[jaunty medieval music]
♪ ♪
Huh. I'm so hungry,
I could eat everything on this menu.
I know. They should really wash these things off.
[shivers in disgust]
Guys, I'm really worried about Brendar.
Why? She said she was okay.
Dad, she said the same thing
after an orc stabbed her in the leg.
One shrew on a shingle,
[yelling indistinctly] on the hook with sea dust!
It's like I can still hear her voice.
- Because you can. - She's right over there.
- Hi, I'm Brendar. - I'll be your server today.
Can I start you off with something to drink,
or would you like a Caledonian squid?
- I can't believe it. - I know!
The McSquid is back.
No, that Brendar is waiting tables.
Ugh, looks like I'm going to have to find a new lunch spot.
Why?
Ever since I lied to Brendar about the dragon tear,
she won't talk to me.
Seems a little childish, no?
- Hmm. - What'll it be?
I'll have a grilled cheese with the crust cut off.
Can I please have some crayons for this maze?
Brendar, why are you waiting tables?
You said you're fine after the whole Sharon thing.
Sharon thing?
That's putting it mildly.
First, Sharon humiliated her.
Then she took her slogan.
And then she pointed out that Axe
was useless without dragon tears.
That is some depressing exposition.
- Hm. - I am fine.
I just decided to stop questing.
- What? - But questing is your life.
It's just a little career change.
Oh, this maze is impossible!
So from now on,
I will no longer be known as "Brendar the Barbarian."
Henceforth, I shall be known
as Brendar the Barmaidian.
♪ A troll burned his bridge ♪
♪ A warrior lost her crown ♪
♪ I'm not being poetic ♪
♪ That's literally what went down ♪
♪ Together their journey has begun ♪
♪ Combining might and melody ♪
♪ To quest and smite a demon ♪
♪ And find their true family ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ The Barmaidian and the Troll ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ The Barmaidian and the Troll ♪
[jaunty music]
One Griffin steak and one salad.
Uh, we ordered the chop salad.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
[dramatic music]
Anything else?
No, we're... we're good.
Okay, great.
- Excuse me. - Yeah?
- Can we split the check? - Oh, yeah, sure.
[grunts]
[table creaks, thuds]
[sighs]
There you go. Both: Uhh...
- I'm sorry, sir. - This table is reserved.
Wait, wait... wait!
- [grunts] - [yelps]
I regret nothing!
[grunts]
[dishes clank]
Manticore, party of four,
your table's ready.
- [mouse squeaking] - That's it.
I'm gonna go get those dragon tears myself,
then Brendar won't be mad at me.
You can't do that alone.
What are you going to do? Hop your way to the dragon?
- If I must. - No.
We just have to go talk to her.
[grunts]
Psst, hey.
Hey. Hey, girl.
[dreamy music]
Whoa.
[sighs]
[huffs]
Wow.
Hey, is that strange bird over there staring at you?
Oh, sweet. I got a shot.
[grunts]
Oh, now he's coming over here.
[chuckling, grunts]
Hey, I'm Biff.
Hey. Stacey.
This is my dad, Horus.
Hey. Nice to meet you.
I couldn't help but notice you checking me out back there.
- Who, me? - [both laughing]
All right.
You can stop right there
with the tweet nothings, Mister.
"You can stop right there
with the tweet nothings, Mister."
What the...
Dad, I think it's pretty clear.
Biff's a mockingbird.
Bingo. "Oh, I'm a wizard.
I wear a dress and wave a magic wand."
It's a staff,
and why should I conform to your gender norms?
You work out?
All the time.
- [Stacey giggles] - [groans]
[whispering] Go. Go, go, go.
Hey, Brendar.
I'm really sorry
about the whole "restrictions apply" thing.
People sitting in the wrong place.
Nobody knows what's going on...
Brendar, Axe is very sorry.
Evan, I'm not speaking to Axe.
Hey, Axe.
Brendar says she's not speaking to you.
Well, you tell Brendar that by speaking to you,
she's speaking to me, so there.
- Brendar, Axe says... - I don't need this.
