1 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,438 - Ah. 2 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:20,476 - What? 3 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,360 It's still dark. What's going on? 4 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,437 Oh, it's the Egg Hunter app. 5 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:27,072 It says you're ready to be fertilized 6 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,740 with an ad for Turf Builder. 7 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:30,238 Weed & Feed? 8 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,320 Why don't you get the paid version? 9 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,695 I guess I could do it. 10 00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:38,041 Hey, no, it's too early, 11 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,709 and ovulation takes a couple days, 12 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:42,458 so let's just wait till I lay a couple more eggs or whatever. 13 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,353 How do you know so little about the female body? 14 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,547 I went to Catholic school. 15 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,257 I only know what they show in paintings. 16 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:20,708 - Hello, I'm new here. - I'm not telling you my name. 17 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,287 Our special today is penne à la vodka 18 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:26,003 and Red Bull, and our soup is Italian divorce. 19 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,304 I'll be back with your NDAs. 20 00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,295 Great, so great. 21 00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,550 Hey, guys, what are we doing? 22 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,341 Larry owns everything. We got Scottie Pippen'd. 23 00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,886 What kind of world are we living in 24 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:39,769 where people are taking down other people's content? 25 00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:42,268 Okay, I dug up our old agreement with Larry, 26 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,600 and I think he used 27 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,725 an old Ringling Brothers contract. 28 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,822 Not even for humans... for bears. 29 00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,438 Why did we sign it? 30 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,629 We were kids. We didn't know. 31 00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,663 I really liked my signature. 32 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,737 Bottom line is, he owns all the copyrights, 33 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,583 and he can sue if we sing any Girls5eva songs 34 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:00,949 - without his permission. - Great. 35 00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:03,615 - So now what? - I have to keep working here? 36 00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,455 I can't take this any longer. 37 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,590 Wickie, it's your first day. 38 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,417 Look, our songs were great. We just need more of them. 39 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:11,843 How did we even get the old ones? 40 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,813 Up next, "No Hat Required." 41 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,479 It's either about condoms 42 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:25,187 or a late 1920s shift in men's fashion. 43 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,648 - Either way, try to sound horny. - Always. 44 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,479 Lar, I-I wrote a song, if we need it after. 45 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,435 Um, it's about something that doesn't kill you 46 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,921 - making you stronger. - What, like vampires? 47 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,155 Stay in your lane. 48 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,924 - We got Swedes who handle this. - It's stupid. 49 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,843 Look, we only have the room for two more minutes, 50 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:39,737 so sing fast. 51 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,754 We'll slow it in post. Go! 52 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,539 Swedes? 53 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,548 Pardon. 54 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,508 I got it. Let me see. 55 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:01,933 "Lyrics by Alf Mu-usic." 56 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,813 Well, that sounds Swedish. 57 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,100 Oops. Dawn, if you had a mustache, 58 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,604 would you want me to tell you that? 59 00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:10,145 Our songs were written by Alf Music? 60 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,793 Oh, my God, he's written for everyone! 61 00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:16,147 Black Eyed Peas, Britney, Katy Perry! 62 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,631 He's the one who came up with rhyming 63 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,525 - "fire" and "tiger." - No! 64 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:22,704 Oh, he has more Grammys than LeVar Burton. 65 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,124 What, you don't follow who wins for audio books? 66 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,413 How do we find Alf Music 67 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,286 and get him to write us another hit? 68 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,793 Eff it. 69 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:33,214 I am booking us four tickets to Stockholm. 70 00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,344 - He lives an hour away. - Siri, undo! 71 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,859 - Apparently he's a reclusive, 72 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,343 and he never leaves his compound, 73 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,045 and he recently turned down a collaboration with Future 74 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:43,516 because he's only concerned with the present. 75 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,226 Jesus, this guy's the big times. 76 00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:46,976 Ooh, I found the main studio line. 77 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,728 There's always a way to meet a man with an ego. 78 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,191 Ooh. 79 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,485 - Music-Music International. - How may I hang up on you? 80 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,797 - This is Jonathan Barron 81 00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:59,241 from MasterClass. 82 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,950 We wish to invite Alf Music 83 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,241 to be our definitive teacher 84 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:06,834 on our class on birthing a hook. 85 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:09,371 Alf is out of the country, but I'll relay the message. 86 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:10,576 Not a problem. 87 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,285 We'll just call David Guetta instead. 88 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,746 - Burn. - David Guetta? 89 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,086 I am superior. Set the meeting, Emil. 90 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,009 - We're in. 91 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,774 The doorway is arched, and the entryway is arched. 92 00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,438 We could live like kings in Indianapolis. 93 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,267 That house is $48. 94 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:33,862 It has a in-ground trampoline. 95 00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,688 Maxie, come sit with us. 96 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:38,154 - Oscar is sitting there. - Right. 97 00:04:38,194 --> 00:04:40,614 Your invisible friend. Can you sit on his lap? 98 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,235 No, I would hurt him. 99 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:46,370 Oh, Jesus, the Egg Hunter app. 100 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,621 Insert in five, four... 101 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,462 - It's so aggressive. 102 00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,537 My phone was... off. 103 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:53,633 Timing isn't bad though. 104 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:55,998 They just put the final tile in the backsplash. 105 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:59,296 I know what that does to you. I'll set up Max with the iPad. 106 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,631 Uh, don't you want to see 107 00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:03,045 if the couple embraces clean lines? 108 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,354 What is up with you? 109 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:06,407 Are you not in for another baby? 110 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:07,641 I thought we had a plan. 111 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,182 Two kids, then two dogs. 112 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:11,635 Then once they're in college and dog cemeteries, 113 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:14,186 we do a thousand puzzles, and then we die. 114 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,480 It's... it's just the group. 115 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,864 You know, things are more complicated now. 116 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:23,112 I... I could use some time to figure things out. 117 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,592 If you don't put the addition on now, 118 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:25,776 it'll be too late. 119 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:26,945 I get it. I'm 40. 120 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,003 We also need to think about Max. 121 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,287 Are we really gonna deprive him of a sibling? 122 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,225 I just don't want him to turn out weird, you know? 123 00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:34,959 Max isn't gonna be weird. 124 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,841 If I didn't have my property brother, 125 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,878 - my life would be meaningless. - Oh, Jesus. 126 00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,338 I've never been this excited to meet a man. 127 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,216 I mean, Mark Ruffalo at a pet store 128 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:47,512 came close, but... 129 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,635 I'm sorry, but I requested no conversation. 130 00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,983 - Oh, he's such a cutie. - Oh. 131 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,194 - And I don't lie about that. - I'll call a pig a pig. 132 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:01,485 Thanks, I know. 133 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,005 - Max is the best. - Wow. 134 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,409 Yeah, he's a classic New York lonely boy. 135 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,289 - What? - New York lonely boy. 136 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,908 A son born to older parents 137 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,745 who's more comfortable around adults than kids. 138 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:18,001 Yeah, they're all over the city, eating sushi. 139 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:21,134 They usually wear a fedora, high-fiving a doorman. 140 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,382 That sounds like some Manhattan shit. 141 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,046 We're Queens people. 142 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,564 Our heat comes from one really hot, vertical pipe. 143 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:30,967 No, they're in all the boroughs 144 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:32,306 except Staten Island 145 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:34,245 'cause there's never been an only child from there. 