13,326 --> 00:49:14,553 - Gosh, I never got that one off 994 00:49:14,577 --> 00:49:15,857 'cause this tag is still on it. 995 00:49:17,830 --> 00:49:22,833 Thrift stores, all these clothes never got on my body even. 996 00:49:24,295 --> 00:49:26,273 - And what you want to look for are like the yellowing here 997 00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:29,465 around the collar from sitting in a space like this. 998 00:49:29,550 --> 00:49:32,927 - all right, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 999 00:49:34,263 --> 00:49:35,741 - these are really getting old here, some of them. 1000 00:49:35,765 --> 00:49:37,451 - so it makes them valuable. 1001 00:49:37,475 --> 00:49:39,558 They get nice and soft when they get little, 1002 00:49:39,644 --> 00:49:42,812 oh, the hawaiians, aloha. 1003 00:49:44,065 --> 00:49:45,439 Oh my gosh. 1004 00:49:45,525 --> 00:49:48,359 Hard to say goodbye to your hawaiian shirts, isn't it? 1005 00:49:48,444 --> 00:49:49,797 You think I should keep any of these? 1006 00:49:49,821 --> 00:49:51,696 - No, I do not. 1007 00:49:51,781 --> 00:49:55,199 Respectfully as a woman, as a woman, 1008 00:49:55,284 --> 00:49:58,828 and knowing that you can be dateable again in the future, 1009 00:49:58,913 --> 00:50:00,705 no to those shirts right now. 1010 00:50:02,083 --> 00:50:05,251 So this is going to be our last bunch up here in the attic 1011 00:50:05,336 --> 00:50:09,338 because it's tight, it's very hot. 1012 00:50:09,382 --> 00:50:11,090 I don't want us to pass out. 1013 00:50:11,175 --> 00:50:12,903 Okay, it's a hundred degrees outside 1014 00:50:12,927 --> 00:50:15,177 and it's probably 120 in here. 1015 00:50:15,221 --> 00:50:18,723 You know, we had a couple of really great breakthroughs 1016 00:50:18,808 --> 00:50:21,517 with eric today, and that's the best part 1017 00:50:21,561 --> 00:50:23,519 and the most important part. 1018 00:50:23,563 --> 00:50:26,188 So we did about 220 shirts. 1019 00:50:26,232 --> 00:50:26,856 - Is that all, huh? 1020 00:50:26,941 --> 00:50:28,774 - Yeah, in 15 minutes. 1021 00:50:28,860 --> 00:50:31,610 But in terms of getting his place organized, 1022 00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,946 it looks like a disaster. 1023 00:50:34,032 --> 00:50:37,992 Today was full of rain, it was full of frustration. 1024 00:50:38,036 --> 00:50:40,244 We didn't finish a single project. 1025 00:50:40,329 --> 00:50:42,747 Everywhere we started, we couldn't quite finish. 1026 00:50:42,832 --> 00:50:45,374 So tomorrow, what's it going to look like? 1027 00:50:45,460 --> 00:50:47,340 I have to put together a new plan. 1028 00:50:47,378 --> 00:50:50,546 It has to be very focused, very structured 1029 00:50:50,590 --> 00:50:55,551 and very much timed, otherwise we will not get this done. 1030 00:51:19,869 --> 00:51:22,953 Yesterday we had a fantastic day. 1031 00:51:23,039 --> 00:51:24,622 Eric had a breakthrough. 1032 00:51:24,707 --> 00:51:26,560 - I appreciate all that you're doing to help me 1033 00:51:26,584 --> 00:51:29,418 realize what was taking place in my life. 1034 00:51:29,462 --> 00:51:32,755 And I'm just, I feel like a weak little kid right now. 1035 00:51:34,634 --> 00:51:37,093 I've been reduced to rubble in a sense, 1036 00:51:37,178 --> 00:51:39,386 and maybe that's what needed to happen. 1037 00:51:39,472 --> 00:51:42,515 - We're just loving and sending energy. 1038 00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:44,100 It was wonderful. 1039 00:51:44,185 --> 00:51:47,895 And then I learned what georgia thunderstorms are all about. 1040 00:52:01,828 --> 00:52:03,702 It completely shut us down 1041 00:52:03,788 --> 00:52:06,789 and we had to just wait until it was over. 1042 00:52:06,833 --> 00:52:09,959 We lost hours, and now we're behind the eight ball. 1043 00:52:33,943 --> 00:52:36,485 - I've called you together because we had 1044 00:52:36,529 --> 00:52:41,532 an extremely emotional conversation yesterday. 1045 00:52:42,869 --> 00:52:46,787 You were able to really open up and bare your soul. 1046 00:52:46,873 --> 00:52:50,457 I know that the family has a lot of feelings, 1047 00:52:50,501 --> 00:52:53,836 individually and collectively about 1048 00:52:54,797 --> 00:52:57,840 the last years of sylvie's life. 1049 00:52:57,884 --> 00:53:00,301 I just want to give you guys an opportunity 1050 00:53:00,344 --> 00:53:04,597 to share with eric what you feel 1051 00:53:04,682 --> 00:53:07,975 about what your experience has been, 1052 00:53:08,060 --> 00:53:13,022 both before we started this process and during the process. 1053 00:53:14,192 --> 00:53:15,669 I guess laurie, let's start with you. 1054 00:53:15,693 --> 00:53:19,028 - With this experience, I just think it's been incredible. 1055 00:53:19,113 --> 00:53:22,281 The change in you, and I just have to tell you 1056 00:53:22,366 --> 00:53:26,118 I'm super proud of you, this is fantastic. 1057 00:53:26,204 --> 00:53:29,788 And I hope we can keep going after this too. 1058 00:53:29,874 --> 00:53:31,290 - rita? 1059 00:53:31,375 --> 00:53:34,877 - Yes, first I want to say the change has been remarkable, 1060 00:53:34,921 --> 00:53:38,339 eric, and I'm very, very proud of you. 1061 00:53:38,424 --> 00:53:41,467 What lori said about sylvie loving beautiful things 1062 00:53:41,552 --> 00:53:44,261 around her, she had her personality in the house. 1063 00:53:44,347 --> 00:53:46,597 The irony is in her last days, 1064 00:53:46,682 --> 00:53:48,891 she wasn't able to enjoy that, 1065 00:53:48,935 --> 00:53:51,852 and that made me feel very sad. 1066 00:53:51,938 --> 00:53:53,562 So I want to express that. 1067 00:53:54,565 --> 00:53:56,523 - marcus. 1068 00:53:56,567 --> 00:53:58,901 - It's great that you're cleaning, 1069 00:53:58,986 --> 00:54:02,780 that you've decided to clean up and honor sylvie, 1070 00:54:02,865 --> 00:54:05,616 but I think it's more important that you, 1071 00:54:05,701 --> 00:54:09,078 that you de-hoard for yourself. 1072 00:54:11,249 --> 00:54:13,916 So you will feel better about yourself 1073 00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:18,379 I think it'll be, it'll be a wonderful thing. 1074 00:54:18,464 --> 00:54:22,591 - You are so lucky, eric, to have these people here 1075 00:54:22,635 --> 00:54:25,469 because it's not uncommon that the family has walked away 1076 00:54:25,554 --> 00:54:28,305 washing their hands because they can't take it anymore. 1077 00:54:29,558 --> 00:54:31,718 Eric, do you want to say anything to your family? 1078 00:54:33,062 --> 00:54:35,938 - I hope you'll forgive me for not paying attention 1079 00:54:36,023 --> 00:54:39,483 to what was going on and taking care of things 1080 00:54:39,568 --> 00:54:42,152 to cause this to happen. 1081 00:54:42,238 --> 00:54:45,864 I am truly sorry for that, but I want to thank you 1082 00:54:45,950 --> 00:54:49,952 from the, as much as my little heart can thank someone. 1083 00:54:51,330 --> 00:54:53,956 Thank you all for being here and willing to come. 1084 00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:55,040 - Happy to be here. 1085 00:54:55,126 --> 00:54:57,020 - And to take the time out of your lives 1086 00:54:57,044 --> 00:54:59,795 and away from your loved ones and family 1087 00:54:59,839 --> 00:55:02,673 and the things that y'all were involved in to be here. 1088 00:55:02,758 --> 00:55:05,050 I just, I just want to thank y'all. 1089 00:55:05,136 --> 00:55:09,930 - I'm gonna let you guys be alone for a little bit. 1090 00:55:10,016 --> 00:55:12,099 - Oh my goodness. 1091 00:55:12,184 --> 00:55:13,184 You okay, eric? 1092 00:55:19,317 --> 00:55:22,151 Every time you start having those negative feelings 1093 00:55:22,194 --> 00:55:24,570 about how you're, you know, 1094 00:55:24,655 --> 00:55:26,989 that maybe you can't do this, this is overwhelming, 1095 00:55:27,033 --> 00:55:28,824 you don't know why you do this, 1096 00:55:28,868 --> 00:55:31,952 just reset your brain and say "I can do this." 1097 00:55:32,038 --> 00:55:33,996 don't let the negativism, you know, 1098 00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:38,208 get ahold of you and bring you down. 1099 00:55:38,294 --> 00:55:39,752 - Thank you. 1100 00:55:39,837 --> 00:55:41,670 - You're welcome. 1101 00:55:41,714 --> 00:55:43,881 - Well, that was something. 1102 00:55:43,966 --> 00:55:45,507 Quit making me cry. 1103 00:55:48,346 --> 00:55:49,346 - Thank you, bro. 1104 00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:51,513 - No problem, brother. 1105 00:55:54,352 --> 00:55:58,020 - I felt like dr. Zasio pulling the family together 1106 00:55:58,064 --> 00:56:03,025 was a healing experience to hear from everybody there. 1107 00:56:04,403 --> 00:56:06,590 So I can put it in perspective from our point of view. 1108 00:56:06,614 --> 00:56:08,697 Yeah, I think that was really important. 1109 00:56:36,602 --> 00:56:38,685 - I'd like to try a little tester. 1110 00:56:38,771 --> 00:56:39,978 Let's do a couple of bags. 1111 00:56:40,064 --> 00:56:41,208 See if you can look in it 1112 00:56:41,232 --> 00:56:43,732 and just say "dorothy, let the whole bag go." 1113 00:56:43,776 --> 00:56:45,545 it's not sorting all the way through. 1114 00:56:45,569 --> 00:56:46,985 It's just taking a peak. 1115 00:56:47,071 --> 00:56:48,423 - Okay. - Willing? 1116 00:56:48,447 --> 00:56:49,363 - Yeah. - Okay. 1117 00:56:49,407 --> 00:56:50,487 All right, here we go. 1118 00:56:50,533 --> 00:56:54,034 And let me hop onto that side for you. 1119 00:56:54,078 --> 00:56:55,744 Here's bag number one. 1120 00:56:59,750 --> 00:57:02,334 I saw some stuff that was actually brand new 1121 00:57:02,420 --> 00:57:06,088 and it's hard to believe that that's moldy and mildewed. 1122 00:57:11,220 --> 00:57:12,220 - Now? 1123 00:57:13,139 --> 00:57:16,181 - Yeah, I know, and it's it's important. 1124 00:57:16,267 --> 00:57:18,308 I just, it's gonna be tough to me 1125 00:57:18,394 --> 00:57:21,437 to make that kind of decision. 1126 00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:25,274 These pants are, I can tell you these have not been worn, 1127 00:57:26,318 --> 00:57:27,526 - yes. 1128 00:57:27,611 --> 00:57:29,339 And I hate to throw something out that hasn't. 1129 00:57:29,363 --> 00:57:32,948 I mean, it's just that, it's that kind of thing. 1130 00:57:32,992 --> 00:57:34,386 - Let's say put it there for a second, 1131 00:57:34,410 --> 00:57:37,286 and let me just try to negotiate with you in another way. 1132 00:57:37,329 --> 00:57:38,454 - Yeah. 1133 00:57:38,539 --> 00:57:40,956 And again, this isn't for me to have my way. 1134 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:43,625 It's your house, your stuff, your outcome. 1135 00:57:43,669 --> 00:57:46,003 - Yeah, but you're the voice of reason 1136 00:57:46,088 --> 00:57:48,172 and sober mindedness, I can't. 1137 00:57:48,257 --> 00:57:50,549 - The other part, the sober mindedness part 1138 00:57:50,634 --> 00:57:55,637 I want to share is you've got 15,000 items. 1139 00:57:56,932 --> 00:57:58,660 Those pants are great, so is the sweatshirt. 1140 00:57:58,684 --> 00:58:00,976 - Hard to toss something like that. 1141 00:58:01,020 --> 00:58:02,956 I mean, I feel like I'm throwing money in the... 1142 00:58:02,980 --> 00:58:05,063 - okay. So let's, let's go there. 1143 00:58:05,274 --> 00:58:05,814 - Yeah. 1144 00:58:05,858 --> 00:58:07,107 - You are. 1145 00:58:07,193 --> 00:58:10,611 You are definitely throwing money out the door. 1146 00:58:10,654 --> 00:58:13,405 It's money that's already spent. 1147 00:58:13,491 --> 00:58:16,158 There's nothing you can do to get the money back. 1148 00:58:16,202 --> 00:58:19,244 You can't possibly wear all the money that you spent. 1149 00:58:19,330 --> 00:58:21,288 You're stuck here. 1150 00:58:21,373 --> 00:58:24,666 - It is a lot of bags. 1151 00:58:27,213 --> 00:58:29,004 The pressure is mounting now. 1152 00:58:47,107 --> 00:58:48,524 - what year is this? 1153 00:58:48,567 --> 00:58:51,318 2012, that should be trash. 1154 00:59:04,416 --> 00:59:07,543 - we're in a bag now that stinks, respectfully. 1155 00:59:07,586 --> 00:59:09,503 - It stinks, my treasure stink. 1156 00:59:10,631 --> 00:59:12,673 - I'd love for you to consider saying 1157 00:59:12,716 --> 00:59:14,883 "okay, it stinks, let it go." 1158 00:59:14,927 --> 00:59:17,886 - yeah, no, that's the thing, I can't smell it, 1159 00:59:17,930 --> 00:59:20,222 so it doesn't impress me like it does you. 1160 00:59:21,433 --> 00:59:23,183 Oh, these are in bags too. 1161 00:59:26,438 --> 00:59:29,231 - They do have an odor, not that it matters. 