1 00:00:04,950 --> 00:00:06,020 Come on. 2 00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:10,160 Dude, she's kicking your butt. 3 00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:11,541 I'm letting her win. 4 00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:13,749 - We all know that's a lie. - Hazel! 5 00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:15,420 You should not... 6 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,300 I am older than you and deserve... 7 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:18,959 Never mind, I'll tell you later. 8 00:00:20,140 --> 00:00:21,542 - Done. - Whoo! That's my girl. 9 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,660 You have earned yourself some breakfast ice cream. 10 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:24,874 Al, you got three more to go. 11 00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:26,011 And then I get ice cream? 12 00:00:26,012 --> 00:00:27,220 Ice cream's for winners. 13 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,290 There's no participation ice cream. 14 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,080 Hey, guys, I got something I want to run by you. 15 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,660 You okay? 16 00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:36,708 Maybe one day. 17 00:00:36,709 --> 00:00:39,833 You know how my Ohio Veteran's Post 18 00:00:39,834 --> 00:00:41,458 does a fundraiser every year? 19 00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:44,000 This year they want to honor you guys. 20 00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:46,180 Ah, I hate those dog and pony shows. 21 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,990 Oh, it's not like that. You just shake some hands, 22 00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:50,990 you take some pictures, you open some wallets... 23 00:00:50,991 --> 00:00:52,860 Okay, it's a little like that. 24 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:53,959 But it's for a good cause. 25 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,220 I love good causes. 26 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,124 They do so much good. 27 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,570 And the money we raise is gonna help men like Al 28 00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:00,999 who are still waiting for their visas. 29 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,079 Mashallah. 30 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,090 Fine. 31 00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,900 As long as we keep the focus on that. 32 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,620 I really don't want to be a poster boy. 33 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,920 Great! Hazel, want me to make you some breakfast? 34 00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:10,832 Dad promised me ice cream. 35 00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:12,980 How about scrambled eggs in a cone? 36 00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,249 Riley jaan, 37 00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,800 why are you not more excited? 38 00:01:17,801 --> 00:01:19,333 This is a wonderful honor. 39 00:01:19,334 --> 00:01:21,499 Nah, don't get your hopes up... it's chicken fingers, 40 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,260 a slideshow and a bunch of really old guys 41 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,890 telling stories about World War II. 42 00:01:24,893 --> 00:01:26,330 Oh, stop selling. 43 00:01:26,350 --> 00:01:27,834 You had me at chicken fingers. 44 00:01:29,334 --> 00:01:30,416 ♪ 45 00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:31,749 ♪ Oh! ♪ 46 00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:34,417 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 47 00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:44,199 Just got off the horn with the Columbus Dispatch. 48 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,300 Get this, they're sending a guy to take pictures. 49 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,320 Mr. Art, are you serious? 50 00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:51,209 Do not say it if it's not true. 51 00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:52,833 It's true. 52 00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:56,012 I did not seek fame, but it seems to have found me. 53 00:01:56,013 --> 00:01:58,099 - [SCOFFS] - Oh, I'm going to need a jacket 54 00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,209 - and tie. - Not a problem. 55 00:01:59,210 --> 00:02:02,320 Mitch Culpepper's great-grandson owns a men's clothing store. 56 00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:04,082 - He'll hook you up. - How old is Mitch? 57 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,720 - 101, tank commander. - Mm. 58 00:02:05,740 --> 00:02:07,166 Helped drive Rommel out of Africa. 59 00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:08,590 Mm. 60 00:02:08,591 --> 00:02:10,829 He must have amazing stories. 61 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,720 And you will hear all of them. 62 00:02:12,740 --> 00:02:15,510 - Hey, Art. - Patterson! 63 00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:18,120 Awalmir, this is Gunnery Sergeant Lisa Patterson. 64 00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:19,902 - USMC. - Retired. 65 00:02:19,903 --> 00:02:22,472 - 20's plenty, right? [LAUGHS] - [MUTTERS] 66 00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:23,780 You remember my son? 67 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,550 - Good to see you, Sergeant. - Gunny. 68 00:02:25,570 --> 00:02:27,416 We really appreciate you guys doing this. 69 00:02:27,417 --> 00:02:29,583 No, it is us who appreciate you. 70 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,680 Boy, you're adorable. 71 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,699 So here's the rundown... uh... 72 00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:37,299 bar opens at 1700 hours, buffet at 1730. 73 00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,259 Then there will be a slideshow presentation, 74 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,799 after which you'll both say a few words. 75 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,492 And I do mean "a few." 76 00:02:42,493 --> 00:02:44,149 At this point in the evening, it is bedtime 77 00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:45,630 for the Greatest Generation. 78 00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,669 Whoa, now we're making speeches? 79 00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:50,300 Ah, I should go second. 80 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,541 Riley can't follow me. 81 00:02:52,542 --> 00:02:55,160 Sergeant, we didn't ask you here just to look pretty. 82 00:02:55,161 --> 00:02:57,708 Don't get me wrong though. You are pretty. 83 00:02:57,709 --> 00:02:59,834 I can say that 'cause you're not exactly my type. 84 00:03:00,690 --> 00:03:02,084 I like women. 85 00:03:03,459 --> 00:03:05,088 Come on, son, everybody wants to hear from you. 86 00:03:05,089 --> 00:03:07,300 And try to keep your message optimistic. 87 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,374 Optimistic? 88 00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:11,249 Translators are getting killed almost every day. 89 00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:13,120 Maybe don't open with that. 90 00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:16,260 All right, well... 91 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,830 I'll do the best I can. 92 00:03:17,833 --> 00:03:19,500 "I'll do the best I can." 93 00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:21,989 I think that's the motto for the Coast Guard, Art. 94 00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:23,850 [BOTH LAUGH] 95 00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:29,062 ♪ If I had a hammer ♪ 96 00:03:29,063 --> 00:03:30,322 [GLASS SHATTERING] 97 00:03:30,323 --> 00:03:33,416 ♪ I'd hammer in the morning. ♪ 98 00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:35,083 Whatcha doing? 99 00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:36,199 - Making art. - Oh. 100 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,349 For a minute there, I thought you were breaking beer bottles 101 00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:39,750 with a hammer. 102 00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:42,749 I'm working on a mixed-media mosaic. 103 00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:43,999 Ah. 104 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,080 Why? 105 00:03:46,081 --> 00:03:47,582 What do you want, Dad? 106 00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:49,220 I need to ask a favor. 107 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,374 I'm listening. 108 00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:52,880 I was hoping you could put together a slideshow 109 00:03:52,890 --> 00:03:54,240 about your brother. 110 00:03:54,260 --> 00:03:56,123 Maybe include some pictures of him and Al in there. 111 00:03:56,124 --> 00:03:57,139 For the Veteran's Post thing? 112 00:03:57,140 --> 00:03:58,960 - Yeah. - You sure about this? 113 00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:00,375 Riley hates that kind of stuff. 114 00:04:00,376 --> 00:04:03,560 Nah, he says he does, but once he gets up there onstage 115 00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:06,579 and he feels all that love and gratitude. 116 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,460 He needs this. 117 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,666 I sure never got an attaboy when I came back from Grenada. 118 00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:14,110 'Cause no one knew you went or what it was. 119 00:04:15,084 --> 00:04:17,125 That was a turning point in the Cold War. 120 00:04:17,130 --> 00:04:20,200 It was more like the beach volleyball scene from Top Gun. 121 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,440 Come on, help me out here, will ya? 122 00:04:23,210 --> 00:04:26,592 Y-Your brother's stuck. And we need to unstick him. 123 00:04:26,593 --> 00:04:28,202 You in or you out? 124 00:04:28,203 --> 00:04:29,624 I'm in. 125 00:04:29,625 --> 00:04:31,120 Thank you. 126 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,480 Hey, can I try? 127 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,820 - Oh, sure. - Yeah. 128 00:04:33,823 --> 00:04:35,700 Just, you know... 129 00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:37,959 [GLASS SHATTERING] 130 00:04:39,970 --> 00:04:42,042 Yeah! I get it. 131 00:04:45,180 --> 00:04:46,919 I'm gonna say goodbye to you out here, honey. 132 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,041 Don't you want to come in and say hi to Mom's new boyfriend? 133 00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:52,460 [SCOFFS] All right, don't be a wise guy. 134 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,680 Give me a kiss. 135 00:04:55,780 --> 00:04:57,630 Hey, Hazel! 136 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,582 Hey, Riley. Good to see you. 137 00:04:59,583 --> 00:05:00,860 Hi, Freddy. 138 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:05,150 Is this weird? It's weird, right? 139 00:05:05,153 --> 00:05:07,042 It feels weird. 140 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:09,130 Yeah, trust that feeling, bro. 141 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,880 - Want to come in? I'm making breakfast. - Mm. 142 00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:14,300 Or as you military folks call it, "chow." 143 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,440 No, thanks. 144 00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:18,708 Is Vanessa around? I need to talk to her for a sec. 145 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:19,749 She'll be right back. 146 00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:22,823 But you're welcome to talk to some homemade chorizo. 147 00:05:22,824 --> 00:05:25,300 I make my own sausages. 148 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,084 It's kind of a hobby. 149 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,240 Just tell her to call me, okay? 150 00:05:29,270 --> 00:05:30,480 We got to switch weekends. 151 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,582 My dad's being honored at the OVP. 152 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:33,880 Oh, that's amazing. 153 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,208 Congratulations, dude. 154 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,280 You can't come. 155 00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:39,322 Hazel, don't be rude. 156 00:05:39,323 --> 00:05:41,449 But, yeah, you can't come. 157 00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:42,960 Understood. 158 00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:46,140 You know, I would've joined up, but I had some medical issues. 159 00:05:46,170 --> 00:05:48,680 Deviated septum. When the weather's dry, 160 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,000 I get nosebleeds. 161 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:51,875 I've learned to live with it. 162 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:53,860 Right. 163 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,780 Anyway, just tell her to call me. 164 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:57,958 Of course. 165 00:05:57,959 --> 00:05:59,333 But if there's anything I can do... 166 00:05:59,334 --> 00:06:01,472 You want me to donate some money? 167 00:06:01,473 --> 00:06:03,380 Wait, hold on, let me see what I... 168 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,010 Whoa-ho, 20, five... tw-twenty-seven. 169 00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:10,600 Look what I did. 170 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,010 Made it weird again. 171 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:18,580 - Oh, there you are. - What's up? 172 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,460 I was hoping you could help me with... 173 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,840 Oh, is that Riley when he was a little boy? 174 00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,200 - Yeah. - Aw! 175 00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:25,792 Who's the little boy next to him? 176 00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:27,750 - Me. - Oh. 177 00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:28,791 Yeah. 178 00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:30,680 That's what happens when your dad cuts your hair 179 00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:33,000 because barbers are a rip-off. 180 00:06:33,023 --> 00:06:34,874 Well, you were very handsome. 181 00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:37,159 Gee, thanks. 182 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,599 I bought a book on how to give speeches. 183 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,382 And I do not understand this. 184 00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:42,291 "Hello, ladies and germs." 185 00:06:42,292 --> 00:06:43,732 Is that a joke? 186 00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:45,700 Or is that serious? 187 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,619 Is there a third choice? 188 00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:51,960 Going for a run. I'll be back in a bit. 189 00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:53,624 Riley, have you written your speech? 190 00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:55,209 No, I'm just gonna wing it. 191 00:06:55,223 --> 00:06:56,917 I can help you with jokes. 192 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,150 [SIGHS] 193 00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:04,920 I do not understand why he is getting so worked up 194 00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:05,959 about this fundraiser. 195 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,260 He just doesn't like being the center of attention. 196 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,750 But he has always been so proud of being a Marine. 197 00:07:10,761 --> 00:07:12,083 And he still is. 198 00:07:12,084 --> 00:07:13,632 [SIGHS] 199 00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,282 I don't know. 200 00:07:15,283 --> 00:07:17,999 He is very different from what I remember. 201 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,380 Join the club. 202 00:07:20,417 --> 00:07:21,625 So what happened? 203 00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,620 You tell me. You were with him over there. 204 00:07:24,625 --> 00:07:26,342 But he was with you over here. 205 00:07:26,343 --> 00:07:28,040 This is where he changed. 206 00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:31,500 In Afghanistan, he was capable and sure of himself. 207 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,910 His men loved him. They would have followed him anywhere. 208 00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:37,080 But now... 209 00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:41,319 now he just seems lost. 210 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,940 He sure does. 211 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,499 I hope he has not been bewitched. 212 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,410 I'm sorry, what? 213 00:07:50,411 --> 00:07:52,709 It would explain a lot. 214 00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:55,709 You know, it would. 215 00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,340 Espand e balla band. 216 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,080 Chashmi heach, chashmi khaish. 217 00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:06,667 Chashmi dost wa dooshmani bad andish... 218 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,700 Don't make me ask. 219 00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:13,019 I'm burning espand seeds to ward off the evil eye. 220 00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:14,560 Gosh, will you knock it off? 221 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,220 I think you know the answer to that. 222 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,240 I got to get my uniform together, 223 00:08:20,260 --> 00:08:21,679 I got to get my hair cut for this thing. 224 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,900 - Lay off me, man. - No, I will lay on you, man. 225 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,621 Until you change your attitude. 226 00:08:26,622 --> 00:08:28,220 I said I'm going. 227 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,368 What do you want me to do, skip there twirling a baton? 228 00:08:30,369 --> 00:08:33,920 Don't you remember Ahmad, Bilal, Ali? 229 00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:35,599 They are waiting for their visas. 230 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,129 Their lives are still in danger. 231 00:08:37,130 --> 00:08:39,209 And you are acting like helping them is an annoyance. 232 00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:40,840 You know if I could go to Afghanistan 233 00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:42,291 and bring them back, I would. 234 00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:45,559 But you can't. All you can do is go to the fundraiser... 235 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:46,700 I said I'm going! 236 00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:49,390 Don't yell at me! We are on the same side! 237 00:08:50,390 --> 00:08:51,958 Where are you going? We're talking. 238 00:08:51,959 --> 00:08:53,373 I need more espand seeds. 239 00:08:53,374 --> 00:08:54,959 I don't have an evil eye! 240 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,100 Yes, you do. 241 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,781 [SMOKE ALARM BEEPING] 242 00:08:57,782 --> 00:08:59,209 See? 243 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,520 Riley getting ready? 244 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,832 Hey, I'm only in charge of the slideshow. 245 00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:10,958 And it's gonna work? 246 00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:13,410 It should, it absolutely should. 247 00:09:14,940 --> 00:09:16,790 Huh? What do you think? 248 00:09:16,792 --> 00:09:19,916 Family and friends discount from Culpepper and Sons. 249 00:09:19,917 --> 00:09:22,369 - Wow, you look great! - Well, thank you. 250 00:09:22,370 --> 00:09:23,669 Just don't be surprised 251 00:09:23,670 --> 00:09:25,750 if someone asks you to park their car. 252 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,100 Oh! 253 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,159 Wow. 254 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,259 This is in, like, those movies 255 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:33,584 when the ugly girl becomes beautiful. 256 00:09:33,585 --> 00:09:34,740 All right. 257 00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,870 That's the only one you get. 258 00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:39,130 Hey, Hazelnut. 259 00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:40,166 Hey, sunshine. 260 00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:42,360 - Hey, Grampy. - Look at you in a dress. 261 00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:43,999 I don't want to talk about it. 262 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,205 You clean up nice. 263 00:09:45,206 --> 00:09:46,820 I don't want to talk about it. 264 00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:49,460 Sorry about Freddy the other day. 265 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,875 I heard he was a little extra. 266 00:09:51,881 --> 00:09:53,542 No, no, he means well. 267 00:09:53,550 --> 00:09:55,791 - He's not coming, is he? - No. 268 00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:58,291 But he's all dressed up and just a phone call away. 269 00:09:58,292 --> 00:10:01,459 Uh, Mom, get a picture of me and Dad. 270 00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:04,417 BOTH: Oorah! 271 00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:07,917 And now one with me. 272 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,584 And now with Mr. Art. 273 00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:14,334 - All right, that's enough. - Wait, we need Lizzie. 274 00:10:16,167 --> 00:10:18,459 Okay, now just me. 275 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,863 [BAND PLAYING "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"] 276 00:10:21,864 --> 00:10:25,292 ♪ 277 00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:32,660 Post the colors. 278 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,660 Riley, Al, I want you to meet some of our major donors. 279 00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:41,792 Mitch's family owns Culpepper and Sons down at the mall. 280 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,960 Your great-grandson is a terrific salesman. 281 00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:47,208 He guessed my jacket size just by looking at me. 282 00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:48,282 Boys medium? 283 00:10:48,283 --> 00:10:49,916 Amazing. 284 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,360 Thank you for your service. 285 00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:52,409 You're welcome. 286 00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,260 And this is Ted Begley. 287 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,833 Ted owns the Chevy dealership out on Route 23. 288 00:10:56,834 --> 00:10:58,640 Any time you need a car, come on down. 289 00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:01,374 Uh, promo code is "American Hero." 290 00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:02,729 Hmm. 291 00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:06,120 I'm a big fan of the 1997 Toyota Corolla. 292 00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:07,700 Preferably with a radio. 293 00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,170 Uh, Riley, I'm curious, 294 00:11:10,173 --> 00:11:12,002 what is your go-to sidearm? 295 00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:14,625 - The one they gave us. - [LAUGHS] 296 00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:17,082 Ooh, I'll bet you saw a lot of action, huh? 297 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:19,240 Nah, it was, uh, months of boredom 298 00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:22,012 punctuated with the worst days of my life. 299 00:11:22,013 --> 00:11:23,249 Oh. 300 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,209 Excuse me. I'm gonna hit the head. 301 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,460 For a brave man, 302 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,292 he has a very nervous bladder. 303 00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:36,100 So, tell me more about your Corollas. 304 00:11:37,470 --> 00:11:38,880 [LAUGHTER] 305 00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:39,999 So there we are, 306 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,100 in the dead of night, cut off from our unit, 307 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,600 trying to make our way back 308 00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:45,291 through Taliban-controlled territory. 309 00:11:45,292 --> 00:11:46,512 Did you throw a grenade? 310 00:11:46,513 --> 00:11:48,560 I will get there, Mr. Ted. 311 00:11:48,561 --> 00:11:50,562 Anyway, we have to be very quiet. 312 00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:53,249 One peep out of us, we are dead men. 313 00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:56,582 And this new recruit tells me he has to go to the bathroom. 314 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,960 - [SOFT LAUGHTER] - So, I send him behind a bush, 315 00:11:58,980 --> 00:11:59,989 where he makes so much noise, 316 00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:01,958 - he might as well have shot off a flare. - [LAUGHTER] 317 00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:04,333 Okay, but w... So then, you threw a grenade. 318 00:12:04,334 --> 00:12:06,360 Well, I suppose you could say, Mr. Ted, 319 00:12:06,361 --> 00:12:09,292 - the new guy dropped a grenade. - [LAUGHTER] 320 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,920 So, Riley, I hear that you were quite the hero 321 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,240 over there in Iraq. 322 00:12:14,241 --> 00:12:16,932 It was over there in Afghanistan. 323 00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:18,720 I wasn't a hero. 324 00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:20,834 But otherwise you heard right. 325 00:12:22,125 --> 00:12:24,202 Hello, can I have everybody's attention? 326 00:12:24,203 --> 00:12:25,779 We're gonna start the slideshow. 327 00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:26,791 Lizzie, you ready? 328 00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:28,499 Oh, boy, I hope so. 329 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:29,699 Fire it up. 330 00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,700 Okay, um, hang on. 331 00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:35,292 - [ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS] - Hey, it worked. 332 00:12:37,584 --> 00:12:38,900 _ 333 00:12:42,750 --> 00:12:45,084 ♪ 334 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,417 ♪ 335 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,520 [PANTING] 336 00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,950 Hey. Where you going? 337 00:13:14,951 --> 00:13:17,000 I'm just grabbing some air. 338 00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:19,580 You're gonna make your speech, right? 339 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,584 I don't know. This was a bad idea. 340 00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:27,320 Riley. 341 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,839 I'm just so damn proud of you, son. 342 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,380 - I wish you... - I know, Dad. 343 00:13:43,709 --> 00:13:46,152 ♪ 344 00:13:46,153 --> 00:13:48,667 [WHISPERS]: Hey, Al. How long can you make your speech? 345 00:13:48,668 --> 00:13:50,440 Very long. Why? 346 00:13:52,625 --> 00:13:54,459 I think we lost Riley. 347 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:56,820 Where'd he go? 348 00:13:56,821 --> 00:13:58,169 I don't know. 349 00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,820 [SIGHS] 350 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,583 I might. 351 00:14:01,584 --> 00:14:03,291 Stay here, I'll be right back. 352 00:14:03,292 --> 00:14:05,172 - I want to come with you. - No. 353 00:14:05,173 --> 00:14:07,392 I need you to record Uncle Al's speech 354 00:14:07,393 --> 00:14:08,900 so that Dad can watch it later. 355 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,458 That's the mission. Can you handle it? 356 00:14:10,459 --> 00:14:11,959 - Yes, ma'am. - Okay. 357 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,874 [EXHALES] 358 00:14:15,875 --> 00:14:17,662 I guess you were right. 359 00:14:17,663 --> 00:14:19,670 I wish I wasn't. 360 00:14:19,671 --> 00:14:24,083 [VOCALIZING] 361 00:14:24,084 --> 00:14:25,167 What are you doing? 362 00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:26,582 I'm warming up my instrument. 363 00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:29,950 [CONTINUES VOCALIZING] 364 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,680 Oh, great. 365 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,720 Mind if I join you? 366 00:14:49,873 --> 00:14:52,482 - How'd you know? - Hmm. 367 00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:56,052 You have three spots you go to when you're freaking out. 368 00:14:56,053 --> 00:14:58,875 And the strip club burned down. 369 00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:02,460 Now I'm freaking out about two things. 370 00:15:04,590 --> 00:15:06,360 Hydrate. 371 00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,510 Aspirin. 372 00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:15,109 One bacon cheeseburger, extra greasy. 373 00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:18,200 Aw. You're the best almost ex-wife ever. 374 00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:19,450 [CHUCKLES] 375 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:27,040 Um, you gonna try to guilt me into going back? 376 00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:28,480 Nope. 377 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,429 You gonna tell me I need to get checked out at the V.A.? 378 00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:33,940 [LAUGHS SOFTLY] 379 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,417 Nope. 380 00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,830 Then what do you want? 381 00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:43,410 I want my daughter's father to be okay. 382 00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:48,000 So... 383 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,660 So I'm just gonna sit here with you for a while. 384 00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:02,560 [EXHALES] 385 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,480 Mmm. 386 00:16:13,980 --> 00:16:15,200 You want a bite? 387 00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:18,750 Not for a million dollars. 388 00:16:21,820 --> 00:16:24,780 Before we get to the main event, how about another big hand 389 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,583 for Lizzie Dugan for putting together that slideshow. 390 00:16:28,584 --> 00:16:31,330 [LAUGHS] It's so sad how good this feels. 391 00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:35,916 And before we introduce tonight's honorees, 392 00:16:35,917 --> 00:16:38,980 I would like to take a moment to thank my beautiful wife. 393 00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:41,041 Crystal, come on. Come on, stand up. 394 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,249 - Take a bow. [CHUCKLES] - [APPLAUSE] 395 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,240 I had to keep her on the down-low until 2011. 396 00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,120 So now it's, "You don't ask, I do tell." 397 00:16:48,121 --> 00:16:49,625 'Cause I tell everybody. I mean, come on. 398 00:16:49,626 --> 00:16:50,917 Look at her. Come on. 399 00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:53,460 Anyhoo. 400 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,416 It is my pleasure to introduce an exceptional man 401 00:16:57,417 --> 00:17:00,041 who fought alongside our men and women, 402 00:17:00,042 --> 00:17:02,416 Mr. Awalmir Karimi. 403 00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:05,291 [APPLAUSE] 404 00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,499 Whoo! Go get 'em, Uncle Al. 405 00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,190 - Thank you, Gunny. - Keep it clean. 406 00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:12,142 [CLEARS THROAT] 407 00:17:12,143 --> 00:17:15,500 Hello. Uh, good evening. 408 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:20,160 Thank you for this wonderful honor. 409 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,244 I read a book on giving speeches, 410 00:17:23,245 --> 00:17:26,083 and it suggested opening with a joke. 411 00:17:26,084 --> 00:17:28,289 Oh, boy. 412 00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:29,620 But I'm not going to. 413 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,749 Because there is nothing funny 414 00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:35,940 about the 17,000 Afghan interpreters 415 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,709 still waiting for visas which were promised to them. 416 00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:43,392 When we decided to join the U.S. forces, 417 00:17:43,393 --> 00:17:46,392 we were not only risking our lives, 418 00:17:46,393 --> 00:17:50,166 we were putting the lives of our families in danger. 419 00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:54,450 We were the eyes and ears of American troops. 420 00:17:55,700 --> 00:18:00,839 And that is what the Taliban called us, "the eyes." 421 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,640 On missions, I would hear them over the radio say, 422 00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:06,459 "Shoot the eyes first." 423 00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:11,080 And a lot of times they did. 424 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,375 But not me. 425 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:22,950 My friend Riley saved my life on three separate occasions. 426 00:18:22,953 --> 00:18:25,609 Twice from gunfire, 427 00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:29,320 once from red tape. 428 00:18:29,334 --> 00:18:31,790 He got my visa application out 429 00:18:31,791 --> 00:18:33,499 from whatever pile it was buried under 430 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,710 and brought me to America. 431 00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:40,333 And I know he doesn't like to be called a hero, 432 00:18:40,334 --> 00:18:43,940 but the interpreters who don't have a friend like him... 433 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,820 ... are probably not going to make it here. 434 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:56,080 So, if he won't let me call him a hero... 435 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,320 ... I will call him my brother. 436 00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:08,830 And now, if you will allow me, a song. 437 00:19:10,970 --> 00:19:12,625 Lizzie, if you please? 438 00:19:12,630 --> 00:19:15,500 ["IT'S NOT UNUSUAL" PLAYING] 439 00:19:18,630 --> 00:19:20,532 ♪ It's not unusual ♪ 440 00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:23,042 ♪ To be loved by anyone ♪ 441 00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:25,720 ♪ It's not unusual ♪ 442 00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:28,530 ♪ To have fun with anyone... ♪ 443 00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:35,449 ♪ If I ever find that you've changed at any time ♪ 444 00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:38,140 ♪ It's not unusual to find out ♪ 445 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,680 ♪ I'm in love with you ♪ 446 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,510 ♪ Whoa, whoa! ♪ 447 00:19:41,511 --> 00:19:43,552 - Thank you, ladies and germs! - [APPLAUSE] 448 00:19:43,553 --> 00:19:46,339 - Good night. - [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK] 449 00:19:46,340 --> 00:19:48,180 Whoo! 450 00:19:48,863 --> 00:19:50,124 [MOUTHS] 451 00:19:50,125 --> 00:19:52,692 Apparently, you weren't missed. 452 00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,539 [BOTH LAUGH] 453 00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:59,540 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --