1 00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:15,314 Obviously, Jingle Ball isn't happening this year, 2 00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,978 but I got us a major gig, 3 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,348 the national anthem at the WNHL quarter finals. 4 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:23,436 - Yes. - So, all we need is someone 5 00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,441 to round out our harmonies, 6 00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:29,363 bring power vocals and a transcendent star quality. 7 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,454 - And above all, loyal. - Yes. 8 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,497 - heard that. - Next! 9 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,170 Uh, FYI, my voice drifts, 10 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,879 so I can't solo, 11 00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:48,879 but I can end songs with sultry femininasty phrases. 12 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:56,216 Mm, I'ma drink you like medicine, boy. 13 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:58,314 - Ab... absolutely not. 14 00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:01,060 It's not that I'm threatened, 15 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,232 it's that I just... 16 00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,731 I hate you. 17 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,240 I think this is Everclear. 18 00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:17,914 - Next! - Ugh, you guys, 19 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:19,752 maybe this is just too hard. 20 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:23,078 We could use a triple threat. Voice, face... 21 00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,214 - Both: Smells. - No! 22 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,420 Hey, none of that talk! 23 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:29,011 We have to just trust... 24 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,297 That if we keep trying, something amazing will happen. 25 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:32,591 Hi, I'm Baby. 26 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:35,264 And just to give you all a taste of my vocals, 27 00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:36,553 this is one of your old ones, 28 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:39,136 though, I do disagree with the content. 29 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,062 Fair. 30 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:45,935 - Oh, my God, yes, yes. 31 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,499 - Whoa! - Oh, my gosh! 32 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,919 Wow. 33 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,267 - Baby, how would you like to... 34 00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,131 Oh, snap. 35 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,958 I just got into nursing school. Bye. 36 00:02:10,005 --> 00:02:10,955 - Oh, wait. - No, no. 37 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,296 - No bye. - No, no, no, no. 38 00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:13,470 - Baby! - No, no. 39 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,428 - Come back, Baby! - Baby, come back. 40 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,110 Ugh! 41 00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:12,817 I loved your vocals, and your backstory was moving. 42 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,399 But you left your neck unprotected, 43 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,914 so it's a no for me. 44 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:19,196 It's an honor to be part of history. 45 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,540 AWS is the first show created entirely 46 00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:25,207 by a ratings algorithm. 47 00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,416 And I love the other judges. 48 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,377 We go for it. 49 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,877 You were singing up here, 50 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,709 but I need you to fight down here. 51 00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,472 Totally, yeah, girl. 52 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,007 That was vibes. 53 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:42,721 Finding the American Warrior Singer is not gonna be easy 54 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,564 because those skillsets rarely overlap. 55 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,350 But that's the journey. 56 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:51,901 Hey. 57 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,070 So, um, do you know how much we're getting paid 58 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,319 for this hockey show if we end up doing it? 59 00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:58,321 Well, the first offer was cab fare. 60 00:03:58,363 --> 00:03:59,913 But I really think that if we agree 61 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:01,738 and back each other up, we can convince them 62 00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,552 - that we live in Tarrytown. - Oh, that's smart. 63 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,746 It's just, you know, 64 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,577 Kev isn't taking things great. 65 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,423 You know, he doesn't believe in divorce, 66 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:11,918 same as dinosaur bones. 67 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,840 And he's frozen all of our credit cards. 68 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,273 - I want you to breathe. - It's gonna be okay. 69 00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,797 No, it's not! 70 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:21,471 My ring finger acrylic snapped off. 71 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,931 And I can't afford to get it fixed 72 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:26,851 because the salon won't accept sconces! 73 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,941 Honey. 