1162 00:59:29,275 --> 00:59:32,025 Just letting you know that they do have mold and mildew. 1163 00:59:32,111 --> 00:59:33,402 - We're assuming they do. 1164 00:59:33,487 --> 00:59:34,528 - I'm smelling them. 1165 00:59:35,239 --> 00:59:36,239 - See, I can't. 1166 00:59:39,952 --> 00:59:41,410 - Oh, this. 1167 00:59:41,453 --> 00:59:42,619 - That hasn't been washed. 1168 00:59:42,705 --> 00:59:45,747 I mean, you know, I realize nothing in here 1169 00:59:45,791 --> 00:59:50,752 has been washed for over probably at least six months. 1170 00:59:50,838 --> 00:59:53,380 - So I'm going to give you your statistics. 1171 00:59:53,465 --> 00:59:54,568 - give it to me. 1172 00:59:54,592 --> 00:59:56,758 - At this pace, it will take us 18 hours 1173 00:59:56,802 --> 01:00:00,929 to complete these garbage bags and those bins. 1174 01:00:00,973 --> 01:00:02,893 - Did you do well in math in school? 1175 01:00:03,809 --> 01:00:05,601 - Um, I did all right. 1176 01:00:05,686 --> 01:00:07,163 - All right? No, that's not good enough. 1177 01:00:07,187 --> 01:00:08,687 You gotta be at least an a-plus. 1178 01:00:08,772 --> 01:00:11,773 - But I did really, really well in organizing math. 1179 01:00:11,859 --> 01:00:13,587 - Good. Yeah, now you throw in that in my face. 1180 01:00:13,611 --> 01:00:15,944 - The organizing, convincing math. 1181 01:00:21,327 --> 01:00:24,411 The issue is I'm trying to encourage eric. 1182 01:00:24,455 --> 01:00:26,913 Because a lot of this smells. 1183 01:00:26,957 --> 01:00:28,915 - Yup, can smell it from here. 1184 01:00:29,001 --> 01:00:29,750 - His sniffer, he can't... 1185 01:00:29,835 --> 01:00:30,584 - can you really? 1186 01:00:30,669 --> 01:00:31,813 Geez. This is embarrassing. 1187 01:00:31,837 --> 01:00:35,130 Now you're telling me my treasures stink. 1188 01:00:35,174 --> 01:00:38,634 Unfortunately, I treasured many of these things. 1189 01:00:38,677 --> 01:00:41,178 - Eric, the key is you treasured them, 1190 01:00:41,263 --> 01:00:43,138 you're not treasuring them now, 1191 01:00:43,182 --> 01:00:46,475 because they've been up here for six months in the mold. 1192 01:00:46,518 --> 01:00:48,810 - Up in the mold? Let's just dump it. 1193 01:00:48,854 --> 01:00:49,519 Let's just see what we got. 1194 01:00:49,605 --> 01:00:51,313 - Oh, no no no no no. 1195 01:00:52,358 --> 01:00:53,649 - You really serious? 1196 01:00:53,734 --> 01:00:55,295 You think you're seeing mold fly through the air? 1197 01:00:55,319 --> 01:00:57,444 - it just smells, is all. 1198 01:00:57,529 --> 01:00:58,195 - I don't even feel it. 1199 01:00:58,280 --> 01:00:59,341 I don't even feel it. 1200 01:00:59,365 --> 01:01:00,781 - So I'm going to stop. 1201 01:01:00,824 --> 01:01:03,116 This now took 20 minutes, one bag. 1202 01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:04,387 - Well we were talking a lot. 1203 01:01:04,411 --> 01:01:05,805 - no, you kept moving the whole time, 1204 01:01:05,829 --> 01:01:06,620 I watched you. 1205 01:01:06,705 --> 01:01:07,871 - Let's do an experiment. 1206 01:01:07,956 --> 01:01:11,958 Pick a bag that you don't have to go through 1207 01:01:12,002 --> 01:01:15,170 and we'll have this fine young man 1208 01:01:15,255 --> 01:01:17,025 just take it down and throw it on the dumpster. 1209 01:01:17,049 --> 01:01:18,465 - He's already got a bag. 1210 01:01:18,550 --> 01:01:19,694 - I can take another one. 1211 01:01:19,718 --> 01:01:21,677 - It's kind of like going in a grab bag 1212 01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:23,178 and pulling something out, 1213 01:01:23,222 --> 01:01:26,682 just pick one bag and just let it go. 1214 01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:27,849 - And just let it go. 1215 01:01:27,935 --> 01:01:30,644 - Just think how relieving that will be. 1216 01:01:30,729 --> 01:01:31,645 - You think it, really? 1217 01:01:31,730 --> 01:01:33,105 Oh, I might start crying. 1218 01:01:33,148 --> 01:01:37,859 I hate to cry, cry over missed treasures, you know? 1219 01:01:37,903 --> 01:01:39,361 - What do you think? 1220 01:01:39,446 --> 01:01:41,846 You want to be daring and bold and risky and just take a bag 1221 01:01:41,907 --> 01:01:44,491 and not look through it and just let it go? 1222 01:01:45,911 --> 01:01:48,537 - Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. 1223 01:01:48,580 --> 01:01:51,873 We can do like a countdown from five to one. 1224 01:01:51,917 --> 01:01:55,669 You pick a bag, any bag, and then we'll just. 1225 01:01:57,089 --> 01:01:58,839 - Let me try another angle. 1226 01:01:58,924 --> 01:02:01,717 You've already told us you can't do this on your own. 1227 01:02:01,802 --> 01:02:04,010 And I don't know how much organizing help 1228 01:02:04,054 --> 01:02:05,887 we're gonna get when we leave, 1229 01:02:05,931 --> 01:02:09,224 but just think about taking advantage of it now. 1230 01:02:09,268 --> 01:02:12,686 - We have 20 organizers here every single day. 1231 01:02:12,771 --> 01:02:14,374 Let's just round it off and say we're here 1232 01:02:14,398 --> 01:02:16,690 for 10 hours each day, right? 1233 01:02:16,775 --> 01:02:20,068 So what's that 200 hours a day that we're putting in. 1234 01:02:20,154 --> 01:02:21,737 Over the course of four days, 1235 01:02:21,822 --> 01:02:24,197 two, four, six, 800 hours worth of time. 1236 01:02:24,241 --> 01:02:25,885 You divide that up into work weeks. 1237 01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:28,994 We're doing months and months worth of work. 1238 01:02:29,079 --> 01:02:32,456 So when dr. Zasio actually says "do it now 1239 01:02:32,541 --> 01:02:36,376 while you've got the man and woman power," do it. 1240 01:02:41,717 --> 01:02:42,944 - I can't just walk out of here 1241 01:02:42,968 --> 01:02:45,218 and turn my back on you, can I? 1242 01:02:45,262 --> 01:02:46,262 - No. 1243 01:02:46,305 --> 01:02:47,471 - I could, but. 1244 01:02:47,556 --> 01:02:48,638 - You could. 1245 01:02:48,724 --> 01:02:50,644 - It wouldn't do me any good, would it? 1246 01:02:51,351 --> 01:02:53,935 It's just tough, and you're pushing, 1247 01:02:54,021 --> 01:02:56,271 you're pushing the envelope pretty hard, both of you. 1248 01:02:56,315 --> 01:02:58,273 - You will definitely have some regret. 1249 01:02:58,317 --> 01:02:59,107 How could you not? 1250 01:02:59,193 --> 01:03:00,817 These are things that you loved. 1251 01:03:00,903 --> 01:03:03,445 On the other hand, will you regret 1252 01:03:03,489 --> 01:03:06,114 that you don't move forward with your life? 1253 01:03:06,158 --> 01:03:08,450 You're saying you don't want to be stuck in this house. 1254 01:03:08,494 --> 01:03:09,512 You don't want to be alone. 1255 01:03:09,536 --> 01:03:11,264 You're meant to be with somebody. 1256 01:03:11,288 --> 01:03:14,456 Well that somebody isn't going to want to live here 1257 01:03:14,500 --> 01:03:15,916 in this kind of a situation. 1258 01:03:15,959 --> 01:03:17,417 - My clothes live here though. 1259 01:03:17,503 --> 01:03:18,335 - Yeah. I know. 1260 01:03:18,420 --> 01:03:19,795 - they enjoy being here. 1261 01:03:19,838 --> 01:03:21,296 - I know. 1262 01:03:21,381 --> 01:03:23,541 - Do you want your clothes or do you want people? 1263 01:03:25,177 --> 01:03:26,177 - yeah. 1264 01:03:27,888 --> 01:03:29,930 - We're not here for this stuff. 1265 01:03:30,015 --> 01:03:32,265 We're here for you to have a life 1266 01:03:32,351 --> 01:03:35,310 that you are still destined to live. 1267 01:03:35,395 --> 01:03:36,311 - Mmm-hmm. 1268 01:03:36,396 --> 01:03:37,665 - So that's why I'm pushing hard. 1269 01:03:37,689 --> 01:03:39,272 I really want the best for you. 1270 01:03:40,359 --> 01:03:41,483 - we both do. 1271 01:03:42,694 --> 01:03:45,320 - Well thank you for that. I really appreciate that. 1272 01:03:45,364 --> 01:03:46,364 - You're welcome. 1273 01:03:49,326 --> 01:03:51,993 - All right, if I can get one hug out of you a year, 1274 01:03:54,164 --> 01:03:55,164 I'll let this go. 1275 01:03:57,543 --> 01:03:58,853 - all these bags are gonna go 1276 01:03:58,877 --> 01:04:00,502 down to the drop zone, correct? 1277 01:04:00,546 --> 01:04:02,504 - No, to the trash, inside the trash. 1278 01:04:03,882 --> 01:04:04,631 - Oh, inside. 1279 01:04:04,716 --> 01:04:06,007 - In it, all the way in it. 1280 01:04:08,595 --> 01:04:12,347 In terms of the clothing, we were able to let go all of it, 1281 01:04:12,432 --> 01:04:13,682 or rather eric did. 1282 01:04:15,269 --> 01:04:17,853 It was like such a breakthrough. 1283 01:04:27,072 --> 01:04:30,031 I think this is all sylvie's clothing. 1284 01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:34,828 - Yeah, that's all sylvie's. 1285 01:04:34,872 --> 01:04:36,830 - Do you want to review any of it? 1286 01:04:36,915 --> 01:04:38,832 Do you want the gals to review it? 1287 01:04:38,917 --> 01:04:40,208 Do you not want to see it? 1288 01:04:42,087 --> 01:04:44,546 - I'm seeing it now. 1289 01:04:48,719 --> 01:04:50,446 - eric, this is a time that you have to tell us 1290 01:04:50,470 --> 01:04:54,014 if it's too much, 'cause I know we're pushing you, 1291 01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:56,391 but if it's too much, then it's, 1292 01:04:57,561 --> 01:05:00,687 that's not the goal is to push you. 1293 01:05:00,731 --> 01:05:05,567 - When dr. Zasio steps in and says 1294 01:05:05,611 --> 01:05:09,529 "this is the time to really consider your wellbeing." 1295 01:05:09,615 --> 01:05:12,240 all bets are off, you need to do what's best for you. 1296 01:05:14,828 --> 01:05:16,598 - You know, to talk about memories, 1297 01:05:16,622 --> 01:05:18,747 I mean, I remember all these clothes 1298 01:05:18,790 --> 01:05:20,081 and how she looked in them, 1299 01:05:22,294 --> 01:05:24,174 and what a beautiful woman she was. 1300 01:05:26,798 --> 01:05:28,423 Well, to tell you the truth, 1301 01:05:28,467 --> 01:05:31,426 if I was to as sylvie what should I do with this? 1302 01:05:31,470 --> 01:05:34,095 She would probably tell me "just get rid of it, eric, 1303 01:05:34,139 --> 01:05:35,764 you don't need it." 1304 01:05:35,849 --> 01:05:37,952 - you don't have to make a decision in this moment. 1305 01:05:37,976 --> 01:05:39,935 We can walk away. 1306 01:05:39,978 --> 01:05:43,605 You've let these clothes go, which is super amazing. 1307 01:05:43,649 --> 01:05:47,275 But if you, if you need a little bit of time to digest it, 1308 01:05:47,361 --> 01:05:49,569 then I think that's super reasonable. 1309 01:05:50,656 --> 01:05:52,781 - I'm on board with whatever you say. 1310 01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:56,284 - It's hard to utter, 1311 01:05:57,454 --> 01:05:59,955 it's hard to utter the words, to tell you the truth. 1312 01:06:03,001 --> 01:06:04,881 I never really thought it would be, 1313 01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:14,094 but we have to say goodbye some time. 1314 01:06:25,691 --> 01:06:28,942 I just have to say goodbye. 1315 01:06:48,755 --> 01:06:49,755 Oh jesus. 1316 01:06:52,092 --> 01:06:54,801 I just said sylvie's just saying "take it away." 1317 01:06:57,055 --> 01:06:58,975 - dorothy, can I ask a question? 1318 01:06:59,016 --> 01:07:00,140 - Yep. 1319 01:07:00,183 --> 01:07:02,142 - There are lots of women out there 1320 01:07:02,185 --> 01:07:03,852 who don't have a lot of money 1321 01:07:03,895 --> 01:07:07,856 that needs suits for job interviews, things like that. 1322 01:07:09,401 --> 01:07:11,818 If they're in good condition, can we donate them? 1323 01:07:12,904 --> 01:07:14,320 - Absolutely. 1324 01:07:14,364 --> 01:07:17,198 - She'd appreciate that. 1325 01:07:17,242 --> 01:07:18,242 I would too. 1326 01:07:21,705 --> 01:07:23,830 So, take it away. 1327 01:07:44,770 --> 01:07:48,104 - do we have an area where we're keeping books? 1328 01:07:55,864 --> 01:07:58,073 I think he knows how to speak german pretty well. 1329 01:07:58,158 --> 01:08:00,011 I don't know why he needs these books 1330 01:08:00,035 --> 01:08:01,155 on how to speak german. 1331 01:08:02,329 --> 01:08:04,662 He's got lots of paperwork to go through, 1332 01:08:04,748 --> 01:08:08,917 piles and piles of books, bills, documents. 1333 01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:11,843 - Well, I wonder how old this is. 1334 01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:13,816 I don't see how he can possibly keep track 1335 01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:15,340 of his financial situation 1336 01:08:15,425 --> 01:08:17,111 the way he's got it organized now. 1337 01:08:17,135 --> 01:08:18,635 - $640. 1338 01:08:18,720 --> 01:08:19,469 - dang. 1339 01:08:19,554 --> 01:08:20,303 - It's all shirts and pants. 1340 01:08:20,388 --> 01:08:21,491 - shirts and pants. 1341 01:08:21,515 --> 01:08:23,155 - Jackets - 640 bucks. 1342 01:08:24,267 --> 01:08:26,329 Dang, was he planning a major expedition or something? 1343 01:08:26,353 --> 01:08:28,144 - Ah, must've been. 1344 01:08:51,294 --> 01:08:52,480 - I was in the back of the house, 1345 01:08:52,504 --> 01:08:53,606 and I looked through the woods, 1346 01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:57,507 and I saw eric deep down in the woods 1347 01:08:57,592 --> 01:09:00,093 sitting on a chair all by himself. 1348 01:09:00,178 --> 01:09:03,096 It's been a really emotional process for him, 1349 01:09:03,181 --> 01:09:05,056 and I thought it was important to go 1350 01:09:05,142 --> 01:09:06,850 and see what's going on. 1351 01:09:06,935 --> 01:09:09,269 I just wanted to make sure you were okay. 1352 01:09:09,354 --> 01:09:11,521 - I made some decisions yesterday I regret, 1353 01:09:11,606 --> 01:09:13,940 and I don't need any more regrets. 1354 01:09:15,277 --> 01:09:17,004 Last night, when I wandered around 1355 01:09:17,028 --> 01:09:19,279 and went into each room that I could, 1356 01:09:19,364 --> 01:09:22,949 and I laid down on my bed in the master bedroom, 1357 01:09:23,034 --> 01:09:26,327 and just, none of it felt the same. 1358 01:09:26,413 --> 01:09:29,455 I laid down on the leather couches in the library, 1359 01:09:29,541 --> 01:09:33,918 and I just, it all felt foreign to me. 1360 01:09:34,004 --> 01:09:35,503 It didn't feel like home, 1361 01:09:35,589 --> 01:09:37,630 and that's just a strange thing to have. 1362 01:09:39,050 --> 01:09:43,553 Even though I know it's my home, I couldn't absorb it. 1363 01:09:43,638 --> 01:09:47,682 - eric, it is completely understandable 1364 01:09:47,767 --> 01:09:49,184 that it feels foreign to you, 1365 01:09:49,269 --> 01:09:53,688 because you have been living a different way for so long. 1366 01:09:54,900 --> 01:09:56,700 You've done a lotta work, 1367 01:09:56,776 --> 01:09:59,402 a lot of work psychologically. 1368 01:09:59,487 --> 01:10:00,653 You have. 1369 01:10:00,739 --> 01:10:02,488 It's been very painful for you. 1370 01:10:03,617 --> 01:10:05,700 Very, very painful, and I understand that. 1371 01:10:07,078 --> 01:10:09,162 - the overwhelming thought of all this 1372 01:10:09,247 --> 01:10:11,167 is that I won't be able to keep this up. 1373 01:10:15,003 --> 01:10:16,397 - the house the way it is now 1374 01:10:16,421 --> 01:10:18,296 versus the house it was before. 1375 01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:19,589 - yeah. 1376 01:10:19,674 --> 01:10:21,152 - it's the same house, 1377 01:10:21,176 --> 01:10:24,135 so that same concept of I'm not sure I can keep this up 1378 01:10:24,221 --> 01:10:27,013 is there, right, no matter what condition it was in. 1379 01:10:27,098 --> 01:10:29,807 Was in, is in, so we're in that same place. 1380 01:10:29,893 --> 01:10:32,685 But the condition it's in now, 1381 01:10:32,771 --> 01:10:34,771 it has promise and opportunity. 1382 01:10:34,856 --> 01:10:36,439 You could get a renter. 1383 01:10:36,524 --> 01:10:37,774 - yeah. 1384 01:10:37,817 --> 01:10:39,712 - that would bring in some income. 1385 01:10:39,736 --> 01:10:42,695 If you decide to sell this house, 1386 01:10:42,781 --> 01:10:45,198 scale down to something that's more manageable, 1387 01:10:45,283 --> 01:10:48,993 the value of the house today versus five days ago 1388 01:10:49,079 --> 01:10:50,954 is completely different. 1389 01:10:51,039 --> 01:10:52,330 - yeah. 1390 01:10:52,415 --> 01:10:53,164 - because what they would be looking at 1391 01:10:53,250 --> 01:10:54,370 is what do we have to do 1392 01:10:54,417 --> 01:10:57,377 to pay someone to get the landscaping up, 1393 01:10:57,462 --> 01:10:59,796 the pool up, the stuff out, 1394 01:10:59,881 --> 01:11:02,006 'cause you wouldn't have been able to do it, 1395 01:11:02,092 --> 01:11:04,592 physically or had the resources. 1396 01:11:04,678 --> 01:11:07,428 I don't ever want to negate anything that you're saying, 1397 01:11:07,514 --> 01:11:10,265 because it's your experience. 1398 01:11:11,643 --> 01:11:14,519 I guess for me, I'm trying to help you to see 1399 01:11:14,604 --> 01:11:19,232 that even though this has been so difficult for you 1400 01:11:19,317 --> 01:11:22,902 that there is some good that has come out of it. 1401 01:11:22,988 --> 01:11:26,364 And if you can focus on that, it can help to maybe 1402 01:11:26,449 --> 01:11:29,242 deal with the difficulty a little bit more. 1403 01:11:31,496 --> 01:11:32,556 - thanks for your time. 1404 01:11:32,580 --> 01:11:33,740 - absolutely. 1405 01:11:33,790 --> 01:11:34,934 I'll let you be for a little bit. 1406 01:11:34,958 --> 01:11:35,748 - well, I'll... 1407 01:11:35,834 --> 01:11:36,457 - you gonna come up? 1408 01:11:36,543 --> 01:11:37,983 - Yeah. - Okay. 1409 01:11:39,129 --> 01:11:41,107 It's understandable that he's struggling 1410 01:11:41,131 --> 01:11:42,255 to the degree that he is 1411 01:11:42,340 --> 01:11:46,592 because he was so connected to his stuff. 1412 01:11:46,678 --> 01:11:50,054 But I do feel that he's gonna be okay. 1413 01:11:50,140 --> 01:11:52,326 We're gonna to provide him with aftercare services. 1414 01:11:52,350 --> 01:11:55,393 We're gonna provide him with continued organizing services 1415 01:11:55,478 --> 01:11:58,771 so that he has the ongoing help that he's gonna need. 1416 01:12:08,658 --> 01:12:09,760 - whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1417 01:12:09,784 --> 01:12:12,618 Guys, guys, guys, hang on one second. 1418 01:12:12,704 --> 01:12:13,786 - Is that the bed? 1419 01:12:13,872 --> 01:12:15,121 - Yeah. 1420 01:12:15,206 --> 01:12:18,333 I stopped these guys in the middle. 1421 01:12:18,418 --> 01:12:21,294 Some people would say, "it's just a bed." 1422 01:12:21,379 --> 01:12:22,795 - yeah. 1423 01:12:22,881 --> 01:12:25,067 - Others would say, "holy cow, this is where my wife slept 1424 01:12:25,091 --> 01:12:28,343 "for many months," longer. 1425 01:12:29,763 --> 01:12:32,680 So I don't want it to go out without you just at least... 1426 01:12:34,017 --> 01:12:34,807 - Yeah. 1427 01:12:34,893 --> 01:12:35,911 - Well, stripped down like that, 1428 01:12:35,935 --> 01:12:37,371 it looks like a bed of pain to me, 1429 01:12:37,395 --> 01:12:38,978 and that's what it was for her. 1430 01:12:39,064 --> 01:12:40,708 It was a bed of pain and suffering, 1431 01:12:40,732 --> 01:12:45,485 and I am more than happy to say goodbye to it. 1432 01:12:46,946 --> 01:12:48,786 There's not fond and memories of it. 1433 01:12:48,823 --> 01:12:50,114 - yeah. 1434 01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:52,825 - Especially stripped of a mattress and everything, 1435 01:12:52,911 --> 01:12:55,161 it looks very uncomfortable, 1436 01:12:55,246 --> 01:12:57,580 and she was very uncomfortable in it. 1437 01:12:57,665 --> 01:13:00,833 - I have memories of szilvie in this bed 1438 01:13:00,919 --> 01:13:04,587 in the last days, and it wasn't pleasant to see. 1439 01:13:04,672 --> 01:13:06,047 - 'cause she was a champ. 1440 01:13:06,132 --> 01:13:09,050 She's the most courageous woman I've ever known 1441 01:13:10,220 --> 01:13:12,060 to go through all that in this bed. 1442 01:13:12,097 --> 01:13:14,305 So thanks for taking care of it for me. 1443 01:13:14,391 --> 01:13:15,056 - Off it goes! 1444 01:13:15,100 --> 01:13:16,474 Thank you, gentlemen. 1445 01:13:16,559 --> 01:13:18,119 Thank you. - Adios. 1446 01:13:29,114 --> 01:13:30,530 - so what is this? 1447 01:13:30,615 --> 01:13:32,426 You're talking about books that I shouldn't keep? 1448 01:13:32,450 --> 01:13:34,409 - just get rid of 'em, right. 1449 01:13:34,494 --> 01:13:36,305 - I know that you got some valuable books in here 1450 01:13:36,329 --> 01:13:37,912 you don't wanna part with. 1451 01:13:37,997 --> 01:13:39,038 - yeah, I do. 1452 01:13:42,377 --> 01:13:44,001 - we're boxing up the books. 1453 01:13:44,087 --> 01:13:46,045 You and I already negotiated. 1454 01:13:47,424 --> 01:13:49,276 You can, you know, you get rid of some clothes, 1455 01:13:49,300 --> 01:13:50,986 we'll let you keep some books, you know? 1456 01:13:51,010 --> 01:13:53,719 - They're nice books, but nobody needs this many books 1457 01:13:53,805 --> 01:13:55,930 unless they have somewhere to put 'em. 1458 01:13:57,267 --> 01:13:58,911 And just to put 'em up back in the attic 1459 01:13:58,935 --> 01:14:00,393 makes no sense at all. 1460 01:14:03,022 --> 01:14:04,917 - I know it makes no sense to put it back 1461 01:14:04,941 --> 01:14:06,232 in the attic whatsoever. 1462 01:14:06,276 --> 01:14:07,586 - I mean, I know you gotta do what you gotta do. 1463 01:14:07,610 --> 01:14:09,861 - I know, but it's a negotiation, 1464 01:14:09,946 --> 01:14:12,780 and he did get rid of nearly 10,000 1465 01:14:12,866 --> 01:14:14,198 pieces of clothing yesterday. 1466 01:14:14,284 --> 01:14:16,200 That's pretty amazing. 1467 01:14:16,286 --> 01:14:20,037 We have the equivalent of six tons worth of stuff 1468 01:14:20,123 --> 01:14:22,665 that he got rid of yesterday. 1469 01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:25,334 So, we have to look at what he's done, and... 1470 01:14:25,420 --> 01:14:28,504 - but he hasn't gotten rid of any books yet, right? 1471 01:14:28,590 --> 01:14:29,255 - No. 1472 01:14:29,340 --> 01:14:30,443 - Okay. - No books. 1473 01:14:30,467 --> 01:14:32,550 Family members, they don't wanna see 1474 01:14:32,635 --> 01:14:36,179 20 or 30 boxes of books going inside the house again. 1475 01:14:36,264 --> 01:14:38,347 They are trying to discourage eric 1476 01:14:38,433 --> 01:14:40,308 to get rid of all of these books, 1477 01:14:40,393 --> 01:14:41,559 but it's not gonna happen. 1478 01:14:41,644 --> 01:14:43,936 This is just one where he's holding his ground, 1479 01:14:44,022 --> 01:14:46,606 and actually, I support it. 1480 01:15:34,781 --> 01:15:36,989 Here we go. 1481 01:15:37,075 --> 01:15:38,658 Ah. 1482 01:15:38,743 --> 01:15:39,887 - It's a nice, cool house. 1483 01:15:39,911 --> 01:15:40,993 - It's a cool house. 1484 01:15:41,079 --> 01:15:42,515 - Oh my goodness! - Oh my gosh! 1485 01:15:42,539 --> 01:15:43,539 - Wow. 1486 01:15:47,252 --> 01:15:48,709 - Wow. - Oh wow. 1487 01:15:48,753 --> 01:15:49,753 - Got mom and dad. 1488 01:15:49,796 --> 01:15:51,337 - yeah, mom and dad. 1489 01:15:51,422 --> 01:15:52,171 - Look at that. 1490 01:15:52,257 --> 01:15:54,048 - That's szilvie's ashes. 1491 01:15:54,092 --> 01:15:55,049 Oh my goodness. 1492 01:15:55,093 --> 01:15:56,717 - Is that okay? 1493 01:15:56,761 --> 01:15:57,510 - Yeah, that's fine. 1494 01:15:57,595 --> 01:15:59,554 I was waiting for a place, 1495 01:15:59,639 --> 01:16:01,681 and as the organizer you are, 1496 01:16:01,724 --> 01:16:02,910 you found the place to put them. 1497 01:16:02,934 --> 01:16:04,286 - That's beautiful. - It is. 1498 01:16:04,310 --> 01:16:05,226 - This is under her mother's painting. 1499 01:16:05,311 --> 01:16:08,563 That's a perfect spot. 1500 01:16:08,606 --> 01:16:10,231 - The house looks so good. 1501 01:16:10,275 --> 01:16:12,233 Just walking into the foyer 1502 01:16:12,277 --> 01:16:15,903 and seeing how it didn't have a lot of things in it, 1503 01:16:15,947 --> 01:16:19,073 it was all organized, and seeing all the beautiful things 1504 01:16:19,117 --> 01:16:21,701 that szilvie had and loved. 1505 01:16:21,786 --> 01:16:24,203 - She loved blue delft too, the blue delft. 1506 01:16:24,289 --> 01:16:26,539 - Yeah, this is her favorite collection 1507 01:16:26,583 --> 01:16:28,416 of pottery right here. 1508 01:16:29,794 --> 01:16:32,106 - Just going through the house, my mouth just dropped open. 1509 01:16:32,130 --> 01:16:33,254 It was so beautiful. 1510 01:16:33,339 --> 01:16:34,608 - Wow. - Come on in. 1511 01:16:34,632 --> 01:16:36,716 - Oh my god. - Oh, look at this! 1512 01:16:36,801 --> 01:16:38,718 - What? - Oh my, wow. 1513 01:16:38,761 --> 01:16:40,739 - I'm literally floored by this here. 1514 01:16:40,763 --> 01:16:42,597 - yeah, oh, look at it. 1515 01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:43,701 - I need to sit down. 1516 01:16:43,725 --> 01:16:45,119 - your own little place here. 1517 01:16:45,143 --> 01:16:46,412 This is something. - Spectacular. 1518 01:16:46,436 --> 01:16:48,185 - yeah. 1519 01:16:51,858 --> 01:16:52,648 It looks good. 1520 01:16:52,692 --> 01:16:53,794 - looks real good. 1521 01:16:53,818 --> 01:16:55,421 - szilvie would be very happy. 1522 01:16:55,445 --> 01:16:56,445 - yeah. 1523 01:16:57,697 --> 01:16:59,113 Yeah, she would be. 1524 01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:11,375 - it's like she's officially gone. 1525 01:17:17,216 --> 01:17:19,278 This is where she spent her last days of her life 1526 01:17:19,302 --> 01:17:22,136 and it's just hard to walk in there 1527 01:17:22,221 --> 01:17:23,471 and there's nothing here 1528 01:17:26,184 --> 01:17:28,643 except for decorations that she was here. 1529 01:17:29,687 --> 01:17:32,313 - Eric, that bed being gone 1530 01:17:32,357 --> 01:17:35,983 doesn't represent her spirit being gone. 1531 01:17:36,027 --> 01:17:38,611 And you got so used to that bed being in here, 1532 01:17:38,655 --> 01:17:41,280 it became a part of you. 1533 01:17:41,324 --> 01:17:44,492 The condition of this room now 1534 01:17:44,535 --> 01:17:47,787 allows you to have her spirit in here. 1535 01:17:49,165 --> 01:17:51,499 She's still right next to your bed. 1536 01:17:51,542 --> 01:17:52,542 - Yeah. 1537 01:17:59,884 --> 01:18:03,469 It's refreshing to see things can change. 1538 01:18:07,892 --> 01:18:08,683 - Thank you. 1539 01:18:08,726 --> 01:18:10,351 Thank you for cleaning it up 1540 01:18:10,395 --> 01:18:14,480 and making it usable and functional again, 1541 01:18:14,565 --> 01:18:17,191 where it wasn't before. 1542 01:18:19,696 --> 01:18:21,904 It's an amazing transformation. 1543 01:18:21,989 --> 01:18:23,698 - Yes. - Yes, it is. 1544 01:18:23,783 --> 01:18:25,241 - You can only grieve so long, 1545 01:18:25,284 --> 01:18:29,870 and I think the squalor of his home was a conducive to this 1546 01:18:29,956 --> 01:18:32,873 depressed grieving state of mind he's in. 1547 01:18:32,917 --> 01:18:37,044 And I think now, hopefully he can move on past the grieving 1548 01:18:37,130 --> 01:18:38,357 and do great things in his life, 1549 01:18:38,381 --> 01:18:40,715 because he's a really talented guy 1550 01:18:40,758 --> 01:18:43,175 and I hope he can express that talent. 1551 01:18:43,261 --> 01:18:45,845 - I think this looks pretty much the same as it did 1552 01:18:46,764 --> 01:18:48,117 when it was originally decorated. 1553 01:18:48,141 --> 01:18:49,368 - Oh my gosh, look at it. - Come on in. 1554 01:18:49,392 --> 01:18:50,725 - Oh, beautiful. 1555 01:18:52,812 --> 01:18:54,019 Looks beautiful. 1556 01:18:54,063 --> 01:18:56,063 - We had a lot of good times here. 1557 01:18:56,107 --> 01:18:56,856 - Did you? 1558 01:18:56,941 --> 01:18:58,274 - Thanksgiving. 1559 01:18:58,359 --> 01:19:00,587 Szilvie's hungarian mother made us hungarian goulash. 1560 01:19:00,611 --> 01:19:01,902 That was something. 1561 01:19:01,946 --> 01:19:02,570 - This nice? 1562 01:19:02,655 --> 01:19:04,405 - Yes, it's beautiful. 1563 01:19:04,449 --> 01:19:07,742 - The last time I had a dinner in that dining room, 1564 01:19:07,785 --> 01:19:10,202 my daughter was 12 and my son was 10, 1565 01:19:10,288 --> 01:19:14,915 and now my daughter is 32 and my son is 28. 1566 01:19:15,001 --> 01:19:15,791 Fantastic. 1567 01:19:15,835 --> 01:19:16,584 - Beautiful. - Wonderful. 1568 01:19:16,669 --> 01:19:17,793 Dorothy, thank you. 1569 01:19:18,796 --> 01:19:21,547 Thank you for giving us a gathering place. 1570 01:19:21,632 --> 01:19:23,466 Family gathering place. 1571 01:19:23,551 --> 01:19:25,926 - I've been wanting to do a family dinner there. 1572 01:19:26,012 --> 01:19:28,429 And also, as far as the kitchen goes, 1573 01:19:28,473 --> 01:19:30,139 just being able to cook a meal. 1574 01:19:30,224 --> 01:19:34,059 So I'm really excited to have a family meal there with eric. 1575 01:19:34,771 --> 01:19:35,771 - Oh wow. 1576 01:19:37,648 --> 01:19:38,959 My goodness. - Oh my gosh. 1577 01:19:38,983 --> 01:19:40,941 Oh, all your musical pieces. 1578 01:19:40,985 --> 01:19:42,004 - his music studio. 1579 01:19:42,028 --> 01:19:43,464 - This is fantastic. - Look at this. 1580 01:19:43,488 --> 01:19:44,798 You can have your desk over there with your computer. 1581 01:19:44,822 --> 01:19:46,280 - or writing station, 1582 01:19:46,365 --> 01:19:47,801 as I like to think of it. - Or writing station. 1583 01:19:47,825 --> 01:19:50,618 - The whole point here is to be surrounded by szilvie. 1584 01:19:51,496 --> 01:19:52,203 Yeah. - Yes. 1585 01:19:52,288 --> 01:19:53,557 Yes. - Yeah. 1586 01:19:53,581 --> 01:19:58,292 And then for you to try to, inside of that love, 1587 01:20:00,004 --> 01:20:03,923 find your way through your own passions of music, 1588 01:20:04,008 --> 01:20:06,467 and writing, and books. 1589 01:20:06,511 --> 01:20:09,804 - I'm just flabbergasted by what this room looks like 1590 01:20:09,889 --> 01:20:11,972 compared to just a week ago at this time, 1591 01:20:12,058 --> 01:20:15,684 it didn't look like this, and its remake is remarkable. 1592 01:20:16,854 --> 01:20:19,605 Again, szilvie would just say, "you dumbbell, 1593 01:20:19,690 --> 01:20:21,941 "why did it take you so long to do this?" 1594 01:20:21,984 --> 01:20:22,775 - yes. 1595 01:20:22,819 --> 01:20:23,819 - Yep. 1596 01:20:24,904 --> 01:20:26,824 - she'd be smacking me upside the head. 1597 01:20:26,864 --> 01:20:29,323 - Here we are full of success, 1598 01:20:29,367 --> 01:20:30,699 but wait a minute, 1599 01:20:30,785 --> 01:20:35,162 I am really concerned that eric kept a lot of things. 1600 01:20:35,206 --> 01:20:38,165 Got rid of six tons worth of stuff, thank you very much, 1601 01:20:38,251 --> 01:20:41,001 but you also have the equivalent of 3000 boxes 1602 01:20:41,087 --> 01:20:42,253 still in the house. 1603 01:20:42,338 --> 01:20:43,649 They're in the attic, they're in the sunroom, 1604 01:20:43,673 --> 01:20:45,339 they're in the garage. 1605 01:20:45,424 --> 01:20:48,843 He still has financial bills, paperwork, 1606 01:20:48,886 --> 01:20:50,636 taxes that need to be filed. 1607 01:20:50,680 --> 01:20:52,054 His family is going to help him. 1608 01:20:52,139 --> 01:20:55,683 They all know where it's at, but it does need to get done. 1609 01:20:55,726 --> 01:20:57,538 Even if we have another organizer come back 1610 01:20:57,562 --> 01:20:58,769 to work with him, 1611 01:20:58,813 --> 01:21:01,355 I think that person also needs to be clued in 1612 01:21:01,399 --> 01:21:03,023 because we need to take care of 1613 01:21:03,067 --> 01:21:05,027 any financial obligations that he has. 1614 01:21:06,821 --> 01:21:11,991 - I appreciate y'all giving me some value, 1615 01:21:12,034 --> 01:21:16,662 and by being here I feel valued. 1616 01:21:16,747 --> 01:21:19,039 I really didn't feel very valued before. 1617 01:21:19,125 --> 01:21:23,878 I mean, because all I could see was my 1618 01:21:23,921 --> 01:21:26,005 not so wonderful handiwork. 1619 01:21:27,091 --> 01:21:28,891 - I couldn't ask for anything more 1620 01:21:28,926 --> 01:21:31,552 in terms of the progression of eric's growth 1621 01:21:31,637 --> 01:21:32,845 during this process. 1622 01:21:32,930 --> 01:21:34,889 He's exactly where he needs to be. 1623 01:21:34,974 --> 01:21:39,059 What I'm most concerned about is when I leave. 1624 01:21:39,103 --> 01:21:42,062 There are a lot of people right now giving him support 1625 01:21:42,106 --> 01:21:45,399 and he is going to be alone in this house. 1626 01:21:45,443 --> 01:21:47,735 This is really when things are going to kick in for him. 1627 01:21:47,820 --> 01:21:49,780 He's going to have to find the strength 1628 01:21:49,822 --> 01:21:53,741 and the determination to not open up that computer 1629 01:21:53,784 --> 01:21:56,410 and go to the web and start shopping. 1630 01:21:56,495 --> 01:21:58,370 So, the final touch 1631 01:21:58,414 --> 01:22:00,581 that dorothy and I would like to offer you, 1632 01:22:00,666 --> 01:22:03,584 and we've talked a little bit about this, is after care. 1633 01:22:03,628 --> 01:22:04,460 - Yes. - Okay? 1634 01:22:04,503 --> 01:22:07,254 And that will include therapy, 1635 01:22:07,298 --> 01:22:09,443 which you have already said that you would embrace, 1636 01:22:09,467 --> 01:22:11,425 and I'm holding you to it. 1637 01:22:11,469 --> 01:22:12,259 - Okay. 1638 01:22:12,303 --> 01:22:13,427 - okay? 1639 01:22:13,512 --> 01:22:15,324 And dorothy is going to work to find someone 1640 01:22:15,348 --> 01:22:17,681 who will come to your home and continue to help you 1641 01:22:17,767 --> 01:22:22,811 go through the boxes that are in your rooms. 1642 01:22:24,190 --> 01:22:25,709 - I'm just glad that he's able to get some aftercare, 1643 01:22:25,733 --> 01:22:27,191 get some support. 1644 01:22:27,234 --> 01:22:30,945 He's going to have a organizer and a therapist to help him. 1645 01:22:31,030 --> 01:22:36,075 I think now he can really honor szilvie with this house 1646 01:22:37,328 --> 01:22:39,139 and keep it looking beautiful with respect to her. 1647 01:22:39,163 --> 01:22:43,582 This gives them a goal to have, gives him some purpose. 1648 01:22:43,626 --> 01:22:45,125 I think he'll do well. 1649 01:22:45,211 --> 01:22:46,293 I hope he'll do well. 1650 01:22:47,797 --> 01:22:50,798 - Especially want to thank my brother, marcus, 1651 01:22:50,883 --> 01:22:52,778 who kicked me in the butt several times 1652 01:22:52,802 --> 01:22:54,468 about getting this done. 1653 01:22:54,512 --> 01:22:56,637 All I could do is get mad at them and say, 1654 01:22:57,848 --> 01:22:58,992 "you don't know what you're talking about," 1655 01:22:59,016 --> 01:23:00,808 even though he did. 1656 01:23:00,851 --> 01:23:02,496 But that's what big brothers are for, 1657 01:23:02,520 --> 01:23:05,145 to remind you where you fall short. 1658 01:23:05,231 --> 01:23:06,500 - Well worth every second of it. 1659 01:23:06,524 --> 01:23:07,398 - Well, I'm glad. 1660 01:23:07,441 --> 01:23:09,274 And my brother, he's very busy. 1661 01:23:09,360 --> 01:23:10,651 He works in a hospital. 1662 01:23:10,736 --> 01:23:13,654 He had to take the time out to be here. 1663 01:23:13,739 --> 01:23:15,280 I really do appreciate you. 1664 01:23:15,366 --> 01:23:16,490 - Happy to do it. 1665 01:23:16,534 --> 01:23:17,324 - Thank you. - Very happy. 1666 01:23:17,368 --> 01:23:18,492 - Yeah. 1667 01:23:18,536 --> 01:23:19,618 I'm glad. 1668 01:23:19,704 --> 01:23:22,162 Mom and dad would be very happy to see this 1669 01:23:22,206 --> 01:23:25,457 and see us united in this way for this effort. 1670 01:23:25,501 --> 01:23:26,917 And thank you, laurie, 1671 01:23:27,003 --> 01:23:29,962 for being willing to take time away from your job as well. 1672 01:23:30,006 --> 01:23:31,630 I just can't thank y'all enough. 1673 01:23:31,716 --> 01:23:32,840 - It's been a pleasure. 1674 01:23:32,883 --> 01:23:35,676 - And then rita was so willing, 1675 01:23:36,887 --> 01:23:39,513 and, you know, she could've just said, 1676 01:23:39,557 --> 01:23:40,617 "it's your problem, eric." 1677 01:23:40,641 --> 01:23:43,017 but she said she made it her problem. 1678 01:23:43,060 --> 01:23:45,019 I appreciate that. 1679 01:23:45,062 --> 01:23:46,248 That y'all all took the time 1680 01:23:46,272 --> 01:23:48,856 to make my problem your problem, 1681 01:23:48,941 --> 01:23:51,859 and give me a helping hand. 1682 01:23:51,944 --> 01:23:53,152 More than one helping hand. 1683 01:23:53,195 --> 01:23:56,196 So, that's what I needed to get through this, 1684 01:23:56,240 --> 01:24:00,534 and hopefully it will be a sustainable effort 1685 01:24:00,619 --> 01:24:02,661 on y'all's part and it won't be in vain. 1686 01:24:04,040 --> 01:24:07,875 I would just like to say, szilvie, just, I love you 1687 01:24:07,918 --> 01:24:12,588 and I hope this 1688 01:24:12,673 --> 01:24:14,214 brings a smile to your face. 1689 01:24:14,258 --> 01:24:15,591 I'm sure it does. 1690 01:24:15,676 --> 01:24:21,680 And I just miss you and I'm glad we had this chance 1691 01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:24,683 to give your home back, 1692 01:24:24,769 --> 01:24:27,811 and people could remember you in a better way, 1693 01:24:27,897 --> 01:24:29,063 in a fond way. 1694 01:24:34,717 --> 01:24:36,717 >>>>oakislandtk<<<<< www.opensubtitles.org