146 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,559 How do you know about this? 147 00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,233 Half my patients have one, 148 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:40,072 but you're in good company. John Slattery has one. 149 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:44,398 Kyle MacLachlan has one. Matthew Broderick is one. 150 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:47,026 That is it. 151 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,743 Leaping labia! 152 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,833 - Oh, my God. - Yes. 153 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:53,619 First MasterClass question, Alf. 154 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:55,173 How would you like to be a part 155 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:59,376 of the biggest comeback in pop music history? 156 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,669 Sounds neat. Fun question. 157 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,134 Teaching is quite easy. 158 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,925 Well, guess what. 159 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,850 - It's us. - We reunited. 160 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,352 I do not recognize you, which can mean only... 161 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:18,403 You are Girls5eva! 162 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,068 - Coffee order, sir. - Who wants what from the truck? 163 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,187 We're the PAs. 164 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,443 A white frittata or mushroom omelet 165 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,526 or the soup is ham. 166 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,281 We already did the reveal, guys. 167 00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:31,493 G5E, look at you. 168 00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,540 And only one is dead. 169 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,249 That's pretty good, actually. 170 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,419 So you remember us? 171 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,627 How could I forget my only failure. 172 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,128 Other than my nine marriages. 173 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,209 I wouldn't use the word failure. 174 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:46,844 Oh, is there a word in English worse than failure? 175 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:50,013 Because in Swedish, it is... 176 00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,063 It describes a state in one's life 177 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,307 when you must shit and your only hut. 178 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:55,639 - Oh. - Huh. 179 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,234 My whole career has been touched 180 00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,148 by Odin's golden thumb... 181 00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,437 - Platinum, double platinum... 182 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,732 But you are the one exception. 183 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,816 Only the one hit. 184 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:10,121 - You are my white whales. - That's very rude. 185 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,946 Well, we're back together, so... 186 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:17,623 From your song, "Seize the Tonight ." 187 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:18,964 - Yeah. - Oh. 188 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:22,378 You use my own beautiful words against me. 189 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:26,089 I am intrigu-ed, but real talk. 190 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:30,431 It has been an entire Zendaya since you have recorded music. 191 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:33,048 A test. Sing my charade! 192 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,176 - Oh, my goodness. - What? 193 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,022 Okay. 194 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,766 - What? 195 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,452 It was the concept of generosity. 196 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,832 - Ugh! - Crap! 197 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:56,949 I almost said that. 198 00:08:56,995 --> 00:09:00,745 But you have more than one good. 199 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,710 - You have the goods. - Oh, my God. 200 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,462 - The muse has mounted me. - Oh! 201 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,213 - Emil will be in touch! - Okay. 202 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,965 Let him know if you prefer email or text. 203 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:13,388 FYI, my mouth looks good when it says "wow." 204 00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,256 Dawn, I quit the restaurant. 205 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,313 Look at us, making big moves 206 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,314 with major players. 207 00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:25,996 - Alf's gonna write us a hit. 208 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,984 And then teens will TikTok to it. 209 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,486 Like... 210 00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:31,818 - Oh! 211 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:32,923 - I don't know. - Whoa, Dawn. 212 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,737 Charli D'Amelio will figure it out. 213 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,373 Then we get invited to Jingle Ball, 214 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,869 then world tour, then standing ovation 215 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:43,583 during the Grammys in memoriam montage. 216 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:44,852 I skipped over a bunch of stuff. 217 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:45,996 Don't worry. 218 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:47,884 We die at 90 in a yacht explosion. 