1 00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:06,506 Hey, Mike. Have you seen Kyle? 2 00:00:06,511 --> 00:00:07,749 I swung by his desk 3 00:00:07,754 --> 00:00:09,618 to tell him this new knock-knock joke I heard 4 00:00:09,622 --> 00:00:10,694 and he hasn't come in yet. 5 00:00:10,699 --> 00:00:12,697 Well, maybe he knew that you were gonna tell him 6 00:00:12,701 --> 00:00:14,422 a knock-knock joke. 7 00:00:14,427 --> 00:00:16,832 - (MURMURS) - Hey. Hey, sorry I'm late, guys. 8 00:00:16,837 --> 00:00:18,605 Couldn't find my keys, I almost died 9 00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:19,711 and I forgot to set my alarm. 10 00:00:19,715 --> 00:00:21,538 - What? - W-Wait. But what happened, son? 11 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,665 I guess I fell asleep before I set it. 12 00:00:23,669 --> 00:00:26,102 - Not the alarm. You said you almost died. - ED AND KYLE: Yeah. 13 00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:28,362 - All right, so I just stepped out of our new apartment... - ED: Yeah. 14 00:00:28,366 --> 00:00:31,197 ... and this gorgeous butterfly flew by. 15 00:00:31,202 --> 00:00:33,200 You would be the first man to have been killed 16 00:00:33,204 --> 00:00:36,035 - by a gorgeous butterfly. - Yeah. 17 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,538 Well, no, no, I-I chased after it. 18 00:00:38,543 --> 00:00:40,982 But a huge branch fell right where I was standing 19 00:00:40,987 --> 00:00:42,784 a split second before. 20 00:00:42,789 --> 00:00:44,210 If not for that butterfly, 21 00:00:44,215 --> 00:00:46,264 - I would have been killed. - MIKE: Mm. Yeah, I remember 22 00:00:46,268 --> 00:00:49,382 my first near-death experience was, boy, someplace in Peru. 23 00:00:49,387 --> 00:00:50,568 Thought I fell on a mountain. 24 00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,409 We grabbed a rock at the last minute. S... 25 00:00:52,414 --> 00:00:54,579 - But, man, does that... That's life-changing. - Mm. 26 00:00:54,584 --> 00:00:56,273 I got right home. First thing I did... 27 00:00:56,278 --> 00:00:57,299 made up a will. 28 00:00:57,304 --> 00:00:58,651 ED: That reminds me of mine. 29 00:00:58,655 --> 00:00:59,910 Yeah, the next day, 30 00:00:59,915 --> 00:01:01,777 I went on a three-day bender in Mexico. 31 00:01:01,782 --> 00:01:04,063 - (CHUCKLES) - That was a near-death experience also. 32 00:01:04,068 --> 00:01:05,623 But what a way to go. 33 00:01:05,628 --> 00:01:08,692 Well, I think... I think the point is... 34 00:01:08,697 --> 00:01:09,995 it's a good point... that, you know, 35 00:01:09,999 --> 00:01:11,595 you're a growing family now, you know? 36 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:12,913 Might be a great time 37 00:01:12,918 --> 00:01:14,575 for you to start doing some estate planning. 38 00:01:14,579 --> 00:01:17,076 - Huh? - Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 39 00:01:17,081 --> 00:01:18,911 Estate? 40 00:01:18,916 --> 00:01:21,414 What are we, Mr. and Mrs. Batman? 41 00:01:21,419 --> 00:01:24,584 Just listen to the man. He knows what he's talking about. 42 00:01:24,589 --> 00:01:25,769 Knock-knock. 43 00:01:25,774 --> 00:01:27,119 Oh, I love these. 44 00:01:27,124 --> 00:01:28,547 You never know who's behind the door. 45 00:01:28,551 --> 00:01:30,148 - Right. - Who's there? 46 00:01:30,153 --> 00:01:32,517 Batman's parents. 47 00:01:32,522 --> 00:01:33,780 But they're dead. 48 00:01:34,816 --> 00:01:37,647 And the only way the kid could afford to be Batman 49 00:01:37,652 --> 00:01:40,370 is because his parents made out a will. 50 00:01:42,031 --> 00:01:43,511 'Kay. 51 00:01:43,516 --> 00:01:45,847 His knock-knock jokes are kind of sad. 52 00:01:45,852 --> 00:01:47,015 Yeah, I know. 53 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:49,116 But the good ones are happy. Come on. 54 00:01:49,121 --> 00:01:50,444 I have a whole book of them. Come here. 55 00:01:50,448 --> 00:01:52,945 - Knock-knock. Knock-knock. - Who's there? 56 00:01:52,950 --> 00:01:55,093 ♪ ♪ 57 00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:58,098 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 58 00:01:59,649 --> 00:02:00,979 Hey. 59 00:02:00,984 --> 00:02:03,982 I thought, uh, trail mix would be the perfect snack 60 00:02:03,987 --> 00:02:05,633 for estate planning. 61 00:02:05,638 --> 00:02:10,062 Something about "trail" and the path you're on. 62 00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,564 I don't know. Just me? 63 00:02:11,569 --> 00:02:13,583 Just you. 64 00:02:13,588 --> 00:02:16,208 Well, I'm really glad you got them to do this. 65 00:02:16,213 --> 00:02:18,388 It's one of the grim realities of being a parent, 66 00:02:18,393 --> 00:02:20,239 even though it's gonna be scary for them. 67 00:02:20,244 --> 00:02:23,763 - Woo-hoo! Who's ready for some estate planning? - Hey, guys. 68 00:02:24,749 --> 00:02:26,412 Oh, you put out trail mix. 69 00:02:26,417 --> 00:02:29,324 Because we'll be talking about our path. 70 00:02:29,329 --> 00:02:31,009 Thank you, Kyle. 71 00:02:31,014 --> 00:02:33,328 I feel seen. 72 00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:36,246 - Well, thanks for coming over. And, um... - Yeah. 73 00:02:36,251 --> 00:02:38,224 ... a lot of this information is kind of uncomfortable, 74 00:02:38,228 --> 00:02:41,227 - but it-it really needs to be read and heard, okay? - No, yeah, 75 00:02:41,232 --> 00:02:43,305 - no problem. We are ready. Right, babe? - All right. 76 00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:44,923 - Sure. - MIKE: (CLEARS THROAT) Good. 77 00:02:44,928 --> 00:02:46,165 Kinda. 78 00:02:46,170 --> 00:02:47,266 Not really. 79 00:02:47,271 --> 00:02:49,151 Oh. Hey, look, I get it. 80 00:02:49,156 --> 00:02:51,262 Y-You don't want to think about your spouse dying. 81 00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:53,848 But-but, trust me, the more you talk about it, 82 00:02:53,853 --> 00:02:55,125 the easier it becomes. 83 00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:56,518 Yeah. 84 00:02:56,523 --> 00:02:58,189 How often do you talk about it? 85 00:02:59,134 --> 00:03:01,781 This just isn't what I-I thought it would be. 86 00:03:01,786 --> 00:03:04,425 Well, yeah, they call it estate planning, 87 00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:06,711 but what you're really doing is planning for when you die. 88 00:03:06,716 --> 00:03:09,756 - (CHUCKLES) No version of this you come out alive. - Nope. 89 00:03:10,870 --> 00:03:11,883 It's okay, babe. 90 00:03:11,888 --> 00:03:14,477 Just remember that when we do pass on, 91 00:03:14,482 --> 00:03:16,267 we'll meet together in heaven again. 92 00:03:16,272 --> 00:03:17,672 - Okay. - A-And just make sure 93 00:03:17,677 --> 00:03:19,349 to wear that red dress so I'll be able to find you. 94 00:03:19,353 --> 00:03:20,651 - Oh, the cute one with the bow? - MIKE: Right. 95 00:03:20,655 --> 00:03:21,779 - Guys. Guys. - No, no, no, the strapless one 96 00:03:21,783 --> 00:03:23,605 - with all the sparklies. - Oh, my gosh, the sparkles. 97 00:03:23,609 --> 00:03:25,207 Hey, hey, hey, hey. Can we just focus here 98 00:03:25,211 --> 00:03:27,117 - for just a minute, please? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. 99 00:03:27,121 --> 00:03:29,458 But-but Kyle's right. Go with the sparkly one. 100 00:03:29,463 --> 00:03:31,943 I just don't like to think about Mandy dying. 101 00:03:31,948 --> 00:03:32,956 - VANESSA: Okay. - Would it be easier 102 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,657 if we just talked about you dying? 103 00:03:35,662 --> 00:03:36,991 Uh, depends. 104 00:03:36,996 --> 00:03:39,936 Uh, how do I die? Was I doing something cool, 105 00:03:39,941 --> 00:03:42,747 like saving a bunch of animals from a burning building or... 106 00:03:42,752 --> 00:03:44,674 anything involving a bungee? 107 00:03:44,679 --> 00:03:48,052 Right. Well, all signs point to strangulation 108 00:03:48,057 --> 00:03:49,545 in a comfortable chair. 109 00:03:49,550 --> 00:03:51,196 VANESSA: Guys, 110 00:03:51,201 --> 00:03:53,824 come on. You just... you're not taking this seriously. 111 00:03:53,829 --> 00:03:55,882 Come on. I know it's scary. It sucks. 112 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:57,188 But you're doing this for your... 113 00:03:57,192 --> 00:03:59,255 for Sarah, for your daughter. 114 00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:01,716 This is only in the unfortunate circumstance 115 00:04:01,721 --> 00:04:03,143 that both of you die. 116 00:04:03,148 --> 00:04:04,149 You know, who's gonna take care of her? 117 00:04:04,153 --> 00:04:05,976 - What's gonna happen to her? - You need to find 118 00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:08,798 a guardian for Sarah that you both trust. 119 00:04:08,803 --> 00:04:10,233 Somebody that would raise her 120 00:04:10,237 --> 00:04:12,727 - the way you want her to be raised, okay? - So... 121 00:04:12,732 --> 00:04:15,322 I think maybe we should go home 122 00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:16,883 and talk about this a little more. 123 00:04:16,887 --> 00:04:20,152 Yeah. Yeah, I think so, too. 124 00:04:20,157 --> 00:04:21,828 Thank you, guys. 125 00:04:21,833 --> 00:04:23,030 Thanks. 126 00:04:23,035 --> 00:04:25,184 All right, see you later. 127 00:04:26,171 --> 00:04:28,059 - (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) - (EXHALES) 128 00:04:28,064 --> 00:04:31,758 Really, how often do you talk about me dying? 129 00:04:36,994 --> 00:04:37,994 Oh. 130 00:04:37,999 --> 00:04:39,670 There she is! 131 00:04:39,675 --> 00:04:42,632 (LAUGHS) How's our newest executive assistant? 132 00:04:42,637 --> 00:04:44,133 So excited. 