74 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,097 Okay, look. 75 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,935 Divorce is expensive as hell. 76 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:35,901 And you need some money coming in that's just yours. 77 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:39,782 And until we really take off, I think you need a job. 78 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,951 - But what? - Well, what jobs have you had? 79 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:46,451 Daughter, pop star, stay-at-home pop star. 80 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:47,914 Hm. Okay. 81 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,374 Well, you know what? You are a talented person. 82 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,785 - Thank you. - And I think 83 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,043 we should just focus on your strengths 84 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,455 and your interests. 85 00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:58,473 - Smiling, being in shape. - Mm-hmm? 86 00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,966 - I'm good at makeup, mirrors. - Right. 87 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:03,469 Uh, walking in heels? 88 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,891 Kicking, twirling. 89 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,100 I'm very flexible. 90 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,731 Being announced. 91 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,112 - Huh. - Hm. 92 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,357 Guys, guys. Whew. 93 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:16,959 I think I have something that can help us. 94 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,943 I thought you were gonna save that for Summer's 40th. 95 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:22,106 Oh, you know, I only celebrate half birthdays. 96 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,405 So, Gloria and I watched a ton of YouTube vids, 97 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:27,449 and we made 98 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:28,754 this. 99 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:29,947 Oh, my gosh! 100 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,206 I know that ghost! 101 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,827 - Hey, y'all. - I'm Ashley from Girls5eva. 102 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,227 - Hi, Ash. - And you're listening to... 103 00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,812 - Oh, she's not talking to me. - Zazz 104, 104 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,666 the beat of Grand Rapids. 105 00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,263 - It's cool, right? - Yes! 106 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,388 I only loaded up a bunch of our old footage into this app. 107 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,506 If we can get a much bigger tablet, 108 00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:47,183 yeah, I think she can perform with us. 109 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:51,022 She-Visor, the only birth control that's also a hat. 110 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,019 Those do not work. 111 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,400 I know a ton of She-Visor babies. 112 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:55,039 The algorithm's almost done learning her voice, 113 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,693 so she'll be able to say or sing anything! 114 00:05:57,732 --> 00:06:01,532 Aw, it's so good to see her again! 115 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,699 And if you miss a day, no sweat. 116 00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,028 Just wear two visors tomorrow. 117 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,371 Aw! 118 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:16,128 The one second of singing before you got flattened 119 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,247 was so smooth, 120 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,054 I got butter in my ears. 121 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,548 Congratulations. 122 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,299 You've advanced to round two. 123 00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,391 Please go take your genitalia. 124 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:26,847 - Cut. 125 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,556 - Resetting. 126 00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,886 Sorry. Can you stop humming? 127 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,692 We just need clean audio to hear the singers crying out 128 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:34,937 on the medical table. 129 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,108 Of course. 130 00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,477 - Hey, Stet. - Yo, yo, girl. 131 00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,066 Do the judges ever kick off the show 132 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,611 with a killer performance? You and I could sing 133 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,025 and... and Flex could do push-ups or something? 134 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:51,414 Not today, Wick. It's leg day. 135 00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,333 - Hey, I get it. - Wickie, I've been there. 136 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,057 When I got my first gig judging "In The Shower Singer," 137 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,831 I was all, "Put me in the shower. 138 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,995 I got pipes and a cool stomach." 139 00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,464 But don't fight the transition to judge. 140 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:04,054 This side of the table is where it's at. 141 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,609 You're still famous, but there's no gigging, 142 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,803 no living on a tour bus, no harsh critiques 143 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:11,104 of your very personal album "White Jazz." 144 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,969 I liked that album. 145 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,676 - First music I'd ever heard. - Word. 146 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:18,766 Now I got a pension, a bananas house, 147 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:21,483 20-year-old wife, 19-year-old surrogate. 148 00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,984 I know. It is cushy. 149 00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,946 My water-bra's Pellegrino, but don't you ever miss 150 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,907 that energy you get when you're performing? 151 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,157 I get it other ways now. 152 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:31,329 "Fortnite" kills, certain bowel movements, 153 00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:34,118 impregnating my surrogate... Shh, don't tell my wife 154 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,792 we didn't use science and tubes, okay? 155 00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:39,421 There's my girl. Ha, ha. 156 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,289 The studio likes what they've been seeing 157 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:45,586 and they're offering you a thousand-year deal. 158 00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,932 - A thousand years? - It's meant to wow. 159 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,257 And there's a small clause where your body could be used 160 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:53,473 in a show called "Corpse Wars," but it's highly unlikely. 161 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,175 Congratulations, Wickie. 162 00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,805 I can finally pay off all my debt. 163 00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,862 Welcome to the family. 164 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,399 At me. Hand it back. 165 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,782 We do this off camera too? 166 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,317 Ladies and one gentleman, 167 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:14,116 welcome to the Burt's Bees Equestrian Center. 168 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,210 Before we get to this morning's WNHL matchup, 169 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:20,827 here to sing our national anthem, Girls5eva! 170 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,688 - Sequence quit unexpectedly. 171 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,598 Rebooting. 172 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,146 Scanning data. 173 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:48,033 Free shipping on all Crocs purses. 174 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,319 Mitch McConnell blindsided! 175 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,216 - Wow, Gloria. - I think she's reading my emails. 176 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,280 McConnell and all his dark money buddies 177 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,285 are crying real tears. 178 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,707 - Unsubscribe! - Attention valued customer, 179 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:02,877 your Megan Rapinoe silicone face and torso has shipped. 180 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,917 Tracking number 428. 181 00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,761 Accessing camera role. 182 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,065 - Oh, no, you're not. 183 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,129 - You suck! - We're Girls5eva! 184 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,215 Check us out on Spotify! 185 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,220 - Thank you. - Please leave the ice. 186 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,723 Congratulations, Dr. Gloria McManus. 187 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,386 You've made New York Magazine's 188 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,234 annual list of top doctors. 189 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,899 - I made top docs? - Our annual list... 190 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:25,767 I've been gunning for top docs for, like, ten years. 191 00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,435 I don't know how to process the failure 192 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,315 and success at the same time. 193 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,862 We're still gonna get our cab fare, right? 194 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,696 We're going to Tarrytown! 195 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:42,210 And now, here by choice, feeling empowered, 196 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:45,418 please welcome Summer, her actual name! 197 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,678 Take my money, pole queen! 198 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:57,138 - Yeah! - Yeah! 199 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,350 Whoo! 200 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,770 Oh, my God, this is easy for me! 201 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,689 - Whoo! - Hell, yeah. 202 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,647 Yeah! 203 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,954 Okay, guys. 204 00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:14,527 I know I'm amazing at this, 205 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,992 and I could definitely make a million dollars here... 206 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,543 - Yeah, you could. - Whoo! 207 00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,906 But I don't know. 208 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,963 I don't want to drive to Midtown every day. 209 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:26,206 - Aiding Midtown? - Yeah, that's my deal! 210 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,642 Hi. 211 00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:38,757 This is Summer, for Nance Trace. 212 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,850 Did you brush before seeing me? 213 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,234 Get used to it. 214 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:50,031 That's the smell of respect, you top doc, you. 215 00:10:58,575 --> 00:10:59,905 - Cut. 216 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,451 Let's reset. 