The kitchen is short-staffed,
everyone's ordering off menu-items,
and the only tips I got all day
are two ducats and a fake eye!
Uh, excuse me. I lost me eye.
[Brendar sighs heavily]
Ah.
Thank you.
Brendar, did you chop four
of my tables in half with your sword?
- Yeah, and now you have eight. - You're welcome.
- That's it, Brendar. - You're fired.
- [scoffs] - Hand over your apron
and your flair.
Not my smile button.
- Yeah. - Fine.
I hate smiling anyway.
[melancholy music]
You want a job?
No, I want a dessert menu.
All right.
I hear there's some really good rats
out by the trash.
- Ooh, trash rats? - [laughs]
You don't have to twist my wing.
- [groans] - Okay, great.
I'll give you a call some time.
- Okay. - Listen for this.
[caws]
- Bye. - Wow.
Bye. It's nice meeting you.
What in the name of phoenix's ash was that?
What? I was just being polite.
I don't understand what
you could possibly see in that dodo.
Ugh, he's a mockingbird, Dad.
And I think he has a great sense of humor
plus he's kind of cute.
Stacey, you're too young for this.
Do you know how old I was
when I went out on my first date?
- [groans] - 75.
You're a wizard, Dad!
You have a life expectancy of, like, 300 years.
[clears throat]
Hey everybody. Look, it's Brendar.
She's given up her dream of waiting tables
to join us excitedly on our next quest.
I never said that.
Well, you gotta quest.
- Birds gotta fly. - Gnomes gotta dance.
Wizards gotta whiz.
I know you're upset, but isn't it
about time you forgive Axe?
I mean, you got to get out there
and avenge your incredibly complicated backstory.
The troll has a point.
Thank you.
Look... all I'm saying is,
if you refuse to confront your problems,
you'll never be happy.
You're right.
[heroic music]
I will get those dragon's tears,
and I will seek my vengeance upon Alvin the demon.
That's the spirit.
But I will not speak to that hack.
Oh. Well, sure.
Some of my magic is questionable,
but I wouldn't call myself...
Oh, you're talking about Axe.
[dejectedly] Hmm.
Well, okay.
The gang's back together.
Let's get questing to that dragon's lair.
Come on!
- Whoo-hoo! - Axe is back, baby.
[laughs]
[aloof chuckling]
What are you waiting for?
What? Me?
I was just gonna stay here just in case
anyone wanted to hang out
- and I'm hanging out... - All right.
No daughter of mine is fraternizing
with a bird brain like Biff.
- What? - Come on.
Call me.
[chuckles]
She already misses me.
The tyranny of the violent barmaid is over.
[all cheering]
[gentle music]
Huh.
Here's our first troll bridge.
Wow, memories.
It'll be like walking across the charred remains
of my failed career as a gold digger.
Yeah, it sounds like a real dance around the maple.
Good one, Brendar.
Hey, why don't you let me handle this
'cause trolls are my people and we have a special bond.
[heavy footsteps thud]
[dramatic music]
- Halt. - Whoa.
None shall pass this bridge without surrendering a fee.
Some bond.
- Evan? - Uh, yeah.
- Dude, it's me. - Doug from health class.
What? Well, look at you, man.
You really grew up over the summer.
Yeah. Well, apparently,
I have quite the glandular problem.
- Hm. - Well, you know the ropes.
You got to pay the toll or we got to fight.
Oh, yeah, but that's not
gonna be necessary.
- You'll let us pass, right? - Oh!
I mean, trolls before tolls.
Mm, no can do, buddy.
Troll King sent word down.
- Huh? - No passage.
They really captured your likeness.
My ears aren't that big.
Enough of this ridiculousness.
Let me slice this fool into pieces.
Like a purple cake.
But it's Doug from health class.
How else are we gonna cross this bridge?
Ugh, well, can't we pay?
I mean didn't you make any tips at the Goiter?
No. I made two ducats and a fake eye,
and I had to give the eye back.
How are we gonna get to the dragon?
There's at least ten bridges along our path.
That's ten more trolls I'm chopping in half.
- Chop, chop. - No, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay. Listen.
There is a way that I can guarantee free crossing
for all bridges in Gothmoria.
Well, what's that?
It's called the Troll's Passage.
You better get that pass quick
because this bridge shuts down in an hour for renovation.
Turns out a lot of these bridges are highly flammable.
Huh.
How do we get this "Troll's Passage"?
It's at my parent's house.
Okay, so what you're gonna be doing is taking a left
past the forest of screaming trees.
But if you reach the shrieking mountains,
then you've gone too far.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Why do you get to stay here?
Are you seriously bailing
at the first bridge on the road?
I was trying to.
We're getting dragon's tears to fight a demon.
Your parents cannot be scarier than that.
So troll up and let's do this.
Well, when you put it that way.
You heard the troll. Move out!
[caws]
Biff.
Hey, my wings are tired,
so I think I'm just gonna rest here.
[cawing]
Ah, yeah. You know what?
My wings are tired too,
so I'll wait here with you.
You don't have any wings, Dad.
Poof.
[groans]
[laughs]
Caw-caw... aw, man.
Hold on.
I think I should prepare you
for what we might find
when we get into my parents' house.
I've been in a house before.
No, no, I know, but it's my parents.
See, my mom talks in a unique way...
Evan, we have 45 minutes to get in,
get the passage, and get back to the bridge.
I don't care if your mom has an accent.
[slurping, grunting]
[groaning, laughing]
- I take that back. - This is unusual.
So inappropriate, I can't look away.
Oh, Ma, not in front of my friends.
This is embarrassing. [Chuckles]
- Ah. - Okay.
Grab the pass and let's get out of here.
No, we can't just barge in and ask.
My dad needs a little buttering up first.
[door creaks] [dramatic music]
Well, well, well.
A prodigal son returns.
It's going better than I expected.
[whispers] He thinks I'm a prodigy.
That's not what that means.
Hey, Mom, Dad, these are my friends.
[groans]
Brendar and Axe.
You keep a lovely home, Troll Queen.
This could be featured in "Better Homes and Hovels."
- Ah! - So let me guess.
You gave up your ridiculous dream
of becoming a musician
and came home to beg for your old job back.
Actually, he came to beg for something else.
I don't want my old job back.
I'm doing fine as a musician.
Son, you're more disappointing
than the reviews of my first novel.
- Novel's generous. - It was more of a coloring book.
- I never understood this kid. - He's so humiliating.
Well, you know who gets me is Ma.
She always thought I was adorable and sweet.
Yeah, your mother thinks you're sweet,
all right, like a dessert.
Geraldina tried to eat Evan when he was born.
Tries to eat him every chance she can get, really.
That's a thing with trolls, is it?
It's not uncommon.
Looks like the queen likes finger foods.
- What? - [chomps]
Whoa, Ma! Ow, ow, ow!
Okay, so this quest we're on
- is very challenging... - [groaning]
And we're going to be crossing a lot of bridges,
so we thought you could really help us out by...
Burning them all down?
[groans]
- All right, all right. - I'll be less snarky.
So if you want to cross the troll bridge,
you know the deal.
You either pay or slay.
Yeah, but we'll be slaying
a bunch of our friends.
Okay, but because we don't have any money,
you have something to ask them.
[sighs] Yeah.
Uh, I really wanted to ask you if, uh...
[growls]
If I could show Brendar my old room.
- Evan. - It's right over there.
[singsongy] Mm-mah!
- His room's a cabinet? - Oh, he wishes.
It's the top drawer of the cabinet.
The second one's our junk drawer.
If you need 15 packets of duck sauce
and a bunch of keys that don't seem to match anything.
[groans]
What's that Ma? Snacks?
Ooh, Mom's gonna make us some snacks, Brendar.
- Did you hear? - I heard.
Mom's a super good cook. She...
What? No, I'm not the snack.
[laughing]
That's Ma doing her old snack thing again.
[laughs]
[light music]
Yeah. I like worms too.
He's still up there, isn't he?
How would I know?
Because you can see things a mile away.
It's kinda your thing.
Fine, yes.
He's still up there.
I don't understand why you just won't let me talk to him.
Because you're still my little girl.
You're not ready to date.
I need to spread my wings and fly.
I wanna see what's out there.
You can't keep me in a cage forever.
Actually, I think I can legally.
At least until you're 18.
Ugh!
I don't mean to be judgmental,
but you have a weird relationship with your bird.
♪ ♪
Then the minotaur says,
"Well, that's what you get when you wear red."
- [laughs] - That's a good one, Evan.
It's not funny.
She's right. That's not funny.
Ooh. I want some of that.
Ooh, ah, that's hot. Whoo.
[grunts]
Oh, yeah. Thanks, Ma.
Oh, yeah. That's great.
Hey, troll
"passage" me some of those tasty morsels.
Oh, sure.
- [sighs] - [sniffs]
[scoffs]
Lemon pepper?
Ma, you were marinating me?
[groans]
Instead of trying to cook me,
why don't you show Brendar around the house
and I'll have a chat with Dad?
Both: Please don't make me do that.
[grunting]
Ooh, I'll come.
I can give you some decor tips.
I have a flair for interior design.
- [clears throat] - So why are you really here?
[gulps]
[growls]
And I'm just saying that having a teenage daughter
is more work than I expected.
I know what you mean.
I have three teenage sisters,
and all they do is sass my dad all day long.
- Oh, the sassing is the worst. - Mm-hmm.
Just this morning, Stacey...
Stacey? Where, what?
Oh, fiddlesticks.
[sighs]
Goodbye, I guess.
[groaning] Ah.
Huh.
Your indoor outhouse is very modern.
Brendar, what about the troll pass?
Where's Evan?
Oh. Sulking in his room.
[grunts]
- Evan... - Hm.
That bridge closes in 20 minutes.
If we don't get the Troll's Passage,
I'm gonna have to pursue options you don't like.
[sighs] I know. It's just...
I'm afraid my dad's gonna freak out.
I don't think I can do this.
I know you're scared,
but a wise troll once told me
if you refuse to confront your problems,
you'll never be happy.
Well, that's good advice.
I'd like to meet that troll.
It was you. You're the troll.
You can do this.
[hopeful music]
Well, we have to get going.
We hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are.
Now that you've eaten us out of house and home,
and linseed oil.
Thanks again for that.
Is there anything else?
Or are we done here?
Actually, I need a favor.
There it is.
We need a Troll's Passage for our journey.
A Troll's Passage?
I know it's a lot to ask,
but I swear I'll never ask you for anything again.
So will you please help us...
[softly] Papa?
[groans empathetically]
[groans]
All right. Here it is.
Troll's Passage.
You can have it on one condition.
Yeah, anything.
Leave that ridiculous lute behind.
[gasps]
I can't travel without my lute.
I might as well be leaving my beating heart behind.
I don't care. That's my offer.
The pass for the lute.
Fine. You can have my lute.
Man, why do you hate the creative arts?
[growls]
Evan, are you sure about this?
I am, because continuing on this quest
is more important.
We have to get those dragon's tears.
That's very big of you, Evan,
especially since you're so tiny.
Thank you.
Yeah.
♪ ♪
I'll come back for you one day.
Oh, I don't think you'll want this back.
[chomping] [lute plucks, cracks]
[ominous music]
[chuckles, belches]
Delicious, a little stringy.
- All right. - Just give us the pass
so we can get out of here.
- [chomps, swallows] - [gasps]
Not as good as the lute, but I think you get my point.
[dramatic music]
[grumbles]
Do we get to have an intermission for this drama?
You have no respect for your son.
- You made him sleep in a drawer! - Yeah.
Why would he want to be a bridge troll?
He wants to be a musician.
Do you have to squash his dreams?
Are you going to let this barbarian talk
to your father like that?
Yes, because she is right.
- Yes, she is. - [groans]
I'm sorry if I don't fit in
to your neat little drawer, Dad.
I will always love you,
but I will never come back to this house.
Both: Evan!
Feel free to turn my room into a sock drawer
because from now on, I'm my own troll.
Come on. Let's quest.
Hey...
[yells]
- I know it's a little harsh. - [door shuts]
But it's for his own good.
[groans]
Geraldina? No! No!
[both yelling]
Well, that's it.
We don't have the pass, and the bridge is closing.
I'm sorry I failed you, Brendar.
Don't be sorry.
I'm proud of what you did back there.
And seeing you with your dad made me realize
you can't treat the people you care about like garbage.
- Hm. - Axe.
I'm sorry.
- You mean it? - Yes.
I'm sorry for the way I acted.
If Evan can spend his whole life being overly criticized,
mercilessly ridiculed,
and in constant fear of being eaten,
then I can handle one small little setback.
Well, I mean, I did have a couple good years in there.
Sure, Evan. Sure, you did.
I did. At least I liked them.
[jaunty music]
What are they doing up there?
I can't see a thing.
[romantic music]
Mmm, mmm.
- [chuckles] - Thanks for the worm.
Oh, you're welcome.
You know, your eyes sparkle
like two birdbaths.
Oh, Biff, that's so sweet.
"Oh, Biff, that's so sweet."
- Biff. - I'm sorry.
It's a mockingbird thing.
- It's okay. - Mm.
So do you have any siblings?
"Yeah, so do you have any siblings,
like brothers, sisters?"
- [mumbling mockingly] - Okay.
I don't think this is gonna work.
It was nice meeting you, Biff.
Aww. Nice meeting you too.
[mockingly] Oh, Biff, you're all alone.
You'll never have anyone to love you. Nyeh!
[normal voice] Yeah, you know what? I hear it now.
Huh. That's super obnoxious.
[jaunty music]
Trouble in paradise?
Yeah, you were right about Biff.
He wasn't for me.
Horus, one. Biff, zero.
But sooner or later, I might find someone
that is right for me, and I'm gonna wanna date.
You can't clip my wings, Dad.
Ah, you're right.
Although it did take everything I had
not to zap you out of that tree.
Can we call that progress?
It's a good start.
Aww. [Chuckles]
You're back!
We only have five minutes before the bridge closes.
Do you have the Troll's Passage?
- Both: No. - Turns out the troll king
is a real pain in the...
Axe, you're back with Brendar?
Yeah, we figured it out.
Anyway, as I was saying,
he ate the pass.
So it looks like we're gonna get to chop up
all the bridge trolls moving forward.
- [groans] - Hm?
Ma, what are you doing here?
[grunts]
You're here to give me something?
[gibberish]
Oh, it's my lute.
Oh, you pulled it out of dad's mouth, huh?
- [laughs] - How sweet and disgusting.
- Ah! - Something else?
- Ah. - Oh, my toy horse, Clippy.
You know, I always wondered where he went.
[groaning]
Something else?
- [grunts] - [gasps]
The Troll's Passage!
What?
Oh, Ma, how can I ever thank you?
[grunts]
I really appreciate you believing in me.
I promise I'll make you proud.
- [grunts happily] - Aww.
- [sniffs, slurps] - [yelps]
[chuckles] Mom!
- Gross. - Yuck.
- It's beautiful. - [sniffles]
Are you crying, Dad?
No, you're crying.
I hope the dragon cries this easy.
- [sobbing] - Come on. There, there.
[exciting music]
[gibberish]
Time's up. Bridge closed.
But...
That Troll's Passage can't help.
Only good during business hours.
- [grunting angrily] - Oh, oh!
Sorry, your Highness, of course.
I think a two-minute grace period is totally acceptable.
- [grunts] - All right.
Yeah. Thanks, Mom.
Okay, everybody. Let's quest!
- Finally. - All right. [Chuckles]
- Yeah! - [cawing]
- Oh, come on, Biff. - Take the hint.
- Ugh. - [groans]
[grunts]
I love you, too, Mom.
[kisses, blows]
[groans]