133 00:04:44,138 --> 00:04:46,594 - And it's such a fancy title. - Ooh. 134 00:04:46,599 --> 00:04:50,006 Although the only other title I've had is busboy, 135 00:04:50,011 --> 00:04:54,010 which wasn't fancy or biologically accurate. 136 00:04:54,015 --> 00:04:57,439 Well, well, there's a lot less chewed food in this gig. 137 00:04:57,444 --> 00:04:59,744 Well, not none... but less. 138 00:05:01,189 --> 00:05:03,853 I'm determined to do this job better than anyone ever. 139 00:05:03,858 --> 00:05:05,463 - Oh. Well... - Got any tips? 140 00:05:05,468 --> 00:05:08,524 Well, you know, it's always helped me to, you know, 141 00:05:08,529 --> 00:05:10,119 act like a Marine. (GRUNTS) 142 00:05:10,123 --> 00:05:13,696 That probably worked for you because you are a Marine. 143 00:05:13,701 --> 00:05:15,531 Anybody could act like one. 144 00:05:15,536 --> 00:05:18,034 Uh, Marines are respectful, 145 00:05:18,039 --> 00:05:19,936 professional, focused, 146 00:05:19,941 --> 00:05:22,130 uh, confident, effective, 147 00:05:22,135 --> 00:05:25,211 cheerful in the face of death. 148 00:05:25,972 --> 00:05:28,729 What happened to the person I'm replacing? 149 00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:30,205 (CHUCKLES) 150 00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:31,593 Look sharp, Cadet. 151 00:05:32,796 --> 00:05:34,794 - Yes, sir. - (CHUCKLES) There you go. 152 00:05:34,798 --> 00:05:37,134 So, as executive assistant, 153 00:05:37,139 --> 00:05:38,739 is there anything I could do for you? 154 00:05:38,744 --> 00:05:40,815 Well, um... 155 00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:42,801 Whoa. Running low on paper clips. 156 00:05:42,806 --> 00:05:45,153 - I'm on it, sir. - Mm. 157 00:05:45,158 --> 00:05:47,196 How many? Six? Seven? 158 00:05:47,201 --> 00:05:49,307 Uh, a Marine would just bring the box. 159 00:05:49,312 --> 00:05:50,417 Of course. 160 00:05:50,422 --> 00:05:51,585 Just bring a box. 161 00:05:51,590 --> 00:05:53,965 Think, Jen, think. 162 00:05:56,762 --> 00:05:59,651 - Okay, Sarah's finally asleep. - Ah. 163 00:05:59,656 --> 00:06:01,086 Just read her the periodic table. 164 00:06:01,091 --> 00:06:03,930 So, of course, now I'm jazzed. (LAUGHS) 165 00:06:03,935 --> 00:06:07,299 Did she ask you why the symbol for potassium is "K"? 166 00:06:07,304 --> 00:06:08,950 I-I never knew that, either. 167 00:06:08,955 --> 00:06:10,346 I don't know what that's all about. 168 00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,731 - Uh, have you heard from Mandy and Kyle? - Mm. 169 00:06:12,735 --> 00:06:15,223 They should be finished with our estate lawyer by now. 170 00:06:15,228 --> 00:06:17,203 Yeah, just got a text from her. Said "We're on our way. 171 00:06:17,207 --> 00:06:19,595 We found the perfect couple to be Sarah's guardians". 172 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:20,763 With the wink emoji. 173 00:06:20,768 --> 00:06:23,358 You think they're talking about us? 174 00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:26,631 Hey, she used the word "perfect". 175 00:06:27,534 --> 00:06:29,772 Should we talk about it? 176 00:06:29,777 --> 00:06:31,851 Un-Unless you don't care one way or the other. 177 00:06:31,855 --> 00:06:33,518 Oh, I care. I care. I care. 178 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:34,810 But-but do you care? 179 00:06:34,815 --> 00:06:37,297 Oh, yes, yes. Very much. 180 00:06:37,302 --> 00:06:40,600 - S-So, what are... what are you thinking? - No, ladies first. 181 00:06:40,605 --> 00:06:43,195 - Go. No, come on, come on. - No, no, no, no, no. You go ahead. Go ahead. You go ahead. 182 00:06:43,199 --> 00:06:45,470 What are we, kids? Listen. All right, let's, uh, 183 00:06:45,475 --> 00:06:47,195 - go on three together. Ready? One. - Okay. All right. 184 00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:48,199 - Two. - Three. 185 00:06:48,204 --> 00:06:49,943 I don't want to be Sarah's guardian. 186 00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:52,128 - Ooh, wow. Wow. - Oh, wow! Wow! 187 00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:54,262 I thought we were gonna do it at the same time. 188 00:06:54,267 --> 00:06:55,883 - I can't believe you feel that way. - (SIGHS) 189 00:06:55,887 --> 00:06:58,467 I know. I'm... I am such a horrible grandmother. 190 00:06:58,472 --> 00:06:59,727 I'm so selfish. I... (GROANS) 191 00:06:59,732 --> 00:07:01,796 - You must hate me. - No, no, no. 192 00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:04,050 Couldn't love you any more than I do right now. I don't want 193 00:07:04,054 --> 00:07:06,669 - to take care of Sarah. I don't want to be her guardian, honey. - Oh, thank God. 194 00:07:06,673 --> 00:07:09,328 - Oh, honey. Oh, good. Okay, okay. - Oh, yeah. 195 00:07:09,333 --> 00:07:11,816 - But we love her. I love her to death. So much. - Yes. Oh, so, so much. 196 00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:13,174 - Yeah. - But, really, can you see us 197 00:07:13,178 --> 00:07:14,842 - chasing that kid all over the house? - No, no. No. 198 00:07:14,846 --> 00:07:16,327 - I mean, wow. - Oh, like a Tasmanian devil, 199 00:07:16,331 --> 00:07:17,671 - throwing stuff around. - Yeah. 200 00:07:17,676 --> 00:07:19,340 - Touching all my tanks? No way. - But-but... 201 00:07:19,344 --> 00:07:22,133 - it's such an honor just to be chosen. - Yeah, yeah. 202 00:07:22,138 --> 00:07:24,601 You know, we got to get Mandy and Kyle to pick somebody else. 203 00:07:24,606 --> 00:07:27,088 - Well, it's easily done. We just use the age card. - Okay. 204 00:07:27,093 --> 00:07:28,956 - Yeah? Oh. - We'll do the "things... everything's falling apart". 