217 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,723 This is as thick as the one 218 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,497 I signed with Larry way back. 219 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,018 Well, the difference between that and this 220 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,172 is you will make money. 221 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,500 Constant Productions is offering you stability 222 00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,086 in an unstable business. 223 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:15,131 Of course, they're buying your exclusivity, 224 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,675 so no outside projects. 225 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:17,987 You can't be on "Masked Singer," 226 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,261 no "Silent Night" at the tree lighting ceremony. 227 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,615 You can't even fart twice in a row. 228 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,679 That would be considered a percussion performance, 229 00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:25,411 and they could terminate your contract immediately. 230 00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,555 But, Wickie, for the rest of your life, 231 00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,364 when you go out to dinner, 232 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:32,777 someone in a sweatshirt will bother you for a selfie. 233 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,737 - Promise? - Yes. 234 00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:38,108 Well, that was the last willing participant in Atlanta. 235 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,576 So, tomorrow, it's Wilmington, Camden, Newark, 236 00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,907 Queens, then lunch. 237 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,331 Queens, New York? 238 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,920 Said like someone with unfinished business. 239 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:50,086 What? I'm emotionally intelligent. 240 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,302 Sorry, can we reschej rehearsal? 241 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,930 I'm starting a new side hustle. 242 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,086 And don't worry about what it is or who it's with. 243 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,425 Would you ask a man that question? 244 00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,022 - Dawn, sorry. 245 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,057 I am working on a lady with shark mouth, 246 00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:07,731 and I am gonna be here all night. 247 00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,349 Fuckers. 248 00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,859 Guess it's just you and me, Ash. 249 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,612 Honestly, too many people left for this to be fun. 250 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,315 Now that it's just the two of us, 251 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:21,945 it's feeling kind of weird. 252 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,581 Don't quote your sex tape at me. 253 00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,908 Sorry, the guy from "Smallville." 254 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,786 I'm entering without knocking. 255 00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:35,505 If you're having sex, please make it interesting. 256 00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:38,087 Wickie. 257 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,013 The show's on tour, so I thought I'd come by 258 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,181 and bring you a little rent. 259 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,220 - Oh, God, please. - Don't give me guilt money. 260 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,854 You let Ghislaine and I stay here. 261 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:49,560 You treated us like family. 262 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,202 I threw out a valentine your son made you 263 00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,519 to make room for a "Vogue Italy" 264 00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:54,524 I wanted to see when I walked in the apartment. 265 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,856 Okay, I'll take it. 266 00:12:56,901 --> 00:12:59,451 So, how's it all going? 267 00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:00,907 Busy. 268 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:04,487 We shot five seasons of "Warrior Singer" in two weeks. 269 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,044 They offered me a thousand-year deal, 270 00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:10,917 but I don't know that I want to tie up my corpse that long. 271 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,997 Wow. 272 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:15,673 - Congratulations. - Thanks. 273 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:16,882 I'm good, too. 274 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,091 Yeah, really good. 275 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,932 Everything is tight. 276 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,298 We played a show the other night 277 00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:26,555 that brought an entire hockey arena to tears, so... 278 00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:27,848 Dawn, it's Larry. 279 00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,101 Glad you called. Good news. 280 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,562 What is that? Is that Ashley? 281 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,121 There's been a small mutiny on a Carnival cruise 282 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,895 and the original entertainers were, 283 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:36,818 to put it politely, beheaded. 284 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,898 Yeah. 285 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,863 Dawn, are you okay? 286 00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,994 Fine! 287 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,741 It's all a mess, Wickie. 288 00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,344 "Four Stars" isn't catching on, 'cause apparently, 289 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:48,578 I didn't bribe enough DJs. 290 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:51,410 It only has a 103 plays on Spotify, and that's all me. 291 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:55,417 And yet, I'm still not giving up. 292 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,250 Because for the first time in my life, 293 00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:59,455 I'm not taking no for an answer. 294 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,126 And you know what? Honestly, it feels kinda good. 295 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,295 It's pointless, but it's what I'm doing. 296 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,264 Larry again. Flag on the play. 297 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,064 Carnival went with Ken Bone. 298 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,178 Sorry, but the man has Dory. 299 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:14,935 Yeah, so if you're back because you're not sure about 300 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,399 signing your big girl contract, 301 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,649 let me help clear that up for you. 302 00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:22,362 This is what not compromising looks like. 303 00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:25,374 This is living the dream, baby! 304 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,620 Oh, Max put a little Lego man in that one. 305 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,415 I just swallowed a little Lego man. 306 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,094 I could feel his hat going down. 307 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,682 Okay. 308 00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,138 Listen to me. 309 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:48,467 I have been where you are. 310 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:53,353 It is not going to be easy, so let me tell you this. 311 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,773 If you are making a music video, the Ferrari company 312 00:14:56,813 --> 00:15:00,323 cannot legally keep you from filming a test drive. 313 00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:03,858 Most USO invites are fronts for human trafficking. 314 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,163 And you can throw your body 315 00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,906 in front of Clive Davis's golf cart, 316 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,238 but you cannot make him stop. 317 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,664 Godspeed, girl. 318 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,373 Aw, thanks, Wickie. 319 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,336 I was gonna have a moving company 320 00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:22,959 come pick up Ghislaine, 321 00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:27,136 but I think you should keep her. 322 00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,647 Volume up, ladies. 323 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,938 Because I'm seriously obsessed with these. 324 00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,694 They're called S'LEAKS, 325 00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,526 and they're the hottest shapewear 326 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,281 that you could do anything in. 327 00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:51,373 Periods, urine, solids, 328 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:53,909 shit sneezes, gigglesquirts, 329 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,213 and random slimes. 330 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:58,377 You can have a baby in these 331 00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:01,626 and then wear them to the club that night. 332 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,050 That's freedom. 333 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,298 Perfect, Summer. 334 00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:07,009 Now, if ya have a shit sneeze, 335 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,180 - let's go for one. - Okay. 336 00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,799 Okay, DJ Face World. 337 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:13,095 We're gonna do a little water flossing, you ready? 338 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,559 Why did Matt send you? 339 00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:16,229 I won't take off my helmet. 340 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:18,267 No, no. Just, come here. 341 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,441 - No. - Where you goin'? 342 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,229 No, no one's seen my real face. 343 00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:07,108 I work with rescue dogs. 344 00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,612 - Come on. - No! 345 00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:12,908 Okay. I'll wait it out. 346 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,630 I just pray Gal Gadot 347 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,627 never sees what you did to her song "Imagine." 348 00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:30,430 But the way you worked together to defeat the warrior, 349 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,467 you each brought something different to the table. 350 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:36,811 You threw punches. You swept his leg. 351 00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:40,638 You did biting and popped his testicles like a bag of Fritos. 352 00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:41,975 It was magic. 353 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,356 Listen to me carefully. 354 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,778 Cherish this time 355 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:51,277 when you feel invincible together, 356 00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:55,201 because one day, it will be gone. 357 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,041 - Owwie, ow, ow. 358 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,287 I was, uh, planning on hitting on all four of you, 359 00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:00,999 but, uh, check please. 360 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,329 Cut! 361 00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:04,094 - That's dinner, everybody. - Eight minutes. 362 00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,182 All right, we're back in eight, everyone. 363 00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,553 Very happy to find your signed contract 364 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,510 on my desk this morning. 365 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,890 What's that sound? 366 00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,428 Choo, choo. 367 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,971 It is the opportunity train, Wickie! 368 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,685 Starting with, instead of iced tea, from now on, 369 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:25,436 you will be holding L'Oréal Paris hyaluronic acid serum. 370 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,320 - And do what with it? - Don't over-think it. 371 00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,857 It's America's number one serum. 372 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:32,200 Opportunity two, they want you to do Jingle Ball. 373 00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:35,367 Jingle Ball? I'll do it! 374 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,577 But only if the other three women sing with me. 375 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,327 Ah, my God, are you still talking about Girls5eva? 376 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:41,750 No! 377 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,708 They want you, Flex and Stet to introduce 378 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,578 one of the Jingle Ball acts. Nobody wants you to sing. 379 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,206 - Yes, I know. - I was just kidding! 380 00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:52,379 Humor is so fun! 381 00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:53,734 In the future, let me know in advance 382 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,338 when you're gonna do kidding. 383 00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,465 I need to factor that in. Gotta run. 384 00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:59,722 - And we are back in. 385 00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:02,394 Come down from a laugh, judges. Now. 386 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,917 Hmm, they're really making that work. 387 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,301 - Glad you said yes. - Yeah. 388 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:36,929 Well, I saw my future if I clung to this dumb dream. 389 00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,968 Clive Davis won't stop his golf cart. 390 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,352 Right. Yeah. 391 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:42,468 I thought I should be an adult here. 392 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,345 I mean, this is still making music. 393 00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:45,602 Exactly. And off that, 394 00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:46,954 Pippa loves the song about Olivia Coleman 395 00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:48,247 and wants to know if you could tweak it 396 00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:49,457 to be about pussy in yoga pants. 397 00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:50,481 Oh. What? 398 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,193 Oh, fancy Nancy. 399 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,694 You remember Dawn Solano? 400 00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,066 - From Girls5eva? - Yeah. 401 00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,548 - You were behind me at Fallon. - Yeah. 402 00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:59,032 I always know what's behind me. 403 00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:01,994 TV, sushi, photo of Walt Frazier. 404 00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,945 Wow, you are Observant, Little Stinker. 405 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,155 - It's just Stinker now. - I'm a big boy. 406 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,666 Dawn's got some great ideas for your new album. 407 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,708 Ears open, heart's wide. 408 00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,802 - Cool. - I gotta go. 409 00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,837 Um, okay, I was thinking something about how you have 410 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,722 to give up a huge part of yourself 411 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,049 just to be in the orbit of the thing you love, 412 00:20:20,095 --> 00:20:22,715 but the compromise erases any satisfaction 413 00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,394 you'd get from "success." 414 00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,994 Yeah, those are some big boy problems right there, 415 00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,898 - straight up Stink. - Okay. 416 00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:30,147 Cool. 417 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:31,582 Yeah, so I don't know if you wanted... 418 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:32,896 Hey, look. 419 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:36,191 There's two more ladies that were behind me. 420 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:37,946 - Summer? - Gloria? 421 00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,107 Both: Dawn? 422 00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:43,079 Have you guys read this script? 423 00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:46,288 There's so much wordplay. 424 00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,749 Thank you. It's pun, right? 425 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,330 I said pun instead of fun, 426 00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,585 making a pun with the word "pun." 427 00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,457 It's for the back of the room. Anyway. 428 00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:55,648 "American Warrior Singer" judges. 429 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,972 You're up next. Ready to rock? 430 00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:02,638 So, we all Wickied. 431 00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:05,469 We're all one of Nance's pretty little ponies, huh? 432 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,265 Okay, for the record, I didn't Wickie. 433 00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:08,638 I was abandoned by all of you. 434 00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:09,765 Don't shame me. 435 00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:10,771 When I made top docs, 436 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,192 it was a stunning reminder 437 00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,230 that I can't ignore my gifts. 438 00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:16,324 And Nance is taking me to the next level. 439 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:17,989 I'm here to pitch a new line 440 00:21:18,028 --> 00:21:20,568 of diamond engagement grills to A$AP Rocky. 441 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,783 Oh, sorry, but I have the best excuse. 442 00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:26,124 You know, I have to pay for a very expensive divorce 443 00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:29,331 because you forced me to examine my life, Gloria. 444 00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:30,502 Sorry I helped you grow. 445 00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,040 Well, Nance is helping me grow now. 446 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:34,423 You all are looking at the face, thighs, 447 00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:37,091 and crotch of S'LEAKS. 448 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:39,340 They put the "waste" in waist trainer. 449 00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:40,802 Different spelling. 450 00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:43,722 I'm here doing the dunk tank in the mom tent 451 00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:46,812 to demonstrate abortion... Ab-absorption. 452 00:21:46,848 --> 00:21:48,808 Ugh, I gotta get it right on the day. 453 00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:14,540 Oh, come on! 454 00:22:17,212 --> 00:22:18,462 Ladies? 455 00:22:18,505 --> 00:22:20,665 Maybe Girls5eva 456 00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,795 doesn't have to be over, over. 457 00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:26,142 - Maybe we just, um... 458 00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:28,179 We should just call it a hianus. 459 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:31,103 - You mean a "hiatus." - No, the word's "hianus," 460 00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:32,692 just cause you, like, lift your butt up 461 00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:34,187 as you walk away from something. 462 00:22:34,229 --> 00:22:35,899 Don't gaslight me. I'm 100% on this. 463 00:22:35,939 --> 00:22:37,189 Okay, fine. Okay. 464 00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:41,782 We're officially on an indefinite hianus. 465 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:43,700 - Hi. - What? 466 00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:46,448 Wickie! 467 00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:48,371 - I wanna do Jingle Ball. - What? 468 00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:50,540 Yeah, and I wanna be hand-fed by Gillian Anderson 469 00:22:50,578 --> 00:22:51,998 like a complicated rescue horse, 470 00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:54,458 but we don't all get our ultimate dream. 471 00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:56,329 So what? Let's just do it! 472 00:22:56,376 --> 00:22:57,626 - Are you crazy? - How? 473 00:22:57,669 --> 00:22:59,959 - Uh, we just went on hianus. - I don't know. 474 00:23:00,005 --> 00:23:03,085 But we are 30 feet from doing what we set out to do, 475 00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:05,933 and to hell with anyone who says we're not worthy. 476 00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:09,469 We came here in 2001 and got bumped for Enrique Iglesias. 477 00:23:09,514 --> 00:23:10,604 - Daddy's boy. - Fake mole. 478 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:11,890 He could still get it. 479 00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:14,773 I don't wanna leave again without singing. 480 00:23:14,811 --> 00:23:16,288 I thought I could take the cushy road, 481 00:23:16,312 --> 00:23:17,942 but this is killing me! 482 00:23:17,981 --> 00:23:20,861 We are talent, damn it! 483 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,700 Don't you think it's a sign that we're all here? 484 00:23:23,737 --> 00:23:26,487 No, stop. Wickie, I... 485 00:23:26,531 --> 00:23:28,071 I finally wised up. 486 00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:30,236 I'm starting something new, and it's kind of working. 487 00:23:30,285 --> 00:23:32,865 I can't throw it all away just for a moment of fun. 488 00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:34,712 I learned that in seventh grade health class. 489 00:23:34,748 --> 00:23:35,868 Yeah? 490 00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:37,268 And I signed a thousand-year contract 491 00:23:37,292 --> 00:23:39,422 that if I violate, I lose everything. 492 00:23:39,461 --> 00:23:41,761 My job, my glam army. 493 00:23:41,796 --> 00:23:43,206 - No! - My six-figure bonus 494 00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:45,256 to move into the Judge Dread house, 495 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:48,390 a mansion where reality judges live among horror pranks. 496 00:23:57,979 --> 00:24:00,359 You can't throw all that away! 497 00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:03,108 You know that road, Wickie. It's hard. 498 00:24:03,151 --> 00:24:06,451 Well, then enjoy watching the life 499 00:24:06,488 --> 00:24:07,858 drain from my eyes as I walk 500 00:24:07,906 --> 00:24:10,736 onto the greatest stage in the world 501 00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:14,544 and read this! 502 00:24:14,579 --> 00:24:16,959 We really have to go. 503 00:24:16,998 --> 00:24:19,788 Oh, gosh. Oh. 504 00:24:19,834 --> 00:24:21,464 What the hell was that? 505 00:24:25,006 --> 00:24:27,966 - Hi. - Happy Thanksgiving, you guys. 506 00:24:28,009 --> 00:24:29,929 What are you talking about, Wickie? 507 00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,389 It's Christmas time. 508 00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:33,639 You could have fooled me, because tonight 509 00:24:33,682 --> 00:24:37,642 has been a veritable buffet of today's musical hits. 510 00:24:39,813 --> 00:24:42,653 But yes, it is Christmas time, Stet. 511 00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:44,231 So deck the Halsey... 512 00:24:44,275 --> 00:24:46,145 - No. - And for some of you, 513 00:24:46,194 --> 00:24:49,164 - Happy Rihannica. - Oh. 514 00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:50,675 Why don't we just say Happy Holiday? 515 00:24:50,699 --> 00:24:53,539 Or Dabby Holla Night. 516 00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:56,334 - I can't watch this. - Oh, God. 517 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:59,791 Okay. So, um... 518 00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:01,333 Just to, like, 519 00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:05,626 lay out how dumb it would be if we went out there... 520 00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:06,941 - As a thought experiment. - Right. 521 00:25:06,965 --> 00:25:08,505 Okay, we piss off iHeart Radio, 522 00:25:08,550 --> 00:25:10,930 and Nance, and we'd lose our gravy trains. 523 00:25:10,969 --> 00:25:12,429 And sing a song that I think I sold 524 00:25:12,470 --> 00:25:13,850 to Charli D'Amelio's sister. 525 00:25:13,888 --> 00:25:14,968 Now, I did just eat 526 00:25:15,015 --> 00:25:17,015 an irresponsible amount of shawarma. 527 00:25:17,058 --> 00:25:18,494 And we'd probably get arrested in front of, like, 528 00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:21,518 18,000 teenagers, who all have camera phones. 529 00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:22,943 And if we didn't do it? 530 00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:25,731 We would just be four financially stable women 531 00:25:25,775 --> 00:25:29,145 who would lie awake at night 532 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:33,195 wondering what it would have felt like. 533 00:25:34,034 --> 00:25:35,874 No segue needed. 534 00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:39,911 But seriously, seriously. 535 00:25:39,956 --> 00:25:41,666 I want to do it! 536 00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:44,645 Oh, fuck, I have to go to the bathroom. 537 00:25:44,669 --> 00:25:46,299 I'm wearing S'LEAKS. 538 00:25:46,338 --> 00:25:48,338 It's happening! It's a great product! 539 00:25:49,924 --> 00:25:53,554 - But seriously, seriously. - Happy Holidays. 540 00:25:53,595 --> 00:25:54,795 Jingle Bells. 541 00:25:54,846 --> 00:25:57,846 Wait, don't you mean Jingle Smells? 542 00:25:57,891 --> 00:26:00,481 Because our next performer's name reminds us 543 00:26:00,518 --> 00:26:02,938 that he's "a hit olfactory." 544 00:26:02,979 --> 00:26:05,439 Give it up for... 545 00:26:07,275 --> 00:26:10,065 It's G like G, I as in I, 546 00:26:10,111 --> 00:26:13,071 R like R, I as in I. 547 00:26:13,114 --> 00:26:15,084 - Anything for you, pole queen. - Okay, S. 548 00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:17,116 Give it up for... 549 00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:21,331 Girls5eva! 550 00:26:21,373 --> 00:26:23,043 Ah! Ah! 551 00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:24,633 - Got it. - Oh, thank you so much. 552 00:26:24,668 --> 00:26:26,628 - Oh, God! - Thank you. 553 00:26:35,637 --> 00:26:37,507 One, two, three, four. 554 00:27:26,855 --> 00:27:27,873 - Stinker, sip, Stinky. - Stinker, 555 00:27:27,897 --> 00:27:29,147 you'll be on in just a few 556 00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:32,150 after we get these ladies cleared off. 557 00:27:32,193 --> 00:27:33,993 W-w-w-wait, na-na-na-nah. 558 00:27:34,029 --> 00:27:35,949 Let them sing. Stinky knows what stays. 559 00:27:35,989 --> 00:27:37,779 That's a little Stinker move, right there. 560 00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:39,244 Let 'em rock. 561 00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:54,220 That's the lady from my phone! 562 00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:37,010 Oh, teens are so much more controllable. 563 00:29:13,628 --> 00:29:15,208 I wanna get back in the ring, too. 564 00:29:15,255 --> 00:29:18,545 Song idea: Jeans in the ocean. Whoa, whoa! 565 00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:44,870 Oh, my God. 566 00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:47,539 Oh, my God. Whoo-hoo! 567 00:29:47,579 --> 00:29:50,789 Jingle Ball! We love you! 568 00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:56,339 Get them off the stage, now! 569 00:29:56,379 --> 00:29:58,339 Get those girls out of here, now! 570 00:29:58,381 --> 00:30:00,181 - Gloria, I got you. - Get them now! 571 00:30:00,216 --> 00:30:02,136 - Hey! Hey! - Get out of here! 572 00:30:02,177 --> 00:30:03,717 I've got my backpack in there, 573 00:30:03,762 --> 00:30:05,182 and it's got six laptops. 574 00:30:05,221 --> 00:30:06,971 - Ah! 575 00:30:07,015 --> 00:30:09,805 That was 576 00:30:09,851 --> 00:30:11,391 all: Worth it! 577 00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:12,556 - Whoo! - Whoo! 578 00:30:12,604 --> 00:30:14,444 - Oh, my God! - My backpack! 579 00:30:14,481 --> 00:30:16,651 - Oh! - Oh, my God! 580 00:30:16,691 --> 00:30:19,321 - I'm so proud of you. - Oh. 581 00:30:19,361 --> 00:30:20,991 - I love you. - Oh, Ashley. 582 00:30:21,029 --> 00:30:22,819 We love you, too. 583 00:30:22,864 --> 00:30:24,124 Holy shit. 584 00:30:24,157 --> 00:30:25,697 Oh, my God. 585 00:30:25,742 --> 00:30:28,162 You know, that was her line when she guested on "Charmed" 586 00:30:28,203 --> 00:30:30,003 as a benevolent hot witch. 587 00:30:30,038 --> 00:30:32,618 - I know. - Oh, my gosh! 588 00:30:32,665 --> 00:30:34,165 - Oh. - Okay. 589 00:30:35,543 --> 00:30:37,383 Guess I'm gonna have to write us new songs. 590 00:30:37,420 --> 00:30:39,260 Dawn, I'd like to apply 591 00:30:39,297 --> 00:30:41,337 for a management position at the restaurant. 592 00:30:41,383 --> 00:30:43,133 - Oh, gosh! - I'm cold. 593 00:30:43,176 --> 00:30:44,836 I'm gonna pee again. 594 00:30:44,886 --> 00:30:46,846 Hey, guys. Hot take? 595 00:30:46,888 --> 00:30:49,098 I'm starting to think that Ashley faked her own death. 596 00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:50,310 - Wait, what? - What? 597 00:32:14,392 --> 00:32:16,272 - Good night, everybody. - Good night.