219 00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,843 Wait, is that a... 220 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,863 Gloria was right. Oh, no. 221 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,359 I will not adjust my pace for you! 222 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,413 - Hey. - Hey. 223 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,578 - How was the studio? - Amazing, amazing! 224 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,826 Hey, Maxie, baby. 225 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,999 Wow, that is a cool drawing of you and Daddy. 226 00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:07,249 - It's me and Oscar. - Your imaginary friend? 227 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:10,922 - What... isn't he a little boy? - He's a doorman. 228 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,762 Oh, shit. 229 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,007 Yeah, um, hey, hey, hey, let's, um... 230 00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,890 - Let's do something fun, huh? - Okay, Mommy. 231 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,427 - Let's dance! - Yes, let's dance! 232 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,561 Let's dance! 233 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,782 Okay, you want to do the Elmo Slide or... 234 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,926 Alexa play "The Daily." 235 00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:30,112 Today on "The Daily," our broken... 236 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,858 - Shut up, Michael Barbaro! - Alexa, shut up! 237 00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,991 Ugh, I'm gonna give you to Goodwill. 238 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,988 - Alexa, off. - Aw, man. 239 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,030 - Are you okay? 240 00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,834 We are not giving Max a normal childhood. 241 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,287 He's a New York lonely boy. 242 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,947 - We need to make a baby now. - I'll get the iPad. 243 00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:49,326 - No, um... it'll be fine. - I'll fix him. 244 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,879 Help yourself to smoked salmon. 245 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,301 - We have it in fish or vape. 246 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,636 Fuck me. This is pole caught. 247 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,097 Whoa, what is this award? 248 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,216 Alf's Bjorky, 249 00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,012 the ultimate Nordic music prize. 250 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,283 Resist the urge 251 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,807 to stare directly into it. 252 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,980 - Alf will be with you... - Now. 253 00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,899 - Oh. - Smart house, heard it all. 254 00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,779 I birthed a seriously hot hook. 255 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,817 It arrived during a sauna fever. 256 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,280 Let's lay it down fresh. 257 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,911 Just feel it, you know, messy, messy. 258 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,159 Raw as surstromming. 259 00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,331 - Okay. - I'll lead it off. 260 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,119 - Of course, of course. - And... playback. 261 00:12:57,027 --> 00:13:00,067 Sorry, Alf. 262 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,073 This song is five stars, wow, wow, wow, 263 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,196 but could I just go grab a tea real quick 264 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,544 - to slick my instrument? - Sure, sore Wickers. 265 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,920 I need to take a smoke break anyway. 266 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,337 Okay. Let's take five hours. 267 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,879 Group meeting now. 268 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,591 Oh, my goodness. 269 00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:24,432 - What is wrong with you two? - Yeah! 270 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,141 I don't know about that song. 271 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:27,891 - What? - Yes, thank you. 272 00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,312 Do we really want to call ourselves 273 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:32,942 - side pieces for life? - Oh, right. 274 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,189 Because it should be "side pieces five life." 275 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,111 I mean, my nieces shouldn't aspire 276 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,240 to be side pieces. They are built to be farmers. 277 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,818 I thought Alf was gonna write us 278 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:45,583 - a fun song like our old stuff. - Are you kidding? 279 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,787 That song is exactly like our old stuff. 280 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,566 How have I never noticed this? 281 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:29,286 Do earworms bore holes in your brain? 282 00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:32,207 We performed "Dream Girlfriends" last week. 283 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:33,997 There's a whole verse about how we agree 284 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,580 that female stand-ups are a drag. 285 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:37,705 - Oh, my God. - Are we part of the problem? 286 00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,962 Did we cause Hillary to lose Pennsylvania? 287 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,915 - Oh, grow up! - This is pop music, 288 00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:43,465 - not Vermont public radio. - Yeah. 289 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,338 We were no wronger than anyone else. 290 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,805 Britney, " I'm A Slave 4 U," Destiny's Child "Cater 2 U,". 291 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:49,967 ABBA, "Dancing Queen" 292 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,425 - was only 17. - Right. 293 00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,644 You two are just being prudes. 294 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,435 Oh, no, ma'am, no. 295 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,978 - I power walk to "WAP", okay? - Mm-hmm. 296 00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,653 I am positively sex-positive. 297 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:01,942 I will whip out a titty 298 00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:05,235 right now like a hard-boiled egg. 299 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,530 I get why we sang this stuff as teenagers, 300 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,044 but we have adult ear holes now. 301 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,486 Don't mess this up for me. 302 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:12,996 I have a lot riding on this group. 303 00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,538 And I don't? 304 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,751 I'm putting off having a second baby for this group. 305 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:17,751 So what do you want? 306 00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:18,882 A song that's all... 307 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,050 Well, you're undermining your point 308 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,276 because that sounds freaking amazing. 309 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,890 Then let me sing it. 310 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,256 It would be like... 311 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,522 - Oh, honey. - Well, what do you want to do? 312 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,191 Tell a guy with a thousand Grammys 313 00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,439 that we don't like his song? 314 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:42,861 Yeah, what do you want to do? 315 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,321 Smart house. 316 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,926 You have a problem with my song? 317 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,660 I worked quite hard on it. 40 minutes, 20 metric. 318 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,664 No, it's fire. 319 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:00,539 right before "cram it wherever." 320 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:02,585 Yeah, let's lay that down, ladies. 321 00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,549 Vanta, vanta. You too 322 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,680 why do you look like children during darkness months? 323 00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:12,558 Well, since you took Wickie's note about "wow," 324 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:15,517 I'm not crazy about calling myself a side piece. 325 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:18,688 No judgment on side pieces if that's a piece's choice. 326 00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:21,018 It just doesn't feel very reflective of my life. 327 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:24,534 Music isn't facts, Dawn. 328 00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:28,407 Okay, "Despaticito"? Like, that's not a real word. 329 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:31,696 My song is not accurate to your experience? 330 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:35,791 Well, certainly not my verse where I bed down a teenage boy. 331 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,579 I mean, I'm deep-fried gay, Alf. 332 00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:40,462 I could write a bridge where you experiment 333 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,420 with a tattoo waitress for your boyfriend's birthday. 334 00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:45,591 I love women when they are gay like this. 335 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:48,840 - I may not be gay like that. - I might be. 336 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,513 We don't know. 337 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,223 - What? - I have spent my whole career 338 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:57,064 writing songs for women, 339 00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,230 but now you make me feel as if I know nothing. 340 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:04,070 - We didn't mean to offend you. - You have not offended me. 341 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,777 You have challenged me. 342 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,857 This is garbage for Girls5eva. 343 00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:12,782 - Oh! 344 00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,704 I will write you a song fresh and authentic 345 00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,414 from an adult woman's perspective. 346 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:19,825 But maybe leave out the mom stuff. 347 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,543 It won't sell. I'm not a magician. 348 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:24,343 Please do. It's so gross. 349 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,667 - That was empowering. - We got lucky. 350 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,673 Whatever he comes back with, we are taking. 351 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,125 - Well, obvs. 352 00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,755 I have never been the problem here. 353 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,101 - Did I put my breasts back? - Yeah, I did. 354 00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:37,767 I knew that I did, but I always worry that I didn't 355 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,887 like leaving a curling iron on. 356 00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,444 Okay, what flavor do you want, buddy? 357 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,359 - Earl Grey. - Earl Grey? 358 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,437 Jesus, okay. They don't have that. 359 00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:48,823 What about... what about chocolate? 360 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:52,700 - No, thank you, Mama. - Mama, can we go there? 361 00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,164 Uh, just come have some chocolate, Max. 362 00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,372 I don't want to! 363 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:01,001 - Have a childhood! - Don't fight it. 364 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:04,713 Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, 365 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,711 but it looks like you've got yourself 366 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,302 a New York lonely boy there. 367 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,337 Um... yeah. 368 00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:12,801 I guess I do, John Slattery. 369 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,892 All I can say is congratulations. 370 00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:17,258 A New York lonely boy is the greatest gift 371 00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,925 - a parent could ask for. - It is? 372 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,194 - Heck, yeah. - I had five siblings. 373 00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,412 I was too busy fighting for food 374 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,789 to develop a single goddamn interest, 375 00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,483 but this kid, he teaches us things. 376 00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:29,153 He knows Mandarin. He makes sourdough bread. 377 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,742 He makes these little movies. 378 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,672 - Oh, with the marionettes. - It's very imaginative. 379 00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:33,946 Yeah, loves museums. 380 00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,988 Oh, he's really good at a dinner party. 381 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,677 And what was that thing you said the other night? 382 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,451 Never trust a restaurant on a corner. 383 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,874 - He's right. - They always phone it in. 384 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,213 Every day's like father's day. He's our best friend. 385 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,129 - Don't worry. - They don't stay lonely forever. 386 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,418 Before you know it, 387 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,801 they're dating a 23-year-old named Lucy. 388 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:53,089 She's a landscape architect, 389 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:56,263 but she also submits fiction to "The New Yorker." 390 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:59,562 So I won't ruin my son by not having another baby? 391 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:02,387 No, if anything, the baby will ruin him. 392 00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:04,354 Want to meet my friend Oscar? 393 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,694 Sure I would. Hello, Oscar. 394 00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,530 They all have these adult imaginary friends. 395 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,145 I thought we had a ghost for weeks 396 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,481 until some therapist told me 397 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,356 it's because they idolize their grandfathers. 398 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:14,703 These kids are incredible. 399 00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:16,608 - Thank you so much. - Pleasure. 400 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,156 Now go get him a weird jazz hat and a $40 pen. 401 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,200 Go ahead, buddy. 402 00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:22,544 Come on, Oscar! 403 00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:24,869 Remember, no edits. 404 00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:26,726 Hey, as long as he took our notes, I'm happy. 405 00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,540 - Jinx. - That's not how jinx works. 406 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:29,705 Wait, whatever it is, 407 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:31,383 let's be sexy sailors in the video 408 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,261 cause I already learned knots. 409 00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:42,313 I apologize for before. 410 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,559 I behave like , 411 00:19:44,601 --> 00:19:46,521 - a sickly little prince. - Oh. 412 00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:47,901 But I stayed up all night 413 00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,767 and created something wholly original... 414 00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:52,324 - Okay. - For Girls5eva. 415 00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:59,163 Ooh... it's a spooky one. 416 00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,274 Vanta, vanta. I'm... 417 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,060 I'm sorry, Alf... 418 00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:31,564 But what is this? 419 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:34,106 An authentic anthem for Girls5eva. 420 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,490 How so? 421 00:20:35,527 --> 00:20:38,947 Typically, when I write songs about women, 422 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:42,278 I just take a Buzzfeed quiz about Disney princesses. 423 00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:44,115 - I'm a Jasmine. - Me too. 424 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,620 But you made me realize I need to go deeper, 425 00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:51,044 so I observed you in my driveway... smart house. 426 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,174 Oh. 427 00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,500 You have a square car 428 00:20:54,546 --> 00:20:57,086 that is not fit for any music video, 429 00:20:57,132 --> 00:20:59,882 not even for a commercial about Maryland. 430 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:04,096 I saw you freshen your armpit with a Listerine breath strip. 431 00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:08,894 You excitedly took a call from spam risk. 432 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:09,975 - Hello? 433 00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:11,770 Oh, my insurance has run out. 434 00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:13,153 They hung up first. 435 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:17,489 Well, that's not indicative of the whole group. 436 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:22,277 My thought as well, so I followed you last night. 437 00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:26,543 - You are the most fascinating. - Thank you. 438 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:28,368 I witnessed your harrowing journey 439 00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:31,333 to buy Baked Lay's from a Duane Reade. 440 00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:35,504 Your boots could not accommodate the ramp, 441 00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:36,835 but instead of leaving, 442 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,590 you choose to scoot up it like a toddler. 443 00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:41,722 No one helped you, 444 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,180 nor did it seem like you expected them to. 445 00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:51,347 Well, that's the end of my thing. 446 00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:55,074 Inside, it seemed like your prayers had been answered, 447 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:58,486 but the machine, she had a different plan. 448 00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:01,696 Shit! Help! 449 00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:12,373 Instead of abandoning the shoe, 450 00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:15,665 you just replaced it with an inverted cola bottle, 451 00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:17,500 a shoe you are still wearing today. 452 00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:20,465 Ugh, they were $3,000. 453 00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,007 What lives are these? 454 00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:25,220 There was no VIP, no bottles popping, 455 00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:29,561 no featurings of Pitbull, and it was Friday. 456 00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:32,439 One has got to get down on Friday. 457 00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:35,147 It was so sad to me. 458 00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:37,608 - Look... 459 00:22:37,649 --> 00:22:39,899 - I may live in a hell hole... - Hey! 460 00:22:39,943 --> 00:22:42,033 And I may spend part of each day trying to locate 461 00:22:42,070 --> 00:22:45,070 where one of my implants medically migrated to... 462 00:22:45,115 --> 00:22:49,825 - Swung over to the left side. - But I am not sad. 463 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,409 Well, you must take this or leave this. 464 00:22:52,455 --> 00:22:53,955 I can give you no more. 465 00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,918 I play this for Justin Bieber's pastor, 466 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,920 and he called it Jingle Ball material. 467 00:22:59,963 --> 00:23:01,723 - Jingle Ball! - No. 468 00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:05,715 I'm sorry, Alf, but I'm not sad either. 469 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,850 I like my life, 470 00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:09,507 and I love my New York lonely boy. 471 00:23:09,556 --> 00:23:12,636 Same. Not sad. 472 00:23:12,684 --> 00:23:13,911 I mean, sometimes I get horned up 473 00:23:13,935 --> 00:23:15,265 when I listen to murder podcasts, 474 00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:18,361 - but that's been a while. - Guys, what are we doing? 475 00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:21,778 - We need a song. - Then I'll write it. 476 00:23:21,818 --> 00:23:24,278 I used to write before Larry shot me down. 477 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,090 I wrote the jingle for my brother's first business. 478 00:23:32,495 --> 00:23:34,455 Okay, not going lie. 479 00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:36,667 That is actually a panty-dropper. 480 00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:39,538 So you are saying no to me? 481 00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:42,956 Thank you, Alf, but Girls5eva... 482 00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:47,764 - Is officially leaving it. 483 00:23:47,802 --> 00:23:49,302 No. 484 00:23:51,139 --> 00:23:52,309 Thank you. 485 00:23:52,349 --> 00:23:53,809 I have never yet before 486 00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:57,600 felt the sting of Loki's iron sickle of rejection. 487 00:23:57,645 --> 00:24:01,105 I must use it. Emil, get me Ed Sheeran. 488 00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:02,569 - Oh. 489 00:24:04,861 --> 00:24:09,371 - Guess what. - I'm gonna write songs. 490 00:24:09,407 --> 00:24:10,697 That's exciting. 491 00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:16,212 And I decided I don't want to get pregnant. 492 00:24:17,832 --> 00:24:20,672 I like what we have, and Max is gonna be fine. 493 00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:21,880 I know. 494 00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,760 I ran into Kyle MacLachlan today, 495 00:24:23,797 --> 00:24:26,677 but, Dawn... 496 00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:28,716 I still want another baby. 497 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,260 I love being a dad. 498 00:24:30,303 --> 00:24:31,853 That's the only thing I'm good at 499 00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:34,018 besides mastering the AeroPress. 500 00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:38,397 So this conversation isn't over. 501 00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:40,396 Really? 502 00:24:40,438 --> 00:24:43,818 You're so sure of yourself. 503 00:24:43,858 --> 00:24:46,108 - Why am I horny? - You're ovulating. 504 00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:47,588 How do you know so little about the female... 505 00:24:47,612 --> 00:24:48,912 Oh, shut up! 506 00:24:51,908 --> 00:24:53,368 Hat required! 507 00:24:53,410 --> 00:24:55,790 - Pass. - Intercourse detected. 508 00:24:57,414 --> 00:24:59,424 Let's turn up your cartoons, Max. 509 00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:02,687 - Wait, what are you watching? - The situation is stable. 510 00:25:02,711 --> 00:25:04,341 "Chernobyl." 511 00:25:04,379 --> 00:25:06,509 Sure. Why not? 512 00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,468 I insist it's stable. 513 00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:53,528 - Goodnight, everybody! - Goodnight!