205 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,926 - You know? Come on. We can... we can play that. - Okay. All right, all right. 206 00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:31,945 - All right, just... - Hello. We're back. 207 00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:33,596 - Hi there. - Hi. Hey. Hi. 208 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,856 Thanks so much for watching Sarah. 209 00:07:34,860 --> 00:07:37,473 Well, watching her is one thing, but hearing her... 210 00:07:37,478 --> 00:07:39,101 Is she crying now? I can't even tell because my... 211 00:07:39,105 --> 00:07:42,087 Yeah, well, you know, and I went up there to check on her... 212 00:07:42,092 --> 00:07:44,181 And chased her around today. Your knees. Are they all right? 213 00:07:44,185 --> 00:07:47,308 - She's fine, but my knees are shot. Ow. - She runs so fast. 214 00:07:47,313 --> 00:07:50,578 Anyway, so you guys texted, said you found the perfect 215 00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:53,197 - guardians for Sarah? - Oh, yeah, that's right. 216 00:07:53,202 --> 00:07:56,417 - Um... um... - Come on. It's Mark. 217 00:07:56,422 --> 00:07:59,713 Mike! I don't even remember my own name sometimes. 218 00:07:59,718 --> 00:08:01,914 Yeah. And not just any guardians, 219 00:08:01,919 --> 00:08:03,775 the best ones imaginable. 220 00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:05,509 Yeah. You guys ready for this? 221 00:08:05,514 --> 00:08:07,461 - Mm-hmm. - Okay, if anything happens to us, 222 00:08:07,466 --> 00:08:09,781 the people we've chosen to care for Sarah are... 223 00:08:09,786 --> 00:08:11,300 BOTH: Ed and Bonnie. 224 00:08:11,304 --> 00:08:13,118 - Ed? - Bonnie? 225 00:08:13,123 --> 00:08:14,588 - SARAH (CALLING OUT): Mommy. - Oh, Sarah's up. 226 00:08:14,592 --> 00:08:15,593 We should get her home for dinner. 227 00:08:15,597 --> 00:08:16,651 Hey, yeah, let's feed her 228 00:08:16,656 --> 00:08:18,207 while she's still ours. 229 00:08:26,894 --> 00:08:29,634 Hey. Oh, it's you. Is Kyle here? 230 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:31,912 Oh, I'm good, thanks. 231 00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:34,488 Uh, yeah, he's picking up the woodchipper that we rented. 232 00:08:34,493 --> 00:08:36,749 We're gonna get rid of that branch that tried to kill him. 233 00:08:36,753 --> 00:08:38,152 Oh, and you think the wood chipper will 234 00:08:38,156 --> 00:08:39,836 finish him off, huh? 235 00:08:39,841 --> 00:08:42,957 Well, you know, it's not a bad thing that you're here. 236 00:08:42,962 --> 00:08:45,026 Mike Baxter said it's not a bad thing that I'm here. 237 00:08:45,031 --> 00:08:46,785 I will tell my therapist. 238 00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:50,337 Oh, I think you have bigger fish to fry. 239 00:08:50,342 --> 00:08:51,947 Listen, um... 240 00:08:51,952 --> 00:08:55,984 did you know that Kyle and Mandy 241 00:08:55,989 --> 00:08:59,454 picked Ed and, uh, Bonnie to be Sarah's guardian? 242 00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:01,197 - What? Really? - Yeah. 243 00:09:01,202 --> 00:09:03,366 We just assumed they would pick us. 244 00:09:03,371 --> 00:09:04,651 Yeah. Kind of hurts. 245 00:09:04,656 --> 00:09:06,821 You probably want to talk to your therapist now, huh? 246 00:09:06,826 --> 00:09:09,006 (EXHALES) Seriously. 247 00:09:09,711 --> 00:09:11,041 Oh, you're mocking me. 248 00:09:11,046 --> 00:09:13,284 Vanessa and I just found this out, 249 00:09:13,289 --> 00:09:15,679 and we both think somebody should gently 250 00:09:15,684 --> 00:09:18,048 tell them to change their mind. 251 00:09:18,053 --> 00:09:19,474 You don't do "gently". 252 00:09:19,479 --> 00:09:22,477 Probably should talk to my therapist about that. 253 00:09:22,482 --> 00:09:24,346 Oh, you-you see a therapist? 254 00:09:24,351 --> 00:09:26,148 That's... Oh, you're mocking me. 255 00:09:26,153 --> 00:09:28,150 - I really want... - (CLEARS THROAT) 256 00:09:28,155 --> 00:09:30,393 - Oh, hey. Yeah. - Hey, Mr. B. 257 00:09:30,398 --> 00:09:31,787 Hey, did you come to help? 258 00:09:31,792 --> 00:09:33,514 Woody Woodchipper is all set up. 259 00:09:33,519 --> 00:09:35,275 That's what I named the woodchipper. 260 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:38,568 No. As much as I love the sound of a good woodchipper, 261 00:09:38,573 --> 00:09:41,979 um, I'm actually impressed that you two are doing this together. 262 00:09:41,984 --> 00:09:43,940 Or did you invite Ed over to help you out? 263 00:09:43,945 --> 00:09:46,076 Oh, Mr. Alzate? No, no, today's the day 264 00:09:46,081 --> 00:09:47,544 he paints watercolors. 265 00:09:47,549 --> 00:09:50,288 Yeah, last week he painted horses. 266 00:09:50,293 --> 00:09:52,566 Or it might have been dogs. 267 00:09:52,571 --> 00:09:54,176 I don't know, they had legs. 268 00:09:54,181 --> 00:09:56,534 Yeah, well, you know, Ed's got a lot of hobbies. 269 00:09:56,539 --> 00:09:58,222 You know, I think it's the time in his life he... 270 00:09:58,226 --> 00:10:00,333 he should have the ability to enjoy those hobbies. 271 00:10:00,337 --> 00:10:01,416 Oh, yeah, I agree. 272 00:10:01,421 --> 00:10:03,276 Is this about the will? 273 00:10:03,281 --> 00:10:06,746 Yeah. I mean, you picked Ed. I don't know why. 274 00:10:06,751 --> 00:10:09,766 Because he's the greatest man I know. 275 00:10:09,771 --> 00:10:11,446 Second greatest. 276 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,364 Or tied. Ooh, don't do this to me. 277 00:10:15,369 --> 00:10:18,516 Uh, could be a three-way tie. Standing right here. 278 00:10:18,521 --> 00:10:21,370 You've really given me something to think about. 279 00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:23,147 Oh, hey, and if you need help thinking about it... 280 00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:25,615 you know, someone who shares your values and worldview... 281 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,743 I'm your man. 282 00:10:27,748 --> 00:10:30,770 Oh, hey, my butterfly is back. 283 00:10:30,775 --> 00:10:33,048 No, no, don't go near the chipper. 284 00:10:33,053 --> 00:10:36,534 It's not a cave, it's a tunnel of knives. 285 00:10:36,539 --> 00:10:38,870 Kyle, the woodchipper's not on. 286 00:10:38,875 --> 00:10:41,351 He doesn't know that. 287 00:10:45,857 --> 00:10:47,896 Good afternoon, sir. 288 00:10:47,901 --> 00:10:50,457 Check that. It's not quite 01200. 289 00:10:50,462 --> 00:10:52,067 Good morning, sir. 290 00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:55,229 - Jen? Hi. - Yes, ma'am. 291 00:10:55,234 --> 00:10:57,148 Oh. Oh, please don't call me that. 292 00:10:57,152 --> 00:10:59,741 Reminds me of the first time somebody did that. 293 00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,317 I was only 18. 294 00:11:01,322 --> 00:11:03,970 Granted, I was pushing a stroller. 295 00:11:03,975 --> 00:11:06,656 That sounds like an upsetting experience. 296 00:11:06,661 --> 00:11:09,587 I hate that you had to go through that, ma'am. 297 00:11:10,424 --> 00:11:13,146 Well... Jen, what is going on with you? 298 00:11:13,151 --> 00:11:15,747 Susan in accounting said that you saluted her? 299 00:11:15,752 --> 00:11:17,191 I mean, it kind of freaked her out. 300 00:11:17,196 --> 00:11:20,745 Darn it. I knew that would seem weird in the ladies' room. 301 00:11:20,750 --> 00:11:23,797 Listen. Listen, Jen. Jen, listen. 302 00:11:23,802 --> 00:11:25,416 Look at me. Look at me. It's okay. 303 00:11:25,421 --> 00:11:28,178 I know that finding your place here can be a little stressful. 304 00:11:28,183 --> 00:11:31,773 You know what I do? Just treat everyone like family. 305 00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:34,458 Lovingly, but with a hint of passive-aggressive 306 00:11:34,463 --> 00:11:36,698 childhood resentment under the surface? 307 00:11:37,651 --> 00:11:40,297 Not quite. Uh, no, I mean, 308 00:11:40,302 --> 00:11:43,434 you know, friendly, familiar, casual. 309 00:11:43,439 --> 00:11:46,012 - Okay. - Okay. So, uh, 310 00:11:46,017 --> 00:11:48,126 what would you say to me if I just entered the room? 311 00:11:49,204 --> 00:11:52,355 Hello, Kristin. Welcome to the room! 312 00:11:53,115 --> 00:11:56,856 Okay. Okay, uh, maybe a little more relaxed. 313 00:11:56,861 --> 00:11:59,429 Okay. Uh... 314 00:12:00,957 --> 00:12:04,142 Good afternoon, Kris. 315 00:12:05,828 --> 00:12:10,306 Better. Uh, just really loosen up. You know, just... 316 00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:14,777 Uh... 'sup, girlfriend? 317 00:12:18,066 --> 00:12:20,471 Hey, Ed, have you seen my chair? 318 00:12:20,476 --> 00:12:23,386 It's under my butt. 319 00:12:24,146 --> 00:12:27,144 Well, hose it off and give it back to me. 320 00:12:27,149 --> 00:12:29,513 Kyle said, after talking to you, 321 00:12:29,518 --> 00:12:32,392 he and Mandy no longer want me to be the guardian. 322 00:12:32,397 --> 00:12:35,428 - So that's what this is about? - Mm-hmm. You know, 323 00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:37,839 him asking meant a lot to me, Mikey. 324 00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:40,842 Yeah, taking care of Sarah, which I do all the time. 325 00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:42,736 You don't want any part of this. 326 00:12:42,741 --> 00:12:44,680 Of course I don't. I'm not an idiot. 327 00:12:44,684 --> 00:12:46,515 I already raised my own kids. 328 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,408 Well, so what are you mad about? 329 00:12:48,413 --> 00:12:52,412 You know, I botched that job, and my kids barely speak to me, 330 00:12:52,417 --> 00:12:54,417 but when Kyle asked me, it was almost like 331 00:12:54,422 --> 00:12:58,508 somebody finally telling me that I was a good dad. 332 00:12:59,533 --> 00:13:01,363 I get it. Listen. 333 00:13:01,368 --> 00:13:04,348 I-I did it 'cause I thought I was doing you a favor. 334 00:13:04,353 --> 00:13:07,852 All right, it's not your fault, all right? It's... 335 00:13:07,857 --> 00:13:09,520 What can I do? 336 00:13:09,525 --> 00:13:11,615 You've known me a long time. You know what I want. 337 00:13:11,619 --> 00:13:14,287 - For me to drop it. - Bingo. 338 00:13:15,048 --> 00:13:16,787 Well, you've known me a long time, 339 00:13:16,791 --> 00:13:19,133 and you know I'm not going to. 340 00:13:37,128 --> 00:13:39,459 Hey, Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man. 341 00:13:39,464 --> 00:13:41,811 We sell magic here. 342 00:13:41,816 --> 00:13:45,414 Not the kind where big faces in small rooms "ooh" and "ah" 343 00:13:45,419 --> 00:13:46,908 as you guess their card. 344 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:50,227 I'm talking about the spell that lasts generations. 345 00:13:50,232 --> 00:13:52,114 There's nothing more magical for a kid 346 00:13:52,118 --> 00:13:53,564 than his first hunting trip. 347 00:13:53,569 --> 00:13:57,902 On mine, my dad gave me my first drag on one of his Pall Malls. 348 00:13:57,907 --> 00:13:59,588 (LAUGHS, COUGHS) 349 00:13:59,593 --> 00:14:02,798 Yeah, that trip made me fall in love with the outdoors 350 00:14:02,803 --> 00:14:04,759 and guaranteed I'd never be a smoker. 351 00:14:04,764 --> 00:14:06,986 Boy, that ad writes itself, doesn't it? 352 00:14:06,991 --> 00:14:08,738 "Fresh mountain air got you down? 353 00:14:08,743 --> 00:14:11,491 Here, suck on one of these death sticks". Geez. 354 00:14:11,496 --> 00:14:15,161 My favorite story from American literature about passing down 355 00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:19,182 the hunting tradition is William Faulkner's "The Bear". 356 00:14:19,187 --> 00:14:21,934 The mentor's name is Sam Fathers. 357 00:14:21,939 --> 00:14:25,188 Gee, could you be more on the nose with that, Bill? 358 00:14:25,193 --> 00:14:28,006 But old Sam isn't little Ike's dad, 359 00:14:28,011 --> 00:14:29,391 because the author understood 360 00:14:29,396 --> 00:14:31,102 you don't have to be someone's father 361 00:14:31,107 --> 00:14:32,679 to be a great father figure. 362 00:14:32,684 --> 00:14:35,765 Faulkner was a very wise man, even if he could never 363 00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:37,851 get the hang of how to use a period. 364 00:14:37,856 --> 00:14:40,078 That guy's stream of consciousness is longer 365 00:14:40,083 --> 00:14:41,692 than the wait at the DMV. 366 00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:45,089 Well, maybe you've been lucky enough to have someone 367 00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:46,783 in your life who picked up the slack 368 00:14:46,788 --> 00:14:49,011 where your own dad fell short. 369 00:14:49,016 --> 00:14:50,940 These guys are the real heroes to me. 370 00:14:50,944 --> 00:14:53,200 So here's to all the father figures, 371 00:14:53,205 --> 00:14:55,536 stepfathers, uncles, coaches, teachers 372 00:14:55,541 --> 00:14:57,705 and mentors who have filled that void 373 00:14:57,710 --> 00:15:00,165 and helped shape lost young bucks 374 00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:02,985 into the men who could become great dads themselves. 375 00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:05,137 And now for a little more magic. 376 00:15:05,142 --> 00:15:08,324 Behold as I disappear. 377 00:15:08,329 --> 00:15:11,372 Baxter... out. 378 00:15:14,184 --> 00:15:16,866 - Hey, Chuck. - Hey. 379 00:15:16,871 --> 00:15:18,893 What happened to your chair? 380 00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:20,578 I don't know. 381 00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:24,418 And as head of security, I find that embarrassing. 382 00:15:25,777 --> 00:15:27,608 - Your papers, sir. - Oh, great. 383 00:15:27,613 --> 00:15:29,379 I encountered some resistance with the copy machine, 384 00:15:29,383 --> 00:15:30,681 but the situation has been handled. 385 00:15:30,685 --> 00:15:32,582 Thank you, Jen. 386 00:15:32,587 --> 00:15:34,920 Um, at ease? 387 00:15:37,249 --> 00:15:38,579 Jen? 388 00:15:38,584 --> 00:15:42,766 Oh, hey, Krispy-critter. What's going on, boss lady? 389 00:15:42,771 --> 00:15:46,611 - (LAUGHS) Jen. - What's up, C-Note? 390 00:15:46,616 --> 00:15:48,430 I mean... sir. 391 00:15:48,435 --> 00:15:50,491 Are you okay? 392 00:15:50,496 --> 00:15:52,584 I don't know. (PANTING) 393 00:15:52,589 --> 00:15:54,177 I'm just trying to fit in. 394 00:15:54,182 --> 00:15:57,592 Mr. Baxter gave me this job, and I don't want to let him down. 395 00:15:58,418 --> 00:16:00,900 - Chuck, you've been here a long time. - Mm-hmm. 396 00:16:00,905 --> 00:16:05,614 Have you ever seen my father give anybody anything? 397 00:16:05,619 --> 00:16:07,791 Well, he gives me crap all the time. 398 00:16:07,795 --> 00:16:10,844 But only time he'll give you a job is if you've earned it. 399 00:16:10,849 --> 00:16:13,949 Jen, if he hired you to be an executive assistant, 400 00:16:13,954 --> 00:16:15,849 it means that he knew you were ready for it. 401 00:16:15,854 --> 00:16:18,368 It means he-he saw something in you. 402 00:16:18,373 --> 00:16:20,945 Really? Like what? 403 00:16:20,950 --> 00:16:23,874 I don't know. What do you think it was? 404 00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:27,044 Well, I guess I'm smart, 405 00:16:27,049 --> 00:16:29,491 and I have good judgment. 406 00:16:30,436 --> 00:16:34,254 And people like me, and I'm honest. 407 00:16:35,282 --> 00:16:38,647 Hey, I should just be myself. 408 00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:41,466 - That's a great idea. - (LAUGHTER) 409 00:16:41,471 --> 00:16:43,911 I'm clever, I'm funny, 410 00:16:43,916 --> 00:16:46,046 - I've got really cute shoes. - Oh. 411 00:16:46,051 --> 00:16:49,049 Yeah. We get it. (LAUGHS) 412 00:16:49,054 --> 00:16:50,334 You ready to start over? 413 00:16:50,339 --> 00:16:54,905 Yes, ma'am. I mean... Kris. Thank you. 414 00:16:54,910 --> 00:16:58,274 - And thank you. Mr. Larabee. - Mm. 415 00:16:58,279 --> 00:17:00,044 Now, do either of you need anything? 416 00:17:00,049 --> 00:17:02,622 No. I'm good. 417 00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:05,645 I'd like to find the knucklehead who took my chair. 418 00:17:06,738 --> 00:17:08,972 Oh, I think Mr. Baxter has it. 419 00:17:10,742 --> 00:17:12,809 I'm good. 420 00:17:15,913 --> 00:17:19,413 Hey, I got a message I was supposed to come to your office. 421 00:17:19,418 --> 00:17:21,518 Not from me. I'm brooding. 422 00:17:22,196 --> 00:17:25,424 Listen, Ed, you said you were having a meeting about... ? 423 00:17:25,429 --> 00:17:27,752 - What? You, too? - Ah... 424 00:17:27,757 --> 00:17:29,756 All right, something weird is going on here. 425 00:17:29,761 --> 00:17:32,275 Oh, good. All right, you're all here. 426 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,596 If this is an intervention, I'm gonna need a drink, 427 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,705 and I drink alone. 428 00:17:36,710 --> 00:17:38,600 All right, I brought you guys here 429 00:17:38,604 --> 00:17:41,025 because I-I have a few things that I wanted to say. 430 00:17:41,030 --> 00:17:43,471 - Mm-hmm. - Okay, what's with the note cards? 431 00:17:43,475 --> 00:17:45,548 Oh, uh, sometimes when I get emotional, 432 00:17:45,552 --> 00:17:48,108 I lose my train of thought, so I've written some things down. 433 00:17:48,113 --> 00:17:50,794 Oh, good. There's gonna be emotions. 434 00:17:50,799 --> 00:17:51,970 - Mm. - Okay. 435 00:17:51,975 --> 00:17:56,950 All right, Mr. B, I-I watched your vlog on father figures, 436 00:17:56,955 --> 00:17:59,456 and I realized that you were talking to me. 437 00:18:00,415 --> 00:18:03,155 And-and when we finished watching it, Mandy and I... 438 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,200 we sat down, and we had a long conversation 439 00:18:05,205 --> 00:18:10,406 about who would be the best guardian for Sarah. 440 00:18:10,411 --> 00:18:13,575 And we decided on you, Mr. B. 441 00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:15,678 Oh, wonderful. That's another punch to the gut. 442 00:18:15,683 --> 00:18:18,389 Okay, can everybody get out of my office now, please? 443 00:18:18,394 --> 00:18:20,245 - Go. - Now, hold on, son. Hold on. - Hang on. 444 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:21,751 - MIKE: Wait a minute... - Hang on, Mr. B. 445 00:18:21,755 --> 00:18:25,646 - We also decided on you, Ryan. - Yes! 446 00:18:25,651 --> 00:18:26,830 (CLEARS THROAT QUIETLY) 447 00:18:26,835 --> 00:18:27,835 How nice of you 448 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,563 to make this announcement in my office. 449 00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:34,668 We also decided on you, Mr. Alzate. 450 00:18:34,673 --> 00:18:37,415 Yeah, that's t... Yes. 451 00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:41,848 Are you sure that tree branch didn't hit you in the head? 452 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:46,212 We want you all three to be Sarah's guardians. 453 00:18:46,217 --> 00:18:47,547 Hmm. Well. 454 00:18:47,552 --> 00:18:49,460 If I'm... 455 00:18:50,190 --> 00:18:52,523 I'm gonna look at the cards now. 456 00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,706 "If I'm a good father at all, 457 00:18:54,711 --> 00:18:57,709 it's because of the three men in this room. 458 00:18:57,714 --> 00:19:01,241 I love you all so much, and..." 459 00:19:02,704 --> 00:19:05,109 Ryan, take the cards. Take... Get the cards. 460 00:19:05,114 --> 00:19:06,870 Okay. 461 00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:09,339 - Come on. - "I love you all so much, 462 00:19:09,344 --> 00:19:11,633 and I know that I wouldn't be the father I am today 463 00:19:11,638 --> 00:19:14,681 (CRYING): if it weren't for the influence... 464 00:19:15,717 --> 00:19:18,623 ... you all made in my life". 465 00:19:18,628 --> 00:19:21,037 Give me the damn cards. 466 00:19:21,873 --> 00:19:24,796 - Whoa. - (MUTTERS): What kind of guys are these? 467 00:19:24,801 --> 00:19:26,965 "This is the best way for me to honor 468 00:19:26,970 --> 00:19:29,601 what you three amazing fathers mean to me". 469 00:19:29,606 --> 00:19:31,636 (CLEARS THROAT) 470 00:19:31,641 --> 00:19:33,730 Three. 471 00:19:33,735 --> 00:19:35,065 It's nice, Kyle. 472 00:19:35,070 --> 00:19:38,494 So you and Kristin will be the primary guardians. 473 00:19:38,499 --> 00:19:40,162 - Yes! - But then, 474 00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:43,106 Mr. B, Mr. Alzate... you'll have a say 475 00:19:43,111 --> 00:19:44,333 on all the big decisions. 476 00:19:44,338 --> 00:19:46,320 Sounds like a plan. 477 00:19:47,082 --> 00:19:49,655 - Hey, oh, let's go tell Kris, Okay? - Yeah. 478 00:19:49,659 --> 00:19:52,636 Ooh. Gonna need these cards. 479 00:19:53,421 --> 00:19:55,660 - Hmm. - He's a good kid. 480 00:19:55,665 --> 00:19:56,845 Yeah, he is a good kid. 481 00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:58,821 I watched that vlog you made for him. 482 00:19:58,826 --> 00:20:00,073 I can see why he loved it. 483 00:20:00,078 --> 00:20:03,593 Actually didn't make that for him. I made that for you, Ed. 484 00:20:03,598 --> 00:20:06,079 - For me? - Yes, for you. Um... 485 00:20:06,084 --> 00:20:08,447 you literally have been like a father to me. 486 00:20:08,452 --> 00:20:10,173 You really have, over these years, and I wouldn't be 487 00:20:10,177 --> 00:20:12,912 the man I am today without... without you. 488 00:20:14,092 --> 00:20:16,681 Mikey. One second here. 489 00:20:16,686 --> 00:20:18,332 - Ah. - Take your chair back. 490 00:20:18,337 --> 00:20:20,167 Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Just sit down. 491 00:20:20,172 --> 00:20:21,612 I'll wheel you in. I'll wheel you in. 492 00:20:21,616 --> 00:20:23,931 - Sit down. Say when. - Give me a ride. Give me a ride. Go. 493 00:20:23,935 --> 00:20:25,965 - Don't hit anything. This way. Go, go. - Okay. 494 00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:27,525 You're getting heavy. You getting fat? 495 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:29,814 Huh? Watch it. Watch it. Watch the door... ! 496 00:20:35,055 --> 00:20:37,944 Okay. Sarah's finally asleep. 497 00:20:37,949 --> 00:20:40,557 - Oh, thank you for putting her to bed, Mom. - Oh. 498 00:20:40,561 --> 00:20:42,247 You know, it usually takes us forever. 499 00:20:42,252 --> 00:20:44,075 First, she wants a book, then another book. 500 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,377 Then she wants some water, and then I want some water. 501 00:20:46,382 --> 00:20:48,322 Well, she's never fussy with me. 502 00:20:48,327 --> 00:20:50,381 She usually just goes right out. 503 00:20:50,386 --> 00:20:53,068 So you just read her that chemical thingamajig? 504 00:20:53,073 --> 00:20:56,371 - Yes. Yes, the periodic table. - Well, how does it even work? 505 00:20:56,376 --> 00:20:58,982 Well, I just start at the beginning, and then... 506 00:20:58,987 --> 00:21:00,391 I'll show you. Here. 507 00:21:00,396 --> 00:21:03,373 Um, okay. 508 00:21:04,215 --> 00:21:06,654 Uh, hydrogen. 509 00:21:06,659 --> 00:21:10,452 First discovered by Henry Cavendish in 1766. 510 00:21:10,457 --> 00:21:12,412 Although, interestingly, 511 00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:16,124 Robert Boyle produced it as early as 1671. 512 00:21:16,129 --> 00:21:19,685 Um, then next up is helium. 513 00:21:19,690 --> 00:21:21,338 It's the lightest of the noble gases. 514 00:21:21,343 --> 00:21:24,415 It holds one atomic orbital, but we may run out of it 515 00:21:24,420 --> 00:21:26,569 in 30 years, so get used to your balloons 516 00:21:26,573 --> 00:21:28,064 just laying on the carpet. 517 00:21:31,103 --> 00:21:33,135 Even Sarah makes it to tellurium. 518 00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:40,280 (CHICKEN CLUCKS) 519 00:21:40,285 --> 00:21:44,285 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -