1
00:00:04,950 --> 00:00:06,020
Come on.
2
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:10,160
Dude, she's kicking your butt.
3
00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:11,541
I'm letting her win.
4
00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:13,749
- We all know that's a lie.
- Hazel!
5
00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:15,420
You should not...
6
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,300
I am older than you and deserve...
7
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:18,959
Never mind, I'll tell you later.
8
00:00:20,140 --> 00:00:21,542
- Done.
- Whoo! That's my girl.
9
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,660
You have earned yourself
some breakfast ice cream.
10
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:24,874
Al, you got three more to go.
11
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:26,011
And then I get ice cream?
12
00:00:26,012 --> 00:00:27,220
Ice cream's for winners.
13
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,290
There's no participation ice cream.
14
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,080
Hey, guys, I got something
I want to run by you.
15
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,660
You okay?
16
00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:36,708
Maybe one day.
17
00:00:36,709 --> 00:00:39,833
You know how my Ohio Veteran's Post
18
00:00:39,834 --> 00:00:41,458
does a fundraiser every year?
19
00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:44,000
This year they want to honor you guys.
20
00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:46,180
Ah, I hate those dog and pony shows.
21
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,990
Oh, it's not like that.
You just shake some hands,
22
00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:50,990
you take some pictures,
you open some wallets...
23
00:00:50,991 --> 00:00:52,860
Okay, it's a little like that.
24
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:53,959
But it's for a good cause.
25
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,220
I love good causes.
26
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,124
They do so much good.
27
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,570
And the money we raise
is gonna help men like Al
28
00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:00,999
who are still waiting for their visas.
29
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,079
Mashallah.
30
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,090
Fine.
31
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,900
As long as we keep the focus on that.
32
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,620
I really don't want to be a poster boy.
33
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,920
Great! Hazel, want me to
make you some breakfast?
34
00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:10,832
Dad promised me ice cream.
35
00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:12,980
How about scrambled eggs in a cone?
36
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,249
Riley jaan,
37
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,800
why are you not more excited?
38
00:01:17,801 --> 00:01:19,333
This is a wonderful honor.
39
00:01:19,334 --> 00:01:21,499
Nah, don't get your hopes
up... it's chicken fingers,
40
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:23,260
a slideshow and a bunch
of really old guys
41
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:24,890
telling stories about World War II.
42
00:01:24,893 --> 00:01:26,330
Oh, stop selling.
43
00:01:26,350 --> 00:01:27,834
You had me at chicken fingers.
44
00:01:29,334 --> 00:01:30,416
♪
45
00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:31,749
♪ Oh! ♪
46
00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:34,417
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
47
00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:44,199
Just got off the horn with
the Columbus Dispatch.
48
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,300
Get this, they're sending
a guy to take pictures.
49
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,320
Mr. Art, are you serious?
50
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:51,209
Do not say it if it's not true.
51
00:01:51,743 --> 00:01:52,833
It's true.
52
00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:56,012
I did not seek fame, but
it seems to have found me.
53
00:01:56,013 --> 00:01:58,099
- [SCOFFS]
- Oh, I'm going to need a jacket
54
00:01:58,100 --> 00:01:59,209
- and tie.
- Not a problem.
55
00:01:59,210 --> 00:02:02,320
Mitch Culpepper's great-grandson
owns a men's clothing store.
56
00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:04,082
- He'll hook you up.
- How old is Mitch?
57
00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,720
- 101, tank commander.
- Mm.
58
00:02:05,740 --> 00:02:07,166
Helped drive Rommel out of Africa.
59
00:02:07,167 --> 00:02:08,590
Mm.
60
00:02:08,591 --> 00:02:10,829
He must have amazing stories.
61
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,720
And you will hear all of them.
62
00:02:12,740 --> 00:02:15,510
- Hey, Art.
- Patterson!
63
00:02:15,511 --> 00:02:18,120
Awalmir, this is Gunnery
Sergeant Lisa Patterson.
64
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:19,902
- USMC.
- Retired.
65
00:02:19,903 --> 00:02:22,472
- 20's plenty, right? [LAUGHS]
- [MUTTERS]
66
00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:23,780
You remember my son?
67
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,550
- Good to see you, Sergeant.
- Gunny.
68
00:02:25,570 --> 00:02:27,416
We really appreciate
you guys doing this.
69
00:02:27,417 --> 00:02:29,583
No, it is us who appreciate you.
70
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,680
Boy, you're adorable.
71
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,699
So here's the rundown... uh...
72
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:37,299
bar opens at 1700 hours, buffet at 1730.
73
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,259
Then there will be a
slideshow presentation,
74
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,799
after which you'll both say a few words.
75
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,492
And I do mean "a few."
76
00:02:42,493 --> 00:02:44,149
At this point in the
evening, it is bedtime
77
00:02:44,150 --> 00:02:45,630
for the Greatest Generation.
78
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,669
Whoa, now we're making speeches?
79
00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:50,300
Ah, I should go second.
80
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,541
Riley can't follow me.
81
00:02:52,542 --> 00:02:55,160
Sergeant, we didn't ask you
here just to look pretty.
82
00:02:55,161 --> 00:02:57,708
Don't get me wrong though.
You are pretty.
83
00:02:57,709 --> 00:02:59,834
I can say that 'cause
you're not exactly my type.
84
00:03:00,690 --> 00:03:02,084
I like women.
85
00:03:03,459 --> 00:03:05,088
Come on, son, everybody
wants to hear from you.
86
00:03:05,089 --> 00:03:07,300
And try to keep your message optimistic.
87
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,374
Optimistic?
88
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:11,249
Translators are getting
killed almost every day.
89
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:13,120
Maybe don't open with that.
90
00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:16,260
All right, well...
91
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,830
I'll do the best I can.
92
00:03:17,833 --> 00:03:19,500
"I'll do the best I can."
93
00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:21,989
I think that's the motto
for the Coast Guard, Art.
94
00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:23,850
[BOTH LAUGH]
95
00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:29,062
♪ If I had a hammer ♪
96
00:03:29,063 --> 00:03:30,322
[GLASS SHATTERING]
97
00:03:30,323 --> 00:03:33,416
♪ I'd hammer in the morning. ♪
98
00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:35,083
Whatcha doing?
99
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:36,199
- Making art.
- Oh.
100
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,349
For a minute there, I thought
you were breaking beer bottles
101
00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:39,750
with a hammer.
102
00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:42,749
I'm working on a mixed-media mosaic.
103
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:43,999
Ah.
104
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,080
Why?
105
00:03:46,081 --> 00:03:47,582
What do you want, Dad?
106
00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:49,220
I need to ask a favor.
107
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,374
I'm listening.
108
00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:52,880
I was hoping you could
put together a slideshow
109
00:03:52,890 --> 00:03:54,240
about your brother.
110
00:03:54,260 --> 00:03:56,123
Maybe include some pictures
of him and Al in there.
111
00:03:56,124 --> 00:03:57,139
For the Veteran's Post thing?
112
00:03:57,140 --> 00:03:58,960
- Yeah.
- You sure about this?
113
00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:00,375
Riley hates that kind of stuff.
114
00:04:00,376 --> 00:04:03,560
Nah, he says he does, but
once he gets up there onstage
115
00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:06,579
and he feels all that
love and gratitude.
116
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,460
He needs this.
117
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,666
I sure never got an attaboy
when I came back from Grenada.
118
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:14,110
'Cause no one knew you
went or what it was.
119
00:04:15,084 --> 00:04:17,125
That was a turning
point in the Cold War.
120
00:04:17,130 --> 00:04:20,200
It was more like the beach
volleyball scene from Top Gun.
121
00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,440
Come on, help me out here, will ya?
122
00:04:23,210 --> 00:04:26,592
Y-Your brother's stuck.
And we need to unstick him.
123
00:04:26,593 --> 00:04:28,202
You in or you out?
124
00:04:28,203 --> 00:04:29,624
I'm in.
125
00:04:29,625 --> 00:04:31,120
Thank you.
126
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,480
Hey, can I try?
127
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,820
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah.
128
00:04:33,823 --> 00:04:35,700
Just, you know...
129
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:37,959
[GLASS SHATTERING]
130
00:04:39,970 --> 00:04:42,042
Yeah! I get it.
131
00:04:45,180 --> 00:04:46,919
I'm gonna say goodbye
to you out here, honey.
132
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,041
Don't you want to come in and
say hi to Mom's new boyfriend?
133
00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:52,460
[SCOFFS] All right, don't be a wise guy.
134
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,680
Give me a kiss.
135
00:04:55,780 --> 00:04:57,630
Hey, Hazel!
136
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,582
Hey, Riley. Good to see you.
137
00:04:59,583 --> 00:05:00,860
Hi, Freddy.
138
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:05,150
Is this weird? It's weird, right?
139
00:05:05,153 --> 00:05:07,042
It feels weird.
140
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:09,130
Yeah, trust that feeling, bro.
141
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,880
- Want to come in? I'm making breakfast.
- Mm.
142
00:05:11,900 --> 00:05:14,300
Or as you military
folks call it, "chow."
143
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,440
No, thanks.
144
00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:18,708
Is Vanessa around? I need
to talk to her for a sec.
145
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:19,749
She'll be right back.
146
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:22,823
But you're welcome to talk
to some homemade chorizo.
147
00:05:22,824 --> 00:05:25,300
I make my own sausages.
148
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,084
It's kind of a hobby.
149
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,240
Just tell her to call me, okay?
150
00:05:29,270 --> 00:05:30,480
We got to switch weekends.
151
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,582
My dad's being honored at the OVP.
152
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:33,880
Oh, that's amazing.
153
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,208
Congratulations, dude.
154
00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,280
You can't come.
155
00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:39,322
Hazel, don't be rude.
156
00:05:39,323 --> 00:05:41,449
But, yeah, you can't come.
157
00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:42,960
Understood.
158
00:05:42,980 --> 00:05:46,140
You know, I would've joined up,
but I had some medical issues.
159
00:05:46,170 --> 00:05:48,680
Deviated septum. When the weather's dry,
160
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,000
I get nosebleeds.
161
00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:51,875
I've learned to live with it.
162
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:53,860
Right.
163
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,780
Anyway, just tell her to call me.
164
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:57,958
Of course.
165
00:05:57,959 --> 00:05:59,333
But if there's anything I can do...
166
00:05:59,334 --> 00:06:01,472
You want me to donate some money?
167
00:06:01,473 --> 00:06:03,380
Wait, hold on, let me see what I...
168
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,010
Whoa-ho, 20, five... tw-twenty-seven.
169
00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:10,600
Look what I did.
170
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,010
Made it weird again.
171
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:18,580
- Oh, there you are.
- What's up?
172
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,460
I was hoping you could help me with...
173
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,840
Oh, is that Riley when
he was a little boy?
174
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,200
- Yeah.
- Aw!
175
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:25,792
Who's the little boy next to him?
176
00:06:25,793 --> 00:06:27,750
- Me.
- Oh.
177
00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:28,791
Yeah.
178
00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:30,680
That's what happens when
your dad cuts your hair
179
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:33,000
because barbers are a rip-off.
180
00:06:33,023 --> 00:06:34,874
Well, you were very handsome.
181
00:06:34,875 --> 00:06:37,159
Gee, thanks.
182
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,599
I bought a book on how to give speeches.
183
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,382
And I do not understand this.
184
00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:42,291
"Hello, ladies and germs."
185
00:06:42,292 --> 00:06:43,732
Is that a joke?
186
00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:45,700
Or is that serious?
187
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,619
Is there a third choice?
188
00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:51,960
Going for a run. I'll be back in a bit.
189
00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:53,624
Riley, have you written your speech?
190
00:06:53,625 --> 00:06:55,209
No, I'm just gonna wing it.
191
00:06:55,223 --> 00:06:56,917
I can help you with jokes.
192
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,150
[SIGHS]
193
00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:04,920
I do not understand why
he is getting so worked up
194
00:07:04,940 --> 00:07:05,959
about this fundraiser.
195
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,260
He just doesn't like being
the center of attention.
196
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,750
But he has always been so
proud of being a Marine.
197
00:07:10,761 --> 00:07:12,083
And he still is.
198
00:07:12,084 --> 00:07:13,632
[SIGHS]
199
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,282
I don't know.
200
00:07:15,283 --> 00:07:17,999
He is very different
from what I remember.
201
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,380
Join the club.
202
00:07:20,417 --> 00:07:21,625
So what happened?
203
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,620
You tell me. You were
with him over there.
204
00:07:24,625 --> 00:07:26,342
But he was with you over here.
205
00:07:26,343 --> 00:07:28,040
This is where he changed.
206
00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:31,500
In Afghanistan, he was
capable and sure of himself.
207
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,910
His men loved him. They would
have followed him anywhere.
208
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:37,080
But now...
209
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:41,319
now he just seems lost.
210
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,940
He sure does.
211
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,499
I hope he has not been bewitched.
212
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,410
I'm sorry, what?
213
00:07:50,411 --> 00:07:52,709
It would explain a lot.
214
00:07:53,810 --> 00:07:55,709
You know, it would.
215
00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,340
Espand e balla band.
216
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,080
Chashmi heach, chashmi khaish.
217
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:06,667
Chashmi dost wa dooshmani bad andish...
218
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:08,700
Don't make me ask.
219
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:13,019
I'm burning espand seeds
to ward off the evil eye.
220
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:14,560
Gosh, will you knock it off?
221
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,220
I think you know the answer to that.
222
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,240
I got to get my uniform together,
223
00:08:20,260 --> 00:08:21,679
I got to get my hair cut for this thing.
224
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,900
- Lay off me, man.
- No, I will lay on you, man.
225
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,621
Until you change your attitude.
226
00:08:26,622 --> 00:08:28,220
I said I'm going.
227
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,368
What do you want me to do,
skip there twirling a baton?
228
00:08:30,369 --> 00:08:33,920
Don't you remember Ahmad, Bilal, Ali?
229
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:35,599
They are waiting for their visas.
230
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,129
Their lives are still in danger.
231
00:08:37,130 --> 00:08:39,209
And you are acting like
helping them is an annoyance.
232
00:08:39,210 --> 00:08:40,840
You know if I could go to Afghanistan
233
00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:42,291
and bring them back, I would.
234
00:08:42,292 --> 00:08:45,559
But you can't. All you can
do is go to the fundraiser...
235
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:46,700
I said I'm going!
236
00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:49,390
Don't yell at me!
We are on the same side!
237
00:08:50,390 --> 00:08:51,958
Where are you going? We're talking.
238
00:08:51,959 --> 00:08:53,373
I need more espand seeds.
239
00:08:53,374 --> 00:08:54,959
I don't have an evil eye!
240
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:56,100
Yes, you do.
241
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,781
[SMOKE ALARM BEEPING]
242
00:08:57,782 --> 00:08:59,209
See?
243
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:07,520
Riley getting ready?
244
00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,832
Hey, I'm only in charge
of the slideshow.
245
00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:10,958
And it's gonna work?
246
00:09:10,959 --> 00:09:13,410
It should, it absolutely should.
247
00:09:14,940 --> 00:09:16,790
Huh? What do you think?
248
00:09:16,792 --> 00:09:19,916
Family and friends discount
from Culpepper and Sons.
249
00:09:19,917 --> 00:09:22,369
- Wow, you look great!
- Well, thank you.
250
00:09:22,370 --> 00:09:23,669
Just don't be surprised
251
00:09:23,670 --> 00:09:25,750
if someone asks you to park their car.
252
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,100
Oh!
253
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,159
Wow.
254
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,259
This is in, like, those movies
255
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:33,584
when the ugly girl becomes beautiful.
256
00:09:33,585 --> 00:09:34,740
All right.
257
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,870
That's the only one you get.
258
00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:39,130
Hey, Hazelnut.
259
00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:40,166
Hey, sunshine.
260
00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:42,360
- Hey, Grampy.
- Look at you in a dress.
261
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:43,999
I don't want to talk about it.
262
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,205
You clean up nice.
263
00:09:45,206 --> 00:09:46,820
I don't want to talk about it.
264
00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:49,460
Sorry about Freddy the other day.
265
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,875
I heard he was a little extra.
266
00:09:51,881 --> 00:09:53,542
No, no, he means well.
267
00:09:53,550 --> 00:09:55,791
- He's not coming, is he?
- No.
268
00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:58,291
But he's all dressed up
and just a phone call away.
269
00:09:58,292 --> 00:10:01,459
Uh, Mom, get a picture of me and Dad.
270
00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:04,417
BOTH: Oorah!
271
00:10:06,090 --> 00:10:07,917
And now one with me.
272
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,584
And now with Mr. Art.
273
00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:14,334
- All right, that's enough.
- Wait, we need Lizzie.
274
00:10:16,167 --> 00:10:18,459
Okay, now just me.
275
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,863
[BAND PLAYING "THE
STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"]
276
00:10:21,864 --> 00:10:25,292
♪
277
00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:32,660
Post the colors.
278
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,660
Riley, Al, I want you to meet
some of our major donors.
279
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:41,792
Mitch's family owns Culpepper
and Sons down at the mall.
280
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,960
Your great-grandson is
a terrific salesman.
281
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:47,208
He guessed my jacket size
just by looking at me.
282
00:10:47,209 --> 00:10:48,282
Boys medium?
283
00:10:48,283 --> 00:10:49,916
Amazing.
284
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,360
Thank you for your service.
285
00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:52,409
You're welcome.
286
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,260
And this is Ted Begley.
287
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,833
Ted owns the Chevy
dealership out on Route 23.
288
00:10:56,834 --> 00:10:58,640
Any time you need a car, come on down.
289
00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:01,374
Uh, promo code is "American Hero."
290
00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:02,729
Hmm.
291
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:06,120
I'm a big fan of the
1997 Toyota Corolla.
292
00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:07,700
Preferably with a radio.
293
00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:10,170
Uh, Riley, I'm curious,
294
00:11:10,173 --> 00:11:12,002
what is your go-to sidearm?
295
00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:14,625
- The one they gave us.
- [LAUGHS]
296
00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:17,082
Ooh, I'll bet you saw
a lot of action, huh?
297
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:19,240
Nah, it was, uh, months of boredom
298
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:22,012
punctuated with the
worst days of my life.
299
00:11:22,013 --> 00:11:23,249
Oh.
300
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,209
Excuse me. I'm gonna hit the head.
301
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,460
For a brave man,
302
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,292
he has a very nervous bladder.
303
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:36,100
So, tell me more about your Corollas.
304
00:11:37,470 --> 00:11:38,880
[LAUGHTER]
305
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:39,999
So there we are,
306
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,100
in the dead of night,
cut off from our unit,
307
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:43,600
trying to make our way back
308
00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:45,291
through Taliban-controlled territory.
309
00:11:45,292 --> 00:11:46,512
Did you throw a grenade?
310
00:11:46,513 --> 00:11:48,560
I will get there, Mr. Ted.
311
00:11:48,561 --> 00:11:50,562
Anyway, we have to be very quiet.
312
00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:53,249
One peep out of us, we are dead men.
313
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:56,582
And this new recruit tells me
he has to go to the bathroom.
314
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,960
- [SOFT LAUGHTER]
- So, I send him behind a bush,
315
00:11:58,980 --> 00:11:59,989
where he makes so much noise,
316
00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:01,958
- he might as well have shot off a flare.
- [LAUGHTER]
317
00:12:01,959 --> 00:12:04,333
Okay, but w... So then,
you threw a grenade.
318
00:12:04,334 --> 00:12:06,360
Well, I suppose you could say, Mr. Ted,
319
00:12:06,361 --> 00:12:09,292
- the new guy dropped a grenade.
- [LAUGHTER]
320
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,920
So, Riley, I hear that
you were quite the hero
321
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,240
over there in Iraq.
322
00:12:14,241 --> 00:12:16,932
It was over there in Afghanistan.
323
00:12:16,933 --> 00:12:18,720
I wasn't a hero.
324
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:20,834
But otherwise you heard right.
325
00:12:22,125 --> 00:12:24,202
Hello, can I have everybody's attention?
326
00:12:24,203 --> 00:12:25,779
We're gonna start the slideshow.
327
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:26,791
Lizzie, you ready?
328
00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:28,499
Oh, boy, I hope so.
329
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:29,699
Fire it up.
330
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,700
Okay, um, hang on.
331
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:35,292
- [ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS]
- Hey, it worked.
332
00:12:37,584 --> 00:12:38,900
_
333
00:12:42,750 --> 00:12:45,084
♪
334
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,417
♪
335
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,520
[PANTING]
336
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,950
Hey. Where you going?
337
00:13:14,951 --> 00:13:17,000
I'm just grabbing some air.
338
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:19,580
You're gonna make your speech, right?
339
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,584
I don't know. This was a bad idea.
340
00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:27,320
Riley.
341
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:30,839
I'm just so damn proud of you, son.
342
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,380
- I wish you...
- I know, Dad.
343
00:13:43,709 --> 00:13:46,152
♪
344
00:13:46,153 --> 00:13:48,667
[WHISPERS]: Hey, Al. How long
can you make your speech?
345
00:13:48,668 --> 00:13:50,440
Very long. Why?
346
00:13:52,625 --> 00:13:54,459
I think we lost Riley.
347
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:56,820
Where'd he go?
348
00:13:56,821 --> 00:13:58,169
I don't know.
349
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,820
[SIGHS]
350
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,583
I might.
351
00:14:01,584 --> 00:14:03,291
Stay here, I'll be right back.
352
00:14:03,292 --> 00:14:05,172
- I want to come with you.
- No.
353
00:14:05,173 --> 00:14:07,392
I need you to record Uncle Al's speech
354
00:14:07,393 --> 00:14:08,900
so that Dad can watch it later.
355
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,458
That's the mission. Can you handle it?
356
00:14:10,459 --> 00:14:11,959
- Yes, ma'am.
- Okay.
357
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,874
[EXHALES]
358
00:14:15,875 --> 00:14:17,662
I guess you were right.
359
00:14:17,663 --> 00:14:19,670
I wish I wasn't.
360
00:14:19,671 --> 00:14:24,083
[VOCALIZING]
361
00:14:24,084 --> 00:14:25,167
What are you doing?
362
00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:26,582
I'm warming up my instrument.
363
00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:29,950
[CONTINUES VOCALIZING]
364
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,680
Oh, great.
365
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,720
Mind if I join you?
366
00:14:49,873 --> 00:14:52,482
- How'd you know?
- Hmm.
367
00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:56,052
You have three spots you go
to when you're freaking out.
368
00:14:56,053 --> 00:14:58,875
And the strip club burned down.
369
00:15:00,410 --> 00:15:02,460
Now I'm freaking out about two things.
370
00:15:04,590 --> 00:15:06,360
Hydrate.
371
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,510
Aspirin.
372
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:15,109
One bacon cheeseburger, extra greasy.
373
00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:18,200
Aw. You're the best almost ex-wife ever.
374
00:15:18,220 --> 00:15:19,450
[CHUCKLES]
375
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:27,040
Um, you gonna try to
guilt me into going back?
376
00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:28,480
Nope.
377
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,429
You gonna tell me I need to
get checked out at the V.A.?
378
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:33,940
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
379
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,417
Nope.
380
00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:38,830
Then what do you want?
381
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:43,410
I want my daughter's father to be okay.
382
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:48,000
So...
383
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,660
So I'm just gonna sit here
with you for a while.
384
00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:02,560
[EXHALES]
385
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,480
Mmm.
386
00:16:13,980 --> 00:16:15,200
You want a bite?
387
00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:18,750
Not for a million dollars.
388
00:16:21,820 --> 00:16:24,780
Before we get to the main event,
how about another big hand
389
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,583
for Lizzie Dugan for putting
together that slideshow.
390
00:16:28,584 --> 00:16:31,330
[LAUGHS] It's so sad
how good this feels.
391
00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:35,916
And before we introduce
tonight's honorees,
392
00:16:35,917 --> 00:16:38,980
I would like to take a moment
to thank my beautiful wife.
393
00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:41,041
Crystal, come on. Come on, stand up.
394
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,249
- Take a bow. [CHUCKLES]
- [APPLAUSE]
395
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,240
I had to keep her on
the down-low until 2011.
396
00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,120
So now it's, "You don't ask, I do tell."
397
00:16:48,121 --> 00:16:49,625
'Cause I tell everybody.
I mean, come on.
398
00:16:49,626 --> 00:16:50,917
Look at her. Come on.
399
00:16:52,310 --> 00:16:53,460
Anyhoo.
400
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,416
It is my pleasure to introduce
an exceptional man
401
00:16:57,417 --> 00:17:00,041
who fought alongside our men and women,
402
00:17:00,042 --> 00:17:02,416
Mr. Awalmir Karimi.
403
00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:05,291
[APPLAUSE]
404
00:17:05,292 --> 00:17:07,499
Whoo! Go get 'em, Uncle Al.
405
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,190
- Thank you, Gunny.
- Keep it clean.
406
00:17:10,170 --> 00:17:12,142
[CLEARS THROAT]
407
00:17:12,143 --> 00:17:15,500
Hello. Uh, good evening.
408
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:20,160
Thank you for this wonderful honor.
409
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,244
I read a book on giving speeches,
410
00:17:23,245 --> 00:17:26,083
and it suggested opening with a joke.
411
00:17:26,084 --> 00:17:28,289
Oh, boy.
412
00:17:28,290 --> 00:17:29,620
But I'm not going to.
413
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:32,749
Because there is nothing funny
414
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:35,940
about the 17,000 Afghan interpreters
415
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,709
still waiting for visas which
were promised to them.
416
00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:43,392
When we decided to join the U.S. forces,
417
00:17:43,393 --> 00:17:46,392
we were not only risking our lives,
418
00:17:46,393 --> 00:17:50,166
we were putting the lives
of our families in danger.
419
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:54,450
We were the eyes and
ears of American troops.
420
00:17:55,700 --> 00:18:00,839
And that is what the Taliban
called us, "the eyes."
421
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,640
On missions, I would hear
them over the radio say,
422
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:06,459
"Shoot the eyes first."
423
00:18:07,950 --> 00:18:11,080
And a lot of times they did.
424
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,375
But not me.
425
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:22,950
My friend Riley saved my life
on three separate occasions.
426
00:18:22,953 --> 00:18:25,609
Twice from gunfire,
427
00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:29,320
once from red tape.
428
00:18:29,334 --> 00:18:31,790
He got my visa application out
429
00:18:31,791 --> 00:18:33,499
from whatever pile it was buried under
430
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:35,710
and brought me to America.
431
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:40,333
And I know he doesn't
like to be called a hero,
432
00:18:40,334 --> 00:18:43,940
but the interpreters who don't
have a friend like him...
433
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,820
... are probably not
going to make it here.
434
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:56,080
So, if he won't let
me call him a hero...
435
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,320
... I will call him my brother.
436
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:08,830
And now, if you will allow me, a song.
437
00:19:10,970 --> 00:19:12,625
Lizzie, if you please?
438
00:19:12,630 --> 00:19:15,500
["IT'S NOT UNUSUAL" PLAYING]
439
00:19:18,630 --> 00:19:20,532
♪ It's not unusual ♪
440
00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:23,042
♪ To be loved by anyone ♪
441
00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:25,720
♪ It's not unusual ♪
442
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:28,530
♪ To have fun with anyone... ♪
443
00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:35,449
♪ If I ever find that you've
changed at any time ♪
444
00:19:35,450 --> 00:19:38,140
♪ It's not unusual to find out ♪
445
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,680
♪ I'm in love with you ♪
446
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,510
♪ Whoa, whoa! ♪
447
00:19:41,511 --> 00:19:43,552
- Thank you, ladies and germs!
- [APPLAUSE]
448
00:19:43,553 --> 00:19:46,339
- Good night.
- [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
449
00:19:46,340 --> 00:19:48,180
Whoo!
450
00:19:48,863 --> 00:19:50,124
[MOUTHS]
451
00:19:50,125 --> 00:19:52,692
Apparently, you weren't missed.
452
00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,539
[BOTH LAUGH]
453
00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:59,540
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
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