Previously, on "Younger"...
Have you thought about the very real possibility
that you might see the woman you rogered in an alleyway
and turned out to be your new boss's wife?
Shh-shh-shh-shh.
Let's talk about your problems instead.
As someone who's gone head-to-head with Quinn,
trust me, there's no winning or losing.
There's just hangovers.
The next time you investigate me,
you might wanna double-check your sources.
You set me up.
Camilla would like to share a photo.
- [gasps] - It's her boobs. Hit accept.
I just want what's best for you.
If you want what's best for me,
stay out of my personal life.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- You good? - Yep.
Construction cones, veer left.
- No, no, no, the other left. - Oh, shit.
The other left.
Doesn't the gallery have people
who can do this for you?
You know, people with a U-Haul and upper body strength?
Hey, speak for yourself.
And have their sweaty palms manhandle everything
in my art show? Pass.
Hey, Mags, say "my art show" again.
- My art show. - [hums melody]
- [laughs] - Oh, crap, another one.
Oh, my titties... I mean her titties.
Whoa, will you stop saying "titties" please?
I don't know if I can. Who's texting you tit... nudes?
Kamila, the dean's wife.
I thought you threw her off the set with Lauren.
I tried, but then she invited me to Provincetown.
[phone chimes] Oh, and these.
I mean, how do I respond to these?
I don't wanna heart them.
I mean, what am I supposed to do, do a thumbs up?
I mean, they're good boobs.
I don't want to make her feel bad about her boobs.
No, no, you definitely don't want that.
Well, that's the problem with nudes.
- You're forced to affirm them. - Forced?
Wow, I don't recall you ever complaining.
Well, I didn't want to make you feel bad,
but there's only so many winky tongue out faces
and hot flame emojis you can reply with.
- It's exhausting. - Exhausting, yeah.
- [phone chimes] - Ugh, here comes the bush.
- Oh! - Uh-oh.
Where there's boob, there's bush.
Just saying.
♪ ♪
- Good morning. - Uh.
- Bad morning? - Uh, yeah.
Kels woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Uh, it's called a couch...
Where you sexiled me last night.
I always forget you two share a room.
- That must be fun. - Well, slumber party's over.
I think it's time that I actually buy
my own apartment in New York City.
Wow, Kels, that would be amazing.
Uh, yes, I know. I've already put feelers out.
Check out this cutie patootie crib I found.
Whoa, cute usually means small.
Whoa.
Oh, my God, I love the bathroom tiles.
Wait, where did you find this?
You know I never reveal my sources.
- Open house is tomorrow. - I'm in.
- Right. - Hmm.
Hey, did Charles approve the cover art
for "Little Women in Space" yet?
No, because I haven't shown it to him yet.
Okay, does staying out of his personal life
- mean avoiding him completely? - Yes.
No, fine, I'll show it to him now.
I'm... okay. [grumbles]
♪ ♪
We missed you at the office.
Well, I'm sure the fluorescent lights
are a little dimmer without me there, Charles.
[gasps] I recognize that voice.
Diana, hi! How are you?
How's Italy? How's Enzo?
Liza, one question at a time please.
Oh, I miss you scolding me.
I know I should be back now,
but I am having a surprisingly good time,
and as difficult as it is for me to admit this,
I am not ready to return to work.
It's like the Italians say.
Non tutte le ciambelle riescono col buco.
Right?
Not all donuts have a hole.
They don't?
It means things don't always turn out as planned.
Take all the time that you want, Diana.
Grazie mille.
I do have 220 vacation days, so it's time I cash them in.
- Ciao, ciao. - Bye, ciao!
Ciao.
[soft dramatic music]
♪ ♪
I just got some crazy news.
Crazy work news or crazy personal news?
Because I don't want to intrude on the latter.
- One of our authors died. - Oh, no.
- Who? - Ian Clarke.
He was before your time, but Diana and I knew him.
He left us years ago for another publisher,
but we still have some of his out of print titles.
Oh, sorry.
Remember my novel
about the affair that I had with an older woman
- after I graduated from college? - Of course.
"The Miseducation of Henry Cane."
The woman was Ian Clarke's wife Judith.
She's Elisabetta?
And Ian is the famous author Sam Hartwell?
Did you really work on a lobster boat?
You remember so many details.
Oh, remember it? I loved it.
I wish you'd finish it.
Yeah, well, all I can focus on right now
is getting through his wake.
It would be nice if a few people
from the company paid their respects.
Sure, I'll ask Kelsey.
I haven't seen Judith since we ended things.
Hmm, so crazy work and crazy personal.
Yeah.
♪ ♪
See you tomorrow. Hey.
Hey, I just wanna say... We so enjoyed
having you to dinner the other night,
and your Lauren is a hoot.
She can't keep her hands off you.
[chuckles] We're new.
- You know how it is. - I don't, I don't.
Kamila and I never really had a honeymoon period.
Didn't do much on the honeymoon either.
Between you and me, she has trouble finishing.
Oh, really? I'm so sorry to hear that.
I try.
I try, and she says it's not me,
but it didn't help that when we first hooked up,
I accidentally stuck my finger in her...
[whispers] Butt,
- and she screamed, "Wrong hole!" - Oh, boy.
I hope you told that story at the wedding.
Sometimes I think she should just outsource
- if I don't satisfy her. - Mm.
That's really open of you.
But then I think about that woman,
and I wanna kill her.
I think about the two of 'em together,
I wanna kill 'em both.
- [laughs] - [chuckles]
By the way, I have to observe your class this week.
- Oh, really? - Relax.
Standard protocol for all new faculty members, I promise.
Mm, okay, relax, protocol... You know,
- you sound like my gynecologist. - You are too much.
No wonder the students love you.
Dinner again soon?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Oh, my gosh.
There's Martin Amis and Gay Talese.
Ian had famous friends.
Yeah, this isn't a wake. This is a publishing orgy.
- [chuckles] - Oh, hi.
Editor from Macmillan.
You know what?
- We should pitch her Dylan Park. - To publish?
Yeah, why not? I mean, Charles turned it down.
It's so inspiring. Her voice needs to be heard.
Okay, before we do anything, I might have another idea.
Thanks for coming. This room brings me back.
Almost every literary event or awards night
would end up here.
Ian and Judith were generous hosts.
I heard.
From Diana.
She said that the parties got pretty wild.
I'm just happy there's not an open casket.
- Well, there's an open bar. - Ooh, BRB.
- Be right back. - Ah.
That's Judith over there.
- Whoa, she is stunning. - You know how to do it.
And not how you described Elisabetta in your book.
Artistic license.
It's there, the Hamptons house.
She'd raise that flag whenever Ian was away
to let me know that the coast was clear.
I should go pay my respects.
Well, two words of advice... Half-mast.
Liza, it's the man's memorial service.
[chuckles]
- Charles. - Judith.
Thank you for coming.
- Wonderful to see you. - You too.
I wish it was under better circumstances.
Ian always regretted leaving Empirical, you know.
We were sad to lose him. Such a brilliant writer.
He was always very fond of you.
We both were.
May I show you something in private?
Uh, yeah, of course.
You're looking well, Charles.
But then, you always were so handsome.
Huh.
Remember those summers in the Hamptons?
They were fun, weren't they?
Yes, from what little I remember.
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
[laughs]
Ian's life reduced to these boxes
and that urn in the living room.
Hmm.
- "Tides That Bind." - God, "Route 27."
Such a talent.
A fine talent.
Whose books haven't been published
in 15 years.
I mean, I'm devastated to lose Ian,
but this is the real tragedy.
He left our son Topher
in charge of his literary estate
to give him a sense of purpose.
Topher has some ideas. Will you meet with him?
♪ ♪
After all our history together...
♪ ♪
You owe us that.
♪ ♪
Please tell me you two didn't just...
Are you okay?
You look like you've seen a ghost.
I did kind of.
Ian Clarke just BRB'd me.
That's not really how you say it.
My past is coming back to haunt me.
♪ ♪
- Oh. - Yeah.
[upbeat music]
"Windward" is Dad's best seller,
but I think "Route 27" is his best writing.
I mean, it's my favorite at least.
- Great minds. - Mine too.
Then let's reissue it.
We usually only reissue authors
who were recipients of Bookers, Pulitzers.
Then what if we had authors guest write
under Dad's name?
It's been lucrative
for Stiegg Larsson and Michael Crichton's estates.
So is your idea to reissue his books
- or ghost write sequels to them? - Why not both?
Do you have any authors in mind?
Sitting right in front of you.
- You're a writer. - Well, no.
But I could splice some
of Dad's unfinished manuscripts together.
I mean, how hard can it be?
Well, Topher, you have given us much to think about.
- Thank you for your time. - Appreciate it.
Thanks for being here.
I appreciate you humoring that.
I'll scan through the books he pitched to reissue,
- see how they've aged. - I'll do the same.
And, Liza...
Thanks.
You got it.
♪ ♪
So this is when I was a baby artist,
and I painted what I knew and who I loved.
[knocks]
Is now a good time to observe?
Yeah, come on in, Dean, sure.
I'm just showing some of my old work.
Care to take a trip down memory lane?
Ooh, as long as the lane doesn't lead
to Limelight or the Tunnel.
Those memories are best left buried.
[chuckles]
So this is a show that I did about trans women
on the Lower East Side. It's oil on canvas.
- Professor. - Yes.
I found an old flyer for that show online.
Was it called, "Gypsies, Trannies, and Thieves?"
[students grumble]
- Okay, people, context. - Context is important here.
Maggie was breaking new ground at the time.
Thank you, Dean.
I mean, obviously, those terms are not politically correct,
but art's a reflection of when it's made, all right?
So let's move on. Thank you, Dean.
[phone chimes] All right.
[students chuckle]
Shit.
Maggie, I think Lauren is trying to...
No, no, no, no, no, how do you make this stop?
- Ooh! - Oh.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Is that... - Is that my bathroom?
[phone chimes]
[students laugh]
Uh, Professor, what do you call that one?
- That's called my wife. - Ooh.
Uh, excuse me. Hey, Cass.
Cass, listen, wait, wait, stop.
- Look, I'm so sorry, okay? - For what?
Your problematic show about trans women
that I was forced to defend
or that the whole class saw my wife's breasts?
The second one.
Maybe you're not a good fit here after all.
Wait, what? No, no, no, I am.
Like, wait, I can explain.
Kamila was texting me her, you know,
because we're doing a sculpture for you
of her bust... [chuckles]
And it was supposed to be a surprise
- for your anniversary. - That was last month.
Which makes it even more of a surprise, right?
- Fine. - Fine.
Oh, this has been very distressing,
but it's also not grounds to fire you,
so let's just forget it and move on.
- So we're good? - Of course.
- Of course we are. - Thank you.
Thank you 'cause I really love this job,
and you are gonna really love that sculpture.
- Can't wait. - Huh?
[soft dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[knocks]
Am I interrupting?
I have never read so many descriptions
of tides and wind.
Ian wrote mostly in the Hamptons.
Definitely not as literary as I remember.
I guess I hadn't read as much back then.
And his female characters, yikes.
One-dimensional, huh?
Didn't spend a lot of time with women,
- especially his wife. - [sighs]
We can't reissue these.
My manuscript.
You're still stuck on this.
I can't get it out of my head.
I wonder how many times I described tides and wind?
Hmm.
God, Judith said "You owe us that."
Maybe it's my fault that Ian left Empirical.
You think he knew about your affair?
He must have.
Well, raising that flag was bold.
Yeah, saluting it was worse.
Now he's guilting me from the grave.
I shouldn't have gone to that wake.
I'm too close to all this.
Leave it to me.
I'll take Topher out for drinks.
- I'll tell him we're passing. - No, no, no, no.
That's not fair. You've done enough.
I can handle this.
Then I'll go with you.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
♪ We all wanna go somewhere ♪
♪ Where everybody knows your name ♪
♪ ♪
Uh, this is gorgeous.
And a doorman and an elevator?
I can't believe I can afford this.
Uh-huh, yeah, surprisingly affordable.
Oh... wait, why is there a cameraperson here?
"Casting for real-estate TV show."
Are you out of your mind?
You won't believe the perks, and this will be
- really good for your brand. - My brand?
Yes, young, hot editor and chief
of a publishing house inspiring other young, hot women
to buy luxe apartments and fill them with your books?
- It's aspirational. - No.
I am not a reality TV girl.
Kelsey, they'll wave the 6% broker's fee,
throw in free interior design, and furnish it, all right?
This is a deal and a steal. Look at this view.
Look.
And I'm sorry, check out the broker
you'll be working with.
Much yummier than those Property Brothers
who look like the unholy lovechild
of Ben Affleck and Borat.
[chuckles] All right.
No commission and free furniture?
- Mm-hmm. - Really?
If they choose you.
Hey, Kelsey Peters. Hey, Brett Watkins.
- I read your application. - My application?
Mm-hmm, I took care of that for you.
- Hi, Brett. - Seriously?
Are you actually a realtor or do you just play one on TV?
Oh, I guess you've never seen the show
or you'd know that I'm actually one
- of the top brokers in the city. - He's a real-tor.
[chuckles] Exactly.
And the reality is that, if you choose to work with me,
which I hope you do, I promise to find you
the apartment of your dreams.
Uh, are you making my girl an offer to be on your show?
- Yeah, I think I just did. - [laughs]
- This is nuts, but okay. - Yes!
Great, great, I've already got
three amazing apartments to show you tomorrow.
We're gonna have fun.
I'll have my producers send you the paperwork.
No, no, no, to me.
What about this apartment? I really like this one.
Oh, yeah, no, this one isn't for sale.
- It's just a set. - Oh.
♪ ♪
As much as we respect Ian's books,
we've decided not to reissue them.
Really? Why not?
Several reasons...
For one, we feel his female characters
lack substance, a voice.
Well, Hemingway gets reissued all the time,
and he's a misogynist.
That's a common misconception.
Lady Brett Ashley from "The Sun Also Rises"
is a total heroine... Flawed but complex.
But this blows.
I don't get my inheritance until I'm 30,
and my dad's back catalog is all he left me until then.
Well, you must almost be 30. When were you born?
'95.
- Uh, what month? - April.
Why, you gonna bake me a cake?
No, I just haven't seen your mother...
Your family since around then.
Um... you're a lot taller
than your dad, aren't you?
Yeah, I'm pretty much taller than the rest of my family.
Don't look like my dad's side either.
[plucky music]
Oh.
Why do you think that might be?
Well, if you knew my mom back then,
you would've heard a rumor that she slept
with some lobster boat townie. She was pretty wild.
[clears throat]
Uh... your mother...
Um, I find that hard to believe.
She's such an old-fashioned woman.
The only thing old-fashioned about my mom
is how much she likes to drink 'em.
♪ ♪
Can I ask you something?
♪ ♪
Shoot.
Are we here to talk about my mom's infidelity
or are we trying to figure out a way to make some cash
on my dad's estate?
Reissuing books is an expensive proposition,
and it doesn't always guarantee-
- Okay, yeah, I got it. The books are worthless.
Thank you for your time, Mr. Brooks
and... uh... whatever you said your name was.
That's why Ian left Empirical.
God, I cannot believe that I'm only finding this out now,
but I kept away from Judith and her family...
Are you sure that it was the summer of '94
when Judith, you know, climbed the pole...
- I mean raised the flag. - Yeah, definitely.
Topher's age lines up,
and... you heard her.
She had an affair
with a deck hand on a lobster boat.
But it was a rumor.
I'm the rumor, Liza.
I'm his father.
Don't you think he looks like me?
- A little. - Ugh.
How am I going to explain this to...
Quinn?
My girls.
I cannot believe that Judith kept this from me.
- You were 20 years old. What do you expect?
I'm gonna go see Judith tomorrow.
Talk about life throwing you curveballs.
Whatever happens, it'll be fine, Charles, really.
[upbeat music]
Yeah, yeah, thanks.
Of course.
Good night.
♪ ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ Yes, I've been dancing, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Okay, make sure you keep smiling and be nice
so you don't get the villain edit, okay?
Wait, the what?
People are gonna wanna hate you
'cause you're so pretty,
so you've gotta convince them that you're smart.
- Uh, I am smart. - I'm sorry.
Is it too late to dye her hair brown?
It's just... it's so threatening.
- Is that Dove dark chocolate? - Mm-hmm.
Ah.
- Lauren, get me some too. - Uh, duh.
- Kelsey, how you feeling? - [sighs]
A little nervous.
That is perfectly natural, but you are gonna be great.
Huh, you ready to find your new home?
Let's do this.
Okay. Thank you.
Check out this room.
This could be a great reading area.
I mean, as editor and chief of Empirical,
a home office is essential.
I'd say it's nonnegotiable, Brett.
[chuckles]
I would need to add a bookcase.
A woman who knows what she wants.
It's important when you're running a business.
Look, you publish fairy tales, right?
So why couldn't this be yours, Princess Kelsey?
The castle with a view, and from up here,
you could spot any dragon-slaying knights.
It's spectacular.
But this princess doesn't need any rescuing.
I like your attitude.
One thing I always tell my clients
who are fresh off a breakup
is living well is the best revenge.
[chuckles] True.
Now wait till you see this closet.
- Come on. - Ooh.
♪ ♪
Topher told me you're not reissuing
Ian's books even though you still own the copyright,
so... what is this about?
Is he my son?
Excuse me?
Am I Topher's father?
Did he say that?
He said there were rumors you had an affair
with a deckhand on a lobster boat.
[laughs]
And you think that was you?
It was me. It was a very memorable summer.
You would raise the flag...
I raised the flag over many summers.
Let's see.
There was Lewis the pool boy,
Puck what's his face, the neighbor's kid
with the bacne, and then it was Jerry
or maybe it was Terry. I don't know.
Who cares?
It was a lot of summers
and a lot of beautiful, young men
all blurred together.
I mean, I drank pretty heavily back then.
Ah, and Ian knew about most of them,
and he made me do a paternity test on the kids.
They're all his.
I can't believe that Topher
is going around saying otherwise.
I know he didn't like his father very much.
I guess he takes after me.
But I'm glad that the summer was meaningful for you.
It was.
At least I thought it was.
Topher can have the copyright to Ian's books,
then he can shop them around for reissue
or whatever he wants.
[tender music]
- I should go. - Oh, well, now wait.
You could... you could stay and jog my memory.
I mean, I'm sure that we've learned a few new tricks
over the years, you know?
It was nice to see you, Judith.
♪ About your family ♪
♪ Did they like me more than you? ♪
♪ Couldn't say that I don't blame them ♪
♪ Didn't call, you never did ♪
♪ ♪
What are you doing here?
Just thought you might need a friend right now.
♪ Welcome to my point of view ♪
[soft pop music]
♪ I'm a broken child, honest son ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I know where you've been ♪
♪ And everything you've done ♪
Look, I know I said I wasn't going to get involved
in your personal life, and I promise to be better
at sticking to that in the future.
But?
Is Topher...
No, he's not my son.
You okay?
Yeah.
Little embarrassed that my memory
of that Hampton summer was so off.
Hmm.
Meant nothing to her.
But it meant something to you.
What you're feeling right now, you should use
to finish your book.
We have to publish
"The Miseducation of Henry Cane."
If I do, it's going to take a talented editor
to smooth off the rough edges.
I have someone in mind.
Could they also help me rewrite the past?
Pretty sure they'd tell you to accept the past.
Embrace the present and keep moving forward.
Is that what we're doing, moving forward?
[tender music]
What does this look like?
Right, left, right, left, moving forward
one step at a time, easy-peasy.
I could even move backwards. Watch this.
♪ ♪
- [chuckles] - So many tricks.
You better believe it.
♪ If you could take me ♪
♪ If you could save me from this ♪
♪ If you could take me ♪
♪ I would follow you ♪
Next time on "Younger"...
Liza, when are you gonna realize you can trust me?
[upbeat music]
I will try to hate her a little for you,
but after tonight, okay?
Maggie, I'm your ally here,
but if the students turn on you...
Look at these tweets! I've read nicer things about me
on the wall of the men's room in high school.
Lauren, this is your fault.
You said this was gonna be good for my brand.
It's not that bad, right? Right, guys?
I wish I understood you better.
Don't worry. I'm still me.